It's always hard to get over a breakup, but if you're still in love with your ex, it's even harder. The most important thing to do as soon as you separate is to minimize your contact with your ex. Look for constructive activities to keep you busy. It's also important to accept the breakup and move on. Remember that even if you are in pain now, you will get better later.
Part 1 of 3: distance yourself from your ex
Step 1. Stop communications
Stop calling and texting and emailing your ex. You have to get away from it to stop loving it. Force yourself not to communicate with the person. You are not taking this step to create tension or to miss your ex. You take your distance to help heal yourself and move on.
- If you can't cut ties with your ex, ask your friends for help. You could also block the person's phone number and email address temporarily. You will still be able to unlock them when you get better.
- If you had kids or a pet together, or were studying or working in the same place as your ex, it might not be possible to cut ties completely. In this case, limit your contact to conversations concerning only the context in question, such as a discussion about a professional project.
Step 2. Don't Follow Your Ex Online
Remove him from your social media contact list until he gets better. If you spend your time reading his posts or seeing photos of him with other people, you'll have a hard time turning the page. Stop following him so you can take care of yourself for a while. You will also be less tempted to try to contact your ex.
You can start following it again when you are better
Step 3. Avoid certain places
Don't go to the places your ex goes a lot. If you run into him in a bar or cafe, the situation could be awkward and you might even feel worse. Spend time in new places your ex doesn't go and where you weren't used to going together.
If you bump into your ex, limit your interaction as much as possible. You can just say hello to him before walking your way
Step 4. Don't get hung up on memories
Get rid of gifts, personal items, and other items that might make you think of your ex. This will help you avoid remembering the breakup or when you were together. Send him any items he might want to collect, put the ones you want to keep in a box, and give or throw away everything else.
By letting go of these memories, you will be able to distance yourself from your ex. It's also a symbolic way to turn the page by moving on to new things and new memories
Part 2 of 3: Caring
Step 1. Do the things you want to do
A new haircut, an interesting activity, or a stimulating goal can help you regain your motivation and zest for life. Think about parts of you that didn't necessarily stand out when you were in a relationship and let them express themselves.
For example, if you had a dream about traveling the world and your ex thought it was a crazy idea, start planning your trip. If your ex didn't like you wearing certain clothes, get yourself a new wardrobe
Step 2. Look for companionship
Spend time with your friends and family. You can count on those close to you to help you recover from the breakup. Fill your time with stimulating activities like an outing with friends or a family trip to occupy your mind.
If you need to express your feelings, talk to people you are close to and tell them how they can help you. For example, you could just say you need a hug
Step 3. Take care of yourself
Establish a new routine that allows you to take care of and love yourself. Develop new reading or writing habits, do some relaxation exercises to unwind, or join a new gym.
Romantic relationships take a lot of time and energy. Take advantage of the time you have now to take care of yourself without feeling guilty
Step 4. Date someone else
Look for a new person when you are ready. Right after the breakup, you'll probably tell yourself that you'll never meet someone like your ex, but if you don't try, you'll never know. At first, don't try to find a perfect person. Just meet new, cool and interesting people.
- Dating someone can help you feel attractive and loved, which you probably weren't after the breakup.
- Non-serious relationships can be nice, but be careful not to date someone just to hide your pain. Don't start dating other people until you've turned the page after the breakup.
Part 3 of 3: embrace the breakup
Step 1. Don't hide your emotions
You may feel like trying to block them out and avoid dealing with pain and negative thoughts by eating fatty or sugary foods, running too much errands, or using alcohol or drugs, but that will not allow you to fix the problem in the long term. On the contrary, they will make you progress more slowly.
Instead of doing these destructive things to try to put up with your emotions, look for constructive activities. For example, play sports, eat a healthy diet, and enjoy the support of your friends
Step 2. Accept your pain
If you hold back your feelings, it may prevent you from moving on. When the pain gets too much, feel free to scream, cry, or express your feelings in some other way. Accept your negative feelings and avoid judging yourself.
- Set a deadline to give yourself time to let go of the sadness resulting from the breakup. The deadline could be 2 days, 2 weeks or 2 months. Just give yourself permission to feel bad for a while. During this time, you may feel angry, disoriented, or even relieved.
- At the end of the deadline you have set, try to resume your life and interact with the outside world, even if you are just going to be spending an afternoon at a friend's house.
Step 3. Don't idealize your ex
Make a list of its negative characteristics and the reasons why the breakup was inevitable. It will help you break the illusion that you have lost the best person in the world. It will also allow you to maintain a certain degree of objectivity as you move forward and move on.
Make a list of your ex's bad points so you don't just get attached to their positive sides. For example, you might think about the bad things he has done to you. Maybe he cheated on you or told lies, or he didn't know how to give you the support you needed
Step 4. Think positive thoughts
When you think about your ex, try to be good to him. You can't just erase someone you cared about so much from your memory. Don't expect your love for her to disappear overnight. Instead of getting mad at yourself for still having feelings, turn them into positive ones. When you think about your ex, have a positive attitude and wish him good things.
- For example, if you can't help but think about your ex, say out loud, "I wish him / her happy. »Take a deep breath, breathe out slowly and continue with your day.
- Don't blame yourself if you're still in love with your ex long after the break-up. This is totally normal, but that doesn't mean you should have continued in a relationship that wasn't working.
Step 5. Write a letter
To help turn the page, you can write a letter to your ex. Go into details about the reasons for the breakup, your feelings, and anything else you need to say. Try to identify your role in the separation and make an effort to forgive your ex for the hurt he did to you.
- If you want, you can send the letter to your ex, but you can also burn or tear it up.
- Accepting what happened in the relationship can help you move on. Acceptance can also help you learn important lessons so that you don't repeat the same mistakes in the future.
Step 6. Be patient
It takes time to stop having feelings for someone. Don't be too hard on yourself. Progress step by step. Over time, your emotions will decrease and you will feel more positive about the future.