Life after a break-up that ends a serious relationship can be an ordeal that may take time to recover. Learning to overcome the grief that comes with losing someone can still open up new opportunities and promote your inner healing. Very few people find their perfect match without much effort and with some persistence. After all, breaking up is an unhappy life experience until one day you find the perfect match.
Method 1 of 3: Delete memories
Step 1. Remove the communication methods
This includes phone numbers, saved chats, and email addresses. You might have a hard time doing this, but allowing yourself an option to call your ex in times when you are feeling emotionally weak can be a sign that you are dependent on him.
It would also be wise to block your ex's number or email address, to avoid any unexpected surprises
Step 2. Get rid of physical memorabilia
Get rid of any particular items that remind you of that person. Get rid of the things that remind you of your love. Some items that can make a break-up especially difficult: clothes, jewelry, photos, and gifts.
You don't have to get rid of everything, but you will need to stay away from these items for a while before you can move on entirely. Why not put all the items that remind you of your ex away and put them somewhere out of your sight and where you won't remember them?
Step 3. Make plans for the special days
When your birthday is approaching or at an event of the year that reminds you of your ex, make plans with other friends so that you can divert your thoughts from the times you shared with him. Do you and your ex watch movies every Monday? Call a friend and be sure to make some other Monday night plans with them as you try to adjust to your loneliness.
Organize an evening, an outing or a dinner with friends to fill your loneliness by having fun and having a good time
Step 4. Break away from social media
Seeing that your ex is hanging out with another person could break your heart and complicate things for you. While you still hope to maintain a friendship with this person for the long haul, understand that it will take some time and space before you allow your ex to reappear in your life.
Step 5. Say goodbye your way
For some people, writing a farewell letter, in which they can sum up all their feelings and hope they had in this relationship, would be a good way to heal faster. You don't have to show your ex the letter, but just writing your feelings down on a piece of paper can give you the healing you need.
Another technique that you might find helpful would be to confess your feelings towards that person in thought. Just breaking free from repressed feelings can speed up healing from your injury
Method 2 of 3: Let go
Step 1. Give yourself time and know that time will pass
You might have a hard time swallowing these words, and you might even find them callous. It's hard to face a breakup, even if you are the one who decided to break up. However, it is important to know that life goes on and that the pain you feel is a natural part of grief and the inner healing process.
- The time it takes to recover from emotions differs for each person. Respect the time it takes to get through this emotional change.
- Although inner healing is an individual effort, some studies show that it takes 11 weeks to permanently release any strong emotions you may be feeling in connection with your love.
Step 2. Start a new project or do a fun activity
Even if you're not particularly good at an activity, distracting yourself by doing something new will help you forget about your ex. Now that you are out of the relationship, it's time for you to rediscover what makes you happy and do it!
- Practice boosting your mood and enjoy the benefits that come with it.
- Use art as therapy, which can be of particular benefit to you if you still have trouble expressing your feelings in words.
- Raise an animal or plant a tree, as the fact that a living being's life depends on you can reduce your depression.
Step 3. Join a group
You can volunteer in your community, join a local library book club, or enroll in an intramural sports tournament. The spirit of camaraderie that reigns in a group that you have just joined can give you the strength to go through these times. Here are some groups or group activities that you might find helpful:
- community gardening groups
- community clean-up activities
- your local sports teams
- table games teams
Step 4. Learn to distinguish between the imaginary and the real
Sometimes, after a breakup, it is easy to think only of your ex, creating images that seem more perfect than in reality. Try to identify unrealistic thoughts that you have allowed yourself to have, for example when you tell yourself that you will never know love again.
Think about your ex with the positive feelings you had in the past. Knowing the difference between what was and what is can turn your negative emotions into positive ones
Step 5. Don't hold a grudge
Despite everything that happens, try to genuinely forgive your ex. If possible, go to the person and tell them that you have been deeply hurt, but that you forgive them for all the negativities whether it is those that you have perceived of yourself or that you have actually experienced. This will allow you to forget about the negative emotions that you usually feel after a break-up and to be relieved of them.
Step 6. Use your sense of logic to get by
If your ex hadn't been the best partner, it would be easier for you to put up with the breakup. While you might be reluctant to let the good memories you have cherished tarnish, doing so can help you focus on the best moments of the present. In what ways do you think you can evolve now that you are out of this relationship? Thinking about it can make you get better and better.
In case your ex is really a good person, be glad you had the opportunity to meet him. Remember that everyone who comes into your life can teach you something new
Step 7. Keep the Faith
You will find it easy to become embittered or adopt negative attitudes, but remember that this will not make you happy. Just because you have to let go of your feelings doesn't mean you have to become a slave to them. Re-examine your personal philosophy. Are you the type of person who gives in to negativity? Are you going to allow your ex to exercise this emotional control over you, even after the breakup? Recognize that you are responsible for your emotions: you should not blame your ex forever for your condition.
Method 3 of 3: Move on
Step 1. Learn from your past relationships
Remember that there is always love to be given and that there are many things we can do to enrich our lives. Think about the stage in your life you were in before you learned about the relationship and the ways in which you evolved together. The powerful connection between learning and memory and the beneficial effects that you will have in gaining new knowledge will allow you to overcome the difficulties associated with losing your love. Ask yourself these questions.
- What was it that I was not able to do before that this relationship has enabled me to be able to accomplish now?
- What were the strengths of my exes? Have I learned any lessons from them or have I developed these strengths within myself?
- What have we accomplished together that I could never have accomplished on my own?
Step 2. Make a list of the things you have always wanted to do
You probably had to put some of your goals on hold in order to prioritize your relationship over your personal desires. Once you have finished the list, not only will you discover as many opportunities as life offers you, but you will also be able to set goals to achieve in the near future.
- Take a look at what travel plans you can take on your own, but not as a couple: now is the time to plan a trip!
- Sign up for training you didn't have the time or the strength to take while in a relationship.
- Challenge yourself, for example by participating in a local cooking contest or a photography contest.
Step 3. Don't stay at home
You don't need money to walk the streets, to gaze at the sky, to read a book or to soak up the sun or to enjoy other simple blessings that life has to offer. Also, a change of scenery can have a powerful impact on your mental state: the first step you take should be the first step towards acquiring a better mental state.
Step 4. Go meet your friends, old and new
Or, go out to make new friends. In any case, the climate of joy that will prevail in the group of friends in which you will be could positively influence your mood. A good way to meet like-minded people would be to join a club that does activities related to your interests. Studies have shown that being around friends and like-minded people can help you:
- to relax
- to increase your sense of belonging
- increase your self-esteem
- to attend challenges to overcome
Step 5. Stop talking about your ex
This might be seen as a touchy subject among your friends, who might find your repeated lamentations too negative, which they might loathe. Take the time to consider the support of your friends so that they are not fed up with your situation. Try saying phrases like:
- I know this break-up has been particularly difficult for me and I'm sorry for pouring out on you all the time, how I feel. You've been such a good friend by my side all this time. I am very grateful for your support,
- I would like to thank you for forcing me out last night. I was moody and a little depressed, but an outing was what I needed,
- you've been so patient with me all this time. I thank you. Without you by my side to listen to me and give me advice, this moment would be much harder for me.
Step 6. Surround yourself with positivity
It would be encouraging for you to place positive affirmations in prominent places around the house. Or maybe you could plan to watch a show or movie that has always been successful in giving you a good mood.
Step 7. Confide in an expert or an adult you trust in case your condition is serious
Many people struggle to overcome difficult breakups. Breaking up can be an emotional shock and you may need the support of a professional in the matter or someone who is more experienced in the sentimental field so that they can tell you what to do in order to heal. A psychologist, an elder in the family, a friend or the principal of a school can guide you in these moments. Confidence in yourself can help you release stress, get advice, and build self-esteem.