If you've been friends with a boy for a while, you might start to have feelings for him. Telling a close friend that you love them can be a scary experience because they may not feel the same way to you. However, you will never know until you get on with it and the best way to express how you really feel is to say it respectfully, calmly and in private.
Part 1 of 3: Prepare for the discussion
Step 1. Make sure he's single before you start
If the one you are in love with is in a relationship, avoid confessing your love to them. You certainly don't want to put him in an awkward position to choose between you and his current partner. Wait a moment to see if he ends his relationship with the other before telling him how you feel about him.
If he ends his current relationship with his partner, give him friendly support during the breakup if he asks. Just tell him how you feel after a while and if he is feeling good again as usual
Step 2. Plan what you are going to say
It's better to plan what you want to say to him than to try to improvise on the spot, because you might say things you don't mean. It can also be helpful to repeat what you are going to say in front of a mirror several times. To this end, know that you can use several formulations.
- “I want us to be more than friends. How about trying? "
- "I have had strong feelings for you for a long time. It feels good to admit it. "
Step 3. Try not to be too nervous
Chances are the boy you love will say no, but avoid thinking about it right away. Take a deep breath and do a relaxing activity before walking towards him.
Part 2 of 3: talk calmly with him
Step 1. Ask to speak to him in private
Go together to a place where you will not be interrupted or overheard. In fact, the presence of other people can sometimes make people feel pressured to give an answer they don't want. For this reason, you should show respect for his person and for your friendship by having a private discussion with him.
Avoid making a big show by screaming in public, giving lavish gifts, or making a big sign with something that says "I love you." Know that simplicity is best, so tell her as directly and calmly as possible
Step 2. Make the discussion cheerful
Ask him about his day or briefly tell him about yours to relax the atmosphere. It will also help you determine what mood he is in. If he's had a bad day, it might be best to be patient before leading the discussion about changing your friendship.
Step 3. Test the terrain first by flirting a bit
Compliment him on his clothes or hair, tell him you think he's cute, or make eye contact and smile. If he responds by saying "thank you" or "oh, you too," know that this is a good sign and that now is a good time to express your feelings. If he responds by saying "okay, is that weird" or "thank you?" With a skeptical tone, it's best that you let it go.
Step 4. Avoid saying the word “love”
Avoid saying the word "love" until you are dating. Avoid saying the word "love" until you've been dating for a while. This can precipitate things in the relationship, which could scare him. For every couple, the perfect time to confess their love is different, but make the effort to wait at least a month or two after you've started dating.
Step 5. Look him in the eye and calmly tell him how you are feeling
Take a deep breath. Remember what you had planned to say and try not to improvise, as this can make you more nervous. Take your time to express yourself properly, because you don't have to be in a rush.
Step 6. Tell him that you care about him as a friend
Tell this boy that you care about him as a friend and that you don't want to lose that friendship. It can sometimes come as a shock to someone when their friend tells them that he (or she) has romantic feelings for him. It's important for him to know that you're not just interested in being with him if he's your boyfriend. If you find that he seems to be surprised or confused, there are a number of ways you can express yourself. Here are some examples of what you can say.
- “Take a moment to think about it. We've been friends for a long time now, so there's no need to be in a hurry. "
- "I'll understand if you don't want to be in a romantic relationship now. I want you to do what's best for you and if that involves us being friends then that's fine with me. "
- "I won't blame you if you don't feel the same about me. I appreciate your friendship, and that is more important to me than being your romantic partner. "
Part 3 of 3: Accept the outcome
Step 1. Take it slowly if he feels the same to you
Leveling up too quickly can stress both of you. It's easy to call each other by little nicknames or say 'I love you', increase the number of times you chat during the day, and add romantic touches like kissing or holding hands.. So take the time to have fun together on your first date.
- It might be uncomfortable to discuss sensitive topics with your new partner if you've never talked about it before. For example, you certainly don't want to tell him that he upset you with his words.
- However, know that the success of romantic relationships depends on good communication. Be honest and open about your problems, your wants, your needs and ask him to do the same.
Step 2. Try not to take it personally
Try not to take it personally if he doesn't want to date you. It doesn't mean that you are worthless, that you are not good enough for him or that you are unworthy of being loved. Be aware that a person can have many reasons for not wanting to go out with their friend and among them is the fact of not wanting to change the friendship between them. You can ask them the reasons for their decision, but keep in mind that the fact that someone says "I just don't want to" is enough reason to decide not to do something.
- Even if you're upset that he said no, don't get mad at him and tell him what he's missing.
- Avoid trying to change his mind by trying to persuade him to feel something else. This will make it harder for your friendship to return to normal, as he may feel that you don't respect his feelings.
Step 3. Give it some space
Let go for at least two weeks to give him time to understand how he is currently feeling about the friendship between the two of you. If he feels that you can't be friends anymore, because that would be too strange, avoid arguing with him. Accept that he has every right to make this decision.
Step 4. Take some time for yourself
This is important whether or not you have started dating your friend or not. Know that it's good to take a break from your daily life to cry in case he rejects you, but make an effort to occupy yourself in another way. Take a good bath, take a long walk, or hang out with your friends and enjoy your favorite dessert. Stay true to yourself no matter what, and don't allow your schoolwork or other relationships to be affected.
If you're having a really tough time, talk to someone. Your friends, parents, teachers, and school counselors can all help you overcome this
Step 5. Do the same things you usually do with your friend
Do the same things you usually do with your friend to restore your friendship. If he rejects you, but still wants you to remain friends, give him some time for a week or two. Then invite them to do something you used to do together. Try to make your interactions as normal as possible by being yourself and staying calm.
- Things will be different for each friendship, so you are the only one who knows what activities you enjoy doing together. For example, you can play video games at home, have lunch or dessert, or take a walk in the mall.
- Keep in mind that you don't have to maintain your friendship with him in case the situation is too painful for you. Focus on your other friends, goals, family, and interests while keeping your distance from him.
- Be direct. Avoid making it a game of 'he told me to tell you' and asking your friend to talk to him for you. Don't force his friends to find out how he feels and let you know. Know that the situation will be more stressful if you involve more people.
- You can write a letter to him if confessing your feelings to him in person is too distressing for you, but it is best to speak to him in person after giving him the letter.