The death of a spouse can be one of the most terrible things one has to face. You have lost it and a lot of stability and direction in your life. It often takes time to heal from such a loss. However, nothing is more normal than finding love again after the death of your partner. Determine the right time to date someone, and learn how to try your luck again.
Part 1 of 3: Determine if you are ready to date someone
Step 1. Take your time
Don't be in a rush to date someone right after your wife's death. You've lived with her for many years, and no matter how happy you were as a couple, you need to grieve before moving forward. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to grieve, and its duration is undefined.
If you cannot talk about your wife without expressing extreme feelings, you may need to wait a little longer before resuming the dating game. In the meantime, take care of yourself by eating well, participating in physical activities, and avoiding health-threatening behaviors like drinking alcohol or using drugs. Join a support group or see a therapist
Step 2. Don't feel like you have to let go
Of course, you will need to move on and live without your wife. However, you don't necessarily have to “bear” the loss. To “endure” a death implies that at some point you will return to normalcy. Given the close connection between your life and that of your wife, it is impossible to return to a normal life.
You have to accept the situation. Learn how to incorporate this loss into a new identity to plan for a future without your partner. It can be helpful to keep yourself busy by participating in new and exciting activities such as reading books, finding a part-time job if you are retired, adopting a new hobby, enrolling in a group fitness class, or adopting. a pet
Step 3. Determine what you want
The purpose of dating is not to replace your partner. You may long for someone who looks like him, but that will only disappoint you. Think about what qualities you would like to see in your new partner. Be realistic: Having a long list of qualities will reduce your chances of finding the perfect man or woman.
As an example, consider things you would like to do like traveling, and look for someone who shares the same passion as you
Step 4. Free yourself from guilt
Usually, widowers or widowers feel guilty about wanting to have new relationships. You consider it betrayal to smile at another man or enjoy coffee in the company of another woman. You need to let go of these feelings and recognize that you are, indeed, single. Your partner would have wanted you to enjoy the rest of your life as you see fit.
Part 2 of 3: Go Dating
Step 1. Let people know
The first idea you can have is to tell your close friends and family that you are ready to date someone. Hopefully, these people will fully support you and be happy to connect you with singles who share your interests. The problem is, you are unlikely to meet someone through such close social connections.
Your circle of friends is probably reduced to your friends and those of your partner and does not include the people with whom you want to date. Pass the message on to people you barely know such as members of your church and friends of your neighbors. You can also let people know you know at the local grocery store or stores. Research has shown that good dating opportunities come from these "superficial connections"
Step 2. Attend more social events
Fill your social life calendar by going to events where you can meet new people. If you attend the same events that you attend with your partner, you may feel uncomfortable going. Look for new group activities that you enjoy and make new friendships by agreeing to meet new people.
Step 3. Create an online dating profile
Maybe you've never tried online flirting before your wedding. Maybe the idea of dating online revolts you. You will be surprised to learn that many widowers and widowers meet beautiful and successful dates on popular sites.
- Make sure you are safe online dating when coming into contact with others on the internet. Do not publish your contact details like your address, phone number, email address. Also, check your security settings on other social networks.
- Does a potential suitor sound too good to be true? Do your due diligence: Verify their identity by searching for their name on Google or by doing a reverse image search of the profile photo.
- Always choose public places for your first meetings and drive yourself to get there. Be sure to let a loved one know where to meet and when you can come home. Consider going on a date with a friend who will sit at a different table.
- In general, meeting in broad daylight in a public, casual place such as a cafe or ice cream parlor is appropriate. When you get to a dinner party, you don't have to pick the person up from their house or vice versa. It is perfectly acceptable to come to the meeting place separately.
Step 4. Take it slow
Only move on in the relationship if you feel comfortable doing so. Don't rush things. Take the time to really get to know the other person and assess your desire or feelings for them before moving the relationship forward.
Don't be afraid to nurture the relationship without commitment and see other partners at the same time before making a commitment. Avoid having to rush things and re-commit. Take the time to have fun, have fun, and see which partners you are compatible with
Part 3 of 3: date someone
Step 1. Decide when to call yourself a widower or a widower
If you meet someone from a wider circle, you probably won't have to share the news yourself. He is probably already aware of the death of your spouse. If you have an online relationship, you can mention this information on your profile or say so in advance in a message to prepare it for a one-on-one meeting.
Even after you share this information with her, use your gut to decide what to share with others, such as details about your spouse's death or other information from your previous life. In a way, confiding can create a stronger bond between you and the person. However, if you talk too much about the past, she might feel left out
Step 2. Be resplendent
Chances are, it's been a long time since you've been on a first date. Show respect and consideration for your appearance by being well groomed in clothes that suit you. Ask a close friend to come do the shopping with you and choose outfits that can help you appear more confident.
You don't have to completely change the way you look for a date, but it is good to look gorgeous and feel your best. Exercising and priming yourself can help you feel better. Plus, exercising and staying active improves mood and promotes a positive attitude
Step 3. Seek to have a good time
Start the date with a smile and a positive attitude. If you are unsure about the meeting or if you feel uncomfortable, cancel the date and give yourself more time. You both deserve a partner who is fully present and enthusiastic about dating.
Step 4. Assess your expectations
Even if it's the right person, dating can feel like a roller coaster with uncertain starts and false starts. Accept that a successful relationship may not be the result of a month of dating or even your first year. Show a positive attitude by going to every date with the mindset that even if you don't make a connection, you will have met an interesting new person.
Congratulate yourself on being out and forget about your expectations
- It is courageous of you to choose to date after losing your partner. Be proud of the courage you are showing in deciding to date someone again.
- Style your hair, do a manicure, or buy a new outfit. Do something unusual to mark this new chapter in your life.