Are you in a relationship, but want to hide it from your parents? Are these violent, too strict or conservative? Whether you want to hide your relationship because of your age or because your parents wouldn't approve of it because it doesn't match their values, hiding your little friend can be difficult. While you might lose their trust if they find out about your lie, you shouldn't put yourself in danger or compromise what you believe in. Communication, honesty, and trust are essential in any relationship, but sometimes there are things you need to hide for your own physical and mental well-being.
Steps
Method 1 of 5: Understand the reasons to hide a relationship
Step 1. Assess your priorities
Decide if it is actually a good idea to hide your relationship from your parents. Would they disapprove of your relationship for being too strict, protective or worried by nature? Can their culture, religion, or your age difference explain their disagreement? Although your parents have more experience than you do, they don't know your relationship as well as you do.
- Talk to your friends and relatives. Remember, if you want your relationship to be a secret, your biggest problem will be having your secret revealed. Rely on your loved ones and let them show you the direction to take.
- If the relationship isn't exactly serious and you don't want your parents to make a big deal out of it, some of the following info may be overkill. If you overdo confidentiality, think about how your parents might feel. For example, they might wonder why you don't trust them and feel disappointed.
- If it's serious, take preventative precautions. Think about what you will do if your parents find out about you and their reaction if they find out that you are in a relationship on social media or on a phone that you secretly use to communicate with your lover. Think about what might happen if you break up or something goes wrong… Is it necessary to take these risks? If you are discovered, it is best to be sincere. The more you lie, the more problems you will have and damage your family relationship. If your relationship is going badly and you are having a bad time, it will take a lot of mental toughness to cope with the situation without your parents' support.
Step 2. Communicate with your partner
If you want to continue dating despite the fact that your parents would not approve of your relationship, you need to explain to him why you think you should keep it from them. Your partner may feel devalued and it may tarnish your relationship if you don't clarify the situation. The more you hide your relationship from your parents, the more difficult it will be to develop your relationship.
- Your partner will certainly have an interesting argument if he has been in this situation before. For example, it may not be the first interracial relationship for him and he will certainly have some relevant advice to share with you in order to talk to your parents about it, but also about the importance of supporting those close to you.
- He may also misunderstand the situation. When a relationship is serious, some people wait to be introduced to the family, others have no difficulty in waiting, and others prefer to wait a long time.
Step 3. Consider the opinion of your parents
It might be hard to hear the negative opinion of someone who is important to you, but sometimes your parents will have a better perspective than you do on the long-term implications of your relationship. Depending on the dynamics of your relationship with your parents, they may disagree badly.
The relationship you can have with your parents can be complicated. It will be difficult to be open and honest with them sometimes, but always be respectful so that the situation does not get worse. For example, although you may think you can hide your feelings from them, you may be passive-aggressive or sassy
Step 4. Remember that a healthy relationship is built on trust
It must also be built on mutual respect and communication. Whether you are looking to strengthen your relationship or maintain the bonds between you and your parents, trust and respect should be the basis of your relationships. If you don't want your parents to know you're in a relationship, consider why you want to sacrifice their trust in you. Your physical and emotional well-being should not be sacrificed for any reason, whether for your parents or your partner.
Are your parents at risk of being violent, physically or verbally, if they find out that you are in a relationship? Is any aspect of your relationship contrary to their beliefs? If their disagreement is based solely on prejudice or their reaction is disproportionate, seek professional help. Your priority remains your mental and physical health
Method 2 of 5: Overcome the possessiveness of your parents
Step 1. Be mature
Your parents will always be protective, so the best thing you can do is show them that you are mature enough to handle the responsibilities of a relationship. First, show your parents that you are responsible and that you can follow all of their rules. If your parents think you're too young to be a couple, always be on time, help with household chores, and be serious about your studies. If you can earn their trust, your parents will realize that you are mature enough to handle a relationship.
Step 2. Understand the risks of having sex before marriage
Parents often refuse to let you date someone out of fear that you will get pregnant or get an STI. Make sure that you and your partner understand the risks you are taking. You may not be sufficiently prepared for this experience, and if you become pregnant or ill your parents may not be able to help you. You may not accept your parents' rules, but communicate with your partner and respect your limits so that you are fully prepared for whatever may happen to you.
Know that you must be respected by your partner and that he must respect your choices. Compromise is vital in a relationship, but it's an area where neither party should have to compromise their beliefs. Know that if you can't wait to take your partner to the next level, but they don't feel ready, you need to respect their decision. Never put pressure on your partner
Step 3. Avoid public demonstrations
Be discreet about your affection. You never know who can see you. A friend may accidentally reveal to your parents that you are in a relationship, not knowing that you want to keep it a secret.
Stolen public kisses and other affectionate displays may seem harmless to you, but remember that they may make your parents think that your relationship is already more intimate than it seems
Step 4. Protect your phone and computer with a password
Your best bet would be to buy a new phone to protect your communications. In this case, you will need to carefully conceal it. Otherwise, protect your device with a password. If your parents know it, change it so they can't read your boyfriend's messages. However, if you are using the home computer, it will be suspicious that you are using one suddenly.
- Delete all messages on your phone before going to sleep or leaving it unattended. It is worth not deleting everything to avoid the suspicion aroused by an empty history.
- Use incognito windows when you are online. Otherwise, delete your browsing history after using your computer. However, it may sound suspicious to your parents if you've never done it before. If you go for private browsing, you won't have this problem.
- If your parents check your phone regularly, don't save your partner's number or use their nickname instead of their first and last name. You can also use the female or male version of her first name. Julien can thus become Julie and Stéphanie transform into Stéphane.
Step 5. Ask your partner not to post anything on social media
If you have a social media profile or use an instant messaging service, your parents can monitor them or go through someone else who has access to your profiles.
Create another account that you will only use with your boyfriend. This is a very effective technique if you are in a long distance relationship
Step 6. Have an alibi
You can ask a friend you trust to corroborate your lie to your parents if you are dating your partner. You can also use it as a cover for your calls and messages.
- A friend can provide you with an alibi when you are dating your sweetheart. It can justify your messages and phone calls, but can also give you information. If, for example, he knows that your parents will one day be going to a specific place, you will know that you should not go to that neighborhood.
- His other job will be to oversee your relationship. In politics, the more information you have, the more appropriate your decision will be. It is better to have several friends that you trust than one, as this will give you different sources of information. The problem here is that your "network" is larger and therefore there is a greater chance that your secret will be updated. If your friends are reluctant to continue using your alibis, don't ask them to do it again. If several people tell you that you shouldn't continue this way, you should probably listen to their advice. If they don't want to use your alibi, don't use them, that would be unfair.
Step 7. Hide your gifts
Hide any gifts you receive from your partner or keep them at home.
- Don't keep gifts in your home, because if your parents tend to examine every corner of the house, they can easily be found if they inspect your room.
- You risk attracting the attention of your parents if you start to lock your closet or your bedroom door with a key.
- You can also decide to treat yourself to a restaurant or movie trip rather than a physical gift.
Method 3 of 5: Manage collateral damage
Step 1. Ask your friends to keep it a secret
Whether that's talking about your relationship to another person or showing evidence that you're in a relationship on social media, explain to them the dire consequences an innocent comment could have if your parents found out. Social media can be especially dangerous because you never know who is friends with whom.
Kindly ask your friends not to comment on your relationship on social media or post any information on the subject. Also be careful that no one takes pictures of you when you are in a group
Step 2. Use multiple social media profiles
The great thing about social media is that it's often free. Create multiple accounts to cover your tracks. Remember your different passwords and only sign in to these accounts on a computer that only you use.
Step 3. Create a special email address
This is a very effective technique, as your parents will not know this address, but it will also allow you to create fake profiles on social networks. Remember that your parents can find your profile on Facebook by providing your email address.
Step 4. Change your privacy settings
All social networks give you the possibility to filter the information you want to make public or not. Go to your account settings and choose to only make your content visible to your boyfriend. You can also select a few friends if you really trust them.
You will have the option to filter your updates and what you post so that your parents cannot see them. However, the best way to keep your parents from finding out about your relationship is to not post anything about your relationship on social media
Step 5. Give false information
Give false information when you create a profile on social media or when you meet new people. Your parents can find you on social media by your date of birth, phone number, last name, school or job. Don't make the mistake of creating a fake profile using information that your parents can trace back to you.
Change the name of your profile. Do not use your middle name, your last name spelled backwards, or your dog's. A name that could be related to you risks revealing yourself and it is therefore best to take more precautions
Step 6. Learn to hide your emotions
If you have an argument with your partner, try not to show your sadness or anger to your parents. Don't get overly emotional in public, as this can go up in their ears as well. Find a way to express your emotions when you are alone, and do everything you can to avoid emotional outbursts.
For example, you can do boxing to let go of your frustration or listen to music to cheer yourself up after an argument with your partner. Find the best way to deal with your emotions
Step 7. Memorize what you say to others
If you lie to more than one person, it will be difficult to find your way through all of your lies. Your story should always be the same and therefore as simple as possible. The more details you add, the harder it will be to remember what you tell your loved ones.
Step 8. Introduce your partner as a platonic friend
Don't let your parents suspect you're in a relationship by telling them you're having a platonic relationship with your boyfriend in order to explain your time together. Talk openly about him as you would any other friend.
You can present him for example as a comrade, talk about the problems you may have in your activity and how your partner helped you to finish a project, etc
Step 9. Change your routine
Find your partner in places you don't normally go to and your parents don't know. Change your social calendar so that it is impossible for your parents to catch you in the act or to be able to tell them about your relationship. Better yet, know your parents' schedule. Not only will you be more relaxed about knowing where your parents are, but you'll also be able to meet your partner as far away from them as you can.
Method 4 of 5: Manage the age difference
Step 1. Ask yourself if you are being yourself with your partner
He or she has to accept who you are and the fact that your parents may not accept your age difference. Once they see that your relationship is healthy and allows you to flourish, it will be easier for them to come to terms with the fact that you are in a relationship with an older person.
Step 2. Take a step back
It's easy to get overwhelmed by your relationship with someone older or younger. Try to project yourself and see how this difference can impact your relationship. Your parents may be worried about this age difference, and it may get worse over time.
Your age difference will be more of a problem if you are young. Your parents may fear that you are being forced to grow up too fast, or that your older partner is taking advantage of you. A significant age difference can also lead to an illegal situation if you are a minor. Take their point of view as your relationship grows
Step 3. Understand the dynamics of power
If your partner is also your teacher or supervisor, it is safer to know the rules that apply to your relationship. Your parents will be relieved to know that you are not at risk of legal action.
A relationship between a teacher and a student can cause the teacher to lose his job and depending on your age, he can also go to jail. It is better for you two not to have this kind of relationship. If you really love each other, wait until you are of legal age, a relationship between two adults is normal
Method 5 of 5: Deal with the divergent values of your parents
Step 1. Surround yourself with supportive people
If you need to hide your relationship because of a difference in values (religious or cultural), seek help from people who have been in similar situations. Allow time for your parents or partner to adjust to the situation. Surrounding yourself with loving and respectful people can help you overcome your parents' closed-mindedness if they refuse to change.
Step 2. Support your partner
Reassure your partner and make it clear that you do not agree with your parents (while not wishing to cut ties with them). Show her that your parents' opinion won't impact your relationship. Let her know that it is more important than the approval of these and that this secrecy is temporary.
Don't set a time limit, but your partner may give you an ultimatum. No one wants to date someone who is ashamed of their relationship. Be prepared to have to choose between confessing everything to your parents or breaking up with your partner
Step 3. Don't take sides
The question is not who is right or wrong, but how you define your family and your own values. Everyone needs to learn respect and accept each other if you want them to be a part of your life. Affirm your values and respectfully communicate that you will not accept any compromise on this matter.
Hiding your relationship should be temporary. Your parents will need a little time to come to terms with not necessarily knowing what is best for you. If that implies that they no longer agree to see you, that is their decision. Be honest and follow through on what's most important to your mental, emotional, and physical health
Advice
- Ask your parents at what age they'll be okay with you dating someone.
- Tell your partner immediately if you have to hide your relationship from your parents. This will save you from a very unpleasant conversation.
- Make sure your partner understands the seriousness of the situation, otherwise they may tell others about it.
- Find out why you can't tell your parents about your relationship. What are you risking? If you feel up to it, tell them about your partner.
- If you really love this person, you will want to tell everyone you know about it, there is nothing better than being able to be honest with your family, but also with yourself.
- Girls can often blush or smile when their partner calls them. This can be a problem, and your parents will be suspicious of your relationship if they see you blushing on the phone. Practice mastering your straight facial expressions and remaining calm when your boyfriend calls you.
- Learn the basic programming and settings of the devices you use. It will help you hide and conceal your social media activities.
- Realize that hiding in the bushes cannot last forever. Sooner or later you will have to tell your parents or break up. The situation can last a week or a decade. Serious relationships are not just a couple's business; they also concern families.
Warnings
- Pay attention to the little details so you don't get caught in the act.
- You might feel miserable if you can't talk about your relationship.
- Lying can be very stressful, and you can end up unintentionally revealing the truth.
- More often than not, if you have something to hide, something is wrong. Hiding part of your life can be very dangerous. Your parents, for example, will not be able to help or protect you if something goes wrong.
- It can be very difficult to lie to your parents, and they may never trust you again. Follow your instincts and moral sense.
- You won't be able to find comfort from your parents if your relationship ends badly or you have an argument with your partner.
- If no one knows where you are or who you are with, it can be very difficult to find the person in charge if things go wrong.