While it's hard to move on after a breakup, there are many reasons that it can be just as hard, if not even harder, to forget someone you've never dated. In order to be able to end such a situation and move forward, you must necessarily begin by facing this harsh reality with courage and honesty.
Part 1 of 3: Face the problem
Step 1. Admit your feelings
You already know you have feelings for this person. If, however, you haven't fully embraced the strength of your feelings for that person, you need to do so first to give yourself a chance to move on later. Ignoring the strength of the enemy, in this case your own feelings of affection, will only make the battle harder.
- Even though you haven't actually dated this person, you've invested a lot of time, energy, and emotion into this “story”. The intensity of your feelings probably reflects all of this.
- Don't make the mistake of wanting to speed it up by treating what you feel is just a 'ridiculous crush'. Admitting the importance of your feelings will probably lower your ego, but in the end it will be more useful than continuing to hide your face.
Step 2. Face the truth in the face
Admit the following two truths. Number one, the person you care about doesn't share your feelings. Second, you are in the same situation as many other people who have suffered for the same reason.
- Your feelings are one-sided. Even though deep down you know it, honestly admitting it deep down can be one of the most complicated parts of the process. You probably prefer to believe that something could be going on between you, but it's a fact: your feelings are not mutual.
- Others have been through the same thing before you. The good news is that you are not alone and can overcome this ordeal just like others have done before you. The bad news is, there's a good chance your situation is no exception. You might think that you can be successful in seducing the other person, but despite what romance novels and movies have us believe, it rarely happens in real life. Your story is very likely to follow the clear-cut path of reality, not that of fiction.
Step 3. Realize that it's not worth the trouble
It can be nice to be completely crazy about someone, but if your feelings exceed a certain limit they can be more sad than happy. By letting go of these feelings, you can be happier in the long run.
Ask yourself: are you really and completely satisfied with the current situation? Since you search the internet for articles on how to forget someone you've never dated, chances are the answer to this question is "no". If you are not happy, then the best thing to do is to turn the page so that you can find happiness again
Step 4. Stop reading between the lines
It is possible that the person you adore has words or behaviors that are confusing, but more often than not they are and these clues confuse you just because you are willing to do anything to believe them. If there are no visible signs of affection, don't imagine that this affection is hiding deep.
With the vast majority of men, it is very easy to tell if the feelings are mutual. Girls are known to send complex signals. If your feelings are obvious enough and she doesn't respond positively to them, she probably isn't feeling the same way as you
Step 5. Remember the story
You and the one you love probably have a history in common and you may have let yourself go into thinking that there is a spark between you. Review the story in your head and be honest with yourself: Did that spark between you really exist?
Analyze your memories with the same objective eye that you see your current relationship with
Part 2 of 3: put an end to the situation
Step 1. Stop obsessing over details
If you've been in a relationship with this person in the past, you are probably going to need to do the same today. Do not let your thoughts keep reminding you of the times you spent together.
- If you let your thoughts invade you, the risk is that a simple touch of your hands, a smile or a kind greeting will run through your head for hours.
- If you catch yourself obsessing over something like this, divert your attention to something else.
Step 2. Put some distance between you
As the saying goes “out of sight, out of heart”. It is not necessarily necessary to sever all relationship with this person for good, however, during your “separation” you should put as much distance as possible between the two of you.
- It will be more difficult if the person you have feelings for is a classmate, colleague, or someone you see regularly. It is also difficult if it is a close friend.
- If you can't cut the bridges completely, at least put as much distance between you as possible. If, for example, you were to go through a hallway to meet this person on purpose, now get into the habit of going through another hallway.
Step 3. Your world should no longer revolve around this person
Stop adjusting to that person's interests and habits. Take back the life you had before you knew it.
- If you've convinced yourself that you like something just because it's what the person you like likes, be honest with yourself and just ignore it.
- Stop rearranging your schedule and disrupting your habits just to meet this person "by chance" or to make them happy.
Step 4. Take an objective look at this person
Unfortunately, we often tend to put the person we like on a pedestal. Take her off the pedestal and be honest with yourself about her flaws.
- It's not about hating the person in question, especially if they really are a good person. You have to be aware of her flaws and flaws, however, and admit that she is not perfection embodied.
Step 5. Understand why a relationship with this person would be wrong
While that person may actually be a respectable man or woman, that doesn't mean you're meant to be together. You have to convince yourself that in reality this relationship would be a mistake.
- Think about the reasons why your relationship would fail. Divergent goals or beliefs are often the first incompatibilities to point the finger at.
- This can be particularly useful if you are very friends with this person: indeed, if you are in a relationship and then separate, it may break your friendship.
Step 6. Talk about it with your friends
Find some friends who will sympathize and don't hesitate to cry on their shoulders. Often times, friends can help end it and move on.
- Not everyone can understand the dilemma you are facing, but many will be able to understand you.
- Your single friends will probably be the most likely to empathize, but you can very well tell your dating friends about it as well.
Step 7. If appropriate, discuss it with the person concerned
It can be risky and it will not be right for everyone. If, however, the person you are grieving for already suspects your feelings or is hurt by the distance you suddenly try to move into, you may be able to consider explaining your feelings to them.
If you think your feelings can be used against you, or if you don't want things to get complicated between you, this might not be the right approach
Part 3 of 3: moving forward
Step 1. Exorcise your pain
It might not be a real breakup, but still, it can be just as painful. You have the right to cry, to be angry, and to be completely lost emotionally. It's better to let your feelings out than to keep them to yourself.
- Just like in the case of a real break-up, it is necessary to set limits. Allow yourself to cry for a few days or weeks, but don't feel sorry for yourself. Being on edge isn't unhealthy, but be sure to end your grief anyway.
- Avoid resenting each other irrationally. He or she may have played with your feelings on purpose, but it may also have been unintentional. You haven't controlled falling in love with this person, accept that they don't control their feelings either.
Step 2. Stay active and have fun
You have to distract your mind to avoid thinking about this person, and the best way to do this is to occupy your mind in a different way so that this person is no longer the center of your concerns.
- Exercise and physical activity can distract you momentarily and tire you out enough to keep you from feeling sad.
- Your passions can be great distractions, especially if they're activities that you've never shared or enjoyed with the person you're trying to forget.
- Count on the help of your friends if necessary or go explore the world on your own.
Step 3. Boost your self-esteem
Do things that make you feel good. Ending a relationship, even if it never really was, can affect your self-esteem because it means that someone thinks you aren't worth it. If you don't do anything to boost your ego, you may fall into the trap of starting to think, too, that you are not worth it.
- If you are not comfortable with your physique, take the opportunity to start developing healthy eating habits and playing sports. Losing weight and toning up should boost your self-esteem.
- Become a better person in a healthy way. Take classes on topics that interest you that you've never really studied. Discover new forms of culture such as theater or opera. Open your horizons and become a more balanced person.
Step 4. Dress well and lift your head
Put yourself to your advantage and force yourself out: the world is full of singles. See if you get a few glances.
- For the same purpose, you can also register on an online dating site. Even if you don't plan on meeting someone someday and decide to only keep the profile for a week, just receiving messages can help you feel more attractive and better about yourself.
- Avoid playing with the feelings of someone you don't want, however. While it can be nice to get his attention, if you manipulate someone's feelings you will unload your sadness on someone who is innocent.
Step 5. Meet again
Allow yourself to fall for someone else. It is not about having feelings as serious and deep as you felt for the person you are trying to forget, but simply giving yourself the opportunity to meet a new person who you find attractive. and desirable. This makes it easier for you to forget the person you just "broke up" with.
Whether or not you date this new person is up to you, but watch out for the consequences. You can end up hurting yourself or someone else if you use someone as just temporary solace
Step 6. Allow time to act
Just like with a real break-up, forgetting someone you haven't been with will not happen overnight. Be patient and stay confident.
How much time you need will depend on how strong your feelings are and how close you are to the person in question. This process can take weeks, months or even years
Step 7. Ask yourself this question
Is it really a good idea to reconnect? If that person is a close friend, you probably won't want to cut ties completely. Once you feel that your feelings are stable enough, you can consider rebuilding your friendship.