Sometimes we run into angry people in our everyday lives. These are people who fail to control their emotions and reactions and who unfortunately take their anger out on others. Those who get angry may find it difficult to control their emotions in a given situation. Sometimes anger can lead to slippage. In order to communicate with an angry person, you must first be patient and be able to stay calm. You should also listen to him carefully and help him find a solution to his problem.
Method 1 of 6: Respond to someone's anger
Step 1. Don't respond with anger
When you are dealing with someone who is angry, especially if they are angry with you, you could easily get carried away too. However, it is best if you control your own nervousness if you are to successfully communicate with this person.
Step 2. Keep emotional distance
Don't take that person's anger personally. Instead, escape the scope of that emotion by turning your feelings into curiosity about what may be causing this rage. You can ask yourself questions like: this person is really angry, what could have put them in such a state?
Step 3. Speak slowly and calmly
Don't raise your voice or use a tone that expresses anger. Take deep breaths if necessary and speak in a calm, even voice and normal tone.
Step 4. Use non-threatening body language
Having outgoing and open body language can help calm the other person's anger. The latter will see that you are not hostile to him. Some of the positive body languages you can adopt are:
- maintain eye contact
- sit or stand with your arms at your side and not crossed over the chest
- standing with a little kiss and not directly facing the person
- affectionately touch the other's shoulder if he allows it. Keep in mind that it is not always appropriate to touch the other. If the angry person is a close friend or spouse, then you can afford to touch them. If, on the other hand, it is a client or otherwise, it would not be appropriate to touch him
Step 5. Don't provoke the angry person
When you know what can upset someone, there may be times when you do it in order to upset them, whether on purpose or not. However, when the person is already angry, avoid doing things that you know that will make them angry or feel less respected.
Method 2 of 6: Suggest techniques to calm down
Step 1. Evaluate the situation carefully before making any suggestions
It would not be appropriate to make suggestions to calm someone down if they clearly do not want help. However, it would be a great idea if you are dealing with someone who is upset but wants to calm down. It can also help when the conversation is no longer productive and the tone starts to rise, which is a sign to take a break.
Step 2. Tell the person to take a few deep breaths
Breathing deeply can be effective in regulating emotions. Give the following instructions to the person:
- take a breath in for a count of 4, hold your breath for a count to 4 and breathe out for a count of 4
- make sure she is breathing through her diaphragm rather than her chest. If she breathes with her diaphragm, her belly distends and she should be able to feel it with her hand.
- repeat this as many times as needed, until she starts to calm down
Step 3. Ask the person to count to 10
Tell her that she doesn't always have to react immediately to a situation. Counting can help you calm down in the moment. Suggest that she take some time to figure out how she feels when counting to 10.
Step 4. Distract the person
Help her stop thinking about her anger by distracting her. You can do this by making him watch a video or telling him jokes. You can reassure her that you care about what makes her angry, but that it would be a good idea to take your mind off things for a few minutes in order to calm down.
Step 5. Suggest a walk
Removing the person physically from the situation can help calm them down. Suggest going for a short walk, going out, or anything else that might take her away from the situation.
Method 3 of 6: Listen carefully
Step 1. Let the other do the talking
It is important that you make the other feel that you are taking them seriously. Let him speak and listen carefully to what he has to say.
Do not interrupt or correct him while he is speaking
Step 2. Show empathy
You don't have to agree with the person, but you can show them that you understand why they are feeling these emotions. For example, you could say I would probably also be pissed off if I felt like I wasn't being treated fairly.
Agreeing with this person can also help reduce the anger they feel. It kind of helps him feel better
Step 3. Keep asking questions
Use open-ended questions to gather more information. These kinds of questions require more than simple yes or no answers. These kinds of questions lead the respondent to provide more information. This can lead you to find the source of the problem. For example, you could say What happened in this morning's meeting?
Use the exact word to get more information. You might say What do you mean exactly when you pretend no one is listening to you?
Step 4. Paraphrase the other for clarification
Show that you want to understand what the other is saying. Paraphrase what he just said to make sure you understand him correctly.
For example, you can say Let's see if I got it right. You went to the meeting and you were asked to do a last minute presentation, which made you feel a lot of stress. During this time, your boss was just checking his phone, which made you feel like you were being ignored. That's right ?
Method 4 of 6: Find a resolution
Step 1. Find the right time to seek a solution
A person's emotional defenses can be at their lowest if they are hungry or tired. Pick a good time, when the person is well rested and there you can tackle the problem without negative emotions interfering.
Step 2. Apologize if necessary
If you're at fault, or if you've unknowingly hurt someone, know that apologizing is not a sign of weakness. Rather, it shows that you regret that you hurt that person, regardless of whether it was done intentionally or not.
Step 3. Help the person find a solution to their problem
Make an effort to resolve the problem. Ask the person what the ideal solution would be. If what she's saying doesn't suit you or her demands are unreasonable, try to see how you can negotiate.
Step 4. Use the first person plural
Using this language will help show that you are cooperating in order to solve the problem. For example, you can say How can I help you so that we manage to solve this problem?
Step 5. Stick to the topic on the agenda
As you try to find a compromise, be sure to stick to the problem at hand and not dig up old arguments. Don't use old litigation to get what you want out of a situation.
Step 6. Be prepared not to find an immediate solution
You may not be able to find a solution until the person has calmed down. It might take a while, and resolution of the issue will be delayed until the other is able to respond without getting too angry.
Method 5 of 6: Deal with an angry child
Step 1. Teach children about mutual respect
Children need guidance on how to deal with their anger. Few people know how to educate their children about how to deal with anger, so many of them are left on their own when it comes to how to deal with anger. This can lead to a history of violent reactions, poor impulse control, and fights in relationships with others, both at home and at school. Children copy behavioral patterns from their parents and other adults they have spent some time with. If you want to teach your child about mutual respect, you should try your best to communicate with him in a respectful way.
- Teach your children to treat others with kindness. Tell them that they shouldn't be sarcastic about their neighbor.
- Don't yell at your kids or scold him. Do not seek to shame them by calling them hateful names or belittling their actions, even if they make errors in judgment. Don't use guilt to manipulate your children.
- If your children refuse to communicate respectfully, don't accuse them of disrespecting you because it will hurt them. If they're still young, they probably don't realize they are acting so disrespectfully. If they are teenagers, confidently warn them that they are adopting an angry tone and ask them what is wrong. In other words, just point out the problem without getting angry yourself. Be especially careful to use a non-accusatory tone. Give your child the chance to explain himself.
Step 2. Be relaxed and calm
Make sure your face is relaxed. Use an intonation that doesn't sound strained or angry.
Step 3. Don't tolerate violent behavior
Behaviors such as throwing objects or kicking should not be accepted. If this happens only once, talk to your child after the incident to let them know that hitting is a behavior that will not be allowed. Tell him that he made a mistake and that you forgive him, but that if it happens again he will be deprived of one of his privileges.
Step 4. Accept the right of children to be angry
Just like adults, children have the right to feel anger. A teenager or slightly older child might react well to a sentence like I noticed your forehead is wrinkled, your mouth extended and your arms crossed. I have the impression that you are angry. It's normal, you have the right to be angry, it happens to everyone. You probably also feel something else besides anger and this is also quite normal.
- Short, more direct reprimands work best with younger children. Observations can help the child identify the emotion and learn to deal with his emotions effectively. You could say You're angry that you weren't allowed to eat your cookie before dinner. Don't be afraid of not identifying the emotion he is truly feeling. If what you say is wrong, the child himself will correct you. The key is just to get him to focus on how he feels.
- If possible, help your child to identify more emotions, as anger is very often accompanied by other sensations specific to the situation being experienced. For example, your child might be angry that his little brother entered his room without permission. In this case, he must feel a little that his privacy is violated.
Step 5. Help your child calm down
What works for adults will also work for children. If you notice that your child or teen has been going over something for a while, sit down and have a chat. Count aloud with it and breathe deeply. Exhale, hold the breath, and exhale, all counting to 4.
Allow your child to let off steam for a while to calm himself down. He will need this ability throughout his life. In addition, there are children who really prefer to calm down on their own
Step 6. Use distractions
Some children are made in such a way that it is possible to distract them long enough to cause them to forget what they were focused on. It is even easier to do with the youngest. Distraction is one way of dealing with emotions in order to calm them down.
Change up the scenery and take your child to the garage to help you with little things. Smaller tasks can help focus on something other than what's disturbing him. After that you can discuss the problem with him
Step 7. Make a real effort to listen and show that you get it right
As your child talks about his problem and what made him angry, listen carefully. Summarize and paraphrase what you understood from his words. This will show that you are indeed following it.
- It is important that you teach children the difference between behaviors and emotions. It's okay to be angry or irritated, but you have to react to it the right way. This especially applies to children who express their anger by shouting, hitting or destroying things.
- Ask questions. Your child might still be upset and skip parts of their story. Asking questions can also help them organize their thoughts better.
- For example, if your child is upset about something that happened at their school, try to summarize the situation by saying Let me see if I am what you say. Étienne pushed you during lunch. You told the professor, but he just told her to stop. During this time you felt that the teacher should have punished him. Did I get everything right?
- If your child has had an argument with his friends, admit that he must be upset or upset. He may feel hurt and it will likely take a while for these feelings to dissipate. However, reassure your child that it will eventually pass to him.
Step 8. Think about how to solve the problem
This will distract from the anger and instead focus on solving the problem. Encourage your child to think of solutions that everyone comes out on top of that will ensure cooperation in your home.
You can also make suggestions, but it would be just as effective to let your child find the solution. He might feel like he has more control if he can figure out for himself how to solve the problem. It will also help him learn to solve his problems and it is a faculty that he will need throughout his life
Step 9. Be patient and consistent
Here you are trying to teach your children very important life skills, which is why you must follow these steps every time so that the lesson becomes embedded in their memory.
Step 10. Help your child deal with difficult situations
Sometimes your child will be angry because he has been wronged. Whether it's bullying or mistreatment from peers, your child may have good reason to be angry.
- If your child needs protection, such as when they are being bullied, show them how to handle this kind of situation with confidence. Go see the principal of the school and also alert the teachers. Reassemble the chain of command until a satisfactory solution is found.
- Being patient in difficult situations will teach the child how to solve problems.
Method 6 of 6: Stay safe
Step 1. Get yourself and your children to safety
The first thing you need to do when around someone with anger is worry about your physical safety. If you have children in the home and they are physically, emotionally, mentally abused, or witness violence in the household, you should seek to keep them and yours safe.
- Make a plan to follow if there is a risk to your safety.
- If possible, find a temporary place to stay or find a safe place to stay safe.
- Have a code word that you and your children can use if you are in danger. Teach them what to do when you use this code. You can tell them, for example, that they have to leave the house and go to a certain friend's house.
Step 2. Let a trusted family member or friend know about the situation
If you can, talk to a friend, neighbor, or loved one to find a safety plan. Establish visual cues that you can use if you are in danger.
Step 3. Correctly identify your escape route as well as the most pocketed exits
If you cannot get out of the house, identify safe areas where there are no weapons or other instruments that can be used to harm you.
Always park your car so that you can exit your driveway in front of you and make sure the fuel tank is full
Step 4. Carry a phone with you at all times
Take your phone wherever you go and keep important numbers short.
Step 5. Call a domestic violence helpline
If you can't get out of the situation, call a domestic violence help center. The hotline is run by people who can help you find a plan or shelter to go to.