Have you been betrayed by your partner? To have a happy relationship, both partners must trust each other. It really takes time for trust to develop between two people. If this trust is broken, both partners must seek to restore it and make efforts to achieve it. If the two of you are willing to work things out in your relationship after a disappointment, it's quite possible that you end up building a fulfilled and more resilient relationship than before.
Part 1 of 4: Recognize infidelity
Step 1. Decide on your feelings
To reestablish a relationship, you need to be motivated to do so. Decide if you really want to save your relationship or if you want to end it. The few questions below will serve as a guide in your decision making.
- Is this the first time that my partner has betrayed my trust?
- Is it worth fighting for this relationship?
- Will I like to continue this relationship even when things change and don't go back to how they were?
Step 2. Decide on the scope of other people's opinions
You may want to find out if your loved ones (family members, children, friends or co-workers) are aware of your act of infidelity. You might also want to find out what they think about your relationship. Know that it will be very difficult for you to get out of this situation if your infidelity is very serious.
- This will let you know how you can move forward or some important aspects that you would like to give to your relationship in the future.
- If you have children, it can have a huge effect on them if either parent has committed adultery. Think about the values you want to instill in your children.
- You can tell others that nothing is of concern to them in your private life.
- It could be that everyone knows, but that is not necessarily the case.
Step 3. Express your emotions
Tell your partner exactly what hurt you the most and what you want him (or her) to do if you are to continue to trust him or her. Your partner must know the reasons why you want to trust him and must be trustworthy.
- Let your partner know that your feelings are true and even important in case they don't realize that you are sad or hurt.
- It is important to express your feelings in words, not in gestures. However, you could use hugs, kisses, shedding tears, or other forms of peaceful communication. You should never use punches, slaps, slaps or violence in general.
- This is not an opportunity to hurt the other partner. However, in case you feel the urge to harm her, you can threaten her verbally, but don't act.
Step 4. Listen to his feelings
Allow your partner to tell you what he was missing in the relationship and if he thinks it's not worth fixing anything. If he refuses to continue the relationship, you should consider breaking up.
- Remember, this conversation is not about arguing or talking about the facts, but rather about expressing the feelings that are on you both.
- Listen to your partner's needs in the relationship. Are you able to meet their needs? It is probable that he is unfaithful because he feels neglected and does not have the courage to say it.
- Your partner's feelings are important and valid even if you don't agree with how they feel. However, if you find her feelings unnecessary, then you might think about ending your relationship.
Step 5. Take responsibility
Each of you must take responsibility for your previous actions, no matter how good or bad. You can't restore anything if no one decides to take responsibility for it. Responsibility is the key to turning things around and moving forward.
- Recognize that your reactions may cause certain effects without you having any intention or noticing.
- One sentence says it takes two to tango. If your partner seemed to be completely wrong about something, find out other reasons or factors that made them go independent. It is very rare that a person is completely guilty of a fact in a relationship.
Part 2 of 4: decide to move forward
Step 1. Imagine a secure relationship
How would it cost you to be happy and trust yourself? What will you do or what actions will you take to get there? Answering these questions will help you take responsibility for moving forward. Take note of five important things you need to build a secure relationship.
Step 2. Consult an expert
If the difficulties in your relationship seem overwhelming and you still want to resolve them, know that you are not alone. If an external factor particularly wanted to complicate your situation, it would be better to seek the advice or guidance of a professional to rebuild your relationship. You could consult with experts such as marriage counselors, family psychologists, therapists, sex therapists, or some local notables such as priests.
- Some examples of relationship issues include repeated infidelity, hypersexuality, sexual obsession and abuse, and family relationships.
- Other examples of issues that can affect your relationship include drug or drug abuse, financial hardship, legal issues, and health issues.
Step 3. Cut off all contact with the other partner
Forbid your partner to see his lover or his mistress or tell him to cut off all contact with the latter. Some couples find themselves forced to do this, but in some cases it is not necessary to break all contact. It depends on what you find useful and the relationship you have with that person.
Step 4. Take Real Action
Understand yourself about your expectations for moving forward. Think about starting from the very foundation of your relationship and discuss all possible aspects without leaving anything. You could also discuss the factors that give you the most frustration and take steps to address them first.
- Examples of concrete actions are: giving you access to your phone to make calls or do checks in the evenings.
- Each of you could take various steps towards a common goal. Or you can help each other in your actions to complement yourself.
- It would be best to write this all down as classroom rules, and sign your names at the end as in a contract.
Step 5. Create a climate of accountability
Let your partner be responsible for his behavior by trying to explain transparently how he spends his time and if possible that he informs you voluntarily before you ask him to. Your partner must promise to change, but know that a promise or an excuse alone restores confidence in the short term.
- Find ways to hold him accountable for future actions. For example, if your partner refuses to give you access to their phone one evening, a protocol or a discussion would have already been planned to handle this.
- Such an emergency plan allows your concrete actions to have a certain flexibility. Be diligent even if you have to break some rules or fail to take action sometimes.
- Ultimately, you and your partner must be determined to communicate and trust each other. Find a way to talk if any of you aren't taking responsibility.
- A promise to do better is only fleeting, but it must be kept for the long term so that it does not lose its value.
Part 3 of 4: cultivating forgiveness
Step 1. Express your feelings more
Infidelity can often be linked to an emotional distance between you and your partner, and one way to prevent the urge to cheat on your partner first is to remain emotionally connected to your partner. Is it possible that the two of you have found it difficult to share your feelings in the past?
- Learning how to effectively share your emotions with your partner in the future can give you an opportunity to express your desire to cheat on them before you do so.
- Later, consider talking openly about your experiences and prospects for engagement with your partner.
- To prevent the other from feeling upset or always being attacked, start your sentences with I feel… This clearly states that you have certain feelings without wanting to discuss or assert something as a fact.
Step 2. Overcome the anger
Give yourself the opportunity to move forward. Remember that it is possible to experience anger or sadness now, but it will not be forever. Do not take the anger in you, but release it. Try to let go of the pain while remembering the lessons you learned from your situation.
- If you are angry with your partner without her knowing the reasons, tell her.
- Always make an effort not to wear the hat of betrayal on your partner when you argue. So it will be difficult for you to trust each other and it will prevent you from getting past this situation.
Step 3. Practice Confidence
You cannot be successful in your relationship without the slightest trust between you. Stop figuring out if she's cheating on you again. Being able to forgive your partner and overcome this obstacle will strengthen your relationship in the long run.
- Trust your partner to respect the rules, limits or measures that you have decided to implement. If you tell him, give him confidence to voice any problems he has.
- It might be worrying to be confident that someone is doing something they haven't been able to do in the past, but there is no solution other than this that can lead to it again. a reliable relationship.
- Have confidence in yourself. If you don't feel comfortable in your relationship, ask yourself why this is so. If you feel unable to trust the other person, tell them instead of refuting your feelings.
Step 4. Sympathize with your partner
Another way to forgive is to see your partner as a whole person instead of seeing them as someone who acts only to hurt you. You should view your partner as someone who can be hurt and vulnerable, not a mean individual.
- Exercises like role reversal or role play can help you empathize with your partner.
- Try to think about what it would be like if you were in their shoes or talk to each other as if you were saying it with the other person.
Part 4 of 4: nurturing your relationship
Step 1. Ask your partner what he (or she) wants
Betrayal does not necessarily mean that you are useless or that the fault was your fault. However, it's possible that someone will betray you because they don't know how to express their needs. Ask your partner how you could better develop your relationship. Be open to suggestions about how you can strengthen and improve your relationship.
- In your dialogues, always take care to start your sentences with I feel that… to avoid that the other feels attacked or uncomfortable. This clearly states that you are experiencing something and do not pretend to state or discuss a fact.
- Reflect what the other said. It involves repeating what you heard the other say to validate their perspective and reassure you that you are on the same page.
Step 2. Get around family and friends
Surround yourself with people who love you and who are able to make you happy with yourself. Getting the support of others in keeping your relationship going will help you move forward.
- Do not hesitate to tell others that nothing concerns them in your private life. Those who consider you among them will respect your limits.
- Seek social support from those your partner trusts. Sometimes the people you seek advice from can be part of the problem for your spouse.
Step 3. Consult an expert
If you are trying to resolve your relationship issues without success, an expert would certainly have dealt with a case like yours once before and can help you. If there is mostly one external factor that seems to complicate your situation, you are better off seeking professional advice or guidance to rebuild your relationship. You could consult with experts such as marriage counselors, family psychologists, therapists, sex therapists, or some local notables such as priests.
- Some examples of relationship problems involve repeated infidelity, hypersexuality, obsession and sexual abuse as well as family relationships.
- Other examples of problems that can affect your relationship include drug or drug abuse, financial hardship, legal issues, and health issues.
Step 4. Act out of love
Take care to prove to your partner that you still love them and accept the expression of their feelings too. Be kind to each other and value your acts of kindness. If your partner is careful to show you his affections, you should accept them as sincere.
- Help yourself in the kitchen, spend time outdoors, exchange physical touches, and give each other thoughtful compliments.
- Perform acts of kindness that prove you care. For example, take her to a restaurant you know she loves or visit her family while on vacation.
Step 5. Go at your own pace
It can take months or years to heal from a betrayal, and your relationship may never be what it used to be. Accept the stage where your life is now and know that it can take a long time to get there. Your partner may not be in the same pace as you, which requires communication.
- Don't compare your relationship to that of others.
- Use small metrics. Was that day a beautiful day? Did you spend all the time at dinner without resorting to the topic of infidelity?
- There are no shortcuts to building a relationship. Take all your time and put in as much effort as possible to give your relationship the future you dream of.
- You have to love yourself first before you love someone else.
- You deserve to be happy.
- You cannot force anyone to love you, and for that, give your partner time, love and space, but try to love yourself first.
- The greatest indicator of success in therapy is when both patient and therapist have the same prospect of recovery.
- Make sure she wants to leave the other person.
- If you find that he is cheating on you again, do not hesitate to report him. Decide if you should continue this relationship.