Do you have a loved one, friend or lover who you really have a hard time getting along with? Do you feel humiliated or manipulated in their company? If so, chances are you have some unhealthy people in your life. If you decide to continue hanging out with them, know that they deserve special attention. There are ways you can take care of yourself and deal with other people who are in unhealthy relationships.
Part 1 of 3: Recognize the unhealthy people in your life
Step 1. Look for basic signs of an unhealthy person
Harmfulness can manifest itself in several ways. You may have a harmful friend without realizing it. Here are a number of ways that toxic behavior can manifest:
- they create and surround themselves with interpersonal problems;
- they try to control and manipulate you;
- they are needy and demand that you pay them more attention;
- they are very critical of themselves and of others;
- they are reluctant to ask for help or make the effort to change;
- they disrespect and always seem to get by.
Step 2. Watch for people who are angry all the time
Being constantly angry is an extreme form of harm. These individuals are irascible and will get mad at you for something trivial. You would feel like you always wanted to watch your back to prevent them from jumping on you. Recognize the temper of an angry person so you know how to respond to them appropriately. Here are some signs seen in an angry person:
- shout at people;
- threaten others;
- interviewing people with hostile questions;
- frequently use strong and intense language.
Step 3. Watch for cynical people who discourage you
Another form of harm is a cynical individual. Cynical people have a poor view of the world, which undermines all aspects of their life and makes it difficult for them to be positive (ves). They are difficult to bear, for they are enveloped in immense darkness. They can:
- constantly complain about their life;
- never be satisfied with the way you treat them;
- being unable to bring anything positive to the relationship;
- not trusting others and being needlessly negative.
Step 4. See how it feels to be around people
One of the most useful ways to find out if people are unhealthy is by examining how you feel around them. At some point, you can check your feelings when you're with people, and then ask yourself these different questions.
- Do I have the feeling of being emptied right now? Does it seem like the person is draining my emotions from me?
- Am I walking on eggshells? Am I afraid to say something bad lest they react in a negative way?
- Am I ignoring my own voice? Doesn't the person allow me to listen to my own voice and follow my own values?
- Do I feel less important and smaller when I am with this person?
Step 5. Ask someone else for advice
You may be very close to the toxic person to find out if they really are or not. She might just be going through a rough time. Make the effort to ask someone or a common-sense friend if they think that individual is unhealthy. This will allow you to focus on the harmful person in your life.
Your personal judgment is a great source of information, but when we take a closer look at a situation it can be difficult to get an objective opinion
Part 2 of 3: Talking to unhealthy people
Step 1. Express yourself correctly
Since tension is inevitable in relationships and friendships, it's crucial that you express your emotions clearly. When you recognize and examine your feelings, you have the opportunity to calmly deal with the tension. In addition, speaking expressively will give others free rein to express their feelings as well and to deal with these various feelings together.
- Start by listening. Make sure you understand what the person is saying before responding with your own views.
- Use the first person singular in your sentences. One simple way to avoid appearing too confrontational is to tell people what you are feeling rather than telling them what they are doing wrong. For example, you can say When you show up late for our coffee dates, I feel like you're kidding me rather than saying You're always late and that's really rude.
Step 2. Tell them how you would like to be treated
Strange as it sounds, sometimes people don't recognize what is acceptable behavior. Behavior that is accepted by one person may not be accepted by the other. To let people know what you are willing to put up with, you need to be frank and clear in your words.
- For example, if being late for coffee dates is your pet peeve, let them know. They have no idea how their behavior affects you.
- If the person is really unhealthy, this strategy might not work, but it's a great way to set limits anyway.
Step 3. Speak in a firm and resolute manner
It fits into effective argumentation, but speaking assertively is something you have the flexibility to do all the time, whether you are discussing or not. Being a decisive speaker will allow you to improve your relationships and your communication.
- Try to determine where you can make use of these upgrades. You may be easily intimidated and people may step over you, especially if they are unhealthy. First, determine the problem.
- Think about the tactics to use in specific situations. Your unhealthy friend may ask you for money and you may have a hard time refusing. What can you do under such circumstances? Can you rehearse a simple scenario for the next time it asks you something? For example, you can say I'm worried about you, but I can't give you more money.
- Practice responding firmly in your life. You have the option of making use of techniques like the broken record, where you just have to repeat to yourself if they are discussing what you have said. Start little by little if this is difficult for you, saying no (if necessary) to loved ones or friends who are not unhealthy.
Step 4. Protect yourself from harm
Pay attention to everything that goes on in the relationships you have with unhealthy people. For example, avoid taking everything they say at face value if you see that they tend to get harsh and critical of you. In such situations, protect yourself if you decide to continue being friends with these individuals by being careful what they tell you, how they behave towards you, and how the situation feels.
For example, if they say something about you saying You're never there for me, analyze the statement. Is it true? Can you find any examples that prove this statement to be false? Unhealthy people often exaggerate and make vague statements. Practice thinking critically about what they are telling you
Step 5. Apologize if possible
Even if someone is unhealthy, that doesn't mean that you are always right and that they are constantly wrong. Acknowledge any mistakes you have made and apologize when you feel it is appropriate. Even if that person doesn't apologize or rarely apologizes, you'll at least know that you did your best to be a good partner or friend.
You can also make a good impression on them. It involves modeling and showing people healthier ways to behave unlike what they always have
Part 3 of 3: Behave Towards Unhealthy People
Step 1. Set and maintain limits
Limits are usually a must, but they become very important when dealing with unhealthy people. The latter usually take advantage of individuals who have ill-defined boundaries and low self-esteem. Here are some steps that can help you better define your limits.
- Listen and act on your feelings. Avoid getting carried away by the emotional turmoil of unhealthy people. Consider your needs and feelings.
- Give yourself permission to be firm. Most people feel guilty when they are required to set a hard limit. However, taking care of yourself is also important. Avoid neglecting yourself at the expense of others. Know that saying no doesn't make you a bad person.
Step 2. Follow your instincts
Some people find it easy to apologize to an unhealthy person. You may know deep down that a person is bad or taking advantage of you. Avoid rationalizing these instincts or finding justifications for their behaviors. Let your instincts have the final say, because they probably know more about what's going on and what you need than you.
Step 3. Ask for help
Know when you are fed up and need help. Call on a loved one or friend you trust to be by your side. If you value maintaining relationships with unhealthy people, be sure to make use of your support network. Make your personal care your top priority. Making yourself more available to others is not the best way to be there for them.
Step 4. Take responsibility for your actions
Try to consider in a thoughtful way the type of relationship you have and the effect it has on you. Many people who continue to have relationships with unhealthy people have a personality that wants to please others, which causes them to want to be loved and to feel like they are supporting others. It is okay to support others, but pay attention to the following to get a realistic picture of the situation. If you are having difficulty with the situation, then there is something you should be aware of. If this is preventing the other person from changing, then you will need to know that as well. Ask yourself these questions to determine whether or not you support others indiscriminately.
- Am I usually the person who maintains communication?
- How often do I play the role of a peacekeeper, easing tensions and difficult situations?
- Do I sometimes feel like I'm following this person around, taking responsibility, or working on the sly to prevent conflict and anger?
Step 5. Give up
At the end of the day, you may need to end your relationship with someone if that bond is unhealthy. Excluding someone from their life may seem like a hurtful act, but in the case of unhealthy individuals, fleeting pain may prove to be more useful than a term sentence. Keeping unhealthy people in your life can take a toll on your self-esteem, finances, emotional balance, and other relationships. If the risk is too high, it might be time to think about scampering.