It can be difficult to know if you are avoiding you. You may not have crossed paths with this person. There are some warning signs though: You might have seen this girl or boy, but he or she didn't look at you. You might have left him a message on Facebook two weeks ago, but he or she hasn't bothered to reply to you. Try to put yourself in this person's shoes and figure out why he or she is trying to avoid you.
Part 1 of 3: Identify avoidance behavior
Step 1. Notice if the trade has suddenly ended
Be careful when someone stops contacting you, even intermittently. This person probably doesn't even bother talking to you one-on-one. She may be content with messages via email, text or social networks. This could be a sign that the person is avoiding you if you think you have a friendly or romantic connection with them, but suddenly stop talking to you.
Be aware that this friend is just very busy and may still want to see you. He or she can send you a message to let you know that he or she is very busy with school and will reach you next week when he or she has more time. However, you may feel that someone is trying to avoid you if you continue to have these types of messages from week to week, or even no longer at all
Step 2. Know when someone finds excuses not to hang out with you
You can probably complain about a busy schedule or a hectic social life, or maybe there's always something going on. The person may try to avoid you if they constantly find reasons to refuse your offers.
Don't be too hard. Things can happen and this person can feel overwhelmed with their schedule. Excuses are a sign of avoidance, but they don't necessarily mean that the person doesn't want to hang out with you
Step 3. Try to meet his gaze
Try to make eye contact with this person if you can see them face to face. She is likely to refuse to meet your gaze if she tries to avoid you. If she does, it will probably be quite briefly, unless she rolls her eyes.
Step 4. Send a few messages to this person and observe their reaction
The person may not want to talk to you if you send them a simple message asking how they are doing and if they haven't responded within days. Try again if they don't answer you, but don't accuse the other of anything. Just try to strike up a perfectly normal discussion. Do not insist if you do not react to this second message either. Respect your reasons for running away from you and avoid giving the person additional reasons for doing so.
- Some messengers tell you when a recipient has read your message. Use it to find out if you've been ignored. Someone who's read all of your messages but didn't reply is telling you that the person is at least interested in what you send them. On the other hand, if the message says it has not been read or seen, it may indicate that the person is online by checking the chats taskbar or the times they have sent other messages.
- Use what you know about the person's computer habits. She may be used to missing your messages if you know she doesn't visit Facebook often. On the other hand, she's likely to avoid you if she's constantly on Facebook, but isn't responding to your messages.
Step 5. See if the messages are short and impersonal
Notice if the person only gives short, trivial answers to get away from you, if you manage to strike up a discussion with them. She may just try to divert your questions so that she doesn't need to answer them.
You say, for example, that you haven't spoken to this person for a while and you check back. She replies that she is fine and leaves. This may indicate that she is avoiding you
Step 6. Be aware of how the person avoiding you treats you as part of a group
We can avoid you if we talk to everyone in the group except you. Avoidance doesn't necessarily mean that someone refuses to be in your presence, it can just mean that they won't speak to you. Try talking to this person directly and see how they react. There is a good chance that this person will avoid you if they give you a quick and short answer, pull away from you, or refuse to answer you outright.
- Compare this attitude with this person's one-on-one reaction. He or she may be trying to avoid you only in a group or just leave as soon as you are on a one-on-one. Find out if the person does it with other people too, or just with you.
- Notice if the person leaves the room when you arrive. It may be a sign that he or she doesn't want to see you if it happens often.
Step 7. See if this person respects your opinions
Not asking you for your opinion in a discussion may indicate that he or she is trying to ignore you. The person may not ask you what you think about a given topic, they may not even react or take your point of view into account.
Step 8. Don't waste time with someone leading you on the boat
See whether or not you matter in her life. Someone can avoid you if they can't find time to see you. She may be afraid to commit and would rather you let the situation take its course. Look for the clues below that may tell you that you are not essential.
- The relationship does not change: it has its ups and downs, it stagnates or really pushes you back.
- The person is only around you when they need you. This could include asking for money, attention, sex, or just a listening ear. See if you are constantly being exploited.
- The person only offers last minute projects. He or she can arrive at your house late at night or text you at night without even trying to offer you anything.
Part 2 of 3: Understanding avoidance
Step 1. Ask yourself why this person is avoiding you
Maybe you argued with her, maybe you said something insulting without realizing it, or you may have made her uncomfortable in some way. Think carefully about your behavior and try to find out the reason for this avoidance.
Step 2. Look for patterns
Analyze the context whenever you feel like you're being avoided and notice if there is something in common each time. This person may avoid you at certain times or in the company of certain individuals. It might have something to do with you, or with herself. Put the pieces of the puzzle together and try to figure out why.
- Does this person seem to avoid you at certain times or when you do certain things? For example, you may have tried a drug and that person doesn't want to see you when you're not yourself.
- Does the person try to avoid you when you hang out with certain people? You might not be the only one she avoids, unless she doesn't like your behavior around a particular group. This person may be shy or introverted. She's always up for a one-on-one, but quickly runs away when you appear in a group.
- Does this person try to avoid you while working or studying? She probably enjoys hanging out with you in a more relaxed setting, but has a hard time finishing what she has to do when you're around.
Step 3. Think about how you will contact this person
He or she may not like messaging if that friend or loved one is always available in person, but never responds to your texts. This can especially be the case if the person has a very busy or very disciplined life. It can be difficult to have an in-depth text chat if she has to work hard, study, or practice something.
Step 4. Take into account that there are different paths that can be taken
See if the person has changed since avoiding you. If so, ask yourself if she's changed a lot. She may be hanging out with new friends or having a new love affair. She may be busy with a new hobby or sport that you are not very interested in. It is wonderful to be close to someone, but people evolve and can move away from you. It may be time for you to move on if you can guess that someone is walking away from you.
- Also consider that you have been able to change. This person may be behaving as usual, but it's your attitude that has changed. Maybe you have a new group of friends or have adopted a habit that your friend doesn't like, unless you're not available that often.
- Just walking away doesn't mean you can't see each other again. It's up to you to see if you want to let go of that person or if you want to keep this relationship, if you feel like you are pulling away from someone. Keep in mind, however, that this is not a one-way street.
Part 3 of 3: Manage avoidance
Step 1. Confront the person
Consider discussing this issue tactfully, if you feel that this person is avoiding you. You might want to rectify any mistakes you may have made, you might suspect this friend of avoiding you because he is going through difficult times. Be respectful and direct and explain exactly what is bothering you.
- You can always say that you are looking for an explanation because this person has been avoiding you lately and ask if you did anything that made them angry.
- Don't beat around the bush if you know why someone is avoiding you. Apologize for all you may have done and try to fix the situation. You can say, for example, that you feel like there is some discomfort between you and this friend since you had a fight and that you want to save that friendship by talking about what happened in order to move on. to something else. Add that this quarrel shouldn't destroy your friendship.
- You can face the person one-on-one or you can ask a third party to attend this discussion to avoid overflows. Consider what can make you most comfortable and choose the situation that you think can solve the problem.
Step 2. Seek advice from mutual friends, but don't say anything bad behind the person's back
You can always ask someone you trust to assess the situation if you and the person avoiding you have mutual friends. You can tell him that you have no idea why this person has been avoiding you for some time.
Don't spread rumors or gossip about the person avoiding you. Be very careful what you say if you care about your relationship with her. Chances are the person will learn what you said about their account, which will only make it worse if you say bad things about them behind their back
Step 3. Give the person some leeway
Sometimes you need to move forward on your own before you are ready to interact with others again. In many cases, forcing these exchanges will only further scare away the person who is avoiding you. Be patient, be open, and try to move forward on your own. The person who avoids you will let you know whether or not they plan to stay in your life.
- Express yourself clearly. Say that you agree to leave the person alone to allow them to evolve, but that your door remains open for them if they need to speak.
- Don't shut yourself up. It can be very difficult to move forward in your life and still be willing to let that person in again. Try to distance yourself from this relationship, remember its good times, and try to vent your anger.
Step 4. Drop it
It can be very hard to give up on someone, especially if you've invested a lot of time and energy. But at some point you should come to terms with the fact that the relationship will never be the same again. It is a matter of maturity and emotional well-being: it will be infinitely more difficult for you to learn to flourish in the present if you have spent too much time living in the past by persisting in remembering what is happening. happened and imagining what could have happened. Drop it.
You don't have to let someone down forever. Rather, it means that you can no longer rekindle a friendship with that person. You are no longer going to waste your precious sanity on someone who is no longer sensitive to it
- It's best to let go of someone who's been avoiding you for a while. She may lose interest in you if she doesn't have time to hang out with you.
- The person may no longer appreciate your presence if they are uncomfortable when you are there.
- Try asking a mutual friend why the person is upset if their refusal to see you really makes you desperate.