How to resist your attraction to a colleague

How to resist your attraction to a colleague
How to resist your attraction to a colleague

Resisting an attraction is not easy, especially if you see the person in question every day: like your colleague for example. Falling for a colleague can be a very stressful situation and make your work life impossible. You can resist this attraction by understanding the risks you take in dating a coworker, seeking support, and understanding your own feelings.


Part 1 of 3: Consider the Risks of a Relationship with a Coworker

Get over a Crush on Your Coworker Step 1

Step 1. Review your business policy

If your company discourages or prohibits personal relationships with colleagues and you don't want to endanger your position, remember what your priorities are. You will surely realize that this attraction is not worth risking losing your job.

  • Read the rules that apply to your company (you can ask for them, for example, from the human resources department) in terms of personal relations. Knowing the possible consequences of a relationship at work can be enough to discourage you from continuing that attraction you have for your coworker.
  • The consequences of a relationship in your workplace can also be legal, depending on the laws regulating sexual harassment.
Get over a Crush on Your Coworker Step 2

Step 2. Also, don't forget the risks of gossip

If you express your attraction and your coworkers find out, rumors can spread. This can happen even if you keep that attraction to yourself and don't act with the coworker in question. These rumors can give you a reputation for being unprofessional, and it can also impact your productivity and morale. If you are worried about these risks, do not discuss this attraction at your workplace or even with your colleagues.

Get over a Crush on Your Coworker Step 3

Step 3. Also consider the social risks this situation presents

If you express the attraction you have for a coworker, the social ramifications can be numerous, whether the attraction is mutual or not. Knowing these risks can be enough to put you off. The potential issues that you may encounter are as follows:

  • be rejected by the person,
  • growing unease if the attraction is not reciprocal or if, after revealing yourself to your colleague, your relationship does not work in the long term,
  • push the person to respond to your advances if you are their superior,
  • the loss of your credibility at work if your colleagues find your behavior unprofessional or if they think that you favor the person in question.
Get over a Crush on Your Coworker Step 4

Step 4. Think about the consequences if your relationship ends

Even if you want to express your attraction, also think about the possible consequences that can have, for better or for worse. Your relationship may work at first, but imagine it doesn't.

  • Your relationship may work at first and then break down.
  • If your relationship doesn't last or you end up breaking up, you're going to have to see the person at work every day, get a promotion, etc. This situation is likely to be very stressful.
  • If your relationship ends and you or your coworker feels the need to quit, it can create a lot of problems.

Part 2 of 3: Asking for help to forget your attraction to a coworker

Get over a Crush on Your Coworker Step 5

Step 1. Tell a friend about your situation

Talking about your dilemma with a third person can allow you to release the pressure that comes from this attraction that you feel for your colleague and therefore to avoid acting on it. In addition to the support of a friendly ear, your friend will be able to give you some good advice.

If you're not comfortable talking about it with a coworker, or you're worried about gossip and spreading rumors about yourself, you can talk to a friend outside of your job

Get over a Crush on Your Coworker Step 6

Step 2. Focus on the social interactions you have outside of work

Your attraction may just be because you don't have the opportunity to build a romantic relationship outside of your job. If you work a lot or avoid social interactions outside of your job, take the time to hang out with friends or take up new activities that will allow you to flourish in your private sphere. Take the opportunity to meet new people who are not your colleagues and find other interests so that you think less about your attraction to your colleague.

Get over a Crush on Your Coworker Step 7

Step 3. Focus on positive distractions

We often focus on an attraction when we have nothing else in mind. If you focus on other things, you can more easily forget your colleague and move on.

  • In the office, focus on your work and maintain strictly professional relationships with your colleagues. They can be activities as trivial as taking the time to decorate your desk, water your plants, or listen to your favorite music so that you can think of something else.
  • Outside of your job and so that you are not constantly thinking about your colleague, you can focus on projects that you previously did not have time to do. Sign up for a gym or for a cultural activity, clean up (that you keep pushing back), etc. The goal is to find you positive distractions

Part 3 of 3: Manage your emotions when you fall for a colleague

Get over a Crush on Your Coworker Step 8

Step 1. Separate fantasy from reality

Falling in love with someone means that you are drawn to them, so you can have a fantasy idea of ​​your life with the person you fall for. Separating these dreams from your attraction can help you take things more perspective.

  • Fantasies are based on the past and the future. Reality is anchored in the present.
  • Focus on the life you lead today, not the one you dream of tomorrow.
Get over a Crush on Your Coworker Step 9

Step 2. Realize that you cannot always express your feelings

You can be attracted to a person, including a colleague of yours, without necessarily taking action. If you think you can keep your work and personal life separate, you may realize that your attraction is real, but you still can't express it in a concrete way.

Sometimes this situation (the attraction you have for a coworker) can benefit you. For example, it can make you dress better or be more active in your business

Get over a Crush on Your Coworker Step 10

Step 3. Remember that the grass is not always greener elsewhere

Sometimes your feelings are just fantasy. Maybe you are just attracted to your coworker and want to have a relationship with him because the situation is forbidden and dangerous. You can avoid declaring yourself by simply remembering that you are happy and that just dating that person won't make your life more beautiful or fulfilling.

Get over a Crush on Your Coworker Step 11

Step 4. Set limits for yourself

If you don't want to jeopardize your job by pursuing the attraction you feel for your coworker, make some rules for yourself so you don't give in to the temptation. For example, decide to only talk to your colleague in the presence of other people so as not to exceed your limits. These limits will make the situation less stressful and make it easier to deal with any emotions you may be feeling.

Get over a Crush on Your Coworker Step 12

Step 5. Give yourself time

Your attraction won't go away overnight, so you need to be patient. Take the time to deal with your emotions and decide the best way you can move on. Don't be too hard on yourself if your attraction doesn't go away immediately.

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