At the end of a relationship, many exes find themselves in a troubled area. Are permanent advances from your ex just inconvenience or do they constitute harassment? The answer to this question is not always easy. However, there are ways to find out and warning signs to look out for. The actions to be taken in the case of innocent attempts to resume the relationship or characteristic harassment are different. However, there are some basic things you can do in either case.
Part 1 of 2: Identify the degree of harassment
Step 1. Know the difference
Assault, abuse, threats and even permanent "stalking" are facts punishable by law. If you suffer from this kind of harassment, you should notify the authorities immediately. They'll watch your ex and might even ask him to keep his distance. On the other hand, your ex may not be hurting you physically or emotionally, he may not have come to terms with the breakup. In this case, there are things you can do to help her come to terms with your relationship being over.
- A restraining order prohibits her from having any interaction with you. If he does not respect her, he could be arrested by the police.
- Sometimes there is a legal difference between harassment and domestic violence. These occur in the context of close family members or people who are in a relationship. Harassment occurs between two people who are neither parents nor in a relationship. However, the illegal behavior is the same, assault, abuse, threats, and other harmful physical or emotional behavior.
- Abuse can be physical or emotional. Hitting, shouting and cursing are examples of abuse. Basically, these are facts that hurt you.
- Threats of abuse can be just as emotionally damaging. They can be clear or implied.
- He might annoy you with repeated emails or calls. If he calls you often to find out what you think of him, that might not constitute harassment.
Step 2. Note his behavior
If the harassment gets worse, you may want to change your mind and go to the authorities. They will then need details about your ex's actions. It's always helpful to write down everything he does to you in case you start to think he might get violent.
- Note who was there, what happened, where, when and why, this will help the police who will ask you these questions anyway.
- How many times has this happened?
- Were you alone when he harassed you?
- Did you tell him to stop making advances on you?
- Is there any physical evidence of this harassment? It probably isn't going to be necessary to file a complaint against him if there is no physical evidence of his actions, but you could file a handrail.
Step 3. Tell him that his behavior is not acceptable
It might seem obvious to you, but you might be able to stop it by expressing your fears and embarrassment. It is also the first step to take in the event of legal action against this type of behavior. By proving that you asked him to stop, his actions following your request may fall under the law.
- Place limits on how often the person can contact you and under what conditions.
- For example, try saying, “I know you just want to spend more time with me, but your repeated calls make me uncomfortable. I wish you'd stop calling me for at least two weeks. I will get back in touch with you if absolutely necessary. He might be more comfortable with the situation if you give him a set period to stick to. After the two weeks or whatever period you have decided on, he may no longer feel the need to harass you.
Step 4. Know how to recognize harmless acts
Not all types of harassment are criminal or violent. It could only be the consequence of the feelings he still has for you or the hurt in his ego. Don't be too hard on your ex during their time of grieving after the breakup. There is no reason to contact the police if they do not harm you.
For example, he might try to bring you lunch at work. You probably don't want him to do it, but it's just food. Try to take a step back from yourself and the relationship to see his behavior in its most basic form
Step 5. Ask yourself if it is reasonable
Imagine that there are neutral witnesses who observe your ex's potentially abusive actions. Would they feel the need to call the police? If so, his actions are likely against the law. It is important that you consider whether he threatens your safety as soon as possible so that you can contact the police before he harms you.
For example, remember when you last met. Did he raise his voice, physically abuse you a bit, or refer to possible abuse in the future? Did he use threatening language? If not, he probably wanted to see you again to ask you what was wrong with the relationship, not to try to threaten you back
Part 2 of 2: Manage a persistent ex
Step 1. Avoid it
If his behavior remains rational, you will encourage him to make advances to you if you meet. Don't give him a reason to do so. Try to avoid it as much as possible. It might be difficult if you work together or have the same friends. Either way, the more you reduce your contact with him, the easier it will be for him to get used to the idea that you are no longer together.
- Also block him on social networks and his phone number.
- Take note of your ex's attempts to see you more often after you turn off the ignition. This irrational behavior could be a sign of harassment or even psychosis. If he becomes increasingly desperate or abusive, contact the police immediately.
Step 2. Talk to your friends and family
It is important that you have a support network at times like this. By keeping others up to date with your ex's actions, you'll also have objective judges who can tell you if he's crossing the line. Ask them to contact you regularly to make sure that you are okay and that the embarrassment caused by your ex has not turned into harassment.
If you can't get help from your friends or relatives, focus on loving yourself
Step 3. Don't answer him
If he leaves you messages that make you angry, take a moment before you do anything. It might be better if you didn't answer them at all and let him choke on his hatred. Otherwise, you might also find that if you reply to him, it will make him want to keep contacting you even more. If so, you should only send positive, respectful, and short responses. Make it clear to him that you no longer want to be in a relationship with him.
- If he keeps texting you, send him a short one like, "I don't want to date you anymore." Please stop texting me. "
- Don't try to be polite, if the person is harassing you, they don't deserve it.
Step 4. Create a message filter or a new email account
Until you feel better, you might prefer not to see the messages he sends you. Most email clients allow you to easily filter unwanted messages. However, if you don't even want to feel the temptation to open his messages, you could create a new temporary email account for yourself. Share this address only with those who need to contact you and explain to them why. Make sure your ex can't find this address to create a little safe space for you.
If you want to know how to create a filter for your mailbox, check out this article
Step 5. Block their phone number
It's going to be much harder to ignore your phone calls and answering machine messages than your emails. It could become a major source of stress until the problem goes away. Fortunately, you can easily block phone numbers. Check out this guide to find out how to do it depending on the carrier you are using.
Step 6. Find new friends
If he's in your circle of friends, you can take the opportunity to explore new hobbies and make new friends. There is little risk that your old friends will stop talking to you unless they have a good reason to. Otherwise, you can also relieve some of your stress by keeping your distance. They'll also appreciate it if you don't get them involved in your argument.
Step 7. Keep interactions short
Sometimes it is impossible to avoid contact with your ex. If you have to do it, do it in public and don't flaunt yourself. There is little risk that he will try to behave badly in public, and you should feel more comfortable then. If it crosses the line, the people around you could come and help you or at least act as witnesses.
If you seem stressed or hysterical, your ex might feel like they need to help you. By staying calm and chatting in public places, he might see that you are happy and he is not going to want to bother you anymore. After all, if he really cares about you, he's going to want you to be happy, but if it's done without him
- If you feel threatened or unsafe at any time, you should contact the police immediately.
- If you've ever thought about changing locks or moving out, their behavior is probably abusive. He doesn't have to threaten you directly for you to get the message. Contact the police immediately.
- Keep the relationship cycle in mind. Everyone needs more or less time to get over a breakup, which is why you've already accepted it and they still reject it. For people who didn't want the breakup, it can take weeks or even months to get over it. Others even need years. The length of the period needed depends on the length of the relationship and the level of intimacy you had together. If several days or weeks have passed since the break-up, it's normal for your ex to want to get back into the relationship. He might feel hurt. Avoid contacting the police unless he becomes violent or abusive, as this will hurt him even more.