How to settle a big argument with your girlfriend

How to settle a big argument with your girlfriend
How to settle a big argument with your girlfriend

What do you do after having a big argument with your girlfriend? You are likely to be upset, angry, or very upset. If you want to save your relationship, there are ways to fix it. Understand the ongoing argument first, then show compassion and humility about the situation.


Part 1 of 3: deal with the argument

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Step 1. Calm down

You cannot expect to settle a dispute right after it has arisen. After a disagreement, take the time to calm down. Take a few hours, a few days if possible, to calm yourself down and deal with your emotions. Take a long walk, watch a movie, or visit a friend. Engage in relaxing activities while waiting to be calm enough to be able to analyze the situation with an objective eye. Make sure your girlfriend knows that you are taking the time to calm down.

Say something like, “I'm really upset and need time to digest this. Can we talk about it tomorrow? I'm trying to calm down now."

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Step 2. Analyze the cause of the dispute

An argument rarely happens for nothing. Take the time to figure out what caused this headache to see if there is anything else you could have done to make a difference.

  • Review what happened. Why did you start arguing? What triggered this? What was said? Do you regret having said something? For what reason or not?
  • Keep in mind that memory is selective, especially under stress. It is quite possible that your girlfriend has a different memory than yours about some aspect of the argument. This is perfectly normal and does not immediately mean that either of you is lying. The problem is that stress can cause a feeling of inaccuracy in memory.
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Step 3. Accept your feelings

After an argument, you have to accept and put up with your feelings. Although we may hate emotions like sadness and anger, it is important to recognize them, rather than ignore them. By being stifled by your feelings for a long time, you may explode later.

  • Accept the fact that emotions are not always rational. For example, if your girlfriend hurt you, logically concluding that she didn't mean to do so might not help you dispel your anger. Know that you both have the right to an emotional response to disagreement, even if the response may not be entirely logical. Don't shout, “How can you do this?"

    Say, “I'm sorry you broke your promise yesterday."

Part 2 of 3: settle the dispute

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Step 1. Plan the conversation

After you both have calmed down, suggest a time to discuss the conflict. After a big argument, it's important to choose a time to chat to make sure you keep your cool when it comes time to chat.

  • To discuss, choose a time free from any external constriction. Pick a week or the day before a weekend when neither of you will have to work early in the morning. Consider having a chat early in the evening, somewhere right after dinner, so that hunger and sleep don't interfere with the conversation.
  • If you don't live together, try to find neutral ground. While it might seem odd to have this kind of discussion in a public place, neutral ground would be ideal for everyone to be comfortable. You can choose a location where there are not too many people, such as a quiet and spacious tea room or a park that is not often crowded.
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Step 2. Use open body language

When discussing the conflict, use your body language to show that you are open to dialogue. This will allow the dialogue to proceed in an efficient and relaxed manner.

  • Look you in the eye. Nod your head once in a while to show you're listening. Never cross your arms or do anything to suggest that you look tense. Avoid having nervous tics like fiddling with your shirt or slapping your hand.
  • Nod your head at times, as this gives a non-verbal clue that you are listening to what is being said.
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Step 3. Use good verbal conversation skills

When discussing your argument, also use convincing verbal communication. Your girlfriend needs to understand that you want to find a way out. So be sure to communicate with her effectively following your argument.

  • Be clear and concise when speaking. Don't try to go into too much detail and get straight to the point. Don't interrupt your girlfriend when she's talking. Ask her each time if she understands what you are saying. Ask for clarification when she says something you don't understand.
  • Use the first person I in your comments. It shows that you are expressing your own feelings about the situation and not objective judgments. For example, instead of saying You overreacted and embarrassed me in front of my friends by accusing me of being late, you could say I was ashamed that you accused me of being late. late in front of my friends.
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Step 4. Validate your girlfriend's feelings

It can be very frustrating when someone doesn't validate your feelings in a romantic relationship. Even if you don't agree with your girlfriend's review of the situation, try to show her that her feelings are validated. Often, just letting people feel what they are doing greatly reduces the tension in a situation. This will release negative aggressive tensions and allow your girlfriend to understand that her happiness is important to you. Don't say, "I'm sorry you took it like that, it was just a harmless joke.""

Say, “I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry if I hurt you."

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Step 5. Try to identify the point where you disagree

Most couples have things they can't agree on. This is quite normal, since each human being is unique. Take advantage of this argument to dissect your points of disagreement and find a way to unite them. You and your girlfriend may not have the same understanding of the implications of a romantic relationship. You might not have the same sense of humor or have different needs when it comes to being alone or being together. Try to find a solution to this.

  • See if you can find any reasons behind your argument. If you've had a big argument, there's little chance it was due to a little problem. Try to see where you disagree and how you can reconcile your points of disagreement. Sometimes just admitting that you have a different perspective on an issue can help ease the mood. You will both come to terms with things in less personal ways if you understand where your personalities differ. Don't force yourself (or your girlfriend) to change your behavior every time you have a disagreement.

    Suggest ways to avoid conflict, for example avoiding conflicting topics and activities.

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Step 6. Apologize

After reviewing your actions and your role in the argument, apologize for your wrong, being specific. An apology that is sincere and shows that you have heard and understood your girlfriend's concerns can go a long way in picking up the pieces. Do not justify yourself: by saying "… yes, but …" or by talking about his behavior.

Accept her reaction calmly, even if she says, "You behaved like a fool."

Part 3 of 3: Avoiding Arguments In The Future

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Step 1. Make new resolutions immediately

When you notice a problem brewing, don't ignore it. Instead, talk about it before it becomes a big deal. This way, you can avoid any headaches.

If you are suppressing your feelings, then the next time there is an argument, you will be drawing arguments from the past. It could make your girlfriend seem like the target of attacks and bombings. When a problem occurs, fix it immediately. Even a small problem can build resentment over time

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Step 2. Develop an anger-free conflict resolution process

Anger can make it difficult to react irrational to a situation. People get angry and end up alienating those around them. Try to find a way with your girlfriend to resolve your differences without succumbing to anger. A good way to do this is to take five minutes to express your feelings after a disagreement, rather than getting into a conversation right away.

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Step 3. Listen to emotional needs

Arguments are often due to the fact that certain emotional needs are overlooked. When your girlfriend is upset or frustrated by your fault, try to find out if she has any needs that you can no longer meet. Have you been distant lately? Have you been so busy that you didn't spend enough time with her? See if you haven't met your girlfriend's needs and to what extent you can.

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Step 4. Summarize everything that has been said to make sure you understand

After an argument, always take the time to summarize everything you have discussed. How do you feel ? How is your girlfriend feeling? How committed are you both to working to prevent the same situation from happening again? Taking five minutes to summarize a situation after an argument can prevent the same argument from reoccurring.

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