Being a teenager is not easy. Pressure comes from all sides including school, family, peers, hormones and more. Because of this, it is a very frustrating time in the life of any teenager. You may feel oppressed by parental authority, you may feel like you are not able to make choices for yourself, you may be going through difficult situations with your partner or in your relationships, you may seem too have an uncertain future (no matter what level you have reached in college). Fortunately, there are a number of ways you can deal with your frustration.
Method 1 of 5: calm down
Step 1. Get physical exercise
One way you can contain and deal with your discontent is to vent it using options that will eventually benefit you. Use the negative energy generated by your anger to your advantage by jogging or lifting weights. Exercising vigorously can help you eliminate some of your anger and help you resist the factors that trigger your anger in the first place.
Try to listen to music that brings you to your senses, it will allow you to be more enduring when you exercise hard
Step 2. Chat with a friend
Tell your friend or loved ones what makes you unhappy. In many cases, simply venting your frustration will allow you to contain your anger, even if there is no solution at the end of the conversation.
You may find that your friend or loved one is going through the same struggles as you are, and it can let you know that you are not the only one going through situations that make you unhappy
Step 3. Breathe deeply
When you find yourself in a situation where you need to contain your anger, try to calm yourself down. You can do this by breathing deeply. This will allow you to adjust your body to moderate reactions.
- Breathe in for a count of four, hold your breath for a count of four, and also breathe out for a count of four.
- Make sure you breathe through your diaphragm rather than your lungs. When you breathe through the diaphragm, your chest rises (you can feel this by placing your hand on your chest).
- Repeat the process as many times as needed until you feel a little calm.
Step 4. Go for a walk
If it is possible for you to avoid the frustrating situation you are in, do it and go for a walk. You can calm down more easily if you move away from the situation that is making you sad.
- For example, if you are in class and are very upset, but are not allowed to go out, try to approach your teacher and ask permission to use the bathroom. If he doesn't allow it, try calmly explaining to him that you are upset about a situation and would like to step back for a few minutes to calm down.
- If you can't really leave the situation, make the effort to retreat through your imagination. Imagine that you are on vacation at your favorite place somewhere in the world. Do your best to faithfully represent all the good corners, sounds and smells to make your vision more vivid.
Step 5. Think of something fun
Although it is easier said than done, if you make yourself laugh at yourself you can successfully change your emotional state. You can use your mind and imagination to create all kinds of situations that can make you laugh.
Step 6. Count to ten
If you feel upset, remember that you shouldn't react directly. If you still feel that frustration after this short period of time, tell yourself that you will let your anger flow on its own after a 10-second delay. Counting to 10 can help push your feelings down for a while.
It might seem silly at first, but counting to 10 can really distract you for a long time and allow you to calm down
Step 7. Try your hand at coordinating "perspective-taking"
If someone makes you angry, do your best to think about their actions based on their perspective. Ask yourself if this person behaved this way by accident or if they were coerced by the situation in some way (maybe they had no choice) or if they might have a reason to do so. Also ask yourself if you've ever made such a mistake. If you fail to understand his point of view, it could trigger your anger, as we tend to underestimate the impact that situations can have on other people's behavior (this is referred to as a fundamental error of attribution).
If you understand his point of view, you may realize that people sometimes make mistakes just like you or you may realize that they did not have such intentions. Either of these aspects can help you lessen your anger
Step 8. Replace your angry thoughts with more productive ones
The method of "cognitive restructuring" can help you replace old dysfunctional thoughts with thoughts that will allow you to be more active throughout your day. Frustration can disrupt our state of mind and cause us to think of something more important than what's real. When we overestimate the importance of a situation, our anger can cause us to lose control.
- Suppose you have a flat tire on your way to school. We all agree that this situation is annoying and embarrassing. Losing self-control might lead you to think like this: "I can't believe my tire went flat!" Now my whole week is wasted. The whole day at school will be horrible. "
- We can change these thoughts by challenging them. We are never satisfied with the extreme conditions that present themselves in our life. You have a flat tire, things like this could happen in your life and when they do you might not be able to control them. It could be a glass or sharp rocks that caused the puncture.
- Use your reasoning before you lose control. Before anger takes hold of your sanity, you can calm yourself down inside.
- Challenge your thoughts by asking yourself the following question: "How can my whole week be ruined by this flat tire?" "Should I still hope for good things despite this incident?" "The last time something bad happened, did I finally get over it?" "
Step 9. Try to find a solution to the problem
To resolve a situation, you do everything in your power to make it happen. You need to be able to identify your own feelings about the situation. Then you need to be able to express them in the most productive way that you can.
- You have to accept the fact that at this very moment there is no solution to your problem. You might not be in control, but you can at least control your reaction.
- For example, you might be mad at your parents for not giving you permission to go to a concert with your friends. You can still be angry, but it's also a good idea to chat calmly with them to find a solution. Here's how you can express yourself.
- “I want to take a few minutes for myself. I go to my room and play my favorite song, then take a deep breath to calm myself down. "
- “I want my parents to treat me like an adult. I know I'm not an adult yet, but I believe I can manage. I need to calm down and clear my brain. My body is going through this stress reaction and my head isn't really thinking. "
- “By breathing deeply, I can think about how I would go about talking to my parents. I will ask them to tell me the reason why they say no. I will calmly express my reason for wanting to go. "
- “If they still don't want to let me go, I'll offer them a compromise. I'll ask if any of them will drop me off and come back to pick me up. Even if he keeps saying no, they will see how much I react like an adult and how much more mature I have become. Maybe this will help me next time I want to go to a concert. "
Method 2 of 5: Respond to social situations
Step 1. Practice reading facial expressions
When you react with anger in a given situation, it can sometimes be because you don't understand how the other person is feeling. Having a better understanding of how the other is feeling will allow you to know how to react appropriately in certain situations.
Try looking at different faces in a photo to see if you can "read" the emotions. Even just looking at a magazine or photo album can help. Search “emotion reading” online to find sample faces for you to test yourself. Visit this site in English to practice reading on faces
Step 2. Double-examine your perception of others
Sometimes when you think someone is mad at you, you might respond the same way too. However, before the misunderstanding escalates, talk to the person to find out more about their feelings.
Do you say this, "Did I say something bad? " " Are we in agreement ? This will give you a chance to express your feelings before you make an argument
Step 3. Avoid responding with blows
When you are angry, your first instinct may be to hit, push, or pull someone. If you respond to a young offender, it means that you are giving him what he wants which is a reaction from you. If you go after someone else, know that you are responding with violence and may hurt the person.
If you feel like you need to punch or hit someone, rather than punching something like a pillow
Step 4. Avoid expressing your anger passively
By expressing your anger passively, you are not dealing directly with the person who hurt or frustrated you. Instead, you even express yourself in other ways, such as speaking negatively behind someone's back or insulting them after a lapse of time.
Step 5. Avoid expressing your rage in an aggressive manner
Aggression is particularly problematic. When you cannot control yourself, there is a risk of violence and the negative consequences that follow. It can interfere with your daily routine if you get angry frequently and cannot control your behavior.
Step 6. Express your anger firmly
Expressing anger in a firm manner is the most constructive way to show frustration. Insurance in itself helps cultivate mutual respect. At this point, anger is expressed, but in an amicable and mutually respectful manner. Assertive communication emphasizes the importance of the needs of both people. To communicate firmly, it is wise to state the facts without laying charges. Here is an example.
“I'm hurt and angry, because it seems you were underestimating the scope of my project when you were laughing during my presentation. I don't know what's going on, but it looks like you don't pay attention to my work or take it seriously. Maybe I misunderstood, but can we discuss it and fix it? "
Step 7. Be respectful
To be respected, you must be too. This will then promote cooperation and mutual respect. Your communications should convey queries rather than requests. Using expressions like "please" and "thank you" is not only a sign of politeness, but also of respect.
- "When you have time, could you …"
- "It would help me if you… Thank you, I appreciate that!" "
Step 8. Express your own feelings
When you understand the way you are feeling, actually express it and keep your point of view. Stick to what you feel.
For example, you might express yourself as follows: “It seems to me that you are not sensitive to my feelings when you read your newspaper rather than listen to what I am trying to say. "
Step 9. Make your communication clear and to the point
Be sure to express your opinion by raising the concern exactly. For example, if your colleague raises his voice on the phone and it prevents you from working, you can make the following request.
"Would you please lower your voice on the phone?" It really prevents me from concentrating on my work. I would really appreciate that. Thank you. By expressing yourself in this way, you are addressing the person directly. This means that you clearly articulate what you need and let her know why it is causing you a problem
Step 10. Use a journal in which you write down anything that frustrates you
As soon as you socialize, it's smart to pick up on anything that makes you sad. Keeping a special journal will help you identify very common habits that you can then use to tailor a specific anger management strategy to your situation.
- Keeping track of this information will let you know what is triggering your anger. Then you can avoid these situations as soon as possible or take steps to contain your nervousness in unavoidable situations.
- As you keep a journal, you may want to write down the following observations.
- What triggers anger?
- What thoughts come to my mind when I am angry?
Step 11. Determine what is triggering your anger
It is anything that comes before and causes the frustration you feel. Once you start noting what causes your anger problems and when they occur, you can try to identify certain contexts. Usually, anger is triggered when:
- you are not able to control the actions of others,
- others have disappointed you for not having met your expectations,
- you cannot control the events of your daily life,
- someone is trying to manipulate you,
- you get angry with yourself for a mistake.
Method 3 of 5: Get help
Step 1. Chat with a trustworthy adult
Feelings of anger can be very overwhelming. It can also be difficult to know how to react. Talking to an adult, trustworthy person will help you understand your feelings. This senior may be a parent, another family member, a teacher or counselor, or another adult friend. You can also talk to your doctor about your feelings. All in all, this person can share their own experiences with you. She might also find more meaning in your own feelings.
Step 2. See a therapist
Therapy is a great way to find new strategies through which you can manage and express your discontent. Many people consult therapists when they want to discover techniques to strengthen their daily life.Others do it because they are going through a difficult time and need to talk about it.
- Your therapist will likely use relaxation techniques to help calm you down in the face of anger. It will help you see the problem from a different perspective and deal with any thoughts that may trigger frustration.
- You can consult a therapist alone or with your parents. Consider which option is best for you. Talk to your parents or a trustworthy adult about your interest in trying therapy.
- Therapists will also help you improve your emotional coping skills and teach you to adopt assertive behaviors.
- There are even specialists who will help you solve your personal problems such as overcoming the difficulties of an abusive or neglected childhood or overcoming a tragic event. These therapists can be of great help in helping you dispel the anger of such trauma.
Step 3. Take an anger management course
These courses have been shown to have a high success rate. The most effective programs will help you understand your frustration, provide you with short-term strategies for dealing with your anger, and build skills.
Some anger management programs are especially designed for children, teens, and families. Search online to find a program in your area
Step 4. Ask your doctor about medications
Anger is often a part of different disorders like bipolar disorder, depression and anxiety. Drug therapy to manage the anger will depend on the conditions under which the frustration in question has arisen. Taking medication to treat a disorder may help contain anger.
- For example, if you are often angry after depression, antidepressants may help treat both depression and anger. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) like escitalopram or sertraline can be used to treat generalized anxiety disorder. They can also help relieve any irritability you might feel due to anxiety.
- All drugs have side effects. For example, lithium which is a basic treatment for bipolar disorder can cause kidney complications. Being aware of the likely side effects will help you manage the complications better. It is very important to openly discuss these options with your doctor.
There is a slim chance that adolescents may have suicidal thoughts when taking SSRIs, especially in the first 4 weeks of treatment. These inhibitors are generally used to treat depression and anxiety
Method 4 of 5: Discover the negative aspects of anger
Step 1. Recognize how your anger can affect your relationships
If you're looking for a way to stay motivated, find out how your frustration can negatively impact your life. Anger can become a big problem if it causes you to react aggressively towards other people. When frustration becomes a frequent reaction to different everyday events and to those around you, even your loved ones, you may find it difficult to enjoy life properly.
Anger can interfere with your job, your relationships with the people you love, and your social life. You could even be incarcerated if you assault someone
Step 2. Recognize how your anger can affect your health
When you constantly get angry, your physical health can take a hit. Uncontrolled or pent-up anger can cause the following medical conditions.
- Physical problems: These could be a back or headache, high blood pressure, insomnia, digestive problems, skin conditions or irritable bowel syndrome.
Anger and hostility also put people at high risk for heart disease. Anger and hostility are predictors of cardiovascular disease risk, even when compared to other factors like smoking and obesity
- Mental health issues. Anger can increase the risk of depression, anorexia or bulimia, alcoholism or drug addiction, self-harm, low self-worth and sudden change in mood (for example, you are happy for one minute and you are unhappy the next minute). Your anger won't cause you these problems, but it can help.
Irritability, which is a collection of feelings related to anger, is a symptom associated with generalized anxiety disorder. The connection between anger and generalized anxiety disorder is not fully understood. However, some experts believe that when patients suffer from generalized anxiety disorder, they tend to be passive in the way they deal with frustration (for example, they are angry but do not express it)
- Immune system dysfunctions. Constantly getting angry bombs the immune system because the body's response to stress weakens our immune system. People who have a higher level of anger are at higher risk of contracting conditions like colds and flu.
Step 3. Find out if you are being brutal
If your anger causes you to bully other people, you could probably inflict emotional pain on them. If you express your frustration by bullying others, you might remember your teenage years and feel deep regret. To avoid the possibility of regret over the emotional pain inflicted, make an effort to express your anger in another way. To express your frustrations, try punching a pillow or going for a long walk. The different forms of bullying are as follows.
- Verbal bullying: teasing, name calling, derogatory comments and mockery.
- Social bullying: ignoring someone, spreading rumors, embarrassing someone in public.
- Physical intimidation: hitting someone, punching, spitting, tripping, grabbing someone's property, destroying someone's belongings.
Method 5 of 5: Use long-term strategies to limit anger
Step 1. Try to do meditation
Meditation is found to be effective in emotional regulation. Meditation has been shown to have a side effect on the amygdala, the emotional center, and the part of the brain where the stress response begins after a stressful or threatening event has been interpreted.
- If you can, apologize and use the bathroom, the stairs, or go out. Finding yourself in a quiet and private place will help you relax.
- Inhale for a count of four, hold your breath for a count of 4, and exhale for a count of 4. Make sure you breathe through your diaphragm rather than your chest. When you breathe with your diaphragm, your stomach will expand. Do this as many times as necessary until you feel calmer.
- Combine breathing with visualization tasks. Here's the easiest way to do this exercise: As you breathe in, imagine a faint golden white light that relaxes you and makes you happy. Imagine this light entering your lungs and spreading throughout your body. As you breathe out, imagine yourself bringing out dark, muddy colors representing your anger and feelings of stress.
- If you notice that you are having a hard time meditating, don't worry. Meditation is a combination of deep breathing exercises, visualization and mental task performance. If it is difficult for you to sit for a very long time to meditate, or if you feel uncomfortable while meditating, you can simply start with deep breathing. This way, you will be able to get your body to calm down.
Step 2. Try progressive muscle relaxation
Progressive muscle relaxation is a method that helps relieve muscle tension and relax the whole body in a few gradual steps. Self-tensing is believed to release pent-up tension in your body. Use this method to relax your body.
- Start with a few tries of deep breathing: inhale for a count to 4, hold your breath for a count to 4, then exhale for a count to 4.
- Start by relaxing the muscles in your head and work your way down to your feet. First, contract the muscles of the face, head, mouth and neck.
- Hold each contraction for 20 seconds and then release.
- Contract and then relax the muscles in your shoulders, arms, back, hands, abdomen, legs, feet and toes.
- Wiggle your toes so that you can feel the relaxation all the way up to your head.
- Take a few more minutes to breathe deeply and enjoy the feeling of relaxation.
Step 3. Eat well
Avoid consuming processed and fried foods, as well as refined sugars and other harmful foods. Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables to provide your body with nutrients and vitamins to keep you healthy.
Drink plenty of water so you don't get dehydrated
Step 4. Get enough sleep
Adolescents need 8-9 hours of sleep per night. With a hectic schedule and homework to do, teens often fall asleep very late and feel exhausted the next morning. Getting a good night's sleep helps regulate emotions. Emotions are harder to control when we don't get enough sleep. A study has shown that teens who spend a few disturbed nights (without sleeping, as they should) have their level of negative thoughts and anger increased. So do everything possible to sleep well and you will feel better emotionally.
Turn off your computer and phone about 15 to 30 minutes before going to bed. These devices work your brain by activating your cognitive functions and keep you alert
Step 5. Exercise regularly
Exercise is a great way to deal with anger, stress, and other negative feelings. For adults and children, research has shown that exercise helps regulate mood and helps control emotions. Make the effort to get outside and play sports when you're going through a rough patch, or use it to avoid aggressive behavior. Practice a sport, go jogging or go to the gym a few times a week.
Step 6. Find a creative outlet
Expressing your feelings through artwork or writing can help you understand your thoughts. Write in a journal or paint on the chalkboard. You can end up making a comic or making something out of wood.