Guilt is a feeling characterized by knowing or feeling that you have done something wrong. It can be a tool for growing emotionally. If a girl is mean to you, you could make her understand her mistakes by making her feel guilty. It's important to remember that everyone is responsible for their own feelings, and you can't make anyone feel guilty.
Part 1 of 3: organize your thoughts
Step 1. Ask yourself if it is worth it
If you've been dating or were friends, decide if you want to keep her in your life. Either way, you could still manage to make her feel guilty, but you should ask yourself whether you want to keep her in your life or not.
Think about what she did. Admit any part you may have played in the conflict and focus on the specific things she may have done to offend you. Is she mean to everyone or just you?
Step 2. Walk away from her
Give yourself time to recover from what she has done to you. Stop talking to him. Avoid her at school, at work, or wherever you see her. If you come across her at random, walk around her and pretend she isn't there.
Step 3. Think about what hurt you
Focus on healing without telling yourself time is going to do it for you.
Surround yourself with your supportive friends. Talk to your friends about how she hurt you. Find a support group for yourself so you don't have to face it until you're ready
Step 4. Prepare a plan
Before you confront him, you need to make sure you have a clear idea of what you are going to say. If your thoughts on the subject are rather chaotic, take the time to write down details that hurt you.
Part 2 of 3: Confront Him
Step 1. Assert yourself by confronting her directly
Keep a cool head and a neutral tone. Avoid turning the discussion into an argument or it could become defensive and counterattack.
- Avoid posing as a victim or feeling miserable. Your goal is to make him understand how you are feeling, not to feel sorry for him.
- Keep an open posture. Stand straight with your arms at your sides. Do not cross your arms over your chest, as this position is usually taken for a defense posture.
Step 2. Choose your words carefully
Focus on first person singular sentences to describe the situation. Look her in the eye and tell her by example.
- "I think you should know that I felt hurt when you did X" or "you hurt me doing Y, I would like you to stop".
- The situation does not revolve around just what she did. You need to talk about how it affected you, and be ready to forgive and be reconciled.
Step 3. Avoid Generalizations
Your mind tends to dramatize the facts when you are feeling angry. Before you start sentences by saying "you always do this" or "you never do that", ask yourself if it is true or false. Deal with specific times when you have felt upset.
Give him specific examples. Avoid saying things like "I hate that you lie to me all the time." Instead, try to reframe them like this: "I got pissed off when you lied to me yesterday that you were too busy to talk to me." You had also already lied last week”
Step 4. Accentuate your hurt feelings
Explain to him how much his actions have hurt you and try to make him feel how you feel. Be careful not to get angry or aggressive.
- Speak slowly and calmly.
- If you start to cry, take a moment to collect your spirits. If you collapse and are unable to speak, you may need more time to recover before continuing.
Step 5. Try to put it in your shoes
You might be able to reach her more effectively by asking her to see the situation from your point of view.
Ask her how she would have felt if the tables had been turned. Be compassionate by trying to guide her to see the situation from your perspective
Part 3 of 3: move on
Step 1. Prepare for his response
She might start to cry. Girls are often more sensitive than boys and confronting her directly could make her cry or make her aggressive.
She might become so emotionally unstable that you won't be able to continue the conversation. She could avoid conflict. If this happens, keep an open mind and give her time to think about what you have said
Step 2. Take responsibility
It takes two to argue. She might accuse you of things you did that hurt her. Apologize for your mistakes and give her the opportunity to do the same. For example, you could tell him:
- "You're right, I also made a mistake, I should have done things differently"
- "I think I could also have handled the situation better, I'm sorry I hurt you"
Step 3. Be optimistic
Whatever the outcome, you faced her and apologized for your mistakes. This experience will help you both grow, even if you cannot come to terms with each other. She might need more time to figure out her mistake and you can't force her.
Step 4. Forgive him
Even if she isn't able to apologize, you can still forgive her. Forgiveness doesn't mean you apologize for what she did. In the first place, it is you that forgiveness helps.
- You might not be able to forgive him right away. Depending on how much she hurt you, you may need some time to forgive her.
- Forget about negative feelings. The grudge will cause you emotional stress. Realize that everyone makes mistakes and move on.
Step 5. Help her be forgiven and be reconciled
If she understands how you are feeling and apologizes, accept it. Let her know that her apology makes you feel better and that you respect her for taking responsibility for her actions. Encourage her to ask forgiveness from other people she may have hurt.