After a breakup, it's normal to feel stuck in the past. It might seem difficult to move on, but you need to focus on the small steps you take forward. Right after the breakup, take care of your broken heart to start putting the pieces of your life back together. Then you can analyze your emotions and become more independent. Once you are ready, you can go out with other people to try and find a connection.
Method 1 of 4: Deal with your broken heart
Step 1. Take care of yourself within a week of breaking up
Breakups can be tough, but you can feel better if you take care of yourself. Make sure you meet your personal needs and allow yourself the right to participate in healthy activities that make you feel better. In addition, you might force yourself to be more active and go out more, as this will improve your mood.
For example, you could enjoy your favorite meals, take dance lessons, or treat yourself to a spa treatment. Likewise, invite your friends to play a sport together, such as basketball or bowling
Step 2. Make new habits to regain control
Now is a good time to create the life you want and some new habits will help you do it! Set up a schedule that will help you remember your responsibilities, work on your goals, hang out with your friends, and participate in your hobbies. Then adjust your schedule as necessary to keep up with your agenda.
- Include your meals, showers and household chores so you don't forget them.
- Do something you love to do everyday. You have the right to be happy!
- For example, you could take a shower, have a healthy breakfast, write in your journal, go to class or work, go out to dinner with friends, paint, take an online class, or relax before you go to bed.
Step 3. Stay active so you don't rehash your thoughts
While you might want to curl up on the couch with a bowl of ice cream, it will actually make it worse. Instead, try doing something that keeps you thinking about something else, such as exercising, playing a game, or going out with a friend for coffee. It will help you feel better as you deal with your negative emotions.
Ask a friend or loved one to do an activity with you. If no one is available, get out and take a walk in a public place. You could go to the park, to a café, or to attend a social event
Step 4. Have fun with your friends and family
Create a community for yourself to set up a support system. Chat or communicate with the people you love every day. In addition, you can invite them to spend time with you. It will help you realize that there are a lot of people in your life who love you.
Try to spend time with a friend or family member every day. For example, you could have dinner together, invite them to play at your place one night, or go out for a walk
Step 5. Get rid of memories of your ex
Certain objects that remind you of your ex will trigger negative feelings because they remind you of happy moments that are lost forever. Collect all the photos, gifts and keepsakes from your relationship and throw them away or give them away. Then erase all the pictures and messages your ex sent you. Finally, delete it from all of your social media accounts.
- If you don't want to throw these items away, you can also put them in a box and give it to a friend to keep in your place. When you are ready, you can throw the box away or keep it.
- You can also keep some photos in a special folder for later. For example, you might not want to erase photos from your birthday party just because your ex is in the photos, but you'd better put them aside until you've moved on.
Method 2 of 4: Manage your emotions
Step 1. Take responsibility for your future instead of being a victim
If your ex broke up or you did something wrong, you might feel hurt and helpless after the breakup. However, if you see yourself as a victim, you are only going to make the situation worse. To help you move on, focus on the things you can control and find ways to build a future that you are passionate about. Here are several ways to do this.
- Remember that you can't change other people, but you can change your reaction to them. For example, you can't change the fact that your ex cheated on you, but you might see it as an unfortunate mistake instead of a premeditated act.
- When you catch yourself thinking about the past, reorient your thoughts to see how you are going to use them to build a better future for yourself. For example, you now know you are strong and you have faced your greatest fear.
- Decide what qualities you want in your next partner so that you know what to look for in the future.
Step 2. Allow yourself to feel your emotions
When you have a lot of negative emotions, it's normal to want to suppress those feelings. However, this will only prolong your grief. To move on, you have to give yourself the right to have emotions. In addition, you need to recognize your emotions, name them and understand how they affect you in order to be able to work on them.
- Do not find yourself distractions to avoid feeling sad, as this will prevent you from moving on.
- For example, you might say to yourself, “I feel really angry now and this is causing me an upset stomach” or “I feel really hopeless and I feel like a weight on my chest. "
Step 3. Express your emotions so that you can release them
Listen to your body to find out what it needs to free you from your emotions. You may need to cry, scream, shake yourself, or exercise. On top of that, you could also let off steam by telling a friend about it or writing a letter that you will destroy later. Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel better.
- For example, you could go for a run or have a good cry.
- You have the right to express your emotions more than once.
Step 4. Reflect on what you have learned from this relationship
Even though ruptures are painful, they are also great for learning lessons. Think about what you've been through and how you need to use your relationship to improve your future. See it as an opportunity to learn instead of a failure or a waste of your time.
Most relationships don't work and you are going to have to go through them to learn what you really want and what you are looking for in a partner. It is a painful experience, but necessary for a better future
Step 5. Examine your past relationships and find repeating things
There is a good chance that your grief is rooted in the past. You may be repeating patterns you learned as a child. If you reflect on your childhood relationships and past breakups, you might identify patterns that repeat themselves to stop repeating them. It will help you have better relationships in the future.
- For example, you might have trouble communicating because your parents didn't like to hear how you were feeling. It might affect your romantic relationships, but it's something you can fix.
- Likewise, you might find that you are still interested in people who are not emotionally available to you. From now on, you could try to identify these habits as early as possible to avoid building relationships with people who treat you in this way.
Step 6. Forgive yourself and forgive your ex
Everyone makes mistakes, but you're only going to make it worse if you hold on to painful emotions. If your ex has hurt you, forgive him for his mistakes and focus on your future. Likewise, forgive yourself for your role in the breakup and for choosing the wrong person.
When you forgive someone, you are doing it for yourself, not the other. It doesn't mean that what he did wasn't wrong. Rather, it helps you move on
Method 3 of 4: Build your independence
Step 1. Meet your needs for love and recognition
Don't expect your partner to meet your needs and wants. It is something that you have to do on your own. It will help you become a more independent and strong person. Think about what you want, then work on it to get it.
- For example, you might need to be told that you are beautiful every day. To satisfy this need, you can look at yourself in the mirror every morning and say to yourself, “You are really very beautiful (beautiful) today. "
- Likewise, you might want someone to tell you that everything is going to be okay. Do it for yourself by hanging positive affirmations all over the home and office.
Step 2. Enjoy What You Want To Do The Way You Want It
Enjoy the freedom you now have to make whatever decisions you want for yourself, it will help you assert your independence. Start by making decisions based on the things that make you happy, rather than the things you did when you were with your ex. Cut your hair the way you want, choose clothes that make you feel your best, and develop habits that make you feel comfortable.
- If you lived with your ex, that means you have to change the way you do housework, do the dishes, or organize your things the way you want.
- If you weren't living together, you can now go out to your favorite places, take the route you want, or watch the shows you like.
Step 3. Set Personal Goals
Now is the time to work on the things you want. Imagine the life you want to have several years from now, then write down between one and three goals that will help you get it. Then, break those goals down into steps you can take. Finally, set a deadline for each step.
- For example, your three goals could be: "to pursue my passion in my career", "to live a healthier lifestyle" and "to find a creative hobby".
- To achieve your career goal, you can break it down into three sub-steps: Have your manager work on projects where you can use your talents, open a freelance account, and print business cards.
- For a healthier lifestyle goal, you can sign up for a dance class, cook your meals for the week, or start meditating every day.
- Your three steps to setting up a creative hobby might be to join an artist group in your town, participate in creative workshops on weekends, and draw during lunch break.
state your goals in a positive way. For example, instead of writing: "Escape from my job with no future," you should write: "Find a job that helps me develop."
Step 4. Pursue your passions and interests
When you're in a relationship, you often have to let go of a part of you. Now is a good time to take back the activities that make you happy. Make a list of all the things you liked to do before meeting your ex, such as activities that you always wanted to try. Then incorporate these things into your daily life.
For example, you could take art classes, do theater, join a gaming community, take a peek in a workshop, or learn how to brew your own beer
Step 5. Learn new skills to develop yourself
By improving your skills, you will feel more independent and you can boost your self-esteem. Identify one that you've always wanted to learn or just one that you could use for personal development. Then take online classes, go to workshops, attend classes or classes.
- For example, you might want to learn to code to find the job you've always wanted to do.
- If you want to get more creative, you could take a writing or painting class.
- If you want to be able to connect better with others, you could take psychology or communication classes.
- If you want to work on your fitness, you could follow a fitness program.
Step 6. Move the furniture for a fresh start
Create a living space for the new life you want to build for yourself. Start by cleaning up the mess, especially items that remind you of your life with your ex. Then move the furniture around, replace your linens, and set up items that encourage you to pursue your interests. It will help you focus on your future rather than your past.
- You also don't have to replace everything you have! Often just moving them around the room gives you the feeling of a fresh start.
- If you were living with your ex, it is important that you completely change your living space to feel at home, not the home you share with your ex.
Method 4 of 4: Getting back out
Step 1. Avoid using a new relationship to distract yourself
When you're dealing with heartache, you might think a new relationship is the best solution. However, this is completely wrong! You need time to heal and find yourself before you are ready to go out again and if you use someone to ease your pain, you are going to hurt both of you. Give yourself the right to take a break while you focus on yourself.
- That doesn't mean you don't have to go out anymore! Go out with your friends, join a club or group related to one of your interests or spend time with family.
- You might need six months or more to stop loving your ex, depending on the length of your relationship.
Step 2. Start going out when you are ready
You'll know you're ready to go out again when you feel excited about making a genuine connection with someone else. Make sure you focus on meeting and connecting with each other, not on your need to feel better. If you're sure you've turned the page completely, go out and meet new people.
Don't use your dates to cheer yourself up. This indicates that you have not yet turned the page
you'll be ready to go out again when you're excited to meet a new person without feeling completely hopeless. You need to have a healthy relationship with yourself that makes you feel comfortable being alone while still being open to the possibility of falling in love with the right person.
Step 3. Focus on bonding, not love
Even if you're going to be dating to find a partner, you don't have to find one right away. Take your time to fall in love! See your dates as an opportunity to bond with the other and observe in him the qualities that you are looking for. When you find someone you love, take the time to get to know them before you open up completely.
Don't just focus on one person. Take your time to meet several different people to help you understand what you really want in your partner
Step 4. Go slowly instead of rushing
When you find someone you like, take the time to get to know them. Go out, have a long chat and meet his friends. While you can discuss the things you expect in the future, try not to rush into it.Give yourself time to really get to know him so that your relationship can grow stronger.
When you start dating someone again, slowly open up and share details of your life and personality one after another. It will help you trust yourself
- Focus on the benefits of celibacy! Find ways to have fun with your friends, assert your independence, and pursue activities that make you happy.
- Don't follow all of these steps in one day! Take the time to build a life you love and celebrate every step forward to move on.