Getting yelled at is never a good experience. When someone yells at you, it's only natural that you feel intimidated, scared, and belittled in your ability to respond appropriately. However, the solution to dealing with such a situation is to understand that it is the other person who has failed in their communication technique. Fortunately, you are not the person who has lost control, which means you can take steps to control your feelings and behave in a more appropriate manner during an interaction.
Part 1 of 3: keep calm
Step 1. Resist the urge to retort
The less reactive you are to provocations, the more you will be able to use your common sense to deal with the situation. If you feel angry or if someone is provoking you, before you say or do something that you might regret later, take a deep breath and slowly count to ten.
- This implies that you must avoid all forms of critical character and defensive attitude. Responding is just another easy way to respond reactively rather than proactively.
- Criticizing the howler or defying what he tells you may provoke him further. Also, when we are yelled at, we usually fail to think things through. This is because we are put in a state of fear.
Step 2. Evaluate your options
If you are yelled at, never get stuck in the situation. This also applies to strangers who lose their temper when standing in line at the store, just as your boss and partner often do. For this reason, you must completely withdraw from this moment to see whether or not to endure the rebuke.
- You might decide not to run away for fear it will cost your job. However, you may want to consider other options if the screaming seems to be a very common occurrence, or if the person berating you is not as important to put up with.
- Research has shown that rebuking is just as hurtful and unnecessary behavior when done for lack of love. This means that, whatever the screamer's intentions, know that you are undergoing treatment that is never perfect or even appropriate.
Step 3. Avoid tolerating howling
When we cry out, it is because we are overwhelmed by a situation that we cannot manage unless we resort to the use of brute force. If you assuage what this person is saying with a categorical response or rebuttal, know that you are supporting this type of communication as well.
If you happen to silently find loopholes in the arguments and complaints of the person yelling at you, do the same. This can be the best way to show yourself how much control or can handle the situation. However, be careful not to focus too much on your thoughts so that you cannot observe things
Step 4. Take attention away from yourself
Be bold enough to disengage from the situation you are going through as a way to make sure that you don't make it personal. The best way to do this without losing sight of that moment is to empathize with the howler in question. Focus on the pain and tension on his face. Rather than listen to him, look at the desperation and frustration he is going through right now.
- Remember that you are not validating the actions of this person. You empathize with him so that you can see the parts of his life that you can take pity on when the time comes to act.
- Seek peace in any way you can, but be careful not to put on a false appearance of serenity. This may irritate the screamer further and he might interpret it as teasing or condescension. A good way to make peace is to express serious surprise at the attitude this person is showing you. Thus, you will show that you are somehow blind while insinuating that his cry is annoying.
Part 2 of 3: Respond to dispel the situation
Step 1. Look for a quieter time
If the situation allows you, calmly ask to take a few minutes to calm down before responding to anything in the situation. Just explain that the scream was getting very overwhelming and that you would like to speak in about five minutes in order to pull yourself together. By doing this, you will be giving your howler some time that he also didn't know he needed.
This will allow the ensuing conversation to degenerate less into an all-out struggle. By making this request, you are also showing the screamer that he elicited an intense reaction, which he was probably ready for
Step 2. Start a conversation about his behavior
Tell the person how their cry makes you feel. Be sure not to forget to mention your observation of the situation (for example, saying, I have trouble paying attention to what you were saying because of the volume of your voice.) Also tell them how you feel. caused the situation (for example, I feel stressed and confused when yelled at).
- For example, a romantic partner may yell at you because you forgot to bring your ticket to a concert you were planning on going. When the tension eases momentarily, tell him that you felt threatened and confused. Tell him again that you noticed that the passengers were watching you with astonished air and with great pity.
- Alternatively, you can be reprimanded by a chef when you make a mistake in sending an invoice to a customer. Tell your boss that you feel uncomfortable and vulnerable when they speak up louder and that it's harder for you to focus on your job when you feel like you owe it all. time to be on the lookout.
Step 3. Demand that he stop berating you
If you could have explained to him the negative effects of his screaming on you, then it is normal to demand that this not happen again. To avoid escalating this person's anger, talk to them this way. I can't hear when there is too much yelling and I want you to tell me. Would you like to present the situation to me in a tone like the one we use to speak now?
- When making your request, be clear about what you want. While obviously a simple, sweet tone is better than a howl, say exactly how you want to be spoken. Being specific, just like in the example above, means you're not going to say something like Why can't you speak in a normal tone?
- If you notice that this person is becoming more sensitive or will take your request the wrong way, also cover your discussion with a few positive comments. Think about the topics this person brings up in other circumstances and express how much you appreciate, for example, their willingness to prove how passionate these topics are.
Step 4. Speak in a low tone
Talking in moderation and in a soft tone is a good way to change the atmosphere of the interaction. The howler will be forced to speak the same language as you because of the clear difference your voice will impose in the discussion. Another advantage is that he will strive to listen to you, which means he will somehow change his mindset to listen to you. This will distract from the current anger and tension towards the content of what you are saying.
Step 5. See if you want to reconcile
Now that you've taken the trouble to dispel the situation, it's up to you to choose if you want to apologize or if you just want to back away. As you make your decision, consider your relationship with the howler the next time you see him and how much you expect to be out of an awkward situation.
- If that individual is someone you don't want to sever ties with, you can afford to apologize to them by remembering their identity. After all, a howl is just a disgruntled way of expressing your passion and attachment to something.
- If you choose to step back, be aware that you might have a tense encounter with him the next time you see him.
Part 3 of 3: react to avoid the danger
Step 1. Know your rights
It is important that you know your rights in such situations. Build confidence in yourself and dispel the fear of being yelled at by reviewing certain rights. For example, you still have the right to be treated with respect and consideration, as well as the right to your own space.
- In the workplace, your rights in a tidy and harmless environment may be clouded by your rank or the attitude you hope you maintain. However, while your superiors have a greater right to assert themselves in service, you still have the right to resist situations in which you notice that your well-being is threatened. If the screaming persists, use your company's human resources department or employee guide to learn more about specific employee conflict resolution policies.
- When a romantic partner yells at you, it's easier to accept out of love or out of a desire to continue the relationship. However, try to understand that this howling is now part of a relationship that you are struggling to make lasting. You have the right to express your needs in a relationship, and another fundamental right to this is the right not to be dominated or threatened.
Step 2. Stop communicating
If this person who verbally bullies you is doing it on a regular basis, and you've tried to explain to them how these behaviors hurt you a number of times, the best way to protect yourself would be to cut off all communication with them. Considering the type of relationship you have with this person, you may be better off avoiding a confrontation with them by sending a note or email to tell them that you don't want any more communication. You have the right to express yourself when you are tired of it.
Step 3. Seek outside help
Does the howler seem to refuse to calm down? Are you worried that he is constantly threatening you in your life? If you see that the situation escalates into a potential danger, do not hesitate to contact emergency services. If danger is imminent, call 112.