How to face someone (with pictures)

How to face someone (with pictures)
How to face someone (with pictures)

When you decide to confront something or someone in a direct and proactive manner, it means that you are ready to engage in a confrontation. It can be quite a difficult situation and many people prefer to avoid it at all costs. However, sometimes confrontation may be necessary. While not always a pleasant exchange of ideas, a productive (not aggressive) face-to-face has been shown to set healthy boundaries in social relationships, improve making decisions and questioning the status quo.


Part 1 of 3: prepare to face someone

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Step 1. Identify the reasons why you want to confront it

Before you act, you need to understand why you want to have a serious discussion with the person and assess whether this is the most effective approach to dealing with a problem. Keep in mind that confronting someone is not about beating yourself up, but about addressing and solving problems that are a source of tension. For example, you can face your fears.

It is essential to determine the REAL problem which prompts you to this confrontation. People tend to “pour” their emotions or moods onto other people or situations. Before you make the decision to confront someone, take all the time you need to analyze the problem you are going to be addressing and why you think a face-to-face meeting would be the best way to solve it

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Step 2. Evaluate your thoughts and feelings

Try to separate your personal feelings about the problem from other confusing situations or emotions that have nothing to do with the disagreement that arose. If you have decided to confront the person, your speech should focus exclusively on the issue that gave rise to the altercation.

  • Try to separate the problem from your emotions. For example, are you angry that a coworker forgot to give you a report, forcing you to work 6 hours extra on Friday evenings? Or, are you upset that you had to take on other work for which you will not be given any credit?
  • Don't bring up issues or blood feuds from the past. Behaviors or feelings which belong to the past and which have no direct connection with the problem at hand should not be taken into account during the confrontation. Don't start pouring out your feelings of frustrations that you have kept inside of you.
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Step 3. Prepare your speech

You are going to have to explain to the other person what happened, what you heard or what he did that deserves a serious discussion. You will also need to clarify why you feel the need to confront it and express how you feel. Here is an example of how to frame the discussion, using first person sentences.

  • “I learned from one of our colleagues that you told the boss that I was not in a position to make a valuable contribution to the project. " The problem.
  • “I think I worked hard and I really don't know why you said this. The reason you want to talk about the problem.
  • "I'm mortified that you brought this up behind my back with a superior." " Your feelings.
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Step 4. Write down your main points and repeat them

You should try to say whatever you think in a rational and controlled manner, but it can be a difficult task if you don't prepare yourself first. By writing your thoughts down on a piece of paper before the discussion, you are sure to express everything you want to say to the other person.

  • By repeating the main points you would like to make during the discussion, you will feel more relaxed and better prepared when the time comes. Start rehearsing them alone in a room in front of a mirror. You can also practice in front of someone you trust.
  • Try to memorize the main points to talk about. It's much better than just reading them on a piece of paper during the face-to-face meeting.
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Step 5. Calm your anger before confrontation

Although sometimes when we are angry we tend to lash out at the other party, we usually shy away from planned and controlled confrontations. However, taking such an approach can be a positive and effective solution that allows you to deal with a problematic question or person. However, you must mentally prepare for the discussion: you must remain calm and be willing to initiate a debate.

  • Find out if you are still angry with the other person or the issue you are discussing. If you still are, now is probably not the best time to engage in a constructive debate. Hold off the confrontation until your anger subsides and you can have an objective, rational, and emotionless conversation. The angrier you are, the more likely it is that the discussion will turn into a quarrel.
  • Enter the confrontation calmly and focus on it being productive and not turning into a fight.
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Step 6. Hope this confrontation has a positive outcome

Imagine reaching some kind of agreement or finding a solution: that should be the goal of your discussion. Remember that confrontations often have positive effects.

By determining what kind of outcome you want to get from your matchup, you can lead the conversation in a fruitful way

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Step 7. Remember the positives

While having someone face to face is unpleasant, embarrassing, and painful, it can also be a rewarding experience. One of the benefits of confrontation is that the experience can improve your mood as well as your interpersonal relationships.

  • Confrontation can relieve you of the burden of a situation. If there is something that is bothering you, facing it straight up is a great way to relieve yourself of this unnecessary stress.
  • Confrontation promotes honesty in relationships. You will get to know yourself better than you realize, and you will feel more confident in expressing your thoughts honestly. In addition to fostering sincerity in relationships, such an experience also tends to strengthen the relationships themselves.

Part 2 of 3: start the showdown

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Step 1. Suggest to the person you are talking to when and where to talk

While it can be tempting to confront someone over the phone, text, or email, you should avoid such an approach whenever possible. To solve a problem efficiently and rationally, the best solution is to talk face to face. Try the following approaches to provide a meeting that will allow you to have a constructive discussion.

  • “Élisa, I noticed that we keep arguing when we meet in the same group for a presentation. Can we sit down, talk about our differing opinions and see if we can find a solution that allows us to work together and complete the project? "
  • “Paul, it would be nice if we could talk about how we communicate together. Do you think you have a little time this afternoon so that we can discuss properly? "
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Step 2. Express your point of view calmly

Try to have a calm, peaceful, and composed discussion. It is usually best to confront someone by speaking concisely and succinctly and based on facts.

Say what's on your mind, but try not to blame the other person. For example, you could say this: “I was disappointed when you made the presentation to the boss without mentioning my contribution” and not: “You don't even recognize my contribution in the projects I participate in. "

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Step 3. Be as open, honest and straightforward as possible

Even if you disagree with someone on a particular issue, you need to be mature when discussing it. By rehearsing the speech you prepared (please see the previous section of this article), you will be able to present the problem in the best possible way.

Do not use insults or name-calling and avoid inflammatory comments. Otherwise, you are sure that your point of view will not be heard or respected. If you behave in the most professional manner possible in a conflict, you will achieve a more positive outcome

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Step 4. Be prepared to listen to the other

A conversation becomes productive when there is a balance between the intervening and listening parties. Even if you disagree with the other person, you should listen to their point of view during the discussion.

  • This applies to all kinds of conversations, but especially to thorny discussions, as a confrontation can be.
  • Avoid being aggressive. Stick to the facts that back you up and don't let emotions get the best of you.
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Step 5. Expect the other person to be defensive

People often adopt this attitude during confrontations, because there is nothing pleasant about feeling attacked. Even if you think that your arguments are well-supported and you present them in a rational and respectful manner, it is very likely that your interlocutor will become defensive in order to protect themselves.

  • The best way to deal with a defensive person is to listen to them. Even if you don't agree with what she's telling you, you should give her a chance to speak up.
  • Avoid arguments. It's easy to chat with someone who's on the defensive, but it's of no use. Instead, do your best to maintain a calm and controlled attitude.
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Step 6. Defend your point of view

There's a reason why you've decided to confront the person, so you shouldn't change their mind even if they don't agree with you or take a defensive stance. Point out that it is not your intention to provoke a conflict, but that there is a problem that you must face directly. If you bring up facts and examples calmly and clearly, the other person should understand your point of view.

Keep in mind that your opinion is important and that in order to be able to speak sincerely, you must face all the difficulties that conflict entails

Part 3 of 3: Knowing when to face someone

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Step 1. Confront someone if there is a recurring problem

Consider the rule of 3: If someone behaves the same three times (for example if they forget their wallet at home, don't answer emails, etc.), they are very likely to behave the same way. is a role model and is therefore worth facing.

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Step 2. Confront someone if they are causing more serious problems

If the person you plan to chat with is causing problems in a larger context (eg, in the workplace, within the family, etc.), you can only solve the problem through confrontation. Keep in mind that confrontations in the workplace can be particularly heated.

  • If you feel like someone is deliberately exploiting or discrediting you, a confrontation can come in handy. If you intend to confront him because there is a risk that the discussion will escalate, you should contact the human resources administrator and explain the problem in detail.
  • When you go up against a coworker, you absolutely have to come up with facts. These facts should support your perspective on the issue you want to discuss. For example, you could mention the specific days he was late for work or the presentations he did not contribute enough.
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Step 3. Be on the lookout for any behavior that poses a threat

If someone's attitude poses a threat to themselves or someone else, you should discuss it with them to prevent it from happening again or the situation getting worse.

Carefully assess the circumstances. If you're afraid of confronting someone on your own, you might want to invite a trusted friend or chat in a public place. Put your safety first

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Step 4. Choose your battles

There are undoubtedly situations which can be resolved by direct confrontation. However, this is not always the case. You don't have to face everyone every time. Sometimes, to relieve the tension, it's much more helpful to smile and say “okay” or just avoid the problem than it is to get into a fight. Since every situation, like every person, is different, it's important to understand from time to time whether a confrontation is the best approach to dealing with things.

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