Maintaining good relations with his cousins is not always easy, but it will bring you a lot! Get to know your cousin or cousin, discuss issues you are having without hurting each other, and learn little by little. Your relationship with your cousin will last a lifetime, so finding a way to get along well will be well worth it.
Method 1 of 3: Control your reactions
Step 1. Shut up
Stay silent when they start doing something you don't like. When your cousin does something that annoys you, don't react right away. Saying nothing doesn't mean you are weak, you will actually be mature. Save your energy for interesting conversations, not petty arguments.
- Sometimes your cousin will stop doing what bothers you faster if you don't say anything.
- Often, he (she) will realize a little later that he was annoying. If you don't say anything, your cousin will even notice it more easily.
Step 2. Adopt the correct non-verbal responses
Your body language, the noises you make and your facial expressions communicate a certain message. If you communicate to your cousin that he is upsetting you, his reaction could be very negative.
Show maturity. Don't mumble, roll your eyes, or make faces at other people present to show them your annoyance
Step 3. Breathe in deeply and breathe out slowly
Instead of reacting virulently to your cousin's annoying behavior, take a deep breath. Let your emotions dissipate. As you breathe out, focus on a word to help keep you unresponsive, such as "calm", "compassion", or "everything is fine."
Step 4. Focus on the essentials
If you are tempted to argue with your cousin, put the situation in context. If you react negatively now, your cousin is unlikely to stop doing what makes you angry. Think about why he's doing this. Taking into account the context of his life, you may be able to show more compassion.
Ask yourself how much good will you get from an argument about this specific situation tomorrow or a month from now
Step 5. Take a break
Get out of the house and go for a walk or call a friend or loved one for a chat. Focus your energy on something else for a few minutes. Put on your headphones to isolate yourself from noise and listen to the music you love.
Be careful not to go out of the house too often and not to wear your headphones for too long. By isolating yourself too much, your relationship with your cousin will suffer
Step 6. Redirect the situation
This may be enough to calm you and your cousin. If your cousin does something that annoys you, ask him a question about a topic that is close to his heart. By being able to interact in a positive way with him, you will have a good time together.
- Discreetly take a break from the situation or conversation. Say something like, “By the way, I have a question for you. Then let a few seconds pass before asking this question.
- Point out what your cousin is doing. Don't bring up the fact that it's annoying, just be factual. Say "I see you playing video games, but I was wondering what you had planned with your friends this weekend." I wanted to know who is coming to Grandma's and if you will come with someone. "
Method 2 of 3: Take responsibility
Step 1. Correct the way you see your cousin
Your thought patterns might lead you to develop certain ideas about your cousin that are more in your head than in reality. These thoughts could hurt your relationship with your cousin a lot because they will make you be cold and aggressive with him for no real reason.
When you catch yourself rehashing everything you don't like about your cousin, distract yourself. Listen to music, read a book, talk to someone, or do something else
Step 2. Don't always think you know the reasons for their behavior
Thinking about knowing the reasons why someone does something is dangerous. It's easy to think you know everything about the situation when you know someone well. However, to understand the situation, you may need more elements.
- For example, you might think, "I know he's making noise just to piss me off." The reality could in fact be quite different. Maybe your cousin is playing video games very loudly to relax after a bad day at school.
- The next time you find yourself guessing the reasons for your cousin's behavior, ask him first. Say "why are you saying that?" "
Step 3. Have real conversations with him (her)
Get to know your cousin better. The more you know about your cousin, the more understanding you can be of what he does.
- Ask open-ended questions. Ask him what he likes to do or ask him about his romantic life.
- Listen to him carefully and do not interrupt him. To show your cousin that you are listening, nod, nod, and look him in the eye.
- Keep the conversation going. To show your cousin that you are listening to him, ask him more questions about the topic you are discussing. You could put the information you have end to end, for example asking "and has your best friend Anna been left out since you became friends with Maria?" "
Step 4. Share your passions with your cousin
Little cousins in particular want to participate in what their elders are doing. Even if they don't really like what you are doing, they are curious about your world. Share a little bit of your life with your cousin! Take him to a soccer game, eat with him or go for a walk in town just the two of you.
- Share stories from your life. Your cousin will also like to learn what is going on in your life.
- Laugh together. Make fun of each other or laugh at things that happen to you. Having a good sense of humor will help ease the mood in the future, when you annoy each other.
Method 3 of 3: Talk about the problem
Step 1. Ask to talk to him
Sooner or later you will have to bring up the subject of the problem with your cousin. This will lead to a healthy conversation and keep you on good terms. Make sure your cousin has time in front of him and go and speak in a place where you won't be disturbed.
If your cousin is busy, ask when he has time to talk
Step 2. Go to a quiet place
Find a place where you can talk without being interrupted. Stay away from your siblings, relatives or friends. Also stay away from televisions and computers. Make sure your phones are put away and you both can focus on the conversation.
Step 3. Start with the positive
Start by telling your cousin how much you appreciate and love him. Give him real examples of your shared history or of things he (she) did or said that you enjoyed. Before receiving criticism, people need to feel loved.
- Top performing teammates get 5 compliments for each criticism.
- Your cousin might think that you don't like him that much, and hearing otherwise might make him listen to you better.
- If you don't usually speak that way, you may be able to opt for lyrics that are more natural to you. You will just have to make sure that your cousin actually believes that you care about him.
Step 4. Address a problem by conversation
Avoid talking about all the problems you have with your cousin in one conversation. He would feel attacked and the exchange is unlikely to lead to anything positive. Focus on a single problem that you are having in your relationship that you can work on.
Step 5. Acknowledge your role in the problem
When you bring up the subject with your cousin, also talk about your responsibilities in the situation. Tell your cousin that you aren't blaming him entirely, but that you need his help in solving the problem. By accepting your role in the situation, you will appear more reasonable and may motivate your cousin to try to find a solution to the situation.
- Give real examples of how you are contributing to the problem. For example, you could say “I know I hurt you when I told you you weren't good enough to join the basketball team. "
- Ask for forgiveness and admit your mistakes. For example, tell your cousin, “I'm sorry, I was angry and I shouldn't have said that. "
- Tell your cousin what you will do differently in the future. You might say, "From now on, I'll think more about what I'm going to say instead of speaking out of anger." "
- If you have lots of examples of your cousin's wrongs and don't have a similar example of how you are contributing to the problem, your cousin will be less likely to believe in your sincerity.
Step 6. Watch your language
Explain your feelings and reasons, and don't speak in anger. Say that you may not understand the whole situation and explain what is coming out of your cousin's actions, whether it's your feelings or some other consequence.
- For example, you might say, “When you don't tell me the truth, I feel like I can't trust you. "
- Avoid sounding overly critical. You will be able to be clear, without being too harsh. Don't say "you always lie", rather "you don't always tell me the truth. "