4 ways to avoid divorce

4 ways to avoid divorce
4 ways to avoid divorce
Anonim

If your marriage is going downhill, you or your spouse may be considering a divorce. It's never too late to make things right, however. Changing the nature of your relationships and your own behaviors can help you find a fulfilling marriage.

Steps

Method 1 of 4: Work on yourself

Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 1

Step 1. Listen to your partner

Open communication is essential, so listen to your partner when they want to talk to you about their concerns. Pay attention and give yourself the opportunity to work on any issues you are having.

  • If you're wondering how to improve your relationship, ask your partner.
  • Expect so much respect from your partner.
  • If your partner is verbally aggressive or refuses the conversation, explain that this behavior hurts you.
Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 2

Step 2. Stay positive

Your spouse has fallen in love with a balanced person. If you are exhausted by these conflicts in your marriage, take a step back. When you feel down, think back to the good times you had together.

  • Your happiness should not depend on another person. Focus on yourself first.
  • If you expect the worst from your partner, you will end up seeing only the problems within your relationship. Pay attention to the small changes made by your spouse and share the positive moments with him.
Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 3

Step 3. Be flexible

It is important that you are prepared to compromise. If you have different goals and opinions, listen to yourself and be open.

  • Favor dialogue and not monologues.
  • Detach yourself from certain details. If your partner didn't cook the meal you wanted or refused to go to a soccer game with you, that's okay. Choose your battles.
  • Being flexible doesn't mean you have to let it go. Hold your positions when necessary.
Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 4

Step 4. Keep up appearances

Physical appearance is still important in a couple, so when you go out, wear a nice outfit to show them that the time you spend together is important to you. Eat a balanced diet, exercise regularly and make an effort to dress so that your partner is always attracted to you.

Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 5

Step 5. Maintain healthy and open communication

Only talk to your partner when you're in a good mood, don't yell at them, and take a step back when you feel your conflicts are too important.

  • Avoid topics that trigger conflicts within your relationship.
  • Communicate only when you are sober and rested.
Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 6

Step 6. Balance your time

Spend time on your own. Reserve activities that you like to do together (like going to the movies) for your partner. But when you feel the need to step back, take a step back. You are not two clones and do not necessarily share the same interests, so give yourself the time and space to develop on your own.

  • Set aside evenings that you will spend with your spouse.
  • Also spend time with your friends.
Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 7

Step 7. Stay loyal to your spouse

It can be tempting to go on an adventure with someone who matches your expectations. But remember, your spouse is your family, and severing that bond can break your marriage.

Identify situations and people that may lead you to infidelity and avoid them as much as possible

Method 2 of 4: Accept your partner

Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 8

Step 1. See your partner as he is

The way we see our partner and the person they really are are sometimes completely different. It's important that you don't just focus on their flaws. Remember how sweet, caring, and loving he can be. Trust him when he tells you he can change, and empower him to make those changes.

  • Pushing your partner to change won't make you happier. He will feel trapped by your requests and you will be frustrated by the lack of change.
  • Don't compare your partner to someone else.
Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 9

Step 2. Focus on its qualities

Think back to your meeting and the good times we had together. Avoid focusing only on its flaws, as soon you will only see them.

Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 10

Step 3. Show empathy

Put yourself in your spouse's shoes. Imagine how you would feel if you were asked to change at all. We all tend to be in a defensive position when we feel attacked on our personality.

Understand how and why your husband reacts to criticism in this way and change your approach. Explain, for example, that you may feel hurt by his requests and he too will be less demanding

Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 11

Step 4. Take a step back

Nobody is perfect. Be honest with each other about what can push you towards divorce and what is just annoying. Speaking too loudly or making spelling mistakes is not an end to your marriage. Be forgiving of your own flaws and mistakes, and take a step back if you want to save your marriage.

Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 12

Step 5. Accept yourself

Perhaps this lack of indulgence towards your partner stems from a lack of confidence in you. If you are unhappy with your life, it will be difficult for you to accept your spouse for who he is.

  • Don't have too high or unrealistic expectations and understand that you and your spouse share flaws that are unique to you.
  • Don't expect your spouse to be your one and only source of personal growth.

Method 3 of 4: Work together

Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 13

Step 1. Spice up your sex life

Conflicts within your marriage can strain your sexual relationships. But both physical and emotional intimacy is essential if you want to save your marriage.

  • Don't overlook romance. Take the time to organize a candlelight dinner, go see a movie together, or go bowling. Show your love to your partner and let them know that you love them and appreciate the time you spend together.
  • Arrange scented candles in your room. Give your spouse a massage. Stimulating the senses of your partner will allow you to revive your libido.
  • You can also try new positions or use lingerie, read erotic literature, or watch pornographic movies. Spicing up your sex life will mean more variety in your relationships.
Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 14

Step 2. Talk about your dreams and desires

It is important that you share something other than the hassle of everyday life. Present your vision for your future together. You will thus realize the extent of the possibilities available to you and thus avoid divorce.

  • Ask yourself the following questions with your spouse.

    • What can my spouse achieve? How can I help him achieve his dreams?
    • Where could we travel together?
    • What could we do after we retire?
  • Invite your husband to share his dreams and desires as well. Project yourself into the future together.
  • These conversations should not be used as an excuse to blame yourself.
Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 15

Step 3. Identify the points you need to work on

Don't put the blame on your spouse. Talk to each other about the problems you are having and how you can solve them.

  • Express these issues by speaking in the first person, such as "I wish we spent more time together." Your partner will perceive them less as a criticism, but as a desire for change.
  • If your spouse blames you that are not deserved, defend yourself, but do not attack back. Instead, take his point of view.
Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 16

Step 4. Strengthen the bonds you share with your partner

Be generous, affectionate, and compliment him. Meet his emotional and material needs and love him the way you would like him to love you.

  • Tell your husband that you love him every day.
  • Give him little gifts and surprises. Cook dinner for him, buy flowers, etc.
  • Restoring your confidence and affection will take time. Be patient and determined.
Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 17

Step 5. Detach from the past

Make a list of times your partner has hurt you. Include only the most significant episodes. Swap your list with your partner's and acknowledge that you have both contributed to the conflicts within your relationship. This will allow you to forgive yourself.

Be tolerant, even if your partner isn't

Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 18

Step 6. Be open to change

Show your partner that you'll do the best you can, but that it might take a while. Do your best to change and expect the same devotion from your partner.

Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 19

Step 7. Get couples therapy

An outside mediator will give you an objective point of view as well as advice to resolve your conflicts and improve your marriage.

  • Therapy sessions generally last one hour per week. But seeing your therapist more regularly may be advisable if you are really going through a difficult time.
  • You can also take group therapy. The problems encountered by other couples will allow you, for example, to find solutions that you had not necessarily thought of.

Method 4 of 4: Trying to separate

Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 20

Step 1. Try to take a break

It will only be a temporary separation giving you time to reflect on your feelings without your partner being present. You will be able to remember how much you love your spouse, because distance often rekindles the flame of love.

Your spouse may not agree with this idea. Explain the benefits this can have for your relationship

Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 21

Step 2. Decide on the length of your separation

The ideal duration will be between 3 and 6 months. A longer period can make the reunion more complicated, as you will have become accustomed to celibacy.

Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 22

Step 3. Set the terms of your separation, both financial and practical

Write these conditions down to avoid misunderstandings. In particular, you should mention the following points.

  • Are you both moving? Or just one of you?
  • Where are you going to live?
  • Are you still going to share your bank account? And your credit card?
Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 23

Step 4. Think about your children

Make sure they understand the situation and know that despite your conflicts, you still love them just as much.

  • Your children may react very badly to the news of this separation. Talk to them and be vigilant if they refuse to go to school or express excessive anger.
  • Some may think this is the cause of your separation. Explain to them that this is not their fault at all.
  • Arrange shared custody with your spouse. Your children should not change homes more than once a week so that their education does not suffer.
Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 24

Step 5. Use your time smarter

Separation will not solve all of your problems. For example, talk to a conflict therapist in your marriage.

  • Continue to attend your couples therapy sessions. This separation should not be an excuse to cut off communication between you and your partner. Solve your problems with the help of your therapist.
  • Do not take advantage of this separation to relive your single life. Don't try to have an affair, because the reason for this separation is simply to take a step back from your marriage.
Avoid Getting a Divorce Step 25

Step 6. Make a decision

Did you manage to solve your problems or are they on the contrary insurmountable? Talk about your feelings with your spouse and clarify your issues.

Your partner will not necessarily come to the same conclusion as you. Prepare to have to file for divorce if either of you want to after this separation

Warnings

  • Don't try to fix a broken relationship. If your spouse has hurt you physically or harmed your children or your family, file for a divorce.
  • Protect yourself immediately in the event of physical violence. Call a foster home, the police, your family or friends and ask them to help you.
  • Don't stay married just because of your children.
  • If you are not compatible, divorce is probably the best solution.

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