How to avoid a crush that doesn't suit

How to avoid a crush that doesn't suit
How to avoid a crush that doesn't suit
Anonim

You have probably heard the expression "The heart has its reasons which reason ignores." But what if your heart is drawn to someone who is not suitable, like your wife's little sister or your college teacher? The real problem isn't falling in love, whatever the reason why this crush isn't suitable. The real problem lies in your ability to control yourself and control your emotions.

Steps

Part 1 of 2: Think carefully

Stop Having An Inappropriate Crush Step 1

Step 1. Consider all the reasons why this attraction is not a good idea

Rather than focusing on everything that appeals to you about this person, you should change your perspective and see the reasons why this crush isn't going to work out good and is not worth encouraging. There can be different reasons why an attraction might be inappropriate, and it's important to know exactly what you should do to avoid it. You should think about why this crush is a bad idea and consider the possible reasons why you are having this attraction in order to avoid it. Here are some of the reasons you might be facing.

  • Why are you interested in a partner whose interests and goals will be radically different from yours, if the person is much younger or older than you?
  • Are you drawn more to the fact that you can lead this man by the nose than to the individual himself if you have a soft spot for someone who works under you?
  • Are you looking to knock the pawn off your brother rather than love this girl if you fall for his girlfriend? This can be the case for a variety of reasons, including your need to hang on to someone and your vulnerability, in which case now is not the time to make a decision.
Stop Having An Inappropriate Crush Step 2

Step 2. Analyze your sentimental experience

Consider how it can undermine your future romantic relationships if you are attracted to someone when you are already in a relationship.

You might have underlying issues that need to be corrected in order to enjoy a serious romantic engagement if either of your parents committed adultery as a child or if you were unfaithful often in the past

Stop Having An Inappropriate Crush Step 3

Step 3. Ask yourself questions about the current situation in your romantic relationship

If your attraction is inappropriate because you are currently in a childless common-law relationship, which would allow you to break up without causing damage, analyze your current situation. If, for example, you are attracted to a man, but are already in a relationship, you should ask yourself if this crush really makes sense or if it is a way for you to realize that the relationship between your current partner and you is not very good. Would you be able to develop strong feelings for another person if you had a happy relationship with your partner?

  • All couples, even the happiest, can obviously experience a harmless attraction from time to time, but you should ask yourself questions about your current relationship if your crush gets more serious. Now is the time to walk away without causing too serious consequences if there is a problem.
  • You should especially ask yourself questions about the status of your current romantic relationship if this kind of attraction recurs often. It's one thing to have a harmless little soft spot for someone knowing it won't get anywhere, but it's quite another if you often find yourself caught up in a hopeless love affair and you you should ask yourself why you feel this stuff.
Deal with Dating Anxiety Step 6

Step 4. Forget if your age doesn't match

Relationships work between people in the same age group. In a healthy relationship, the 2 people have little difference in age. If you are 18 dating someone 13 is a very bad idea, if you are 50 dating someone 20 is 'curious' to say the least, because there is a huge intellectual gap. There are exceptions, but in order for the relationship to be balanced and lasting, it is much better to be with someone who is in your age range. Adults have a responsibility not to have a relationship with someone who is too young for them.

  • It is difficult to live with someone who does not have the same interests, friends of a totally different age, responsibilities and desires that have nothing to do.
  • The difference is mainly based on the power imbalance. A 16-year-old has a lot more experience than a 13-year-old, a 50-year-old has a lot more experience than a 20-year-old …
  • The younger person may be pressured to do things they are not prepared or adapted to, even if it is unconscious. She can say that she is ready, but basically she is not and it can have negative consequences on her balance and mental development.
  • If it is a minor and an adult, there may be serious legal consequences, in some cases, it is the misappropriation of a minor.
  • The older person can be considered (rightly or wrongly) as a predator.
Stop Having An Inappropriate Crush Step 4

Step 5. Evaluate the possible impact

What influences could have the repercussions on you or him or her, on your family, your friends or your colleagues if you were to have a romantic relationship with this person? Think of it like a game of chess and visualize the next moves: “If I do this, he or she will do this or that. My brother is going to hate me and I will lose my job as soon as we have a fight…”and so on. Imagining the worst in this relationship with the person you are attracted to may lead you to realize that this is a huge mistake.

Ask yourself if a possible romantic relationship with this person is worth putting up with all the worries you are going to have, and what are the chances of such a relationship surviving with all the chaos it will cause

Stop Having An Inappropriate Crush Step 5

Step 6. Consider your reputation

What will others think of it? Will we think of you for good or for bad? While it is often said that the opinions of others don't matter and that love triumphs over everything, in some cases it actually does matter, as disapproval, or even anger, from others can make your relationship inadequate very difficult to live with. It is important to take a step back and have an overview of the situation and consider the reactions of those around you to this relationship. If you already know yourself that this relationship is not right, consider the reactions of others to convince yourself to give it up. Here are some scenarios to consider.

  • Seducing a boyfriend's girlfriend is not very fun. You might end up dating her, but you will also lose your friend. You will be taken for a pedophile if you go out with an underage girl and you risk jail if you have an intimate relationship with her. Sex with a minor is more than inappropriate, it is a crime.
  • You could obviously fall in love with your wife's sister. But imagine what might happen if you do it, will your wife be able to close her eyes to it? Can his family forgive you for this?
Stop Having An Inappropriate Crush Step 6

Step 7. Think about your future

You are not going to have to deal with problems just today if you are involved in a romantic relationship that is not right. You will have to assume the consequences in the much longer term, probably for years. It's one thing to dream about all the great adventures you'll have with that inappropriate crush if he or she loves you too, but it's quite another to try to imagine what this relationship will actually be like. in a few years. Is it really viable? Will your feelings for this person last? It is essential to ask yourself if your relationship with this person has a future or if you are not sacrificing everything for a crush without a future.

Let's say that the person you are so in love with is not really nice. You let down your family and friends to devote yourself exclusively to her. She's not very serious and you end up getting bored of her because she broke her promises to you. Even if you broke up with this person, you will have lost the trust of those around you. You will immediately wonder what took you to see such a person

Stop Having An Inappropriate Crush Step 7

Step 8. Focus on the flaws of the person you are attracted to

A person who attracts you is, by definition, full of qualities and we tend to idealize them. But no one is perfect, and even your crush may have some unpleasant traits. Maybe she is obnoxious to others, or maybe she listens to music that you find stupid. Unless that person is more or less ignoring you. Try to find drawbacks for her that you can focus on in order to decrease your attraction to her.

  • Make a list of all the flaws of the person you are attracted to. You don't know that person well if you think they don't have a shadow of a flaw or see anything bad in them. You put that person on a pedestal if you find them perfect.
  • One of the reasons why your crush might not be suitable is simply because he or she might be hurting you. You may find that the person is not for you in the long run, even if you are drunk with happiness when you see them. You might realize that she has a problem with alcohol or is a notorious flirtatious if you think about it seriously.

Part 2 of 2: take action

Stop Having An Inappropriate Crush Step 8

Step 1. Change your mind as often as possible

Now that you have analyzed, envisioned, and thoroughly reflected the terrible reality of this crush, you should stop obsessing over this person. Forget her, even if it is tempting to think of him or her, to have fantasies and tingling just thinking about it. Do something else. On a psychological level, it is about redirecting a behavior and a way of thinking. You should find ways to keep busy so that you don't think about your inappropriate crush. You will have a much harder time forgetting that person if you are content to stay at home and do nothing than if you immerse yourself in your work or study and keep an active social life.

  • At first, it will be very difficult for you not to think about this person, because you will be unable to take your mind off your mind. But don't despair, it won't be long before you move on quickly.
  • Learn to redirect your thoughts. Practice changing your mind every time you think about him or her, instead think about your affection for the person you live with. Think about all the work ahead, anything else.
  • Turn on the radio or TV if you are at home and force yourself to think about something else.
  • Call a loved one if your thoughts are constantly coming back to the wrong person. Go see a friend, get out of your house to get the person out of your mind.
  • Throw yourself into a new activity or hobby. Try tennis, short story writing, or sports training. While these activities alone won't make you forget your crush, they will enrich your life and help you think about other things.
Stop Having An Inappropriate Crush Step 9

Step 2. Avoid this person as much as possible

Your crush will lessen if you can avoid that person as much as possible. We usually need to see the person we are attracted to to fuel our passion for them, in reality absence does nothing to increase an affection. This is obviously not always very convenient, but do your best to minimize any contact with this person. Try to avoid overly spectacular attitudes when looking for a way not to end up with the person you are attracted to.

  • There are unfortunately cases where it is very difficult to limit contact with this person. If, for example, you've fallen in love with your married boss and can't seem to get over him, you should consider finding another job. Likewise, you should change your course if you have a culpable attraction to one of your college teachers.
  • Try to limit glances and discussions if you have to stay in the same room as the person you are attracted to. You shouldn't make the situation even more embarrassing by deliberately ignoring this person, but you should limit your interactions with them.
Stop Having An Inappropriate Crush Step 10

Step 3. Give yourself time

Eventually any attraction wanes. The powerful feelings you have will eventually fade if you can avoid doing something regrettable and if you can control your emotions. You might feel like you're trapped and doomed to feel this attraction indefinitely, but you won't. Someday you will remember those days and wonder how you could have felt such things. You will be on the verge of overcoming these feelings if you are convinced that you will eventually forget.

Unfortunately, there is no precise timeframe for knowing how long it takes to forget a crush. You will get over it faster if you are very busy and have a busy life, rather than spending your time moping and torturing yourself about that person

Stop Having An Inappropriate Crush Step 11

Step 4. Meet new people when you are ready

You should meet new people if you are single to forget your crush. You don't need to feel one hundred percent healed, but you should feel like you're ready to have a new romantic relationship with someone else, if you are still madly in love with that person, it will be unfair to meet new people just to change your mind. But you can ask relatives to introduce you to new people, if you feel ready to move on. You will quickly discover that your crush is very far from your thoughts.

The person you meet doesn't have to be like your crush. What matters most is that you have a good time in the company of another person. Hang out with other men or women and keep an open mind. The person who attracted you is inaccessible to you, and you should change your mindset to consider dating someone else

Stop Having An Inappropriate Crush Step 12

Step 5. Correct the situation, if you cannot fight it

Sometimes you have to face the facts: you can't always convince yourself to think the opposite of what you are experiencing. So you should try to correct the situation, if you have done everything to fight it without success and if you are still in love with this person. There are ways to fix a crush to make it perfectly acceptable, the most important is to put things right first and only get involved once you've corrected the situation. This is how you can create genuine love.

  • You should behave like a gentleman and not provoke this person if you are in love with your brother's girlfriend. You can always ask your brother if he's okay with you dating her, if he ends up breaking up. He can agree and there has to be a reason for it. You're out of luck, unless you accept the consequences for your actions, your brother might stop talking to you if he doesn't break up with his girlfriend or allow you to date her.
  • Accept to wait, if you are interested in someone much younger or older than you. Don't start any romantic relationship. Bide your time, be kind, but don't get too close to that person. Love that person from afar until you can date them.If, for example, you are a high school student who has dreamed of your young math teacher for years, wait until you graduate and have a situation before starting a serious romantic relationship with that person.
  • You should take action in the workplace before entering into a romantic relationship with any of your professional subordinates. You can transfer to another department or look for another situation or do whatever is necessary at work so that this relationship is not seen as inappropriate or an abuse of power.

Advice

Remember that you should stay in control of your emotions or your physical attractions to adapt to different social situations. Just because you have this attraction doesn't mean you should constantly flaunt it. By taking the time now to build a healthy relationship, you have plenty of time to safely analyze your feelings

Warnings

  • You are likely to alienate the person you are dating if they find out that you are doing it to let go of your sinful attraction to someone else.
  • No one deserves to be your substitute. Don't get involved in a relationship just to forget about another, if you have a crush on someone you can't date.
  • You should be honest with this new person. Let her know that right now you only need friendship and nothing more.

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