Have you ever had the impression that people are looking at you in strange ways? Your best friend doesn't invite you as often as before? You may wonder if others find you annoying. To find out, start by objectively examining your behavior. Also pay attention to the signals that others send to you. Don't worry if you need to make any changes. There are several ways to do this!
Method 1 of 3: Examine your behavior
Step 1. See if you are handing over your tasks to others
Start by observing how you relate to others. Examine your habits and see if you tend to get others to do your work for you. If so, chances are they will find it annoying.
- See if you often seek the help of your colleagues to carry out your projects. If so, it is possible that they are angry.
- You may find that you are just doing your part of the job when it comes to group work in school. It is likely that your comrades are tired of this behavior.
- Maybe your job at home is taking out the trash. If you constantly beg your sister to do this for you, she may be upset.
Step 2. See how loud you are
You may never have thought that you are making noise or not. Now is the time for you to start watching over this. Throughout the day, see situations where you tend to make too much noise to the point of annoying others. Spend a week monitoring the circumstances in which you make a lot of noise. Here are some common examples of excessive annoyance behavior:
- be a noisy neighbor by playing music at a very high volume;
- talk during the unfolding of movies when going to the cinema or watching Netflix with a friend;
- interrupt people in a social setting;
- speak while others are speaking in meetings or in class;
- talk over the phone aloud in public places.
Step 3. See if you often have a strong odor
Smells are very annoying to people, no matter how good or bad they are. This includes body odor, bad breath, and strong-smelling perfumes or colognes.
- Do you use a lot of perfume, cologne, deodorant or body lotion?
- Do you eat a lot of strong-smelling foods?
- How often do you take a shower or a bath?
- Do you use deodorant or other personal care products?
- Do you change your clothes every day?
- Do you wash your clothes before putting them back on?
- Do your pets get your clothes dirty before you wear them?
Step 4. See if you are often pessimistic
If you say negative things often, it can irritate those around you. You might not even notice this. So be careful how you speak.
- Complaining can sometimes help you deal with your feelings, but only in moderation. If you spend all of your time complaining, people won't like to chat with you.
- You might seem annoying if you say “yes, but…” all the time. If, for example, a colleague makes a suggestion and you say “yes, but the customer wouldn't like it”, they might think that you don't like his ideas.
- Dismissing a compliment is also negative. For example, if someone compliments you on something you cooked, don't say, “Thanks for the compliment, but the chicken was very dry and the sauce was bland. "
Step 5. Pay attention to the way you speak
The way you express yourself and the things you say can upset people around you. Speaking too quickly or bringing up inappropriate topics can turn others off. In addition, the frequent use of slang, street expressions or obscenities can embarrass people. Watch out for these annoying behaviors:
- very often using the word as inappropriately;
- speak as if you were writing text messages;
- end a sentence as a question;
- use you instead of us;
- correct others;
- using the phrase, you know or you know too often;
- talk about you all the time;
- give unsolicited advice;
- use long sentences when speaking.
Step 6. Watch your ways
If you often forget about good behavior, people will probably find it annoying. You don't have to go to great lengths to be overly polite, but you should try to respect basic rules of courtesy. Always start by saying “thank you” and “please”.
- Use your inner voice, even when you are upset. Do not raise your voice during disagreements.
- Greet the people. For example, if you are sitting next to a classmate at lunch, say “hi, Sandrine. How is your day ? "
- Avoid interrupting people in the middle of a conversation. In case that happens, say “I'm sorry. I realize I interrupted you. What were you saying? "
Step 7. Take time to reflect on yourself every day
Introspection is about examining yourself. Get in the habit of sitting down to reflect on your day. Think about your actions and the reactions of others. This way you will start to understand yourself better.
- Take twenty minutes a day to think. You can keep a journal or reflect as you walk.
- Think about the interactions you had that day. If they were positive, see what worked. If they weren't so good, think of ways to make it better next time.
Step 8. Get advice from someone you trust
One of the easiest ways to tell if you're annoying is to just ask. If you feel that your relationship with someone is strained, tell them you've noticed this. You might say this to your best friend: “I noticed that we haven't been spending a lot of time together recently. Did I do something that pissed you off?"
- Ask a co-worker: "Do you think others are embarrassed when I eat tuna in the break room?" "
- If someone gives you constructive feedback, thank them and make the effort to make the necessary changes.
Method 2 of 3: Detect signals
Step 1. Look at the facial expressions
You have the option to observe a person's facial expression to see if they are upset or not. If she seems smiling and relaxed, she probably isn't upset. Here are some signs of annoyance:
- turn your eyes;
- raise eyebrows;
- keep your mouth closed or tight.
Step 2. Look for signs of discomfort
In addition to observing facial expressions, watch for body language. Usually people subconsciously send signals that they are upset or uncomfortable. You should watch out for these signs:
- lack of eye contact or looking the other way;
- rub the neck;
- rub the face;
- look towards the clock or the door;
- have the feet pointed in the opposite direction;
- have your arms crossed;
- to be on the move.
Step 3. Ask, if you don't understand something
It's okay to ask for clarification if you don't understand what someone is thinking or feeling. If you are not sure, say what you notice and then ask what it means. You can do it these ways.
- “I noticed you kept looking at the clock. Do you have to go ? "
- “You look agitated. Is something bothering you? "
- “You seem to be uncomfortable. Should we change the subject? "
- "Did I upset you? "
Step 4. Watch for changes in your relationship
If you're not sure if you are pissing off someone in particular, take a step back and look at your relationship objectively. Has she recently changed? The other person may be mad at you.
- Did your coworker stop talking to you during coffee time? Ask him if everything is okay.
- If your best friend isn't inviting you to movie night anymore, ask them what's going on.
- Do people abruptly withdraw or end conversations when they see you?
- When you start talking, do people try to end the discussion as quickly as possible?
Step 5. Give others the benefit of the doubt
Something else can be happening in the other person's life. Your sister may not have devoted much time to you lately. Obviously, you'll assume this has something to do with you, but it might not. Remember that everyone is going through difficult and joyful times and the other person may be stressed because of their studies or work.
Method 3 of 3: Make positive changes in your life
Step 1. Think positive thoughts
If you notice that you regularly upset others, there are aspects of your behavior that you can change. Start thinking more positively. In doing so, you are more likely to be optimistic and approachable.
Each evening, think of three good things that happened during the day. Cultivating an attitude of gratitude will make you feel better and share those good feelings with others
Step 2. Surround yourself with positive people
If someone gets mad at you, it's not necessarily your fault. The two of you may not be on the same page, and that's okay with you. Make the effort to hang out with positive people.
- If someone doesn't want to sit down with you for lunch, don't worry too much about it. Instead, join another group.
- If a friend criticizes you regularly, start spending time with other people who have positive attitudes.
Step 3. Enlist someone's help to tell you when you are overdoing it
If you have trusted coworkers or friends who can tell you when you start to behave in an annoying way, you can easily get rid of your bad habits. Ask loved ones or close friends to help you spot these behaviors.
You might say, “At parties, I noticed people avoid me. I would therefore like to correct my way of speaking. Can you help me spot my bad habits? "
Step 4. Take classes
These could be lessons in good manners, effective communication or speaking skills. An instructor will help you better identify the behaviors you need to improve and what you can do instead. So practice communicating well in a positive environment with other students who also want to improve.
- Search the Internet for courses, seminars or workshops that take place in your area.
- You could also take one of these courses at your school.
- Check with local therapists to see if they run group workshops.
Step 5. Be polite to others
Usually people feel upset when you treat them rudely. Always try to show good manners so as not to annoy others. Don't interrupt people, always say "please" and "thank you" and greet others in a friendly manner. You also have the possibility to show politeness by respecting the private space of others.
Listen to others. Show them you're listening to them by maintaining eye contact (or looking at them) and asking questions at the right time
Step 6. Take the time to listen to the ideas of others
You may have been asked to speak less during meetings. It's not because your ideas are irrelevant, but it's because you may be monopolizing the floor. Don't worry, this is a problem you can correct by trying to listen more than you speak. This means that in a ten minute discussion you shouldn't speak for more than five minutes.
- Speak only when you have something valuable to add to the conversation. If, for example, your friends say how much they love yoga, you shouldn't interrupt them to say, “actually indoor cycling is much better. "
- Don't feel the constant urge to talk. If, for example, the person next to you on the bus is reading a book, you don't have to screen them with questions like "What is the book about?" Is it interesting? What does the cover photo mean? "
- While it's not bad to be friendly, it's also good to know whether people are receptive or not. Sometimes they need some quiet time and prefer to be alone.
Step 7. Validate the feelings of others
Be careful when they talk about how they are feeling and take their emotions seriously. People greatly appreciate those who make them feel heard and understood. Getting into the habit of validating the feelings of others can help them feel comfortable in your company and spend time with you.
Step 8. Talk less about yourself
It is very annoying when someone talks about themselves all the time. If you've noticed that this is your problem, look for ways to fix it. For example, ask other people questions about their personality. If you talk about your passion for the Prison Break series, also take the time to ask the other person to tell you about their favorite series.
- If you notice that you talk about yourself a lot, take a break and ask a question about the other person. Say for example: "How was your day? "
- When someone tells you a story, don't interrupt them by saying, “The same happened to me! It's good to be empathetic, but it's also good to let others lead a discussion.
- See if the other is asking questions. A really interested interlocutor will motivate you to keep talking about yourself. In this case, you should keep doing this until the subject naturally changes.
Step 9. Don't be hard on yourself
It's okay if you upset someone. It happens to everyone. Don't blame yourself for it. Being annoying once in a while doesn't make you a bad person. Instead, just try to make things right by apologizing to the person you upset if necessary and move on.
- Pay attention on social media. Don't make inappropriate jokes or comments.
- Apologize if you upset someone.
- Don't ask people a lot of questions, as they will get annoyed after a while. You will look curious and no one likes the curious.
- Culture and disability play a role in body language. For example, eye contact is considered disrespectful in some areas, and some disorders such as autism can cause impaired body language such as lack of eye contact and restlessness. In these cases, see if the person's current behavior is different from how they usually behave.