How to resist the urge to call your ex: 11 steps (with pictures)

How to resist the urge to call your ex: 11 steps (with pictures)
How to resist the urge to call your ex: 11 steps (with pictures)

After a painful break-up you might miss your ex and you might feel tempted to call him or you might even be resentful and need to get your nerves out and tell him what you think. Whatever your reason for wanting to call her, it's always best not to reconnect until you've moved on. By giving both of you some space, you will be able to find out if a friendship is possible in the future. During that time, it would be better if you cut your ties and avoided yourself until you were healed.


Part 1 of 3: Avoid contact with your ex

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Step 1. Erase their phone number

Some individuals contact their exes during times of weakness while others believe it will rekindle the flame. However, all of your attempts to make contact will only end with the reappearance of painful feelings and you will only prolong the agony. Remember, there is a reason for your breakup: one of you was not happy and that is not going to change.

  • If you saved their number in your phone, you need to erase it and erase any traces of conversations you may have had.
  • Also erase all physical copies of your ex's phone number, for example if you wrote it down in a notebook or on a sticky note.
  • Also consider blocking them so they can't contact you. Usually, it is possible to do this by going to the privacy settings of the phone and blocking its number, but the exact method to follow is going to depend on the type of phone you have.
  • Turn off your phone whenever you drink alcohol (if you are of legal age, of course), so you don't feel like calling or texting when you are not in full possession of it. your means.
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Step 2. Delete it from your social networks

Some people are able to remain friends with their ex on social media. However, if you think that you can't do this without continuing to have romantic feelings for him, it would be best if you erase everything that connects you to him. Even if you deleted his number, he could still send you private messages or leave comments on the photos you post.

  • You will avoid the temptation to contact him again if you remove him from all your social networks. It can also give you more space and privacy as you heal from the breakup.
  • Remember, if you choose to keep the link on social media, you might see your ex's new partner. You will also remember times you spent together, which could make you regret the relationship.
  • Remember, once you've moved on, you can always resend them a friend request or subscribe to their page. If you are feeling vulnerable and might be tempted to contact him, it is best to cut all ties for now.
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Step 3. Distance yourself from your mutual friends

It might not be necessary, but some people feel better distancing themselves from their mutual friends while the breakup is still fresh. If you think you might be tempted to ask a mutual friend about your ex, or if you can't look at your friends without having painful thoughts about the breakup, you might want to distance yourself a bit until you get better.

  • Explain to them why you are doing it. If you don't explain it to them, they might get worried and think you don't want to be friends with them anymore.
  • If they do start talking about your ex in your presence, ask them not to, or at least until you've moved on.
  • Avoid all situations where he might be there. For example, if you have a mutual friend who is having a party or inviting you to an event, you can ask them in advance if your ex will be attending.
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Step 4. Turn the page

The best way to heal your heart after a breakup is to accept that the relationship is over. This could be difficult, especially if it was your partner who ended it, but it's important that you recognize that the relationship was doomed to failure. Until you can move on, you are going to feel tempted to call him or contact him in some other form, but that is only going to prolong the pain and vulnerability you already feel.

  • You have the right to suffer and be sad, these are normal emotions. What is not normal is to rehash these feelings and convince yourself that you have lost your "one love".
  • Know that you have the right to spend some time alone. You can find other exciting ways to spend your time too, and once you've taken the time for yourself, you'll be ready to have a better relationship with someone else.
  • You have not yet turned the page if you continue to have feelings for your ex or if you hope to keep some connection with him. It is essential that you avoid contacting him, seeing her, or even bumping into him by chance for the time it takes to heal and move on.

Part 2 of 3: recovering from the breakup

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Step 1. Spend time with your friends and family

If you are just coming out of a long relationship, especially if you lived with your ex-partner, it could be scary and intimidating to be alone now. The best way to move on (and distract from the urge to call her), then, is to spend as much time as possible with other people.

  • Contact your friends and family, even if you haven't seen them for a long time. You can suggest activities for them, the most important thing that you need to focus on is not to be left alone.
  • Try out a new hobby or join a class and have a friend join you. It could be great for distracting you from how you are feeling while still being an amazing experience for you and your friend.
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Step 2. Get rid of the memories

After a long relationship, you probably have a lot of items that remind you of your ex. It could be small gifts or items that you shared and you are going to permanently remember your past relationship if you have them in front of you every day. By getting rid of them (or at least hiding them somewhere), they will prevent you from wanting to contact him again while the break is still fresh.

  • Put them all in a box. Whether it's photos, gifts, or things that belong to him, you need to put them in a corner where you won't see them anymore.
  • If you can't keep them in your home without them reminding you of your old relationship or making you want to recontact your ex, throw them in the trash. Have a mutual friend come and get them so they can return them to your ex before you decide to throw them out.
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Step 3. Change Your Life

Sometimes it can be hard to stop thinking about your ex and move on. Even after you get rid of the memories that remind you of your ex, you might still keep thinking about him on a regular basis, which might make you want to get back in touch with him. If you're having trouble turning the page, you could try making changes in your habits or in your life in general.

  • If you lived together, you should try to move and find a new home in a different neighborhood.
  • If you work or worked together, you might consider finding a new job.
  • If you don't want to change jobs, but if you continue to work together, your boss might help you change offices to get away from your ex.
  • Find other ways to change your habits or environment. Take steps to make small changes in your daily life to erase memories of your ex.
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Step 4. Forgive yourself for your mistakes

Whether you are the instigator of the breakup or your behavior caused your ex to break up with you, you might feel more or less guilty. It's important that you come to terms with the past so that you can move on. Remember, while you may feel guilty, your ex probably played a role in the end of the relationship as well. To move on, you must learn to love yourself and forgive yourself for your mistakes. After forgiving yourself, you may be able to forgive your ex.

Part 3 of 3: Considering a Possible Friendship

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Step 1. Ask yourself if he hurt you

In all relationships there are ups and downs. Couples often argue and sometimes we say things that we regret right away. However, if your partner has abused you (emotionally or physically), cheated on you, or hasn't cared about your feelings for the entire duration of the relationship, it's a safe bet that neither is he going to make a good friend.

You need to eliminate all toxic people from your life who have hurt you and who may continue to hurt you. It is the best solution for you, to turn the page and to take care of your mental health and well-being

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Step 2. Ask yourself if you will have ulterior motives

Sometimes it's impossible to stop feeling a certain attraction for someone. It could be physical or emotional and it will make any attempt at friendship very difficult. If you don't believe that it is possible for you to call him or be in the same room without wanting to find the connection you had, you must accept that it is impossible for you to be friends with him.

  • If you're struggling to move on, you need to cut the bridges once and for all.
  • Whenever you catch yourself thinking about him, you have to find something else to distract you. Go see friends, watch TV, or find other ways to get it out of your head.
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Step 3. Evaluate the time that has passed

Being friends with your ex usually takes time and distance. You can't go from lovers to friends without letting a little time elapse to heal, if you can. If you think you can move on and befriend your ex, you need to think about how you feel about him and how long has passed since the breakup.

  • Right after a breakup, most people feel sad, lonely, or betrayed. This is completely normal and these feelings will fade over time.
  • There is no fixed amount of time to wait to move on. In some people this can happen within a week or two, others take several months to recover.
  • If you still feel a lack or resentment towards your ex, you still have to wait.
  • Once you can think of him without missing him or feeling angry about the breakup, you're good to try being friends. If that never happens, you are going to have to cut ties and build a life where it is excluded.


  • If you have memorized his phone number by heart, it is very important that you do not keep your phone with you at all times.
  • The more time you spend talking to yourself, the harder it will be to move on. It would be best not to talk to her at all, at least until you are healed and move on.

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