Finding out that a close friend is pregnant when you're a teenager can be difficult to deal with. You may be worried about the health and well-being of your friend. Maybe you are afraid that the baby will change something in your friendship. It is a difficult ordeal for everyone, and especially for your friend. All you can do for her is support her and cheer her up when she needs it.
Part 1 of 3: Respond to the News
Step 1. Listen to her and sincerely offer your support
Let your friend know that you are ready to listen if she needs to talk. However, if she tells you that she needs time to come to terms with the situation before she can talk about it, don't force her to tell you anything. Give her time and remind her that you are there if she needs it.
Try saying something like "I know you must be overwhelmed right now, but I'm here for you, and I'm ready to listen to you if you want to talk about it."
Step 2. Keep the news to yourself
If your friend told you she was pregnant, don't tell anyone without her permission. It is up to her to share this information or not, and by talking about your friend's pregnancy you could get her in trouble.
If you are worried that your friend has not asked for help, you will need to tell her about your concerns. For example, you could tell her, “I know you're overwhelmed, but I'm worried about your health and well-being. I think you should see a doctor regardless of your pregnancy decision”
Step 3. Ask her how you could help her
Your friend will have to decide what to do with her pregnancy. It is up to her to choose whether she wants to have this baby, to adopt it, or to have an abortion. Don't try to sway her towards one decision or another, just ask her if you can help her in any way.
For example, your friend might need someone to walk her to the clinic, help her find a gynecologist, or learn about her different options. To find out what your friend needs, just say, “I'm here for you, how can I help you? "
Step 4. Avoid judging her or saying “I told you so”
Lecturing your friend or giving her advice she didn't ask for won't help. Avoid telling her at all costs what she should do, what you would do for her, or what you think is the best solution. Unless she asks you for advice, don't give it to her.
- Instead of judging her, ask her how she is. She could suffer from morning sickness or be on edge, keeping this heavy secret. Ask her how she is feeling instead of telling her how you feel.
- Tell your friend that you still love her and that it doesn't change your friendship. She is probably scared and needs to know that everything will be fine.
- Stress is very bad for the baby, so your friend will need support and stay positive. If she has decided to keep the baby, you could talk about the unborn child: preparing for the arrival of a newborn can be exciting.
Part 2 of 3: Manage pregnancy
Step 1. Help your friend learn about her different options
Your friend will have to decide whether to keep and raise the child, to adopt it, or to have an abortion. It can be difficult to make a decision without fully evaluating each option. Then offer your help to learn about these different possibilities.
- Try asking her what options she is thinking about right now. A lot of people have a very specific opinion about abortion, and she might not even consider this solution. However, if she is considering it, help her find out what to do next.
- As you do your research, help your friend make a list of pluses and minuses. For example, one plus of abortion would be that she would never have to tell her parents, teachers, and friends about her pregnancy. However, a minus for abortion would be, for example, that she might regret it later or have medical complications.
Step 2. If she decides to tell her parents, offer to go with her
If your friend decides that she wants to raise the child or have it adopted, she will necessarily have to tell her parents. To support her, you could then suggest that she be there when she has this discussion with them.
- Say something like "I know you're scared to tell your parents about it." Would it help you if I came with you? If she declines your offer, don't be offended. She just wants to talk one on one with her parents.
- Prepare for her parents to get upset and have a back-up plan if they ask her to leave the house. In case of emergency, could she come to your house?
- You could also seek advice from your own parents after she has spoken to theirs. Your parents may know theirs and could support them then. Talking about the situation with another adult might also ease your friend's stress. However, before telling your parents, ask your friend's permission.
Step 3. Support and respect her decision, whatever it is
Keep in mind that the decision whether or not to continue the pregnancy is up to your friend, and no one else. If she asks you for advice, you can give her your opinion, but don't try to change her mind or impose your beliefs on her.
- If your friend tells you that she has decided to keep the baby, say something like "I know you must be very scared right now, but you will be a great mother!" "
- If she tells you that she has decided to adopt the child, say something like "I know this must be very hard on you, but you are going to make a wonderful gift to a very lucky couple!" "
- If she tells you that she wants to end her pregnancy with an abortion, say something like "I know this is a difficult decision for you, but I love you and I will do what I can for you." to help ".
Step 4. Defend her against rumors or mockery at school
Being a friend is being there in good times and bad. Pregnant girls are much more likely than others to drop out of school. By supporting her, you will help your friend to continue her education.
Some schools offer programs for teenage mothers. If your friend is interested, you could help her find out about this type of program
Part 3 of 3: Take care of yourself
Step 1. Don't let what is happening to your friend distract you
While it is important for you to support your friend while she is pregnant, you should also focus on school and other activities. Watching a friend go through a difficult time can be stressful, and you will need to conserve your space, and not think about it 24 hours a day.
Step 2. Accept that your friendship will change
You might be mad at your friend for getting pregnant, jealous that you will spend less time together when the baby is around, or stressed about this big secret.
It's okay to feel how you feel, but understand that your friend who is pregnant might not be the right person to talk to about your feelings. You should talk to a trusted adult about it, and not stress your friend any further
Step 3. If you need to talk to someone, see a therapist
Going through this difficult time with your friend could be emotionally draining you. You may then need to speak with a professional. He will not be able to divulge your friend's secret, except in a few situations.
- A therapist will offer you advice, and will not tell anyone about your friend's secret, unless she is in danger, for example, if she talks about killing herself. If you tell your therapist that your friend is suicidal, he or she will have to determine if this is true. And if so, he will contact social services about it.
- Realize that speaking with an adult will allow you to ask questions and gain information that you and your friend may find useful.
Step 4. Always be sure to protect yourself during sex
Understand that as a teenager, a pregnancy would have serious consequences on your life, and that you would have a good chance of dropping out of your studies. Use your friend's situation as a lesson and protect yourself. Even if your friend seems happy to be pregnant, the life of a teenage mother is far from easy.