A breakup can be really painful, especially if it wasn't for you. But if you're absolutely sure he's the only man (or woman) in your life, don't despair! In life, anything is possible …
Part 1 of 3: Give your ex some space
Step 1. Accept the breakup
Manage it with maturity and grace. If he broke up with you, respect his decision and give him time to see things more clearly. He will appreciate your understanding and respect you all the more for behaving with dignity.
- The last thing you want to do is a scene. Crying or getting angry with him would get you nowhere. In fact, he would even be more likely to run as far away from you as possible.
- Accepting the breakup calmly will change the rules of the game. He was probably expecting a different reaction from you, but now he will be curious as to why you aren't more upset than that. Such an attitude could sow the first seed of doubt in his mind.
Step 2. Cut off all communication
After a breakup, emotions run high and people don't always make rational decisions. It is for this reason that it is advisable to cut off all communication with your ex for a while.
- Don't harass your ex with phone calls, texts, or social media messages. This would have the opposite effect from that desired. Wait for them to contact you first.
- It will be hard, but try not to communicate with your ex for at least 2 to 3 weeks. Give him time to miss him.
Step 3. Give each other time to heal
A breakup can be tough. Harsh words are often exchanged and feelings are hurt. You need to give yourself and your ex time to calm down, think, and heal. Only then can you consider starting the relationship again.
- Getting back together while the wounds are still fresh would bring back the same old problems to the surface, and your efforts to revive the relationship would be sure to fail.
- Wait until enough time has passed so that you can think about the breakup objectively and talk to your ex without feeling upset or angry.
Step 4. Honestly assess your relationship
Take this time aside to honestly assess your relationship, think about what was going right and what was going wrong. Try to identify precisely the issues that led to the end of the relationship and understand if they can be resolved.
- If you believe that the problems in your relationship can be resolved and you and him are willing to put in the effort to make it happen, then your relationship stands a chance.
- If, on the other hand, the circumstances that led to the end of the relationship are unlikely to change, or you or your ex are unwilling to change your behavior for the good of the relationship, then getting back together is not. maybe not the best idea.
- Also use your head for this decision and not just your heart.
Step 5. Apologize, if necessary
Towards the end of the relationship or during the breakup, you might have said some things that you didn't mean or regret now. It is never too late to repent and apologize.
- If the breakup is the result of your actions, then you should definitely take the first step and apologize. Your ex will appreciate the gesture and may be more warm and compassionate towards you.
- You will never be able to detach yourself from the past and move on if you don't recognize your mistakes.
Part 2 of 3: Focus on yourself
Step 1. Keep Calm
If you've just been through a breakup that you didn't initiate, you might feel helpless in a world crumbling around you. Do not panic. Stay calm and remember that you are strong and able to handle whatever life puts in your way.
- Don't make hasty decisions. You are in a vulnerable state of mind right now, so try not to do anything you might regret.
- You have every right to be mindful of the sole goal of getting your ex back. But allow yourself time to work on your personal issues first.
Step 2. Talk to someone
After a breakup, it's probably fair to say that you have demons to unleash. So the best thing you can do is talk to someone you trust: a friend, a family member, a therapist. With them, you can release all the anger, pain, and pent-up tears that you may be holding inside. You will feel much better afterwards.
- By talking about the breakup with someone outside of the situation, you are free to express any feelings and thoughts without the risk of causing irreparable damage to your relationship with your ex and thus ruining any chance of getting back together..
- Talking about the breakup will help you work on your feelings and give you a sense of the situation. You might start to see issues from a different perspective and understand your ex's perspective. This understanding and empathy can help you get it back.
Step 3. Be independent
Use this breakup (even if it's only temporary) as a chance to break free. In a relationship, people tend to rely too much on their partner and forget how to function on their own. Now is your chance to reclaim your long forgotten independent “you”. And you won't regret it!
- Go out alone, meet new people, try new things. Doing everything on your own will give you more confidence and help you feel whole again.
- Reconnect with your friends. Many people are guilty of neglecting their friends while they are in a relationship. Now that you're free to do as you see fit, take the initiative and throw a girls' night out. You'll soon be laughing so hard that you'll wonder why you haven't done this more often.
Step 4. Take care of yourself
You've been going through a rough time recently, so take a moment to focus on yourself and your needs. Do things that make you happy and make you feel good.
- Take long baths, get plenty of rest, eat a healthy diet, and exercise. You will feel better and look great.
- You need to feel good about yourself before you think about re-entering a relationship.
Step 5. Work on improving yourself or some aspect of your life
Have you complained about your job all this past year? Resign and find something better! Are you talking about trying a new hobby or starting an exercise program ages ago? The time has come ! Take this opportunity to improve yourself and become the best “you” that you can be.
- A lot of people claim that a sexy new body is the best way to get your ex's attention back. But don't do it just for him, do it for yourself first and foremost. Exercise and a healthy diet will release the right mood hormones and give you more energy and motivation to face your day effectively.
- Landing a new job or getting into a hobby you've been talking about for a long time will give you a new goal to focus your attention on and leave you less time to mope over the breakup. Hopefully, your ex will even be impressed with your new positive attitude.
Step 6. Get out
Just because you have your heart set on getting back with your ex doesn't mean you can't have some fun in the meantime. Dress up, go out and flirt as you wish. At a minimum, it will remind you that you are an attractive and interesting person and that you have a lot of other options if your plan to get your ex back did not work out as expected.
- Letting your ex see you with another man (or woman) might spark feelings of jealousy and lust in them. This might make him want to get you back and therefore help you in your quest.
- Be careful with this tactic, though: if your ex thinks you're perfectly happy with someone else, they might move on.
Part 3 of 3: make a fresh start
Step 1. Let her contact you
Let her take the first step. It might be hard to wait, but stay strong. At least when she contacts you, you'll know that she was thinking of you and that she's ready to take a step forward in your relationship, whatever it is. If you pushed her too soon, then your ex would be more likely to run away than anything else.
- Once she contacts you, don't be hard to get. Respond in a timely manner and be perfectly gentle and polite.
- After she makes contact, you can suggest meeting to speak in person. Choose a neutral place where you can have a private conversation, but where you can easily leave if things take a turn for the worse. A cafe or a public park would be perfect.
Step 2. Remind her why you attracted her
Sometimes the bad things that happen at the end of a relationship can overshadow all the good that has happened before. So remind her why she was in love with you.
- Engage his memory by wearing the same perfume you wore on your first date or something he thought suited you.
- Talk about some of the good times you had together. Make her remember what she thought of you when things were going well between you.
Step 3. Take it slow
Don't rush head first to get back into the relationship. Take the time to talk about things and make sure you're both on the same page. Also, make sure you both know what to work on and are prepared to give the relationship a second chance.
- Go out on a date again. Go out for dinner, go bowling or see a movie. Get to know each other again, but only having a short time together at first.
- If you try to pick up exactly where you left off, then history is doomed to repeat itself.
Step 4. Leave the past in the past
If you've both worked on your respective personal issues and are ready to make a fresh start, thank you. Think of the relationship as a whole new one. So forget what happened in the past and focus on your future together.
- Be confident. Remember that men LOVE a confident woman, so showing her that you are in control of your world will get her attention.
- Be well intentioned. Sometimes it's tempting to try to get revenge. But if you don't feel like getting this man back, it's best to move on and find someone else.
- If your ex is in love with another woman, he certainly isn't thinking about you at the same time. Just stay strong and happy and he will soon realize the wonderful woman you are.
- Make sure you want to get this man back for the right reason, not because you're alone or afraid of being alone.
- He may have already forgotten you. If so, moving on isn't the end of the world and is definitely the best thing to do.