Sometimes it is difficult to deal with a clingy person. You might find it difficult to be polite while still maintaining your freedom. Whether you want this person to come out of your life entirely or interact with them less often, there are some great techniques out there.
Method 1 of 3: Set limits with a sticky person
Step 1. Acknowledge your feelings
Before you can set limits, you will need to identify exactly how you are feeling. You might indeed be so overwhelmed by this person's actions that you don't even know what to think about them anymore. The two most common emotions in these kinds of situations are resentment and discomfort.
- How do you feel when the person becomes embedded in your time or space?
- How do you feel around this person that you would rather not feel?
- Are there specific actions (eg coming to your home uninvited, calling late at night, etc.) that are the source of these feelings?
Step 2. Decide on the limits to set
Once you have identified precisely how you feel about this person, you will need to set the necessary boundaries. These limits should be designed for specific behaviors of the person.
- For example, if the person calls you excessively often or too late at night, you might decide to stop answering their calls or stop answering the phone after a certain time.
- Set realistic limits that you can actually enforce. Don't say you'll never talk to that person again if you know you're not ready to come to this.
- Also set consequences for your limits. If the person doesn't do this or that, how will you react?
Step 3. Be direct
Share your boundaries with the person concerned, but don't bring up the subject when you are annoyed or upset. Be calm and assert your positions as you present these limits. Tell the person that you are taking these steps for your own good, not to be mean or to hurt them.
- If you're nervous about talking to this person, write down the boundaries you set so you don't forget them during the conversation.
- For example, you could say something like, "Sarah, you know that you and our friendship mean a lot to me and I always want to be honest with you." Lately I've been feeling a little overwhelmed because you call me 8 times a day. I would like us to limit ourselves from now on to one call per day. "
- You could also rehearse the conversation with a friend or loved one you trust. Ask that person to respond like your clingy friend would.
Step 4. Expect the person to be angry with you
When you set limits, you change the nature of your relationship with the person. She probably won't like what you are doing and might get angry. Understand that you are not responsible for his anger: your interlocutor is solely responsible for it.
- Don't let the other person's anger change the boundaries you set. Keep up the momentum.
- Let the person be angry and don't try to argue with them. For example, if she tells you that you are mean, rude, or selfish, don't try to prove to her that you are none of those things.
- You will not be able to have a constructive conversation with an angry person.
Method 2 of 3: Create your space away from this person
Step 1. Be less available
If you've set limits, apply them immediately and only be available when it's convenient for you. By being less available, the person will understand that you are serious about your limits. If she calls you, you can choose whether or not to pick up the phone. If the person sends you a text message to suggest a date, you can choose to respond or not, wait a few days before responding or tell them, always by text, that you were not kidding when you did. share your limits.
- The next time you see this person, don't make excuses when a simple refusal will suffice. For example, "It's nice to think about inviting me, but I don't feel like going out tonight." "
- No need to be rude, aggressive or even sneaky, such as ignoring the invitation.
- You might feel guilty or uncomfortable for having imposed your limits on this person, but keep in mind that you are doing it for your own good.
- While it can be tiring and frustrating to have to repeat the boundaries over and over again, it's important that you know how to push the person away without being hurtful and being careful to keep the personal space you need.
Step 2. Learn to say "no"
Saying "no" is not always easy, but it is necessary when you are faced with a clingy person. It will also be easier for you to say no if you can present an alternative. This alternative should guide the person in a direction that is more convenient for you.
- For example, if the person offers to go out, say “sorry, I can't. I have homework to finish. Why don't you ask your friend Mélanie or your sister to go out with you? "
- The person might complain about your refusal, but stick to your positions.
Step 3. Encourage good behavior
While you've set boundaries and put a distance between you and that person, you've actually set new rules for the relationship, and the person will need some time to come to terms with those rules. Then encourage less sticky behaviors and take action if your boundaries are violated. Be patient: the person will need time to change their behavior.
- If the person went to lunch with someone else, tell them you're thrilled for them and ask them to tell you how it went.
- Encourage the person to meet other people and try new things. Let her know that you are proud of her and the efforts she makes.
Method 3 of 3: Cut ties with the person
Step 1. Take a break
Before you make the decision to eliminate that person entirely from your life, take a break, a kind of trial period, to see if this is really what you want. Tell the person that you think it would be good for you to take a step back for a while, to meet other people and discover new things. If this person really is a friend, let them know that they mean a lot to you and that you want to remain their friend.
- You could tell her, “Our friendship is precious to me and I love spending time with you. But I think it would be good for both of us to spend time without each other so that we can meet other people. "
- During this conversation, be kind and respectful and don't seek fault. Avoid using phrases like "you always do this or that", "you never do this or that" or "you can't this or that." "
- Tap the fact that you think this solution will benefit both of you.
Step 2. Have an honest conversation
If nothing helps and you don't want that person in your life anymore, let the person know. Tell her you want to end your relationship and explain why. Be as direct as possible, although this conversation will not be easy.
- You might say, “I have thought a lot about our friendship and there are some things that bother me. I would like to talk to you about it. "
- You could also say, “I have to do what's best for me. I don't think we should continue to see each other. I wish you the best in everything you do. "
- Before having this conversation, be absolutely sure that this is what you want.
Step 3. Deal with your guilt
You will probably feel very guilty for cutting ties with this person. These feelings are completely normal and it will take time to feel better. Know that you made your decision after weighing the pros and cons for a long time, tried to change the relationship before it got there, and ultimately did what was best for you.
- Accept the fact that people come and go in your life and that no one is perfect.
- Try to learn from this experience and apply it to your interactions with other people.
Step 4. Stick to your decision
It may take some time for the person to understand that your friendship is over. She may continue to try to contact or see you. She might ask to talk to you and try to convince you to change your mind. Stick to your decision and don't give in to its insistence.
- If you choose to reply to him, your communication will be blurred: by replying to him, you will encourage that person to contact you.
- If the person calls or sends you a message, you do not have to answer them. You could even block her number so you don't even know if she tried to call you.
- Keep in mind that you coped with this situation as best you could and made the decision that was best for you.
- You may need to remind this person that you no longer want to see them. Be firm and sure of yourself.
- Always stay true to yourself. This person is not a good influence in your life: let them know that as clearly and as politely as possible.
- Never be too mean. To be firm and straightforward is one thing, but to be mean is another.
- Remember to stay positive, even if the person ignores you after you tell them you would like to see them less often.
- If that clingy "friend" calls you, texts you, or invites you to chat for hours every day, explain to him that you have homework and can't chat with him.
- If you have a fight with that clingy person, just block their number, end your friendship for good, and don't feel guilty about it!