How to keep your spirits up after a breakup (with pictures)

How to keep your spirits up after a breakup (with pictures)
How to keep your spirits up after a breakup (with pictures)
Anonim

We've all experienced times when it's hard to keep our spirits up after a breakup. Yet even when it is consumed, emotions continue to rage. At first, you will have a hard time coping with the situation. Indeed, these are the most painful moments. But soon your wounds will start to heal and you will be more comfortable and stronger than ever.

Steps

Part 1 of 4: coping with the pain

Be Strong After a Breakup Step 1

Step 1. Recognize that pain is a normal feeling

As we often say, it is difficult to break a relationship. Scientists have even shown that rejected love stimulates the same nervous circuits in the brain as physical pain. Breaking up with someone is always painful, and it's okay to be worried in a situation like this.

Some psychologists estimate that about 98% of us have experienced some form of unrequited love, whether it be feelings ignored or a nasty breakup. Knowing that you are not the only one in this situation probably won't cure you, but the pain will be less painful and you will be able to keep your spirits up more easily

Be Strong After a Breakup Step 2

Step 2. Externalize your grief

Don't pretend all is well. You will make the situation worse in the long run if you try to deny or downplay your emotions by saying, for example, “I feel really comfortable” or “that's okay”. First, you need to be aware of your feelings in order to get them under control.

  • Cry if you feel like it. When you are upset, tears can actually give you relief. You will also reduce your anxiety, stress and anger. Therefore, do not hesitate any longer. Grab some paper towels and cry if you feel like it.
  • Express your emotions through creative activities, such as art or music. Write a song about your feelings or play a tune that comforts you. Draw an illustration that relates to your emotions. The important thing is not to fall into situations that are too sad or violent, for example an "overwhelming" atmosphere. They may exacerbate your sadness or anger.
  • It's tempting to express your grief by throwing or breaking things, yelling or even yelling, but you need to control yourself and avoid these behaviors. Studies have shown that a person who succumbs to anger is at risk of making their condition worse, even if their anger is only directed at objects, such as a pillow. To get rid of your anger in a healthy way, take a look at your feelings and share them with a friend. Perhaps this is a good way to keep your spirits up after a breakup.
  • The matter will be easier to manage, if you tell a family member or a friend you trust. Find someone who will let you rest your head on their shoulder to let off steam and cry at your ease. You've probably helped someone close to you in trouble at one point or another. Now it's their turn to return the favor.
Be Strong After a Breakup Step 3

Step 3. Write about your feelings

It is better to express your feelings than to rehash them all the time or try in vain to ignore them. This will make it easier for you to admit your pain, knowing that it won't last a lifetime. By putting your feelings down in writing, you will be able to understand them better. In order to recover from a breakup, the first phase is to take a break to reflect and do some introspection.

  • Take twenty minutes daily for three days to relax. During this time, write down your innermost thoughts and ideas about your breakup. Reflect on your experience and reactions in the aftermath of the breakup. You can also review your concerns now that your relationship is over.
  • Breakups usually result from a lack of independence, a lack of openness, or the absence of a deep loving feeling.
  • When writing, don't worry about grammar or spelling mistakes. You are simply writing for yourself to express your feelings and thoughts.
Be Strong After a Breakup Step 4

Step 4. Examine your handwriting

Writing a journal about your emotions is just the first step. Then it is about analyzing your text to understand the reasons for your feelings. Thinking about your emotions will help you understand them more easily. You will also detect the points which are not in your favor.

  • For example, after a breakup, someone frequently tends to think they are unwanted or even off-putting. You can very easily believe that you will no longer have a love affair. This reaction is normal, but you shouldn't hold back this idea. Find evidence of the love that many people have for you, even if the person you want doesn't share your feelings or do it the way you want.
  • Look for generalizations and guilty or irreversible statements in your writing. Research has shown that after a breakup, thoughts like this can lead to depression and hinder return to normalcy.
  • For example, a generalization consists in saying: "this rupture will ruin my existence". Sometimes you think it will, but probably your feeling is not true. Try to rephrase your thinking by limiting it, for example: "this breakup is very painful right now, but it is only part of my life".
  • To blame yourself is a guilty conviction. For example: “it's all my fault! If only I had done things differently, we wouldn't have broken up”. Remember that a relationship assumes at least the existence of two people. Therefore, it is very difficult to place full responsibility for a breakup on one person. Usually, the event occurs because of incompatibilities between the partners, not because a person is bad or wrong. People are different and their needs are also different. It's normal.
  • An irreversible statement is simply irreversible. For example: "I will never get over it" or "I will never have this feeling". Remember that feelings are temporary. People change. Wounds of love heal. Try to say to yourself, "My heart is aching right now, but I have to accept this situation because it will not last all the time."
Be Strong After a Breakup Step 5

Step 5. Repeat phrases to strengthen your personality

Breakups can really undermine your self-confidence. For this reason, be indulgent with yourself every day. This way, you will not lose sight of the fact that you are an endearing person with a lot to offer. You will likely continue to have painful thoughts about your breakup at least for a while. The next time such thoughts invade your mind, counter them with helpful affirmations. Here are some examples:

  • i deserve love and appreciation and my friends recognize it,
  • I'm upset now, but it won't last forever,
  • my pain comes from uncontrollable chemical reactions in my brain,
  • my ideas and feelings are not facts,
  • I have esteem and respect for myself.
Be Strong After a Breakup Step 6

Step 6. List your qualities

Breaking up can make you doubt yourself. Do not lose sight of your qualities. Studies have shown that when you remember that you deserve to be loved, you will cope better with a breakup situation. List all of your good qualities and when your morale is low, reread that list and tell yourself that you are an exceptional person.

  • Determine what actions you can take, especially those that don't involve the person you just broke up with. Do you go skydiving, painting, dancing or composing music? Do you like long walks or preparing delicious meals? List your skills and remember that you are strong and capable.
  • Think about your qualities. Is your smile irresistible? Are you very stylish? Remember that you are generous and that the only important advice is simply yours.
  • Think about the encouraging words other people have said about you. How are your friends doing to help you? Are you the king of the party? Are you a compassionate person who gives way to the subway or the bus? Remember that other people appreciate your qualities too.
Be Strong After a Breakup Step 7

Step 7. Get help

After a breakup, it's normal to feel isolated and abandoned. So don't worry if this is the case. By seeking the company of your friends and the people you love, you will be more likely to come out of the rough patch you find yourself in. You will also know that your life is full of love.

  • Talk to your friends about your feelings. Ask them questions about their own experiences with dating. They can offer you support and help.
  • If your friends give you advice or advice, be open and listen to them. You don't have to take their advice, but accept the spirit in which your friends have acted. If you notice that over time, they don't like talking about your breakup anymore, it may mean that you are talking excessively about the topic. Don't forget to ask your friends questions about their own lives.
  • Sometimes relatives and friends cross the line. They can try to guide your decisions or solve your problems for you. They are likely to gossip about your ex-partner. These behaviors are not always what you need. If the support of your loved ones goes beyond helpful advice and conversation, thank them for their support and show them that you can work out your difficulties yourself. For example, suppose a friend offers to tell your ex-partner what he thinks, you might respond, "I really appreciate your suggestion, but I'd rather take care of this on my own." Please don't interfere in this matter. It is strictly personal”.

Part 2 of 4: keep your strength

Be Strong After a Breakup Step 8

Step 1. Cut ties with your ex-partner

There is a reason for your breakup. To forget, it's important to go through this step and stop seeing your ex-partner. You may long to see him again, especially at the beginning, but remember the reasons for your breakup to persuade yourself otherwise. Be strong and resist the urge to call him on the phone!

  • Romantic love stimulates the release of dopamine in the brain, making you feel like you deserve your emotions. When you broke your relationship, your brain reacted the same way you did with drug addiction. No matter how bad the pain, don't give in to the overwhelming urge to see your partner again, or you'll never get out of it.
  • Don't call or text your ex. Remove their number from your contact list. Do it if necessary, and most importantly, refrain from emailing or posting to her on social media.
  • Defamation on the internet is a real thing. Don't try to connect with your ex-partner on “Facebook” or “Instagram”. Pay attention only to his photos in which he appears happy and content. If you keep looking for clues and memories, you won't feel any better. If necessary, block your ex-partner on your pages so as not to succumb to the temptation to communicate with him.
  • Avoid posting vague messages on social media to gain attention. By focusing on the past, you will no longer be able to think about your future.
Be Strong After a Breakup Step 9

Step 2. Forget your memories

You will have a hard time healing and moving on if you keep looking at gifts from your ex-partner or pictures of the two of you. It is also possible that these items make you sad. They can also increase your loneliness or rekindle your anger.

  • Remove photos of your ex-partner from your social media pages, or at least crop them.
  • Resist the urge to do common activities, like listening to your favorite songs or visiting your usual hangout. These activities will prolong your attachment to a relationship that no longer exists. Instead, try going out, meeting new people and strengthening the relationships you already have.
  • Memories are not always brought about by objects. Noises and smells can also trigger memories or emotions. If such a thing happens to you, don't try to ignore it or deny it. Recognize that you have this feeling, “oh, that smell reminds me of our pizza nights. And, I really miss them”. Then move on.
  • If you have valuables that you can't throw away, consider donating them to charity or a thrift store. You can get rid of a T-shirt, a coffee mug or a teddy bear that your ex-partner gave you. Thus, you will be doing an action that can positively change someone's life.
Be Strong After a Breakup Step 10

Step 3. Be a good player

It will be too easy to cut your ex-partner's tires, steal his car or throw eggs at the front of his house. You might be tempted to spread rumors and gossip about it, but refrain from doing so. This behavior will lock you in the past instead of helping you forget about your breakup. You may even lose some friends.

  • About 50% of people admit that after a breakup, they have bothered their ex-partner in some way. It could be calling at odd hours, uttering threats or even destroying one's property. Carrie Underwood can turn this behavior into a fun revenge, but it won't promote a return to normal after a romantic breakup.
  • Harassment and destructive behavior are also illegal. Is your ex-partner worth an entry on your criminal record? Certainly not !
Be Strong After a Breakup Step 11

Step 4. Don't make hasty decisions

After a breakup, it is common to change your hairstyle, dye it, or get a tattoo. Such an act helps to feel like changing identity, becoming a different person and completely erasing some past events. Remember that the chemistry of the brain is changed during a breakdown. So your judgment will probably be very impaired during this time.

Be patient. If after a few months you still want to get a tattoo, then go for it

Be Strong After a Breakup Step 12

Step 5. Be active

Distractions are only a temporary remedy, but they can be effective in turning things up after a romantic breakup. By having occupations that appeal to you, especially if they are new and attractive, you will be convinced that your life is not over after all.

  • Read the series of books you've always dreamed of reading. Join a book club to discuss your favorite reads with other people!
  • Sign up for a class to learn a new skill or learn a new hobby. An apprenticeship will prove to you that you are capable of making achievements and improving your skills.
  • Meet and chat with the people you've lost sight of for months. Remember that those around you love you and are only looking to help you.
Be Strong After a Breakup Step 13

Step 6. Exercise

It is a good way to reduce frustration and pain. Exercise releases endorphins. These are brain chemicals that make you happy. Moderate and regular exercise will also help you deal with anxiety and depression. Aim to exercise daily for thirty minutes to get the most benefit.

  • Reconsider the question, if you think your schedule is too busy. Choose high intensity exercises that only require short training periods of around fifteen minutes. You can also work out a bit in the morning and then in the evening. You don't have to do it all at once.
  • Practice in a less obvious way, like parking away from where you need to go or washing your car manually.
  • However, don't take exercise as a way to get revenge on yourself. This is the wrong way to approach the problem, which can lead to the distortion of your perception of your body or other mental health issues. Exercise because it is good for your body and mind, not because you are looking to please others.

Part 3 of 4: keep yourself healthy

Be Strong After a Breakup Step 14

Step 1. Have fun

It can seem almost impossible, especially after a breakup. However, a distraction will do you great good. It will reduce your anger and strengthen your common sense. Therefore, don't hesitate to go out with your friends, watch a movie, go to the disco or sing karaoke. Let off steam by indulging in interesting activities and you will feel much better.

By the way, laughter is the best medicine. It increases your tolerance for pain and produces endorphins that will put you in a good mood

Be Strong After a Breakup Step 15

Step 2. Be generous to yourself

Compulsive buying can actually help you, if it is applied wisely. Research has shown that when shopping after a break-up, you tend to figure out how to make shopping part of your new lifestyle. Probably, you will overcome your difficulties, if you buy an item of clothing that increases your self-confidence or you replace one of your ex-partner's items that does not match your style.

However, you won't have to spend your money to hide your pain. Don't overdo your credit card either, otherwise you'll be very stressed out when it comes to paying the bills. Just treat yourself to a few treats

Be Strong After a Breakup Step 16

Step 3. Get involved in your locality

If you distance yourself from the vicious circle in which you are immersed, you will avoid being in the dark. Studies have shown that indulgence and compassion towards others can put you in a good mood and communicate your compassion to those around you. Therefore, don't hesitate any longer to become a more active member in a better community.

  • You can get involved by volunteering. Check with your church, school or local associations to find a way to do the best.
  • You can also have a purpose by serving or being generous to others. Studies have shown that when you donate to a cause that is dear to you, especially if you act in person, you will be inclined to believe that you are changing the world.
Be Strong After a Breakup Step 17

Step 4. Strive to be constructive

Your partner has broken up your relationship, but that's no reason to believe that you are worthless. A lot of people will be happy to behave better with you than he does. Find things that make you smile and laugh. Meet your friends and people who are outgoing and you will feel better.

  • Happiness leads to success. The happier you are, the better the quality of your social relationships. Thus, you will achieve important and wonderful things.
  • Human beings can really succumb to emotional contagion or be swayed by the emotions and moods of others. If you choose to hang out with constructive people, you will be inclined to become constructive yourself. The flip side is that if you surround yourself with bitter and pessimistic people, you risk becoming like them.

Part 4 of 4: moving forward

Be Strong After a Breakup Step 18

Step 1. Forgive and Forget

After the pain and the initial shock, you will be able to forget and find peace. But, the process will not begin until you forgive your ex-partner. Don't worry, this is a normal cycle. Remember that forgiveness is about you first and foremost. The other person only comes second.

  • In order to forgive someone, you must first have the will to do so. Remember the effects of your decision. Write down your feelings about yourself and your ex-partner.
  • Reflect on your experience. What can you learn from how you felt? Maybe you could have done some things differently. You probably wanted your partner to react differently. What do you expect from the future? How will you take advantage of this experience to progress?
  • Remember that forgiveness is not an excuse for bad behavior. Forgiving someone doesn't mean you have to come to terms with them or admit what they've done. Forgiveness simply means that you are no longer angry. And as such, it frees you.
  • Remember that the actions of others are beyond your control. In reality, you can only control your own actions and actions.
  • Also tell yourself that you are forgiving the other person for their mistakes. And remember that it will probably take some time to fully feel the effects of forgiveness. It's normal.
Be Strong After a Breakup Step 19

Step 2. Think a little before you go ahead

After the breakup, you are likely to tend to overemphasize the past. Why ? However, you cannot erase the current situation or change it. So why not think about the future? It would certainly be more constructive. Reflect a little on the things you learned from your bad experience, then take some time to plan for your future.

  • Try to learn from your failure to protect yourself in the future. How would you have acted differently? List the things that didn't go well in your relationship and the things that you did. Then write down the qualities your new partner should have, the kind of person you want to meet, their physical characteristics, etc.
  • Examine your past relationships to determine any recurrences. Sometimes people frequently run into the wrong people. The reasons can be many and include behavior with parents during childhood. There might be a type of person who is not for you. Think about how not to fall into this unfavorable situation the next time around.
  • Take your failure as a lesson for the future. A sentimental breakup is painful. It is very bad. But, if you overcome the difficulty, you will be seasoned, more confident in yourself, and more compassionate. Find out more about your personality and your needs. Now, what have you learned about yourself?
Be Strong After a Breakup Step 20

Step 3. Determine your true personality

Often times in a serious relationship, we become half of the other person instead of being entirely ourselves. This is the reason why a romantic breakup is often a very difficult experience. But once you are free, you can become yourself again. You will be able to focus on the things you love, without being bothered by constraints or someone else's opinions. Take some time to determine who you are, what you are worth, and what you want to become.

  • When you were in this relationship, you probably made some compromises. Now you won't have to do it anymore. Take advantage of your freedom to act as you see fit. Eat an anchovy pizza if you feel like it. Sleep in on the weekends if your partner was an early riser who was always planning on doing something. Wear your favorite clothes he didn't like. Hang up any pictures or posters that your ex-partner didn't like. Listen to the music he didn't like. These are all ways to reconnect with your personality, rebuild your sense of self, and become a different person again, rather than half of a couple.
  • What did you give up early in your relationship? A friendship ? A hobby ? What other aspects of your life have you sacrificed to devote yourself to your ex-partner? Think about the things you left out. Is it still possible to recover them? The answer will probably be yes.
Be Strong After a Breakup Step 21

Step 4. Quit your routine

It is easy to follow the same routine daily because it is comfortable. But, in this attitude, you will not have a challenge. Have the courage to try new things and take new risks.

  • Too easy a routine kills your motivation. Since you are uncomfortable after your breakup, turn the situation to your advantage and take the opportunity to improve certain aspects of your life!
  • There are other benefits to be gained by deciding to quit your routine. For example, if you take reasonable risks, you will more easily accept that weakness and surprises are a part of life. When you are convinced of this reality, it will be easier for you to deal with the unexpected situation that will arise in the future.
  • Of course, there is no question of embarking on extreme sports activities without training or deciding to live in a foreign country without knowing anything about its culture or language. Start with challenges within your reach and progress at your own pace.
  • Think of it as a well-deserved freedom. You can resume your studies, live elsewhere or finally adopt the kitten of your dreams. You will have the opportunity to attend your favorite art class every Friday evening. Now is the time to make your dreams come true.
Be Strong After a Breakup Step 22

Step 5. Let time do its work

You're heartbroken now, but it will be healed later. This might be a cliché, but there's a reason for it, because your wounds will eventually heal. Over time, you will be able to put things in their true frame. It may be painful to remember your ex-partner. But, later, you will be amused and happy to talk about what you have been through together. People don't disappear from your memory overnight. Therefore, do not be hard on yourself if your grief persists. This is completely normal. But, be convinced that you will eventually forget.

In fact, when your breakup is just a distant memory, you won't even realize you've passed the milestone. One fine day, you will find that you haven't thought of this person for weeks. The process takes place slowly and quietly. The result inevitably arrives, but without warning. And, you will be surprised that you forgot everything

Advice

  • Make a list of songs that inspire you. Choose the ones that boost your self-confidence! When loneliness weighs on you or if you are lost, listen to these songs to pull yourself together.
  • Remember to enjoy life. It is good to do something else to flourish. Take advantage of your newfound freedom to devote more time to the people you really care about, your family and friends.
  • Forget the past and make the most of your life.
  • Let go and relax! Listen to great music so you don't have to think about your breakup anymore.
  • If you have a strong urge to change your look, be sure to use tricks that don't last, like wearing colored extensions or dyeing your hair with dye that gradually fades.
  • Keep busy and meet your friends because it's the best way to forget. Choose carefully the confidant you will talk to about your situation. You don't have to tell everyone about the reasons and circumstances of your breakup. In fact, it pays to be selective in choosing who to share your secrets with.
  • Never hold onto past events that threaten to ruin your future. You will have to try to relax and let go of the bad memories that haunt your memory and make you sad, unhappy and uncertain.

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