Separating from anyone can be very difficult. For younger people, emotions can be very intense and difficult to control. A separation can therefore lead you to think that you will never be happy again. It all gets worse if the person you broke up with is the one you lost your virginity to. Having sex with someone for the first time is a very intense time in your life and can be impossible to forget. However, in reality, most people don't spend the rest of their lives with the person they lost their virginity with, and the majority eventually manage to move on.
Method 1 of 3: Manage your emotions
Step 1. Accept your feelings
At the end of any relationship, there will be a period of sadness. You have suffered a loss and therefore will feel deeply sad for a while. Accept this situation and let go. Take the time to cry and digest what has happened.
Psychologists believe that early experiences are usually more memorable and still have emotional power throughout our lives. This means that it will take a little while for you to get over your ex. It also means that you are likely to never forget it. Instead of trying to do this, just come to terms with how you feel
Step 2. Look at the situation from another perspective
Likewise, although early emotional experiences are powerful, it is possible to overstate their importance. In most cultures, the loss of virginity is often seen as a defining moment in a person's life, but it is actually not a watershed moment for most people.
- After mourning the breakup for a few days, put the situation in perspective. You are still the same person after losing your virginity.
- Remember that you are the only person who can define the romantic and sexual moments that are important in your life. If you don't want to look back and see it as the sexual experience of your life, then don't. You have had an experience with one person, but you will have a different kind of sexual experience with another that may be more special afterwards. You may not have experienced the most important moment for you yet.
Step 3. Avoid negative thoughts
Many people often think negative things about themselves when they end a relationship. Usually, this happens more often when you are not the person who decided to end the relationship. These feelings of rejection can spark negative thoughts in you.
- If you feel that your ex rejected you, you can tell that it happened because you are not good enough or beautiful enough. You may be telling yourself that you will never find happiness again. If you've lost your virginity to someone who later rejected you, you might have a hard time forgetting about it.
- If you catch yourself thinking about this, change your thoughts to more positive ones. Your ex may not want to be with you anymore, but others will. Rejection does not in any way make you an inferior person.
Step 4. Be realistic about the future
When you are ready to think about the future, there are two realities you need to consider: finding happiness again and going your own way.
- You need to be realistic about your chances of being happy again. You were happy before it happened and you will be again. In life, you will love other people.
- Don't think about getting back together with your ex one day. The love of youth is powerful, but in most cases it does not last long. You and your ex are at a point in life where you go through several rapid changes and continue to find out who you are. Such changes often separate young people. It's nobody's fault and all you can do is move on and let your ex do the same.
Step 5. Contain your grief
For your own good, limit the time you spend mourning the loss of your ex. After a few days, if you can manage to separate your sadness from other areas of your life, you can start to overcome it.
- For example, you can decide not to devote more than an hour a day to your grief. Schedule times to feel the pain twice a day for 30 minutes, but after that you need to engage in some other activity that occupies your mind. After a while, reduce those sad moments to 15 minutes, twice a day.
- Some people find that locking their pain in an imaginary box that they open at some point makes this feeling boring. Ultimately, it can help you lose interest in those sad emotions and move on with your life.
Method 2 of 3: Take action to feel better
Step 1. Keep your distance
As difficult as it can be, when trying to get over the intense feelings you are currently feeling, the best thing you can do is to distance yourself as much as possible from your ex. Do not see him, do not call him, do not text him or communicate with him in any way.
- This doesn't mean that you can never be friends, but as long as you still have intense feelings for your ex, spending time with him will make it harder and keep you from moving on because you won't. will just rehash the good memories. Spend some time away from him and after getting over the situation you can try to maintain a friendly relationship with him.
- You might have a hard time keeping your distance if he's attending the same school as you, especially if you're in the same class. You don't have to be rude to him or pretend he doesn't exist, but avoid situations where you have to interact. If necessary, ask him to do the same.
Step 2. Chat with other people
You don't have to go through this difficult time alone. Find a trusted friend or loved one to share your feelings with. It is okay to ask for help.
- According to psychologists, people who talk about their separation get over it faster, although talking about it evokes more feelings of sadness or rejection.
- Losing your virginity is a touchy subject. So be sure to talk to someone you trust and who won't judge you or share your personal feelings with others.
Step 3. Get rid of your memories
While it is likely that you will never forget your ex or the fact that you lost your virginity to him, you should not remember this all the time. Store items that remind you of that person in a place where you won't see them.
- This includes any gifts you received from him, photos you took together, or anything like that.
- Some people decide to throw away or destroy these memories, especially when they feel upset or rejected. Some people end up regretting this decision later. A better idea is to keep them in a box where you won't see them. After forgetting about your ex and feeling less emotional, you may decide to keep either of these items.
Step 4. Keep a journal
This is a great way to deal with your emotions. Get a journal and use it to write down how you are feeling. You can use it as a diary or to write poems, stories or songs about how you are feeling.
- It can be as useful as talking to another person and can be a place to express anything that you think is too private to be shared with another person.
- If something good happens to you that makes you feel better in your life, you should also write it down. This will keep you focused on the positive changes that have taken place in your life.
Step 5. Rediscover your personality
After separation, many people have personality issues. Even in a brief relationship, it's easy to start thinking of your relationship with the other person as an important part of who you are. Overcoming such a feeling will allow you to rediscover who you are without that person.
- This is a great time to reflect on your goals and try new things. You can indulge in a new hobby, hang out with friends, exercise or play sports, or make those changes in your life that you have wanted to make for so long.
- Focusing on the present and creating new, positive experiences will help you overcome how you feel about your ex.
Method 3 of 3: Move on
Step 1. Take your time
The sad reality of any separation is that it will take time to get over it, and there is no way to quickly forget this painful part. Accept that it will take a while for you to get over your ex completely, and you shouldn't try to do it quickly.
Psychologists have found that it takes an average of eleven weeks for a person to observe positive changes after a relationship ends. Don't be surprised if it takes a little longer. The fact that there was a memorable first time in your relationship makes this emotional recovery intense
Step 2. Don't be disappointed
Many people believe that the best way to quickly forget someone is to go out and find someone else as soon as possible. Some people think that having sex with another person will make you forget about your ex. However, these experiments carried out out of spite are not healthy.
- Dating or having sex again before you forget your ex can lead you to make comparisons between the new person and your ex (whom you may still love). Ultimately, you will feel more lonely than before.
- Getting into a new relationship quickly before you even forget about your ex can be damaging for you and the person you started dating.
- If losing your virginity has been a negative experience, you shouldn't be in a hurry to go out or have sex with another person. A bad first experience like this sometimes causes people to seek similar experiences with others, which leads to more pain and disappointment. Wait until you get your emotions under control before you get emotionally or sexually involved in a relationship with another person.
Step 3. Start dating when you feel ready
When you feel like you've forgotten your ex, or at least no longer constantly feel intense emotional pain, you can start looking for a new relationship. Only you know the right time.