It's frankly no fun having to convince a stubborn person to do what you want. It can be very frustrating and tiring to deal with stubborn people, whether it's a coworker or your own mom. But you can make them more comfortable and convince them to see your outlook, if you understand that stubborn people are just afraid of bruising their ego and doing something new. So, how do you go about dealing with a narrow-minded person without tearing your hair out?
Part 1 of 3: brush their ego with the grain
Step 1. Start by petting them a little
One of the reasons some people are stubborn is because they hate being wrong. They always think they are doing the best and therefore get a little offended when told that there is another way. They might view a different opinion as personal assault even if you don't mean them any harm. So, when talking to a stubborn person, try to give them a flattering image of themselves by brushing it a bit across the grain. Just make sure that your flattery is sincere and does not appear to be opportunistic. Here are some ways to get started.
- “I know you've been working really hard lately. That you're able to cope with such pressure really impresses me. "
- "Since you always have great ideas, I thought I could get you one too." "
- “Glad to see you today. I miss your company very much. "
Step 2. Show that you value their opinion
Recognizing her status and showing her that she had a really good idea is another way to deal with a stubborn person. Don't make him think his ideas are perfectly stupid, invalid, or badly thought out (even if that's how you feel), otherwise the probability that you will be listened to will border on zero. Make sure you rehearse their points correctly and show that you see the positive side of what the person said. In doing so, the person will see that you value them and their ideas. It will make the person much more receptive to what you are saying. Here is what you might say.
- “I think it's a good idea to go eat Italian. I love the gnocchi at this Italian restaurant and they have a superb wine selection. However… "
- "I know we didn't have a great time last time with Bridget and Marc and you're right they're a little weird." But I really think we should give them a second chance. "
- “As you said, there are lots of advantages to moving from Brest to Perpignan. There would be more things to do, we would live closer to the airport, since we travel a lot and we will be closer to our friends. But that said … "
Step 3. Don't tell them they're wrong
The last thing a stubborn person wants to hear is that they're all wrong. Don't even say, "You're not seeing it the right way" or "You're not there at all, are you?" And don't say, "How can you be so wrong?" This will pitch the person up and barricade them completely. Make it clear to her that she has great ideas and that you have considered them carefully. She might be right in another situation, but right now you want to do what you set out to do. Be very clear about this.
Say something like, "We both have great ideas" or "There are many ways this can be seen" to show that the person is just like you
Step 4. Show the benefit to her
Stubborn people often are because they are totally focused on themselves and believe that the decisions they make are for their greater good. So if you want to brush their egos right and make them believe their decision is valid, you can show them how your suggestion will ultimately benefit them, even if it may seem a little surprising. This will pique their curiosity and cause them to give in. Here are a few things you can say.
- “I would really like to try the new Japanese restaurant down the street. Remember you had a terrible craving for flambé ice cream. Heard this restaurant has a fabulous choice. "
- “It would be fun to go out with Bridget and Marc, besides, I understood that Marc had extra tickets for the next football game and would like us to take advantage of them. I know you were dying to see this game. "
- “If we stay in Brest rather than going to Perpignan, we will save on rent. We can use that money to go on vacation to the French Riviera, which is what you wanted to do. "
Step 5. Make them believe that the idea came from them
This is another trick for convincing a stubborn person to do whatever you want. During the conversation, make sure that the person originated the idea or introduced an important aspect that emphasizes the relevance of the idea. This will make the person proud of themselves and convinced that they have won their case. It can be a bit tricky to achieve, but if you do it right, you'll be amazed at the stubborn person's pleasant demeanor. Here are a few things you can say.
- " It is an excellent idea ! I had forgotten how much I love plum wine. The Japanese restaurant will certainly have it. "
- “You're right, we can go out with Bridget and Marc this weekend. And you think Saturday night would be the best, don't you? "
- " It's so true ! I would miss our little Breton farmers' market in Perpignan. "
Part 2 of 3: persuade them
Step 1. Be firm
The reason stubborn people get their way is because of those around them who too often give in and let them do whatever they want. There could be many reasons for this: you might think the person is going to do a scene or whine if they don't get what they want, you might not have the energy to resist, or you might even be convinced. that the person must want what you are arguing about more desperately than you do. But remember, the person uses poor tactics to get his way, and you have the right to do as you like too.
- If the person is upset or visibly angry, calm things down until the person has calmed down, but don't just say, "Okay, we'll do as you said, but stop crying." this will tell the person that they can manipulate you with emotions and easily make you give up on what you have decided.
- Firmness is about sticking to your side of the story and offering a rational, logical argument for why your idea matters. That doesn't mean you have to be aggressive, howl, and call out bird names. Stubborn people are already on the defensive and they will feel all the more threatened with such behavior.
Step 2. Give them information
Stubborn people are also afraid of the unknown. They may not want to do something because they are not used to changing their routine. The more you can say about the situation, the better they will accept it. They will see that there is nothing scary about what you offer them, because they will know what it is. Here are a few things you can say.
- “The Japanese restaurant offers a wide variety of sashimi. And it is much cheaper than the Italian restaurant. They also have a big screen TV and you can watch the end of the game while we eat. "
- “Bridget and Marc have such a cute little dog, you'll love him. Marc also likes draft beer very much and they have a great selection. They only live a quarter of an hour from here, so it's not going to be an expedition to get there. "
- "Did you know that a rental in Perpignan costs twice as much as an apartment in Brest?" Can we afford this? "
Step 3. Show them why this is important to you
If the stubborn person cares about you, they'll be convinced of why it matters so much to you just by listening to you. This will help him see the situation on a human scale. She will see that it is more than being right or wrong, that it is giving yourself what you really need. If you are in a relationship with this person, it's good to help them see why this might make you happy. Here are some of the things you can say.
- “I've been craving sushi for weeks. Let's go ? I could go with Marie, but it wouldn't be as fun as with you. "
- “I would really like to spend more time with Bridget and Marc. You know I feel a bit isolated in this new neighborhood and I would like to have more friends. "
- “I would very much like to live in Brest for another year. It's very easy here to get to work and I would hate to have to get up an hour early to go to work. "
Step 4. Remind them that your turn has come
If you're used to dealing with this particularly stubborn person, chances are you've given in every time. It's time to impose your will and remind that person of all those things, important or not, that you gave in to. You can do this without making the person terribly uncomfortable, but you need to let them know that it's time for you to have what you want. Here is what you can say.
- "The last five times we've been dating we've been where you wanted to go." Can I choose this time? "
- “We've been out with your friends for the past three weekends. Couldn't we give my friends a chance to change? "
- “Remember it was your idea to move to Brest. Well, now I have decided to settle down there. "
Step 5. Negotiate or Compromise
You might not completely get what you want, but you might be able to find common ground with the stubborn person. Negotiating or compromising with the person allows you to persuade them to do what you want without giving in on everything. If the person is really, really stubborn, it might be better to take small steps, because you won't be able to convince them overnight. Here is what you might say.
- "Okay, we could go to the Italian restaurant tonight." But that means we'll go to the Japanese restaurant tomorrow night, is that understood? "
- "What do you think if we meet Bridget and Marc for a drink instead of having dinner with them?" We'll see them anyway, but it won't take all evening. "
- “I am quite open to the idea of moving to Bordeaux. It's more expensive than Brest, but not as steep as Perpignan and there's a lot going on there too. "
Step 6. Keep Calm
You don't have to be overwhelmed by your emotions if you are serious about dealing with a stubborn person and even being successful. If you are immediately upset or even angry, the person will think they won because you cannot control yourself. Take a deep breath, calm down, or even leave the room for a few minutes if you smell mustard come to your nose. The stubborn person will be more likely to listen to you if you appear calm and collected and not angry or furious.
It's easy to lose patience when you have to deal with someone who isn't willing to do what you want or change. Remember that if you do a scene, the person is less likely to understand your perspective on the situation
Step 7. Don't tell the person they are stubborn
The last thing this person wants to hear is that they are stubborn. Stubborn people are defensive and of course stubborn and if you have the misfortune to utter that word they will shut up like an oyster and be even less inclined to change. Don't say, "Why are you so stubborn?" Otherwise the person will no longer listen to you. Resist the urge to say this word, even if you have it on the tip of your tongue.
Step 8. Find common ground
Finding common ground with the person allows you to persuade them to see things from your point of view. Stubborn people can feel cornered, and if you can convince the person that you have ideas in common, they will be more willing to listen to you than if you had radically different ideas. Here is what you might say.
- “I fully admit that we had production problems in the company. We really need to find a solution. On the other hand, I believe that it is more a question of a lack of motivation among the employees than a problem related to the new project that we have been given. "
- “Granted, the people we hang out with are a little weird or boring. But if we don't give our new friends a chance, we'll never find people we really like, right? "
Part 3 of 3: consolidate your position
Step 1. Gradually get them used to the change
If you have to deal with a stubborn person for the long haul, you should know that this type of person doesn't like to rush into the dark. She prefers to carefully feel the ground and move slowly. So if you want to convince a stubborn person close to you to try something different, you have to get them used to the idea little by little until they are completely comfortable with the situation.
- If, for example, you have a slightly possessive friend who doesn't really like the new friends you made in drama class, let the person meet those friends one on one over a short period of time rather than feed the person to your new group of friends. This will make her better able to appreciate this new social situation.
- If you're trying to get your roommate to be cleaner, ask them to do the dishes every other day. After which you can suggest that she take out the trash more often, vacuum, and so on.
Step 2. Choose your fights
This is essential for successfully dealing with obtuse people. There are times when you can make stubborn people give in, and with the right approach, you can even convince them to make some pretty big changes. However, if the person is stubborn as a herd of mules, they are unlikely to give in to your demands often. So if you really have a hard time convincing a stubborn person to do what you want, you should only ask them for things that you really care about.
You might not care about choosing a movie on a date. But maybe you want to choose the destination for your spring break. Reserve this option
Step 3. Stop giving in all the time
A stubborn person can win your case because you always end up giving in. Why would you want that person to change if you never say no? So the next time you negotiate something, even if it's as mundane as choosing a movie, say you'll go see it on your own or come home if you don't get it right. This will surprise the stubborn person to the point of making them give in or convince them that you are not easy to manipulate.
If you don't give in easily, the narrow-minded person will respect you and your opinions more
Step 4. Don't beg or appear desperate
This is not a good way to get the person to buy into your point of view, no matter how urgent the situation is. Forget it if you think you've exhausted all your resources and options. There is no point in putting yourself down to begging or moaning, because not only will it not work with a narrow-minded person, it will also be humiliating for you.
If you want to convince a stubborn person to do something, you have to have a rational approach. On the contrary, the emotional approach will encourage the person to disagree with you
Step 5. Be patient
Persuading a stubborn person takes time, especially if you are trying to change a pattern of stubborn behavior. This won't happen overnight, and you should keep in mind to start with odds and ends (what to watch on TV) before starting more serious issues, like moving. Tell yourself that you can change that person little by little, but you can never turn them into someone else.
Step 6. Keep your self-confidence
Insurance is key when dealing with stubborn people. If you hesitate or express doubt about your own ideas, the person will respect you less and may not even listen to you. You have to act so that your idea or point of view is the best there is (without showing arrogance, obviously) and the person will be more likely to think that you know what you are talking about. Don't let the person intimidate you, put you off, or tell you that your idea isn't that great after all.
- Keep your head up, look straight ahead, and don't let the person pull you aside or make you look down when you speak. Maintaining an assured posture goes a long way in giving weight to your ideas.
- Practice ahead of time if you are upset with what you have to offer. This will give more confidence to your ideas when the time comes.
Step 7. Know when to quit
You could try everything with a stubborn person and unfortunately get no results. It would be time to let go if the stubborn person doesn't move an inch, if they don't even listen to you or are willing to accept another point of view although you have provided more information, if you do. flattered, been firm and shown how important this decision is to you. If you can't fix it, you'd still be doing harm to insist, and it's best to let it go if you know it's getting nowhere.
- If you continue to want the stubborn person to take your point of view and never give in, you might end up being the more stubborn of the two.
- You are not weak in giving in to a stubborn person. It just means you've used common sense and know when there's nothing else you can do.
- Do not look for an argument with a stubborn person, it will only make matters worse.
- Know yourself first.
- Forgive and forget!
- It's not a game and it's not funny if the other person finds no fun in it, so why provoke it?