It's hard to separate, but it's great to get your ex to want to come back to you. The process of winning back begins immediately after the break-up. Any actions you take can help you succeed or put you at a disadvantage. By taking the time to analyze your relationship, to work on your own person and to communicate with her strategically, you will succeed in winning her back.
Part 1 of 2: prepare to win her back
Step 1. Apply the distance rule
Set a period of time during which you will have no contact with your ex. This includes messages, phone calls, face-to-face or social media meetings. You should neither contact nor reply to her. This will allow you both to get over the situation and take stock of your feelings.
- The distance period lasts between 21 and 45 days. Whatever length of time you set, stick to it.
- The time apart will give you both enough time to recover from the separation and your ex time to miss you.
- If you broke up on bad terms, this time will allow both of you to calm down and let go of any negative feelings.
Step 2. Stop following her on social media
Although you may no longer speak with your ex, seeing her photos or knowing what she is doing will make you want to contact her. Being always on top of your life through social media will only make it harder for you. You might also come across information that will hurt you, such as finding out that she is dating someone else.
- If you need to stop following or blocking your ex on social media, then do it. However, she doesn't have to know that you are doing this.
- Don't post any status to show how down or depressed you are about the relationship.
Step 3. Evaluate the relationship
Since you are no longer in touch with your ex, you have time to think about the relationship. Take into account the disadvantages as well as the advantages of the relationship. Think about what you have done right, and what you have also done wrong. Also think about what you would do differently if you had another chance with her.
It might help you to write down the pros and cons on a piece of paper. It will also allow you to reflect on the relationship
Step 4. Take care of yourself
You need to be at your best. This will make you look more attractive to your ex when you contact her again. Eat healthy and exercise. Spend time with your friends and loved ones. Do things you didn't have time for when you were a couple, including reading, playing video games, volunteering, and more.
- It's okay if you also don't feel like going out or seeing people. Do whatever it takes to heal from the relationship. You can watch movies alone at home, keep a journal or meditate.
- If during the course of the relationship you were prone to anger and fits of jealousy and there were issues like insecurity, taking it for granted, or being the type to be in control, start. to work on fixing that. Seek professional help if you need it.
- Write down what kind of man you want to be and start working on those things.
Step 5. Avoid talking badly about her
It's possible that after breaking up with her, you want to talk badly about her and you might say things that you don't really mean. Talking bad things about her in front of your loved ones, friends or yours won't help you at all. If she found out what you were saying about her, your chances of getting her back would be reduced to zero.
- Make an effort not to divulge the details of your relationship.
- Also, avoid posting statuses on social media that deal with your relationship. This includes any subliminal message like quotes, videos or song lyrics.
Part 2 of 2: Making contact with your ex-girlfriend
Step 1. Contact your ex
As soon as the period of distance comes to an end, contact your ex. You can send him an e-mail, a message, a letter or telephone him for this purpose. If you send her a letter or an email, let her know you've gotten used to the breakup. Then ask her forgiveness for everything you've done wrong and end by telling her something interesting about you since your breakup.
- If you opt for a message, write something that will start the discussion. Try to say something playful that isn't negative.
- Try something like Hi, I was watching a movie and it reminded me of you. You also have the option to tell her in your message about a good memory you had in the meantime. Say for example I just remembered the day we went to this magnificent restaurant …
- In your first post, you shouldn't mention that she misses you, still love her, or want her to come back.
Step 2. Acknowledge your mistakes and apologize
You've had plenty of time to think about the relationship, so it's time to admit your wrongs and apologize. This will show her that you have matured and taken the time to think about everything that has happened between you. She will also see how much you have started to do to become a better man.
You can do this face to face or over the phone. However, it is better to avoid having long and emotional discussions by message
Step 3. Ask to see it
Once you and your ex start chatting again, ask her if she would agree to date one of these four with you. Make an effort to be polite and neutral when asking the question and keep it as light as possible. Try a phrase like Hi, do you want us to go have a coffee one of these days? or What if we saw each other one of these days to discuss and reconnect? You can also use the expression hanging out together at the expense of dating.
- If she starts to hesitate, you might say It's just coffee you know. What is wrong?
- If she doesn't want to see you again, don't push and give her some space. Tell him something like I respect your decision, but let me know if you change your mind. It would be great to see you again.
Step 4. Court her again
If you want to win her back, you have to do whatever you did to charm her the first time around. If you used to send her flowers or pretty messages, start doing it again. See the opportunity as a new relationship. You have to crack her again.
- While you want to impress her, don't play the affectionate boy card and beg her to come back. You will not be able to make him see your weakness and your instability. She needs to come back with you because you're a better man, not because she feels sorry for you.
- Don't tell her things like I can't live without you.
Step 5. Don't dwell on the past
You and your ex are starting from scratch. Focus on the positive things that made the relationship work the first time around. If you won her over with your sense of humor the first time, keep being funny. If she had been charmed by your cooking skills, then cook her a good meal.
Focus on writing a new page in your story with her. She needs to see how different things will be this time around
Step 6. Take it easy to start
You can't pick up the relationship where you left off when you get back together. Take the time to get to know each other again and pretend it's a whole new relationship. You also don't have to corner or pressure him to get back together. Focus on building a strong, friendly relationship.
- Don't call or write to him every day either.
- Go out together and do some activities. Rediscover what she likes, what she doesn't like and her habits.
- Forget about the physical side of the relationship and take more time to chat.
Step 7. Know when to quit
If your ex is completely resisting all of your efforts, you need to respect their decision. If she asks you to leave her alone or has already moved on, you should do the same. If you put too much pressure or insist too much, you will become cumbersome and even lose all your chances of winning it back in the future.
If she has a new boyfriend, respect her new relationship. Don't push her to break up with her new boyfriend in order to come back with you. Be patient and see if her new relationship is serious or if it's just a stopgap
- Heartaches hurt, but you have to be strong. Chat with her and if she still doesn't want to come back with you, accept her decision and move on.
- Be patient. Winning it back may take longer than expected.
- If you want the idea of getting back together to come from your ex, you have to be the man she's always wanted.
- Even if you can't win it back, you won't die.