Seeing someone you care about get mad at you can be very frustrating. If your girlfriend, boyfriend, or even sister is really angry, sad, or stressed out, you probably need to know how to help her calm down. There are techniques that can relax a girl, calm her down, discuss a problem with her, and offer her your support.
Method 1 of 3: Help her relax
Step 1. Breathe deeply with it
When you notice that she is having trouble proclaiming herself, get her to do a deep breathing exercise that will trigger a natural relaxation response. To practice deep breathing, do the following things.
- Find a quiet, comfortable place where the two of you won't be distracted. You can sit on a cushion or use a chair. Relax your shoulders and put your hands on your thighs.
- Both place one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen. Breathe in deeply through your nose for 4 to 8 beats. You should see the hand on the abdomen move along with your stomach. Hold your breath for a short moment, counting for a few seconds. Then expel the air through your mouth, counting the same number of times as when you inhaled and watching your hand sag along with your stomach. The hand on your chest should only move slightly.
- Repeat the inhaling and exhaling process for 5-10 minutes or until your friend becomes more relaxed.
Step 2. Do progressive muscle relaxation exercises
Progressive muscle relaxation is another technique you can use to get him to relax and calm down. This exercise will help you notice where the tension is in your body and let you know the effect of relaxation on those tense areas.
- Take comfortable chairs or sit on the sofa. Start with a few minutes of deep breathing to create calm.
- Start with your feet and work your way up. See how it feels in your foot. Take a few seconds to fully realize this sensation. Then gradually contract the muscles of your foot until they are extremely tense. Hold for a count of 10, then release the tension and feel the way it leaves your foot. Stay in this state for about 10 seconds while continuing to breathe deeply.
- Gradually move to other parts of your body, contracting and relaxing each muscle group.
Step 3. Play sports
Exercise intensity might not be the first thing that comes to mind when thinking of methods to calm someone down, but physical activity is a great way to relieve stress and improve mood. Exercising secretes feel-good hormones (called endorphins) in the brain. These will make you feel more energetic and optimistic about life.
If you find that she has had a rough day, take her to a fitness club to get her moving and allow her to socialize as well. You can also do other activities like yoga, walking, playing basketball, going for a hike, going for a run, and swimming
Step 4. Do mental imagery exercises together
Mental imagery also called visualization is another approach that induces a natural relaxation response in the body. You can practice it by listening to an audio recording or watching a video on YouTube. This technique works as follows.
- Find a serene and calm place to listen to a guided visualization exercise or choose to use your own mind. Start with a deep breathing exercise. Then visualize a place that makes both of you feel happy or safe. It could be your grandmother's house, an exotic beach, or the local pond.
- Use at least three of your senses to visualize this place. Don't just see it in your mind. You should also remember the smells (for example, the smell of cookies straight out of the oven or coconut) as well as the taste sensations (taste of chocolate, crisps or salty air) that this place evoked. Go deeper and deeper into a state of relaxation as you recall the sensations this place provides.
Step 5. Listen to soft music
Studies have shown that classical music is particularly effective when it comes to calming someone down. However, this is entirely up to your friend. Maybe she just wants to forget about her troubles for a moment and swing her hips to a frenzied pace. Or, she might feel like complaining while listening to songs that reflect her state of mind.
As long as it relaxes her, it doesn't really matter what kind of music she chooses
Method 2 of 3: Be a source of support
Step 1. Avoid telling her to calm down
If she's upset and yelling, the last thing you can do is tell her to calm down. Even though saying this is your goal to calm her down, the phrase calm down actually has the power to exacerbate her anger. Also, saying this may make her think that you are minimizing or ignoring how she is feeling.
Instead, say I can see that you are anxious / frustrated / upset… What can I do to help? or I can't understand what you are saying. Let's take the time to breathe and start over
Step 2. Offer to help
If you see that she is upset by something that is bringing her down, ask her what you can do to ease her burden, if only temporarily. She may want you to help her with a school project or a chore around the house. She might even just want to go out to dinner or take a walk in the park with you.
Step 3. Make her smile
One of the ways to make her forget what is stressing her is to change her mind. Tell a joke or watch a funny video or movie together. Go crazy and buy her that new book or that pair of shoes she's always wanted.
Step 4. Give her a hug
Human contact has incredible relaxing properties. Since touch is our first and most basic form of communication, almost everyone responds positively to it. Physical contact in the form of hugs, hugs, slaps on the back, or even holding hands can provide comfort that words won't be able to provide. Physical contact is found to be effective in reducing stress, improving health problems, and uplifting mood.
Ask her if everything is okay, then give her a hug, pat her back or shoulders, or hold her hand. That seemingly minimal physical touch may be all she needs to calm herself down
Method 3 of 3: Discuss the problem
Step 1. Wait for it to be ready
When we see our loved ones struggling or having problems, we often want to resolve the situation immediately. Master this urgent need to fix the problem or get her to talk about it. The best thing to do is just to be present. When she's ready to talk about it, she will.
Step 2. Listen carefully
The best confidants do not listen in order to reply, but rather to understand. Active listening involves focusing on the message and responding to it so that both parties understand each other. Active listening involves four main principles.
- Seek to understand before you are understood. You need to gather information about what she is saying before you can give her an adequate response.
- Don't be judgmental. Refrain from making any judgment of any kind on the facts. Demonstrate emotional intelligence and provide an unconditional positive response. You can be there, chat, and support her without actually agreeing to everything she says.
- Give your full attention. Make eye contact within acceptable limits, which is typically 70% of the time you listen (about 50% when you speak). Switch off your phone. Face him and uncross your legs and arms.
- Use silence appropriately. Just sit still and shut up no matter how much you feel like interrupting. She may have an important revelation to make, which may never come if you interrupt her in an untimely manner. Show you are listening by nodding, smiling, or making small comments like I See or Continue.
Step 3. Validate his feelings
If she's overwhelmed by emotion or stress, chances are she just wants to be listened to and accepted. When your loved ones are upset, it can very easily happen that you ignore their deep feelings while trying to comfort them. When your friend has calmed down a bit, ask her to describe how she feels, being careful not to downplay the circumstances or to give advice that you haven't been asked for. You could use helpful approval phrases like:
- oh la la, that looks terrible
- I'm sorry you had to go through such difficult times
- I see why you're upset. It is not fair
Step 4. Help her solve the problem
It is only after you have actively listened and validated your feelings that you can move on to resolving the problem. Even then, you should only try to help her get through this situation if she specifically asks for your help. If it doesn't, you'll have to stop there. If your friend needs your help or advice with a problem, work with her.
- Clearly identify the problem. Then ask her what she would ideally like to achieve as an end result. Once you have identified its goals, make a list of solutions that can help achieve them. Find the solution together and see the advantages and disadvantages of each. Let her make the final decision. Remember that you are only there to provide support, not to take control of her life.
- If her problems are beyond you and you can't help her on your own, offer to bring her to talk to her parents, another adult, the school counselor, or a therapist.
- If she really wants to be alone, give her some space. However, keep in mind that she might want to talk to someone later on. So let her know you're there if she needs you.
- Be honest and sincere.
- Pay attention to every detail when she speaks to you. Don't be distracted as she expresses her feelings, as she may ask after your impressions or ask you how you would have reacted to the situation she just described. If you aren't actively listening, it might make her feel like you don't care.
- Hold her affectionately as she cries and tell her you want to know what's wrong and how you can help.
- Don't insult him.
- Don't try to get him to talk about the problem itself. Give her time, really comfort her without trying to get her to tell you what really happened.
- Don't literally tell her to calm down or relax. Calm her down without saying it, otherwise it will only piss her off even more.