Having a romantic relationship with a married man can seem exciting at first. Over time, if the latter does not end his marriage to fully commit to you, you will unfortunately have to end it. It is very difficult to break up, but by remembering your values and principles and having someone support you, you will succeed in severing ties for good. As soon as you have made up your mind and are ready to take action, talk to your lover and make it clear that you cannot continue to be with him. Change your habits to get away from him forever.
Part 1 of 3: make the decision
Step 1. Tell yourself that you deserve better
Whatever prompted you to become the mistress of a married man, know that you deserve far better than to be satisfied with a few vague moments of attention and affection from him. Remember your values, your principles and your upbringing and show how wonderful you are and deserve to be healthily loved.
- Tell yourself: "I am intelligent, beautiful and caring I deserve a man who only loves me. I definitely deserve better. "
- Repeat this over and over again until you can say it more confidently and truly believe it.
- Even if you don't think you deserve better, know that you deserve much better. Tell yourself this: "I will find a way to end this relationship without a future." "
Step 2. List the reasons why you should quit
Find the courage you lack to leave this adventure by listing the reasons why you are unhappy and dissatisfied with the way things are going. If you want, put the following: "I don't want to have to vacation on my own anymore or I want a man I can build a future with.""
Step 3. Get support from a friend
Get closer to a trusted friend and tell her what you're going through. Talk to him about the situation. Let her know that you want to end your relationship with your lover and ask her to support you.
Confide in a friend
Be as honest as possible.
It's not easy, and you might never have told someone before, but now is the time to be totally sincere. Talking to a trusted friend or loved one will allow you to look at things with more perspective and make the best decisions. Tell your loved one that you want to talk to them about a very sensitive subject and ask them to listen to you very carefully without judging you.
Tell him specifically how you would like him to support you. If you would like him to give you advice, ask him. If not, tell him that you just want him to listen to you right away. You may want a simple hug or more support like rehearsing what you'll say when you're going to end the relationship.
Advice: choose a time when you are used to meeting your lover to see your friend. Go out for coffee or dinner. Invite her to the movies. This will allow you to move forward instead of seeing it.
Step 4. Grieve as you wish
There is no doubt that you will experience excruciating emotional pain when you decide to break up. Don't worry, it's completely natural. Take it easy for a few days. Curl up on yourself in bed, watch romantic movies, and cry. Scream at the top of your lungs to express your frustrations.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve a relationship. Do whatever you think is necessary to relieve this pain
Step 5. See a therapist
If you think you need more courage to end this relationship, see a psychologist. You may have gotten into the habit of dating only married men, so if so, see a therapist right away. This professional will tell you about the bad habits you have that are really preventing you from receiving the love you deserve.
He can also assist you when it comes to leaving your lover for good, so that you have the strength, courage and confidence to complete what you have started
Part 2 of 3: Chat
Step 1. Schedule a meeting
Call your lover and make a date with him in advance. Tell her that the two of you need to talk. Make it clear that this meeting will be special and different from a typical date.
Call or text him and say, “Hi! Can we meet next Tuesday? We need to talk about our relationship. "
Step 2. Meet, if possible, in public
Meeting in a public place and in person will allow you to have a brief and courteous conversation. Meet out of the way in a cafe or on a park bench during less busy times.
- Avoid having an intimate relationship with him when you meet him or making him feel like everything is fine. Let her know that you want to have a serious chat.
- If you don't think you can meet him in person, write him a letter, set up a phone call, or send him an email. Just remember to make sure you write or state your intentions clearly and bluntly.
Step 3. Focus on your needs, not his
Avoid apologizing or worrying about their feelings during the conversation. Make it all about you and your needs. Tell her openly that you are tired of playing supporting roles and want to end the relationship.
Tell him what you are feeling
Tell him you want to break up “I've thought about it for a long time and I think we should stop seeing each other."
"You know as well as I do that this can't last.""
“Now is the time for me to go."
Tell him why you made such a resolution: "You can't give me what I want. I have to go ahead and find the one who can."
“This relationship is not good for me. I must go now so as not to suffer more."
" I deserve better."
Step 4. Stand firm
He will certainly try to talk you out of ending the relationship. He will certainly promise you that he will leave his wife and engage with you. These are just vile lies. Don't be fooled again. You have made your decision, be firm.
Stick to your decision
Straighten up and look him in the eye.
Lift your chin up, make eye contact with him, and show him that you've made up your mind and don't want to go back on it. Don't fiddle with your hands or cross your arms. It gives the impression that you are not sure of yourself.
Stay strong if he tries to change your mind.
Shake his head and ask him to stop if he's trying to make excuses or talk you out of leaving. Tell him "it's over, it's all over" until he stops.
Ignore his false promises.
Some married men are very good at playing with women. Remember that he has already shown you that he has no speech. Be strong and firm about your decision.
Step 5. Set limits for the future
Before you break up, be clear about what you want and what your expectations are for the future. Completely cut the ties. To do this, make it clear that you never want to hear from or hear from him again.
- Say, “George, I would like you to remove my number from your phone. Forget my personal and email address. Don't call me anymore and don't come to my house anymore. Please this is what I want, respect him. "
- If you wish, add "if you call me on the phone I will not pick up and if you insist on coming to my house I will not open the door for you." "
Part 3 of 3: take some distance
Step 1. Travel to break away from your routine
After you end the affair, step back a bit and take some time for yourself. Go solo to discover a place you've always dreamed of visiting. Spend a weekend in a nearby town with your best friends. Visit your friends or relatives that you have lost sight of for a while.
Visiting another place will allow you to keep your feet on the ground and stay positive in the aftermath of that decision. Plus, surrounding yourself with your loved ones will make you feel loved, lucky, and filled with hope for the future
Step 2. Change your daily routine
Reorganize your daily life by filling the times your lover spent in your home with healthier activities. Changing some aspect of your routine will allow you to distance yourself from him and build new memories.
Set new goals Practice new activities like yoga or running.
Change the decor of your home, complete an art project, such as a story or a canvas.
Meet new people: join a group, such as a reading group.
Get involved with a local organization, such as a church or school.
Spend time with your friends and ask them to introduce you to their coworkers or anyone else they know.
Meet online as soon as you are ready to make new relationships.
Step 3. Change your phone number
Do this if he keeps calling you. If you really want to cut ties with him, get yourself a new phone number so he can't reach you. When inserting your contacts, make sure that their number is no longer in your directory. If you don't want to change your number, that's okay, block his in your phone by putting it in the blacklist, so you won't receive any calls or messages from him.
Step 4. Remove it from your friends on social networks
Cut all contact with him by removing him from your friends list or by stopping following him on social networks. So you will no longer want to contact him again and reconnect with him.
It will also allow you to move on without hurting yourself. Things are painful enough already that you still continue to see photos of him and his happy family on your feed
Step 5. Avoid bumping into your ex-lover
Do everything in your power to avoid going to the places he frequents, in order to avoid crossing him. If you know he likes to hang out at a certain bar on the weekends, suggest that your friends go to another place for a drink. Eat lunch somewhere new if you usually frequent a downtown cafe.
If you work in the same company, try changing departments or teams. If this is not possible, keep your relationship strictly professional
Step 6. Reconnect with others
Have fun activities with your friends, it will allow you to move on quickly. It is possible that because of your relationship with your lover you have lost sight of them for some time. So now is the time to show them that you are back and want to reweave your ties.
- Even if it's been a while since you've seen them, try to get back to them by saying “hi! What are you doing this week end ? I miss you very much and would love to spend time with you. "
- If you have good friends who didn't know about your affair, try talking to them about it. They will be able to provide you with more support and help you overcome this ordeal.