The popular term “cougar” typically defines a woman in her 40s (or older) who dates much younger men, typically more than 10 years younger than them. Popular culture portrays cougars as desperate predators, but women have recently started to challenge this stigma. They claim that real cougars are single, confident and successful women over 40. They are tired of men their age who are not very romantic and not very open-minded and that is why they date younger, more active and more adventurous men.
Part 1 of 2: Identify a Cougar
Step 1. Forget everything you think you know about cougars
In fact, forget you even know the term. If you are interested in an older woman, whether for a date or a romantic relationship, you should treat her like a human being, not a sexist stereotype of what a woman's sex life is more for. aged should look like.
Step 2. Determine the age of the woman in question
Cougars are generally considered to be over 40 years old. However, some 35-year-olds are also given this name. With the creams and surgeries that are now available, many women and men can look younger than they are. Here are some characteristics that you can observe that apply to both sexes.
- Dry, pale or thinning hair: both men and women show a decline in the quality of their hair with age. You will find that an older woman has hair that looks brittle and lacks the shiny and healthy hair of younger people. Her hair could also be dyed to hide white hair.
- Sparse eyebrows and eyelashes: As you age, hormone production drops, which can make your eyebrows and eyelashes less full. Some women will then choose to have permanent makeup done and have eyebrow extensions installed, which is why it can still be difficult to tell the difference just based on these two factors.
- Thinner lips and eroded tooth enamel: your lips will wrinkle and thinner over time and your teeth will wear down and erode. You might see thinner lines around the lips of older women (perhaps partly obscured by lipstick) and paler, translucent teeth.
- Thinner skin: For both women and men, the thin skin around the neck becomes covered with wrinkles, unless the person in question has had botox or a facelift, it goes without saying. Thin skin can also appear on the hands, making veins, joints and tendons more visible.
- Drier knees and elbows: As you age, the skin around your knees and elbows begins to dry out and relax around the joints. The skin around the elbows in particular becomes darker and drier than the skin all around.
Step 3. Observe her makeup
Evolutionary psychology has shown that when assessing the desirability of women, physical attraction is a more important factor than it is when assessing the desirability of men. This means that less attractive men might still be seen as desirable due to their intelligence, humor, income, etc., while women are judged primarily on their looks. For this reason, it is normal that with age a woman may use more makeup to try and hide the signs of aging that would otherwise make her less attractive.
- You might see that an older woman wears more foundation, structuring cream, and blush to make her face look smoother and more shapely.
- She could also wear more lipstick to make her lips fuller, pencil on the eyebrow to make it bushier, and blush on the cheeks to make them look younger and rosier.
- Contouring is a popular makeup technique used today by women of all ages, even the youngest.
Step 4. Don't think you can judge her just by her looks
The comic cougar stereotype is that of a woman who wears clothes that are too young for her age, often too tight for her and usually made of kitsch fabrics for the leopard. In fact, women of any age can dress tastefully and in a way that doesn't look good on them.
- How a woman dresses, regardless of her age, depends a lot on her own fashion sense.
- Although women of all ages wear push-up bras, older women find them even more useful in supporting their sagging breasts.
Step 5. Observe the confidence that she has in herself
In general, the older women get, the better they know each other and what they like, so they become more confident. Here are some signs that tell you that she is sure of herself.
- She Holds Well: Whether seated or standing, a confident person will usually stand with their back straight and their head balanced on the neck, with the chin pointed neither too high nor too low.
- She's relaxed: A confident person will look relaxed in most situations, perhaps looking around with a slight smile or just appearing calm and at peace with themselves. She's not going to gesticulate too much either.
- She looks the others in the eye. Confident people make eye contact with others and aren't afraid to do so during social interactions. That being said, there is a difference between looking someone in the eye and staring at people. You usually have to watch the people you are talking to for 60% of the time in the conversation.
Part 2 of 2: Attract an older woman
Step 1. Know what you want and express it honestly
Whether it's just sex or a long term relationship, knowing exactly what you want is the right thing to do. It's also important to be honest with the woman you want. Don't pretend you want a relationship when you just want to sleep with her. Women love sex too, she might be okay with having a little fun without it leading to a serious relationship.
- Here are some questions you should ask yourself: Is it purely sexual, like a to-do list on your fantasy list? Are you interested in a long-term relationship with someone more mature than your previous partners? You might already have something specific in mind and are wondering how to get their attention.
- For example, if you just want to sleep with an older woman, you might be better off looking to websites designed to match older women with younger men. There are even cruises made to put mature women in contact with young men.
- Dating sites are also a great option if you are looking for a long-term relationship with a woman older than you. Once again, you need to make your intentions clear from the start.
- Women over 40 have a life too, which means you can literally meet them anywhere, at the gym or at a sailing club, in a acting class or even in the supermarket. Places where you share the same focus are great for meeting people in general, regardless of their age.
Step 2. Forget the stereotypes
Sure, some women might fit the traditional stereotype of the cougar woman, but most of them won't. As with the rest of people, desires and behaviors differ from one individual to another. When you approach an older woman on a date, you have to let go of the cougar stereotype and simply treat her with the respect and esteem that you would treat anyone else.
- Some websites will have you believe that there are different types of cougars: the wealthy cougar, the edgy cougar, the sweet cougar, the alpha cougars, and the beta cougars.
- Even though there is a bit of truth to these stereotypes, it would be better if you got to know this woman instead of trying to fit her into preformatted and reductive categories which are generally unflattering when it comes to the behavior of people. women.
Step 3. Show her that she interests you
If you're interested in a mature woman, let her know. How you show your interest in her will depend a lot on the situation itself, including where you met her and whether or not you know her well.
- If you meet a woman at a bar, you can show her your interest by smiling and seeing if she smiles back at you. Wait to see if she keeps looking at you. If she does, it is a sign that she is also interested. You can then approach her and ask if you can buy her a drink.
- If you're interested in a woman who goes to the same running club as you, your tactics are going to be different. You might judge its interest by starting the conversation after the race. Don't necessarily talk about serious things. You can start by talking about the weather or the race you just did.
Step 4. Prepare to face his refusal and take him like a gentleman
If you approach a mature woman and she spurns you, don't blame her. You have the right to be disappointed and even to express that disappointment in a polite or intelligent way. But you don't have the right to insult or threaten her.
- What you can do: "I'm really disappointed, but if you change your mind I'll still be there!" "
- What not to do: "Are you kidding me? You are lucky that a young man like me is interested in you! "
Step 5. Be "young"
If you are trying to attract an older woman, don't go into believing that you have to behave like a man her age behaves. Many women over 40 confess that they seek out younger men because they are more open-minded, more adventurous, and more romantic.
- When you have a date, be more adventurous and try new things together. Share your interests with her and learn more about hers. Just like any other relationship, enjoy learning and growing together.
- It will also be beneficial for you to have an adventurous and open mind in bed. There's a good chance she's clearly expressing what she likes, which is why it's important that you listen to her and follow what she tells you as well.
Step 6. Be honest about who you are
If a mature woman tells you that her last relationship ended because her partner was not romantic, because he was a stubborn alcoholic, or if you know that you are approaching a critical point in your career when you must give the your job more than anything else, this might not be the best time to have a relationship with this woman.
Step 7. Make sure she can count on you and not make her life difficult
Most older women (and even men) have already had enough relationships to know what works and what doesn't, they don't feel like playing. Younger women might tolerate you canceling your appointments at the last minute or “forgetting” to call for days or weeks, but mature women are not going to put up with this behavior.