Breakups are never easy. If you want to leave your boyfriend, you might not know how to go about it. Before you talk to her, think about why you want to break up and plan what you're going to say. When you're ready, try talking to her face to face. Be as clear as possible and leave no ambiguity, as you may give your partner false hopes. Try to end on a nice or positive note before you go your way.
Part 1 of 3: Choose a place and time
Step 1. Announce your decision in person
You've been through a lot with your boyfriend. The best way to show that you respect your relationship is to break up face to face. If the two of you are far from each other, schedule a video chat. If that is not possible, your best bet is to call him.
- Do not leave him via text or on a chat, as it is impersonal and he will be hurt. Only resort to a letter or an email if you've ever tried to leave your partner and he made you change your mind.
- If your boyfriend is abusive towards you and you want to end the relationship, you can leave him by phone, email, or letter. The most important is your safety.
Step 2. Choose a private location
Have your boyfriend take a walk with you or hang out in a park or something like that. That way, when you're done talking, everyone can go their own way. If you invite him over to your house, it might get awkward or he might try not to leave.
- If you don't know how he is likely to react, you can plan to meet him in a more public place, like a coffee shop.
- If you are afraid of his reaction, ask a friend to come with you. It can stay out of sight, but be around and ready to jump in in case you need it.
Step 3. Pick a good time
Plan to reunite with your boyfriend at a time when you can both talk privately without distraction. Wait until the end of the day rather than leaving him in the morning, when he will have to face a whole day of work or school. If possible, do it on a Friday so you both have the entire weekend to deal with your emotions in private, each on your own.
Step 4. Don't get carried away
Avoid breaking up during an argument. When you argue, it can be hard to lose your temper and say things that you don't really mean. Take the time to think calmly before leaving your boyfriend. You may find that you want to try and resolve issues with him or your perspective on the situation may change.
Take a few days to think twice before deciding that you really want to break up
Step 5. Don't wait too long
It's important to take the time to think about what you want to do, but once you've made up your mind, don't try to push the conversation away. The longer you wait, the more painful it will be for your boyfriend when you leave him. It is also possible that someone else will teach him what you plan to do before you tell him.
Part 2 of 3: Talking about your feelings
Step 1. Prepare what you are going to say
Before you talk to your boyfriend, rehearse what you're going to say to him with someone you trust. You can also do it alone in front of a mirror. Anticipate the reaction of your companion and prepare your answers based on what you think he will say.
- This preparation can help you avoid losing track or saying something that you might regret.
- Remember, you can prepare the best you can, but there's no guarantee that your boyfriend will react the way you anticipated.
Step 2. Get straight to the point
Breakups are hard enough. Once you've started the conversation, don't wait any longer than necessary. Tell your boyfriend right away that you want to have a serious conversation. You could use one of the following sentences.
- “I need to talk to you about something important. "
- “I thought about our relationship carefully and made a decision. "
Step 3. Be clear
Make it clear that you want to break up. Be delicate, but firm so that there is no ambiguity. Do not leave anything open to misinterpretation, as your companion may harbor false hopes. In general, it is best to say that you want to break up in a simple and explicit way. For example, you could say one of the following things.
- “I want us to go our separate ways. "
- “We can be friends, but I don't want to be with you anymore. "
- “I'm not happy in this relationship with you. "
Step 4. Be honest
Be clear about why you want to break up. Be direct and don't beat around the bush. It's best to tell your boyfriend why your relationship isn't right for you in a clear and honest way. You could say one of the following sentences.
- “I don't want to have a serious relationship right now. "
- “I don't feel good about our relationship. I am no longer happy. "
- “We spend more time arguing than having fun together. "
- “I met another person. "
Step 5. Don't lie
If you are ending the relationship for specific reasons, don't say things like, "I don't have enough time to be in a relationship right now." He can take this as an open door and get back to you later …
Step 6. Apologize
Tell your boyfriend you're sorry for hurting him. You have to be honest about your reasons for leaving him, but that doesn't stop you from telling him how sorry you are for making him suffer. Try to put yourself in his shoes and imagine how he feels. You could say something like the following sentences to him.
- "I'm sorry if what I'm telling you hurts you." "
- "It pains me to hurt you so much." "
- “I imagine this is difficult for you, I'm so sorry. "
Step 7. Let him talk
Your ex will likely have things to say once you tell them you're leaving. Respect him and really listen to what he has to say to you. Let him do the talking, but if he starts begging you to stay or trying to change your mind, be firm and repeat your decision. Then tell her that you think it's time for you to go.
If he starts to be abusive or violent, tell him, “I don't feel safe, I'm leaving. When leaving, call a friend and tell them what's going on
Step 8. End on a positive note
End the conversation as quickly as possible, but try to end by saying something nice or positive. Still, be honest and don't say something you don't mean just to be nice or to be able to leave quickly. You could try using a phrase like one of the following.
- “I will never forget what I went through with you. "
- "The next person you meet will be lucky to be with you." "
- “I know we will always count for each other. "
- “I'm really happy that I got to know you. "
Part 3 of 3: Turn the page
Step 1. Cut the bridges
After you leave your boyfriend, minimize the chances that one of you will try to contact the other. Get rid of your ex's belongings to avoid having a reason to see him again later. Delete it from your contacts in your phone and on social networks.
Break up for good. Don't be persuaded to talk to your ex just to make them feel better. This might make him think he has a chance to get back with you
Step 2. Give it time
If you want to be friends with your ex, give them time to recover before you talk to them. You can't expect him to immediately turn the page and just become your friend, especially if he was devastated after the breakup. It might also be a good idea to avoid places where it is often found for a while.
Step 3. Interact to a minimum
If you do have to see your ex, keep these interactions short and polite. If you continue to talk to her after the breakup, be careful at first. Too much contact could make him believe that he has a chance to get back with you. Keep all your interactions short and down to earth.
- For example, if you see your ex in a social setting with a group of friends, you might just say hello and then sit down with other people to avoid having to talk to him too much.
- Avoid asking him questions about his personal life and giving him information about yours when you need to interact with him.
Step 4. Seek support
Ask your friends and family for support. Just because you are the one who decided to break up doesn't mean you aren't in pain too. Spend time with supportive friends and talk to them about your feelings. If you need to express yourself, do so with them. Family members can also support you after the breakup.
- You could organize a movie night with friends to think about something else. Pick a comedy or other light-hearted movie to stay in a good mood.
- Go to lunch with a parent, brother or sister. If you need to express your feelings, do so. Otherwise, just enjoy this time together.
Step 5. Change your daily life
Try to start new activities or meet new people. The time you spend as a couple after a breakup can leave a void in your life. Practice new activities and change your routine to avoid feeling this lack too much.
- For example, if you used to go to class with your boyfriend, start going with another group of friends.
- Try to join a club or association. Try new restaurants and find new parks. Fill your schedule with enjoyable activities and social outings.
- Spend more time on your activities or start a new one you've always wanted to do. You could take cooking lessons, play sports, or join a theater club.
Step 6. Take the time to breathe
Don't immediately embark on a new relationship. After breaking up, take the time to get over the relationship before starting another. Try to introspect and assess what was wrong with the relationship you ended, and be prepared to meet other people. If you date another person too soon when you haven't fully recovered from the breakup, that would be unfair to them.