How not to be shy around girls

How not to be shy around girls
How not to be shy around girls

It can seem impossible not to feel shy around girls, especially if you find yourself standing in front of a gorgeous girl and not finding a talking point to approach her. However, once you realize that you don't need to be perfect and that you just need to be genuinely interested in her, you can have fun together and strike up a fluid conversation with that girl you are interested in.


Part 1 of 3: get in the right frame of mind

Not to Be Shy Around Girls Step 1

Step 1. Remember that girls are shy too

One way to prepare for approaching a girl is to remind yourself that they too are afraid to talk to you. They can seem comfortable and not at all shy or nervous, however, girls are actually just as nervous about talking to a boy as you are. If you don't know that girls are also shy around boys, you will have less self-confidence and be more reluctant to strike up a conversation with a girl.

  • While you may be nervous about having to make conversation with a girl or worrying about the image she may have of you, the girl you are speaking with is likely to have the exact same questions..
  • Rather than trying to sound funny or interesting, do everything you can to make this girl comfortable. She's certainly as nervous as you are, and if you try to make her more comfortable, you'll focus less on your own stress.
Not to Be Shy Around Girls Step 2

Step 2. Pretend you're talking to a friend

It is true that talking with a cute girl in your class can be very different from a conversation you would have with your best friend. But if you're no longer looking to show yourself in your best light, you'll realize that the gap isn't that big. You need to find something to talk about, make the other person laugh, talk about an interesting anecdote, etc. Once you are more relaxed and let go of the urge to impress her, you can talk naturally with her, just like you would with a friend of yours.

  • You certainly share jokes with your friends that only you understand or a funny way of talking to each other that might make this girl uncomfortable. However, you can talk about the same things and take a similar approach, seeking to have an interesting discussion rather than worrying about having nothing to say to her.
  • Remember, even when talking to a friend of yours, you may run out of topic, repeat yourself, or not find your words every once in a while. It's not a big deal if this happens when you are talking to a girl.
Not to Be Shy Around Girls Step 3

Step 3. Don't try to say the perfect thing

Shy boys when talking with girls tend to romanticize the situation and think that when talking with a cute girl, they have to express themselves perfectly or impress her in order to win her over and end up dating her. In fact, if you tell a girl you like her shirt or talk together about the last gig you attended, that will be more than enough to interest her. Rather than searching for the perfect turn of phrase, do all you can to have a conversation with this girl.

If you think about every word you say, you are much more likely to find nothing more to say or to stutter. Just keep talking and don't think too much about how you feel about her as it will impress her much more than if you don't say anything to her for 5 minutes before doing a really good pun

Not to Be Shy Around Girls Step 4

Step 4. Find topics for conversation in advance

If you want to feel less shy when talking to a girl, you can try to come up with conversation topics ahead of time in case you run out of inspiration around her. At the moment, you may be too stressed out talking with this girl and therefore not knowing what to say to her. Making a quick mental list of just three or four conversation topics that you could bring up before you start talking to her will help you be less nervous around her. You will feel more comfortable and may even get carried away by your conversation without having to use these topics.

  • You can talk about what you did this weekend, the movie you saw in the cinema, your favorite music group, their summer vacation, or the classes you both take. You can also tell about a friend you have in common, what you have planned to do tonight, or the news.
  • Remember that a conversation is two-person. Even if you can't find another topic of conversation, this girl may have some ideas. This is not a well-oiled routine.
Not to Be Shy Around Girls Step 5

Step 5. Be yourself

Although it might sound a bit cliché, if you really want to get to know this girl, you don't have to try to impress her by presenting her with an ideal version of your personality. Of course, it's advisable to be polite and make an effort to get his attention, but don't stray too far from your comfort zone if you haven't planned on acting as soon as you get in his presence.

While you might not be as funny as when you are with your friends, you don't have to invent a new personality for yourself in order to match what you think this girl wants. If she's chatting with you, she certainly wants to get to know who you really are

Not to Be Shy Around Girls Step 6

Step 6. Don't absolutely try to impress her

If you try to impress the girl you're talking to, it might show. You can brag about your football results or talk to her about wanting to be a doctor, but these kinds of conversations can scare girls off. It's important that you talk about your passions, but don't try to overdo it. And even if you can juggle or do a back flip, talk about it if the topic of conversation lends itself to it and not just to show him how talented you are.

  • If you're genuinely good at something, this girl will notice it when she spends time with you. When you start to know each other, let her find out for herself what a fantastic boy you are.
  • Girls like confident boys, not arrogant ones. You have to show him that you are good about yourself without trying to sound like the coolest boy on the planet.
Not to Be Shy Around Girls Step 7

Step 7. Learn to manage your stress

You can be anxious before speaking with a girl, this is perfectly natural. There are a lot of ways to help you relax and be more comfortable when you start a conversation with her. These quick tips will help you speak more naturally and appear more relaxed.

  • Count in your head to 30 before approaching a girl. It will help you feel more comfortable.
  • Concentrate on your breathing. Breathe in through your mouth and breathe out through your nose ten times to feel more relaxed.
  • If you have a stress ball or something that you can squeeze in your pocket, it will not only relieve the pressure, but also keep you from hopping when talking to her, which can betray your nervousness.
  • Look her in the eye. If you stare at the ground or look around, you will look and feel even more nervous.

Part 2 of 3: Talking to Girls

Not to Be Shy Around Girls Step 8

Step 1. Compliment her

A simple way to talk to a girl if you're feeling shy about even approaching her is to give her a compliment. Keep it simple and sincere. You don't have to tell her that she's the prettiest girl in your school. Just tell her that you like the color of her sweater, that her new haircut is very pretty, or that her earrings are really original. You can also compliment her smile or her sense of humor, although you should avoid being too enterprising at first.

  • Simple compliments will show her that you care and that she is important to you.
  • Don't start the conversation with a compliment, but use this tip if your conversation seems to be running out of steam.
Not to Be Shy Around Girls Step 9

Step 2. Ask him questions

Another way to be more comfortable talking with a girl is to get to know her. Don't interrogate her, but make an effort to ask simple questions to show her that you care and want to get to know her. You can ask her a few questions about her and reveal yourself as well so that she doesn't feel like the only one confiding. Tell him, for example, that you have pets before returning the question to him. Here are some topics you can question her about.

  • His hobbies and interests.
  • His favorite music group, TV series, movie or actors.
  • The dish she prefers.
  • The place she frequents most often.
  • His friends.
  • His brothers and sisters.
  • His pets.
  • What she's planning to do this weekend.
Not to Be Shy Around Girls Step 10

Step 3. Confide in a little

While asking this girl questions and taking an interest in her life will make you feel more comfortable, you can also take the opportunity to confide in her. You will feel more confident because this girl will get to know you a little better and therefore also be more willing to tell you about her. She needs to rethink your conversation and feel like she knows you a little better.

  • If you're uncomfortable talking about things that are too personal, stick with topics you have mastery of and feel confident in, whether it's sports or your dog. The most important thing is that these subjects interest him too.
  • If she asks you a question, try to avoid answering her yes or no and to narrow your thought so that she feels that you really want to talk to her. Even if you are shy, crafting your responses will make your conversation more natural and make you feel more at ease.
Not to Be Shy Around Girls Step 11

Step 4. Learn to laugh at yourself

Another way to be more comfortable around girls is to learn to laugh at yourself. If you are self-deprecating, admit that you can say nonsense, or laugh every time you get lost in your explanations, your conversation will be more fun and it will feel less like you have to spare your ego. People who are genuinely confident are not afraid to admit their faults, and if you want to be more comfortable talking with a girl, you need to learn to laugh at yourself.

  • While you should avoid appearing too uncomfortable or belittling yourself, you can laugh at yourself when you realize you're rambling or repeating yourself. For example, if you realize that you were so nervous about talking to that girl that you just talked about your favorite team, you could laugh about it and say, "Well, you must know everything. of my team now, right? "
  • If you get lost in your words or stutter, don't act like nothing has happened and instead say, “There you go, I started again”, before moving on. This girl will appreciate that you are confident enough to recognize your mistake.
Not to Be Shy Around Girls Step 12

Step 5. Communicate your confidence through body language

Another way to feel less shy around girls is to work on your body language. It will not only help you project your self-confidence, but it will also help you feel more comfortable when talking with girls. Just keep your head up, avoid hunching over whether you are sitting or standing, looking her in the eye, keeping your shoulders straight and your arms at your sides. If you cross your arms over your chest or look away, it will be obvious that you are uncomfortable in his presence.

  • You can look away once in a while if you're feeling too shy. Just make sure you're not staring at the floor throughout your conversation.
  • Facing the girl you are talking to and smiling at her will show her that you are approachable and that you enjoy your conversation.
  • While you might be intimidated just talking to her, don't hide behind your phone. Put it away and give it the attention it deserves.
Not to Be Shy Around Girls Step 13

Step 6. End on a positive touch

If you're really shy when talking with girls and still want to look perfect, make sure you end on a high note so that she wants to chat with you again. If your conversation is going well, don't want to prolong it indefinitely. You can slip away and tell him that you had a great time with him. It will boost your self-confidence when you have to approach her again.

  • If you wait until you have nothing more to say to him before you eclipse you, you may leave him feeling uncomfortable. Try to end your conversation after you have laughed together and had a great time.
  • Don't be rude or abrupt when you say goodbye to her, and make sure she understands that you are looking forward to seeing her again.
Not to Be Shy Around Girls Step 14

Step 7. Don't be afraid of white people

If you're nervous about talking with girls, being quiet is probably one of the things you dread the most. You may be terrified that a deafening silence sets in and the girl is staring at you, waiting for you to say something interesting. In fact, even the best conversations are filled with little pauses, and it's perfectly okay to know white people when you're talking to a girl.

  • The best thing to do is not to let yourself be fooled and to avoid saying the first thing that comes to your mind. Do not say, for example, “This is embarrassing”, as this may make the situation worse. Let the conversation resume naturally.
  • Remember that during these silences the girl will also be looking for something to say. So you are not alone in feeling embarrassed.

Part 3 of 3: go the extra mile

Not to Be Shy Around Girls Step 15

Step 1. Work on your self-confidence

You need to be confident in yourself not to appear too shy when talking to girls. While it doesn't happen overnight, there are steps you can take to be confident in yourself and what you have to offer. The following will allow you to work on your self-esteem.

  • Learn to accept what you cannot change.
  • Recognize the flaws that you can work on and put your energy into them.
  • Spend more time developing your talent or a new skill, whether it's writing, running, or photography.
  • Stick with the people who make you feel confident, not the other way around.
  • Take care of your image. You don't have to look like a model, but you should take showers regularly, look neat, and wear outfits that fit you.
Not to Be Shy Around Girls Step 16

Step 2. Practice talking to strangers

Another way not to be intimidated by the thought of talking to a girl is to meet new people on a daily basis. You can talk to the new kid in your class, the girl who works in your grocery store, or even the guests who come to visit your neighbor. As long as you don't impose yourself, talking to a new person can help you gain confidence and discover more about yourself, as well as get rid of the shyness that keeps you from talking to girls.

  • Talking to strangers will help you learn more about people in general and more easily find topics of conversation that may interest them. It will also help you adjust to different rhythms of conversation and a new topic that might seem strange to you at first.
  • Talking to new people and being comfortable confiding in them can boost your self-confidence. You will have better self-esteem if you realize that you are interested in more people than those in your circle of close friends.
Not to Be Shy Around Girls Step 17

Step 3.Get out of your comfort zone

If you want to be more comfortable chatting with girls, be more social so that you have interesting things to tell them. Join a sports team, debate team, an association or whatever will make you more likely to meet people of different ages and backgrounds and teach you to adapt to different situations. If you are more open to others then you will learn to be less shy when it comes to talking to girls.

  • If you get used to being in various social situations, you will learn to talk to girls little by little, even the most beautiful, as if they were ordinary people and without even thinking about it.
  • The more you know new people, the more social you will be. If you only talk to your close friends, it will be much more difficult to be comfortable around girls.
Not to Be Shy Around Girls Step 18

Step 4. Don't expect too much from your new knowledge

One of the reasons that a lot of boys are shy when talking with girls is that they tend to idealize them and think that every girl they exchange with is the right one, absolutely perfect, gorgeous and that they will be able to spend. their life with her. If you want to be less shy and have a more natural conversation, then you need to release the pressure and behave like it's a regular conversation and not your only chance to date her.

  • If you constantly think about your next conversation with this girl or what your conversations are leading to, you will not be able to enjoy the moment.
  • Treat her like a human being and not a goddess. This will allow you to be more indulgent with yourself and accept that you are not perfect.
Not to Be Shy Around Girls Step 19

Step 5. Learn to listen

Another way to be more comfortable with girls is to not worry about what they think about you and to take the trouble to listen to them. This will give you a better picture of who they really are, but also things to talk about. If you look them in the eye, turn off your phone, and let them talk without interrupting or giving them feedback, they'll be impressed with your thoughtfulness, and the conversation will be much smoother.

  • If you really listen to what she has to say, you can ask her the right questions the next time you see her. If you remember her piano recital or her vacation with her cousins, she will be impressed with your listening skills.
  • Many people simply wait to be able to speak without listening to their interlocutor. Stop worrying about what to say to her and instead listen to what she has to say to you.
Not to Be Shy Around Girls Step 20

Step 6. Acknowledge when you talk too much

It's perfectly natural to talk without stopping on a ridiculous subject when you're around a girl. If you realize you have this attitude, try to refocus on her and ask her questions to get her to talk. You can also laugh at yourself for monopolizing the conversation before changing the subject.

When talking to a girl, try as much as possible to balance your conversation so that you are each talking as much as the other. Don't monopolize the conversation, and don't let her make all the effort either


  • Defend yourself if you are attacked and don't let it go.
  • Remember to be yourself.
  • Speak clearly and intelligibly.
  • Be yourself, because this is how you will find someone who will love your imperfections.
  • Speak, it will allow you to forget your shyness.
  • Stand as straight as possible.
  • Talk about your school's new play or the last assignment you were working on.
  • Smart boys are much sexier.
  • Show your intelligence in class.
  • Introduce yourself as a class delegate or audition to participate in the new play.


  • Never lie. Girls hate liars.
  • By changing your personality, you risk losing your friends.
  • While you should avoid sounding too pretentious, don't devalue yourself either. A boy will never look sexy if he admits to being unable to do anything.
  • Don't be possessive, girls are not your property.
  • Mistreating another person won't make you look cooler.
  • Don't talk about depressing topics, like losing an arm or needing to have surgery.
  • Once you are out of your shell, don't mess with girls' emotions. It's not cool.
  • Show him your talents.
  • When you are working in a group and when a woman takes charge, let her lead you. His ideas are probably better than yours.
  • Don't piss off someone who is more popular in your school than you are.

Popular by topic