How to avoid being the fifth wheel of the carriage

How to avoid being the fifth wheel of the carriage
How to avoid being the fifth wheel of the carriage

Nothing is worse than feeling like the fifth wheel of the carriage when your best friend has a new romantic relationship, especially around someone you want to get to know better! It only takes a little effort to be at the center of his affection again.


Avoid Being a Third Wheel Step 1

Step 1. Give this friend more leeway

It can be hurtful, but you should assess the situation and realize that your loved one needs some time for them, especially if they have just met again. Be careful not to comment when your friend is trying to imagine the dynamics of her new relationship, but don't be afraid you won't see this person again.

  • Cut down on the number of text messages and phone calls you usually make. This friend probably won't be able to reach you as often because their new relationship is taking longer. Don't be upset, it's only natural.
  • Let that friend call you most of the time. Expect that loved one to invite you more often when their romantic relationship is developing, although you can always send them too.
  • Remember that this friend still needs you. If your girlfriend and her new boyfriend ask you to date them, you should accept if that's okay with you and return their invitation. Friendship is not a one-way street, and your loved one will expect to hear from you.
Avoid Being a Third Wheel Step 2

Step 2. Come out on your side

You can always hang out with this loved one and their new conquest, but it is better to have several possibilities for going out so that you are not doomed to stay at home on a Saturday night while your friend has a romantic weekend. You will obviously miss this loved one, but you can keep busy by pursuing new activities or making new friends.

  • Use it as an opportunity to have new interests or hobbies. You can join a bowling club or library readings to have a good time with something new.

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  • Do something this friend would never have done with you. Is your friend afraid of altitude when you've always wanted to hike in the high mountains? Is the person a vegetarian when you've always wanted to try your neighborhood new seafood restaurant? This could be an opportunity to explore a new center of interest.

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  • Make new friends with old acquaintances. Did you sympathize with this girl in English class without ever seeing her outside of class or did you recently run into a former high school friend who has just moved to your neighborhood? Now you have the opportunity to meet new people who could become good friends.

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  • It is always good to have time for yourself. Use this precious time for yourself if you try to go out on your own but end up having plenty of time left with the best friend you have left, you. You can read that big book you never had time to finish, treat yourself to a manicure and pedicure at home, or check out that new TV show your best friend always refused to watch. Don't be sad because you find yourself on your own. See it as a time for you to grow individually, and to pursue your interests.

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Avoid Being a Third Wheel Step 3

Step 3. See your friend one-on-one

It is important to keep an exclusive relationship with this friend, even if the latter is in a rather close loving relationship. It will be easier to keep your friendship dynamic and to be yourself if you have the time to see your friend without her sweetheart.

  • Find time to do things that you and your friend enjoy that might not appeal to your new loved one, like watching your favorite cult movie together. This solution is better than encroaching on your friend's romantic evenings.

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  • Build weekly reunions into your schedule. It can be helpful to develop new habits now that your friend or girlfriend is spending a lot of time with the loved one. You can schedule a weekly dinner together or a date in a bar or an afternoon to play sports or any other activity you both enjoy. If your friend's week gets too busy at times, be sure to schedule at least one phone call on Sunday, even if it's just checking in.

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Avoid Being a Third Wheel Step 4

Step 4. Don't make the situation awkward

You may have a hard time being the fifth wheel in the carriage, but you will only make matters worse by calling attention to it. Your friend may resent you if you constantly remind her that you are not in a relationship yourself.

  • When dating the new couple, you should avoid mentioning that you are the fifth wheel of the carriage or "the bachelor on duty" as that will make them uncomfortable.
  • You can obviously joke about your celibacy, but if you constantly make remarks like "I know, I'm never going to know a love like yours," new lovebirds may feel guilty and won't want to be so bad about it anymore. hang out with you. The couple may find that they are much better off without you if you constantly bemoan your plight.
  • Remember that you should always be in full control if the new couple behaves inappropriately. You should say something if these two are passionately hugging each other in front of you, but if not, it's best to embrace the situation.
Avoid Being a Third Wheel Step 5

Step 5. Date the new couple under suitable circumstances

You should choose activities that you can join in, so you don't get left out, if you want to have a good time with the new couple. There is a time and a place for everything, even for the fifth wheel of the carriage.

  • You should avoid anything dripping with sentimentality, it could be a walk in a rose garden or a candlelit dinner in a fine dining restaurant with the new couple. Use common sense when you are offered certain outings, even if that loved one insists that it will be fine.
  • The safest activities are those that can be enjoyed together. Joining your friend and her sweetheart to play beach volleyball with others or to go together to a bar can be more fun, because each person can offer their contribution to the outing.
  • Only date this friend when she really wants to see you. Pay attention to the tone of her voice to know if she's inviting you because she feels she has to or if she really wants to see you. Neither of you will have a good time if she invites you to date her with her new boyfriend because she feels sorry for you.
Avoid Being a Third Wheel Step 6

Step 6. Take advantage of your friend's new loved one

While this new relationship may be a disappointment to you, see it as an opportunity to improve your own love life. The new love story of this loved one can help you find a loved one on your own, if you are looking for a new romantic partner.

  • Your best friend's new conquest could introduce you to one of his single girlfriends or serve as a bait when you go out, if you want to meet a woman.
  • You can also ask your friend's new sweetheart for advice on what boys really think, if you have sympathy for him and are looking for a boy for yourself.
  • Your friend or girlfriend's new romance can be an opportunity to ask someone you just met to join a less intimidating double date than a one-on-one, if you don't dare. make a more intimate proposition, which can serve as a pretext. You can always tell your friends have booked a table for four or have extra movie tickets and see if your crush wants to join in.
Avoid Being a Third Wheel Step 7

Step 7. Think of it as a test

Remember, if this person is truly your best friend or girlfriend, he or she will always be there for you. No romantic relationship should be a barrier to your friendship.

  • Be patient, but not indefinitely. It's okay for your friend to go totally crazy with her boyfriend for a while, but this person might not really be your friend if they leave you stranded after their first date.
  • This is a red flag if your friend or girlfriend goes missing every time he or she has a new romantic encounter, as it may mean that you are just a stopgap in their life.


  • Develop a code between you and the new couple to alert them when they are about to go overboard.
  • Don't think about it too much. You may not be taken for the fifth wheel of the coach. The friend who invites you often should enjoy your company, unless it is just out of kindness.

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