How to mend a relationship with a teenager

How to mend a relationship with a teenager
How to mend a relationship with a teenager

Teenage relationships can be frustrating. The teenage years are a time of rebellion and insecurity that puts a lot of strain on relationships with others. However, by knowing how to listen to others, avoiding judging them, and being available when they need it, you can be successful in mending a teenage relationship.


Part 1 of 2: Repairing a Parent-Adolescent Relationship

Repair a Teenage Relationship Step 1

Step 1. Know how to recognize patterns of behavior

Adolescents tend to feel very insecure. They hate the feeling of being judged by others because of their choices. Instead of blaming her when chatting with your teenage child, find role models that interfere with a healthy relationship. It is more effective to combat these patterns than to lecture your child about their behavior.

  • Try to see things from your child's point of view. Why do you think he resists building a healthy relationship with you? What is his perspective on the conflict? Is there something you are doing that is not effective when it comes to communication?
  • Don't worry about who is right and who is wrong. Find the models. What are the behaviors that create a negative environment in the home and how can you work together to resolve this problem? Try to start the conversation with: "I noticed that I'm asking you to put the dishes you used in the sink." Even if you say you're going to do it, most of the time you don't and I have to do it for you. It makes me angry. How do you think we can solve this problem effectively? "
Repair a Teenage Relationship Step 2

Step 2. Stay in the moment

When you feel frustrated with the relationship you have with a family member, you might feel the urge to remind yourself of past interactions. It is an extremely subjective way of gathering evidence to show that you are right and that your child is wrong. This strategy is not going to help you mend a damaged relationship. You try to move on, the memory of the past prevents you from going beyond the negativities of this past. When interacting with your teenager, focus on the present moment and the present problem.

Repair a Teenage Relationship Step 3

Step 3. Stay available for your child

You cannot force your child to want to talk to you. If you want to force him to talk to you, he'll probably shut up. However, if you can make yourself available, your child may come to you when they need it.

  • Always let your child know that if they need you, you are there to talk to them. Don't pressure him or force him to share what's on his mind. Just tell him that if he needs it, you are there to listen.
  • Make sure your child knows he can contact you when you are not physically available. Give them your work phone number to call you in an emergency. Text her if you can't answer her call.
Repair a Teenage Relationship Step 4

Step 4. Limit Your Judgments

Adolescents are notorious for feeling insecure. If you start judging your child, it will pull them away from you. Try to judge him as little as possible when talking to him.

  • People start to explore new behaviors during their teenage years. Sexual urges arise and the teenager begins to become curious about certain aspects of adult life, for example alcohol consumption. Let your child express himself without judging him, but gently remind him that his safety is very important. Don't be afraid to discuss the dangers of alcohol and unprotected sex with your child. Make sure you do this in a clear way so that he understands that you are only looking for his safety and happiness. Don't use a tone that might make him seem like you are judging him.
  • For example, try saying, “I know teenagers are curious about trying new things, but I want you to be safe and happy. Can we spend some time discussing alcohol and drug use? "
Repair a Teenage Relationship Step 5

Step 5. Concentrate on making an effort towards the end result

When trying to mend a damaged relationship, regardless of the age of either party, people often have restricted vision. They feel they need to focus on possible outcomes. This obsession with achieving goals, which are often difficult to measure in relationship terms, hinders your ability to focus. Use your energy in solid efforts and you will achieve your goals naturally.

Repair a Teenage Relationship Step 6

Step 6. Learn to talk to your teenager

Many parents find it difficult to argue with a teenager. If you want to build a healthy relationship with your own, you need to learn how to talk to them effectively.

  • Be judgmental during conversations, but be honest. If certain topics inevitably lead you to judge him and create hostility, end the conversation by saying, “I don't think we should be discussing this. "
  • Take the time to discuss things and others. If you don't discuss relationship issues with your teenager, conversations are always going to be forced and stressful. Also chat about funnier and less serious stuff like movies, TV shows, celebrity news, or other funny stuff.
  • Get your child to chat with you. You can't expect your teen to open up and befriend you in just one day. Take small steps to gradually mend the relationship.
Repair a Teenage Relationship Step 7

Step 7. Listen

Parents often feel guilty for not really listening to their teenagers. A healthy relationship with a teenage child means that you listen to their needs and wants and see them as valid.

  • Practice active listening with your child. It is important for adolescents to feel heard and recognized. Give him non-verbal cues, such as nodding and smiling when appropriate, to show him that you are listening. Repeat what your child just said, summarizing it briefly. For example, if he tells you that he feels like he was sidelined by his friends during last week's soccer game, you might say, "You feel rejected because your friends are give the impression of not wanting to spend time with you? This will show him that you care about what he says and that you care about him.
  • Active listening avoids misunderstandings, a factor that can also hurt any relationship. It forces you to listen and absorb what your child is telling you.
Repair a Teenage Relationship Step 8

Step 8. Watch for signs of depression and anxiety in adolescents

An underlying psychological problem like depression or anxiety can affect your relationship with your teenager. These kinds of problems can manifest themselves differently in teenagers than they do in adults, so you need to familiarize yourself with the warning signs.

  • Feelings of sadness, frequent crying attacks, fatigue, loss of interest in activities, and difficulty concentrating can be symptoms of depression in adolescents and adults. There are certain signs of depression that adolescents tend to display more often than adults. This includes irritability, complaints about different pains, sensitivity to criticism, and alienation from friends and family.
  • The adolescent may behave badly in reaction to depression and anxiety to deal with emotional pain. He could have problems at school, both with his grades and his behavior, he could spend a lot of time on the Internet or take drugs or alcohol. Your teen may also develop chronic low self-esteem, engage in risky behavior, or lash out at others.

Part 2 of 2: mending the relationship between teens

Repair a Teenage Relationship Step 9

Step 1. Listen actively

If you want to put in the effort to mend a relationship, you need to improve your listening skills. When someone tries to communicate with you, do your best to show them that you are listening.

  • Active listening means that you are giving verbal and non-verbal cues to the other of your attention. Occasionally nod your head and say things like "yes" or "I see". Smile and laugh when it's relevant.
  • When it is your turn to speak, take a moment to repeat what the other person has just said. Quickly summarize the topics he has covered, for example by saying "I understand that you feel like …" or "I understand that you feel …"
Repair a Teenage Relationship Step 10

Step 2. Apologize

If your friend or partner feels hurt because of something you did, apologize to that person. Teens often worry about what other people think, which often makes them reluctant to apologize. However, whether you think you are wrong or not, you should sincerely apologize if you have hurt someone. Your apologies can have an incredible effect in mending a damaged relationship.

Repair a Teenage Relationship Step 11

Step 3. Don't judge the other

It is important not to judge the other to mend damaged relationships. Try to put aside all the circumstances that caused you and that person to disagree. Use common sense despite past negativity. Make a conscious effort to see things from the other person's point of view. Even if you feel hurt, what do you think was the reason that caused this person to behave this way?

Repair a Teenage Relationship Step 12

Step 4. Identify the qualities you are looking for in your friends

Ask yourself if this relationship is really worth fixing. Teens often make poor relationship decisions because of their feelings of insecurity. Make sure you know what qualities your friends should have.

  • Think about your positive past relationships as well as your relationships with family members. What are the things that you liked about these relationships? Did you feel supported or safe? Did you have the same feeling in this damaged relationship? Why ?
  • Find your friends who allow you to express your best qualities. If you don't like your behavior around a certain person, your friendship might not be worth it.
  • Repair relationships only with people who treat you with respect. Some relationships come to be damaged for a reason. If you don't feel respected, it's okay to want to end the relationship.
Repair a Teenage Relationship Step 13

Step 5. Learn to recognize the signs of a damaged relationship

Abusive relationships can take the form of friendships or romantic relationships. Teens are generally unaware of the dynamics in a healthy relationship as they continue to explore themselves and the world. Learn to recognize a bad relationship so you know what kind of people to avoid.

  • People who abuse you tend to be very jealous. An abusive friend or partner will be easily jealous and fear that you will abandon them. This person doesn't trust you when you try to reassure them, and they'll probably ignore the things you say to them.
  • The abusive person will often lash out at you and get angry. She might insult you, yell at you, or accuse you of issues over which you have very little control. This anger can turn into violence. You should never stay close to someone who is physically harming you.

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