Okay, maybe not everyone hates you, but you really have a hard time fitting in at school. Maybe there is someone spreading rumors about you and now others are avoiding you. You may be the only openly gay child, you may have less money than the rest of your peers, you are of a different background, or you really feel different from the rest of your peers. You might feel very lonely or feel like no one understands you. It is important to realize that you can deal with these feelings and enjoy your life.
Method 1 of 4: Improve your life experience
Step 1. Be nice to everyone
Even if others are mean to you, you need to be nice to everyone at school. Don't speak behind others' backs and don't start rumors. If you are nice to everyone, no one will be able to say bad things about you.
Smile at others and make eye contact with them
Step 2. Keep a journal
Bring out your painful emotions. All the things that you want to say out loud but are too afraid to say, write them down. Also write down what is happening to you and what you are feeling.
- You can also write down any painful feelings on a piece of paper before you burn it.
- Particularly if you are shy, a journal is a useful way to express how you are feeling.
Step 3. Increase your self-confidence
Exercise is a great way to fight stress and help you feel good about yourself. If you don't really like going to the gym, there are plenty of things you can do to move around and get a sweat. Jump on a trampoline, go for a dog walk or ride a bike.
- You can also dance, ice skate or play the piano. Do things that interest you and enjoy!
- Learn to do something new. Learning a new area helps build your self-confidence and show you progress as you work on it.
Step 4. Join a sports club or team
Even if you feel like no one likes you, you can try joining different sports clubs to make friends who share the same interests as you. It can be at school or outside of school. Find clubs at school like the drama club, poetry club, or activities like sports and music. Outside of school, you can join a karate club, dance club or religious associations.
- Think about things that might interest you and go find out. At first it might seem weird, but give it a try.
- Sometimes the hardest thing is taking the first step. You might feel very anxious or tell yourself stories, such as that no one is going to like you or that everyone is going to ignore you. Don't listen to these stories! Go there once to see what happens.
- Remember that everyone who will be there has the same focus. Try to get to know other club members by telling them, “When did you take your first photo? "," How long have you been doing karate? "Or" Who is your favorite poet? "
Step 5. Focus on positive experiences
Instead of rehashing your thoughts and believing that no one likes you or that everyone is mean to you, change your mind. There is no need to constantly replay negative situations in your head. By focusing on the past and your negative experiences, you are actually empowering people who are harming you. Instead, keep that power by creating positive thoughts.
- It could be easy to get stuck in a loop when others reject you. You might be wondering what you did, what you could have done differently, or why they are so mean to you, but it is possible to get out of this loop. These people do not define who you are and their opinion is only opinion, not fact.
- Think about your positive qualities, for example if you are kind, compassionate, caring or generous, and your unique abilities, for example if you are a great dancer or a really good big brother.
Method 2 of 4: Increase your social skills
Step 1. Observe people with good social skills
Many people who feel shy or anxious in social situations or find communication difficult often focus on themselves and their social performance. Observe a popular student in your school, one who gets along well with everyone or has a lot of friends. What are the things that make him so lovable? Observe the way he stands, his body language, his facial expressions, and the way he interacts with others, both verbally and non-verbally.
- See the positive things this person brings to their social interactions and put them into practice in your own interactions.
- When you are focused on yourself, you might forget about the clues others are sending you. Start by noticing the clues others give during other interactions and try to notice them in your own interactions.
Step 2. Communicate with your body language
If you cross your arms and legs and look down, there is little chance that others will see you as a warm and welcoming person. You need to make sure to communicate your openness by keeping open body language: lean forward towards people, smile, nod, and look others in the eye without exaggerating. Try to avoid crossing your arms or legs and keep your shoulders high, don't slouch.
When you look people in the eye, you can also sometimes look away, you don't have to be staring straight in the eye all the time. You can also look at other points like the forehead, nose, mouth, between the eyes, etc. If you have generally avoided making eye contact with people in the past, this might be a difficult habit to develop, but practice it
Step 3. Know how to listen to others
Don't feel 100% responsible for the conversation. If you focus on the things you want to say as soon as the other person has finished speaking, you will miss what they are saying. Listen to what others are saying and ask questions built on what he is talking about. For example, if someone tells you, “I love gardening,” ask them what kind of plants or flowers they like to grow or how they came to gardening.
Listening carefully means putting your attention on what the other person is saying and showing your interest in what they are saying. Don't be afraid to nod your head and say “oh yes” or “really? "Or even" it's fascinating! To show that you are listening to what he is saying
Step 4. Practice your social skills
Theory is a good thing, but nothing beats practice! Practice different skills with people you feel comfortable with first, then start using those skills with other students in your school. Remember, the more you practice, the more natural it will become.
Even if you feel completely out of your comfort zone, keep working out! It will get easier and easier
Method 3 of 4: Deal with mean people
Step 1. Walk away
When you walk away from someone who is harassing you, you are showing them that they have no control over your actions or your emotions. If you answer him, you show him that you are on the same level. You don't want to do it and there is no reason to waste energy in this situation.
Remember you choose your answer. Is it really worth responding to this person? You might be better off walking away and not bothering with her
Step 2. Withdraw
If someone is harassing you, calmly tell them that you aren't interested in arguing with them. Remember that a person can only harass you if you give them power over your emotions. Once you no longer seem to care what this person is thinking, they will start to get bored and lose interest.
- If this person persists, ignore them.
- Tell him, "I don't want to talk to you" or "I'm not interested in you". Remember that you are in control of your reactions. If he's not worth it, tell him.
Step 3. Keep a broad perspective
Ask yourself if you are going to remember this situation in a year, in five years, and if it will affect your life. If the answer is no, then you should save your time and energy for something else.
Also ask yourself if this person will continue to be in your life for a long time. If you are thinking about going to college or moving, this person may disappear from your life soon
Step 4. Take it with humor
When someone is mean to you, respond with a joke or humor. Humor can completely disarm someone who is trying to hurt you, and they might be too surprised to know what to say. When you use humor, you are showing that person that they don't control you.
- If a mean person lashes out at you and you respond with a joke, they may lose interest in hurting you.
- If someone is making fun of the size of your feet, you can say, "You might be right, I auditioned for The Lord of the Rings, but my feet weren't hairy enough." "
Method 4 of 4: Ask for support
Step 1. Talk to your parents
Your parents can help and support you. If you're struggling in school, consider asking your parents for help and advice. They might explain to you that they also struggled in school when they were your age, and they'll share what worked for them during tough times.
Step 2. Spend time with your friends
There are probably other children in school who feel the same way as you do. If you know other kids are having problems, talk to them. They may be bullied, rumored, or have a hard time adjusting. Either way, offer your friendship to people who are struggling and show them that you understand and support them.
If several of your friends are being bullied by the same person, go see that person together. There is strength in unity and by showing up together you will show him that you are a strong group
Step 3. Chat with a teacher or counselor
Especially if others are mean to you at school, talk to a trusted adult at school. You might just want to discuss the situation or ask him to act on the person who is harming you. Even if your conversation isn't making a difference, you might feel better.
You can also talk to a coach, a parent or a priest
Step 4. See a therapist
If you are having a hard time in school and feel like nothing you can do will make things better, ask your parents to see a therapist. They can help you process your emotions, find ways to deal with your negative feelings, and become more aware of yourself.
Seeing a therapist does not mean that you are crazy or unable to deal with your problems. This means that you are asking for help from someone who has been trained to help and support you
Step 5. Show compassion to yourself
Even if this sounds complicated, remember that you deserve to be treated with respect by others, but more importantly, by yourself. You are valuable no matter how others treat you. Remember that how others perceive you does not create who you are, you choose who you are. In addition, you must treat yourself with kindness. When you demean yourself emotionally (such as saying to yourself "I'm too stupid" or "nobody likes me"), become your best friend and give yourself support.