You might feel devastated if you fall head over heels in love with a friend who only sees you as a friend. It can be difficult to step out of that role of friend and become a boyfriend. Even if you wanted to, you can't force someone else to love you, but there are ways to improve your odds and try to get the love you deserve. You have to learn different methods to try to turn this friendship into love.
Part 1 of 4: understanding each other
Step 1. Understand what she is looking for
Some things are going to be obvious. She might want to be with a boy who has similar religious values or a boy who doesn't smoke. You don't necessarily have to meet all of the criteria, but you need to avoid straying too far from it or it won't make you a good romantic candidate.
Make a list of what all of her ex-boyfriends have in common. There are probably some traits that take priority in her when it comes to a relationship and that's the kind of thing you need to cultivate in yourself
Step 2. Understand his unconscious criteria
They often have a connection with its own characteristics. Many people, including your friend, are looking for a partner with the same positive characteristics that they like about them, but they also want a partner with qualities that are the opposite of what they don't like about them.
- Once you've educated yourself and found some things that she doesn't like about her, try to find a way to complement those areas with your own strengths.
- You could tell him, “I hate my competitive spirit, I think I would be a lot happier if I could enjoy the things in life without making it a competition. What do you think ? If there is something about yourself that you could change, what would you change? "
Step 3. Make a love card
Psychologists have found that as you move forward in life you develop what is called a "love map" or an idea of the people you want to have a relationship with. Some aspects of this card can be conscious, for example a partner with some education and others could be unconscious preferences, for example a loving partner. By understanding his love card, you will be able to better understand his needs. While there are many variables that could affect your love map, look for these specific criteria to guide you and help you understand its love map:
- she expects her partner to get seriously involved in the relationship
- she expects a certain duration of the relationship
- she believes that the "right" partner will give her a feeling of satisfaction
- there is an acceptable ideal length of time before arriving at a romantic engagement (for example by saying "I love you")
- she needs some time to recover between a break-up and a new relationship
- she gives her partner some time to get seriously involved
- she has a certain threshold of disagreement about basic values
- she judges whether an argument with her partner is stimulating or scary
- whether or not she accepts a relationship with several partners
- she accepts being separated from friends, family, or other social obligations for a period of time
Step 4. Meet your friends
When this happens, behave in the best possible way because his friends will give you a perspective on his life that few other people can give you. If you are serious about the love you feel for your friend, you are probably going to gain their respect if you show genuine care and attention for her and maybe even their agreement.
There is no need to open your heart and confess your feelings to friends. Try to earn their respect by being a good boy. Explain to her that you have noticed that she is stressed and ask her what you can do to help her. You could also tell her that she has been a great friend and that you would like to reward her by asking her what you think you could do
Step 5. Observe his old relationships
Breakups, especially difficult breakups, will lead him to revise his love map, consciously or unconsciously. By showing her that you are different from her exes, you will become a more desirable potential partner.
Step 6. Find out what scares him
Science has shown that the chemicals released when you feel fear together have a strong connection to arousal and attraction. Experiences where you are scared together can give you a dose of good anxiety and set the tone for the rest of your relationship.
- Roller coasters and amusement parks are a great way to give it a heartbeat without really scaring it.
- A thriller can also have this effect, but you should still avoid movies that are too violent or too bloody. You wouldn't want her to associate you with murders while you try to win her heart.
Step 7. Learn about his favorite exercises
The physical response you exhibit during exercise is similar to the response you have in response to arousal. By exercising together, the two of you will boost your endorphins and she will start to associate you with that sensation, but she will also see you in a better light.
Part 2 of 4: Winning her heart
Step 1. Use your mutual friends
It might sound a little sneaky, but if it's possible that you make a cute couple and she doesn't seem to see it, you could ask a trusted source to give you a little helping hand, for example one of his friends. If her friends think you're a good person, there's a good chance she thinks so too. It can only give you the edge to win his heart.
Step 2. Use repetition
The more you hear something, the more you'll believe it's true. You can turn this strategy to your advantage when you want to win your friend's heart. You don't need to call her every five minutes, as it might scare her away, but by remaining available or near her as often as possible, you'll make her see your presence as something natural.
Step 3. Turn on soft lights for the mood
This might sound a little too strong to you, and you wouldn't want to use such an obvious strategy as a candle light dinner. After all, you don't want to scare him. However, studies have shown that dilating your pupils is a sign that your friend will subconsciously respond to.
Dilated pupils can indicate many things, but in the case of your situation, dilated pupils indicate physical or psychological pleasure. If the two of you go see a movie or have coffee in a dimly lit venue, you'll be sending her subliminal messages that there's something going on between you
Step 4. Keep the mystery
Once you feel like you've met the perfect person, it might be easy to say too much early on. It will be difficult to hold you back, but by avoiding telling her everything you have on your heart, she will start asking more and more questions, which could cause her feeling of friendship to evolve into something. deeper.
Step 5. Flirt with her
This can be difficult, as all women have a different level of flirtation that they feel comfortable with. Take a look at his past relationships. Did you notice the other boys did something that seemed to work? What are the things that have gone wrong? Remember, it's important to respect your limits, even if you're trying to win your heart.
- Give her subtle compliments. Instead of telling her that she is beautiful, you could say to her, "If only my ex was as stunning as you". This way, you are subtly indicating to her that you think you could be a nice couple while giving her compliments.
- Find a way to connect physically. In all relationships, physical closeness is a sign of comfort and intimacy. However, you should remember that some people need more space than others. Don't force this connection, find ways to naturally come closer without making her uncomfortable. The muffled atmosphere of museums makes murmurs in the ear more normal.
- Let your contacts linger. You should measure her comfort level before trying this technique, as you could push her limits by touching her when she doesn't want to. However, physical contact releases oxytocin into the blood, a hormone often referred to as the “love hormone”.
Step 6. Be persistent without overdoing it
If your friend relies on outside people or things to make herself feel good about herself, there's a good chance that she'll be feeling very horny if you start courting her. However, be careful not to overdo it. Many independent women may find this kind of behavior too overwhelming, and you are not going to earn points with her.
Part 3 of 4: expressing your feelings
Step 1. Take your time
She's your friend, and even if you've been suffering from these feelings for a long time, the last thing you want is to make her uncomfortable. It can be easy to get carried away by strong emotions, don't let them put your friendship at risk.
- Keeping a journal about how you are feeling will help keep yourself from feeling overwhelmed, which will help you avoid rushed emotional decisions.
- Write a personal letter. This will help you write down all the things you would like to say without ever having dared to say them. Then you can ask yourself if this is going to seem like too much, because the last thing you want is to scare her, especially if there is a possibility that a romantic relationship will develop from that friendship.
Step 2. Judge his feelings
Does she often suggest spending time alone with you? Did you realize that she looks at you more often or has she broken up with her boyfriend for no apparent reason? This could indicate that she is interested in you and sees you as a potential partner.
Step 3. Ask his friends the question
This can be dangerous, because sometimes they will make decisions on their own, because they think it is better for their friend. However, if you have a mutual friend you trust, you can get a better idea of what's going on by asking them if you stand a chance.
Make sure you express yourself clearly: “Did she mention me? I would really like to be the first to tell him about it, but I've been thinking for some time that we could be more than friends”
Step 4. Choose your timing carefully
Since you are friends, it will be easier for you to find the right time than with a stranger on the street. Learn about her schedule, home activities and social life and other factors that could add stress to her life or make her unhappy. You don't want to let them negatively influence his decision.
To put the odds in your favor, you should ask her on a sunny day and she is neither stressed nor tired
Step 5. Tame Your Vulnerability
Unfortunately, while it can be uncomfortable to feel vulnerable, this is the only way you will be able to express how you feel to your friend. However, you can take comfort in knowing that at one point or another everyone is feeling vulnerable and then you can turn it to your advantage.
For example, you could confess your feelings to him by saying, "It's not easy for me, I'm not used to feeling too vulnerable and I've always had a hard time talking about what I'm doing." feel. I wouldn't want things to change between us if you feel uncomfortable, but lately I've been wondering more and more often what would happen if we were dating”
Step 6. Reassure her at the same time
When you confess your feelings to her, it is important that you reassure her, especially if your friendship is important to you and if you want to remain friends even if she does not see you as other than a friend.
You could say, "I hope I don't make you uncomfortable with this and I want you to know that no matter what, nothing will change on my end if you don't want to." I can't stop thinking that there might be something else between us and I wanted you to know that”
Step 7. Express your feelings honestly
That doesn't mean you have to hire a string quartet to declare your love for them under their apartment window. The way you go about expressing how you feel will be unique to your relationship. If she's more of the type who likes big statements, the quartet might be a good fit. Remember that you are changing the nature of the relationship and that is already a big step. Be careful not to say too much or rush, it could hurt your chances with her.
Part 4 of 4: Recognize the right time
Step 1. Try your luck if you think he likes it
If you're pretty sure she has more than just feelings of friendship for you, it's okay to want to see how far you can go. If you can help her see you as a potential romantic partner, it is possible that love springs from your friendship, it happens all the time. If she sometimes flirts with you or says things like "I can always be myself with you and no one else", take the courage to let her know the love you feel for her.
Step 2. Try once if you are not sure
If she hasn't flirted with you, or hasn't shown love interest in you, you can still tell her about your feelings. Even if you can't control her reaction, you can still just be yourself and see if she would consider dating you or if she just wants to be friends.
Step 3. Be careful in sharing your feelings
She might feel very good in the current situation. You will be a game-changer by confessing your feelings to him. If she tells you that she likes you, the relationship will change. If she tells you that she'd rather be friends, the relationship will change as well. In the worst case, she will not feel comfortable with you anymore and she will not be able to return to a normal friendship.
Step 4. Accept his no
Respect her feelings and response. Whatever feelings you have for her, you can't make her love you. She doesn't owe it to you. If you really care about her, don't try to keep “winning back” her after she refuses your advances.
- Stay interesting, fun, unpredictable and mysterious!
- Find out about the things she loves and give her a taste! This will allow you to keep his interest.
- It is important that you are sure of yourself! Use clear body language and try to be clear about your intentions.
- Don't think that spending money on her will win her love. What she takes for a friendly gesture will end up costing you dearly.
- There is always a chance the relationship will change once she knows your feelings for her.
- It might be difficult to remain unpredictable and mysterious because she knows you well. Don't be discouraged, rather see it as a way to show yourself in your best light and show him unsuspected qualities!