It's pretty hard to forget someone whose image bothers you. But fortunately, there are ways to control obsessive ideas or behavior. For example, you will have to make an effort to control your thoughts and bring them to pace to escape fixed ideas, or the overwhelming urge to check out that person's page on social media. Try to distract yourself with an enjoyable activity, be productive, or write an article. It seems to you that your feelings will now be a part of your existence. However, don't worry, as things will get better over time.
Method 1 of 3: Control obsessive ideas
Step 1. List your obsessive thoughts and behaviors
Take note when you can't forget the person causing your obsession. Maybe you want to visit his social media page, call him on the phone, or text him. Pull yourself together and tell yourself that you still have enough strength to control yourself.
- In reality, these are just obsessive thoughts or bizarre behaviors. You should think, "These ideas don't control me, but I control them."
- Sometimes obsessive thoughts and actions go unnoticed, or even they can please. Denying them will do you no good. Instead, identify them, acknowledge their existence, and convince yourself that you have other concerns. Whatever the circumstances, never doubt your abilities to master them.
Step 2. Identify the underlying factors that are causing your haunting
This is like an addiction. Sometimes it can be a symptom of a deeper need or a problem in your life. Make sure you aren't missing anything that this person could do for you. Explore the ways in which you can find what you need.
- Note the feelings that this person makes in you when you are together. Think about the impressions you have after he leaves. Examine the causes of these feelings.
- For example, you may find that loneliness scares you. In that case, you're better off signing up for a class or joining a club to meet new people.
Step 3. Avoid the triggers for your obsessions
Take note of when and where they occur. It can be difficult, especially at first, but try to resist when you face a trigger. If you can't, focus on controlling your reactions.
- For example, if you continually visit the person's social media pages or have a strong urge to text them, it's not practical to put your phone away or shut down your computer. However, you can no longer follow her or unsubscribe from her profile to no longer see her publications.
- If you are obsessed with your ex-partner, put him in the background and detach yourself materially and spiritually from things that remember him.
- If you can't avoid the person, try to keep them away. If she sits next to you at school, avoid looking her in the face and imagine that you are in the presence of someone else. Try to think about your goal, such as taking notes in class.
Step 4. Focus your attention on your immediate surroundings
When your obsessions come to the surface, take a deep breath and close your eyes. Listen carefully to nearby noises and think about other sensations you are experiencing.
- Ask yourself questions like, "What's the weather like right now?" Am I hot or am I feeling good? What are the noises and smells that float in the air? What are the current weather conditions like? What color is the sky ? "
- Often times, the obsession provokes thoughts like: what if I'm doing this or what is he doing right now? These thoughts revolve around other places and other times past or future. By focusing on the present moment, you will keep your feet on the ground.
Step 5. Imagine the intrusive thoughts leaving your mind
Suppose your brain is a floor and your obsessions form the dirt and dust that covers it. Whenever you start to falter, imagine cleaning up dust and dirt with a broom.
- You can also compare your obsessions to a barking dog. Suppose you are walking along a fence that the dog is behind. Tell yourself that this is just a noise and the dog cannot bite you. In a few moments, when you cross the street, he will be far behind you.
- Drive out intrusive thoughts. When they assail you, shake your head, arms, legs and body. Imagine at the same time shaking off unhealthy thoughts and clearing your mind.
Step 6. Create a ritual that helps you take your obsessions away
When you think about the person or when you have a strong desire to contact them, imagine walking up to a sign with a stop sign. You can also wrap a rubber band around your wrist and snap it whenever you obsess over it.
The preceding rituals are effective in helping you direct your thoughts differently. Practice your ritual and think something like, “stop, I need to change my mind and distract myself by doing another activity”
Method 2 of 3: distract yourself
Step 1. Relax with an enjoyable activity
Find interesting occupations that appeal to you. Keep them in mind and choose one to keep your obsessions away when they appear. A mental list will help you react quickly to regain your balance.
Consider gardening, reading a great novel, playing video games, playing a musical instrument, drawing, painting, playing sports, or listening to music that doesn't remind you of the person in question
Step 2. Do something that makes you happy
Think about a project that you put on hold recently. Since it has nothing to do with the person, you might have put it in the background because of your obsession. Take this project back and bring it to fruition. Also think about how it will help you forget your dread.
- For example, you've never played the piano or tidied up your bedroom. Perhaps you are also behind on your professional or university projects. Now is the time to act on all of this.
- Get a job done, especially if you've taken it on the back burner. This will help you cultivate a constructive mindset and reconnect with optimism.
Step 3. Put your obsessive thoughts in writing
If you can't change your mindset, write your ideas down on a piece of paper. Describe your feelings, write a letter to the person you are obsessed with, or write down phrases and words that you keep repeating.
- Do not show what you have written to the person who is haunting your thoughts. Also, don't re-read your text and don't dwell on it.
- Instead, make an effort to drive out intrusive thoughts as you write. If you tear up the paper and throw yourself in the trash, you will be performing a symbolic act that will free you from your obsessive thoughts.
Step 4. Meditate or try relaxation techniques
Wear loose clothing, listen to soft music, and adopt a comfortable posture. Inhale deeply for a count to 4, hold your breath for a count also to 4. Then breathe out slowly for a count to 8. While doing this exercise, imagine a calming landscape, such as a pleasant place from your childhood. or your vacation.
- You can also watch videos online to learn how to meditate easily.
- Practice your meditation exercises to escape obsessive thoughts and forget about the person who is haunting you. You can also do this to resist your urge to call or send a message.
Method 3 of 3: Get help
Step 1. Go out or call your friends to escape your haunting
You don't need to divulge your reason for walking or talk about your obsessive ideas. You can call your best friend, your brother, or a friend that you haven't met in a while. For example, a conversation, a walk or a lunch together will do you a lot of good.
- You can say something like, “Hi, how are you? I just want to meet you. What's new ? Try adding words like, "What are you doing today? We can have coffee or have lunch together”.
- A social activity will help you to change your mind and forget about your haunting. So make an effort to maintain your general friendly relations.
Step 2. Confess your feelings to a trusted friend
Whether you're obsessed with your ex, a breakup, or someone you envy, keeping your emotions to yourself isn't going to help. Keep one of your friends in secret to ease your pain and clear your mind.
- Just tell your friend or relative that you need to talk to them about an overwhelming emotion: "I love someone who doesn't have the same feelings about me. I don't feel good and I can't stop thinking about her”.
- During the conversation, you can also ask for advice: "Did you have a similar feeling? What did you do to regain your serenity? "
Step 3. Consult an advisor if necessary
If you take action to control the situation and to distract yourself, you will feel better over time. However, if you are having difficulty changing your day-to-day life or if things are not improving, you better see a specialist. This one won't judge you or say anything about your obsession. Its function is to help you. So be honest with him.
- Emotions have no rule. However, you should be able to gradually notice that the intensity of yours decreases over time.
- It may be time to see a specialist if you have tried it on your own without success, for at least 1 or 2 months. It is also best to seek help if the frequency of your obsessive thoughts increases, if you regularly fall into despair, if you let go of your daily activities, or if you have aggressive thoughts about yourself or others.
- If you're still in school and don't want to ask your parents to help you see a therapist, talk to your guidance counselor about your problem.