How to tell your lover that you are a single mother

How to tell your lover that you are a single mother
How to tell your lover that you are a single mother
Anonim

Being a single mom is a difficult and rewarding role, but if you do decide to start dating someone it could definitely complicate matters. When you start seeing someone new, tell them right away that you are having a child so they don't feel like you're trying to hide anything from them. Fortunately, there are a lot of people who don't care about dating someone who has kids, and it might even please some!

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Bringing the topic back

Tell Your Date You Have a Child (for Single Mothers) Step 2

Step 1. Talk to your sweetheart about your child

Do this as soon as possible. The longer you wait to tell her, the harder it will be for you to do so. Also, it might make it look like you are trying to hide the fact that you are having a child. It shouldn't necessarily be the very first thing you should tell him, but you should be upfront about it and talk to him about it from the start.

Finding the courage to talk to her about your parenting status as soon as possible will also help you quickly get rid of anyone who might not want to date a single mom. Do not be afraid. However, it just means that he is at a different stage of his life than yours. There are a lot of people who don't care

Tell Your Date You Have a Child (for Single Mothers) Step 3

Step 2. Talk about your child in a joking way

Do this if you need to break the ice. Avoid putting too much pressure on yourself or feeling like this will be a long and serious conversation. Just bring up the subject in a cheerful way. It will show your sweetheart that you love being a mother. If you are unsure of the best way to approach the subject, try to approach it with a sense of humor!

  • For example, if the dialogue between you is going well, say, “It is really nice to have an adult conversation. I spent all day chatting with my 3 year old son to find out which is the best PJ Masks! "
  • If he asks you if you've been watching a good movie lately, try saying, “Well! My 12 year old son is obsessed with musicals right now, so I followed Beauty and the Beast 3 times this week, does that count? "
  • Watch her reaction carefully, but don't overdo it. If he looks surprised then, change the subject and give him some time to get used to the idea.
Tell Your Date You Have a Child (for Single Mothers) Step 4

Step 3. Ask if he has children

If you're nervous about talking to her. As you get to know each other, ask her the following question, "Do you have children?" You will be surprised to find that you are not the only one having children around the table! Even if he doesn't have children, this might be an easier way to bring it up. Better yet, doing so will allow you to have a more interactive conversation than if you just spit out the song.

  • If he's also a single parent, say something like, “This is great! I also have an 8 year old child. "
  • If he tells you he doesn't have any kids, you can just say "I have a baby boy and he's so fun!" "
Tell Your Date You Have a Child (for Single Mothers) Step 5

Step 4. Talk well about your child

If, from hearing you, it feels like being a single mom is a heavy burden or something to be ashamed of, it might feel like it's a negative aspect of your life. If, however, you speak with confidence and optimism, he will see you more as a strong person who courageously faces a difficult situation.

For example, you could say, “I love being a mom, it's not easy, but my 5 year old daughter is really, really smart. She motivates me to give the best of myself every day! "

Tell Your Date You Have a Child (for Single Mothers) Step 6

Step 5. Try to talk more about your situation

As soon as you feel more comfortable, try to tell her more about your situation. You don't have to give her all the details about what led you to become a single mom, but you can try to shed some light on your situation. This could mainly reassure him if you let him know that the other parent is no longer in your life.

  • For example, say, “My daughter's father passed the gun to the left when she was still a baby” or “Her father remarried and they see each other every other weekend. "
  • Avoid talking badly about the other parent, even though things might have ended badly between you. This is not good for your child, and your lover might think that you will do the same with him if your relationship does not last.
  • Remember that nothing forces you to talk about the things that bother you. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to talk about your past, especially when you've just started getting to know each other. As you get closer to each other, you will gradually be able to talk to her about your past.

Step 6. Be frank

Be frank about what you want from the relationship. If you are dating him because you want a serious relationship, you should let him know as soon as possible that you want a long-term relationship. If, however, you only want an unattached relationship for now, be clear about that as well.

  • If you want to have a serious relationship, you can say: "I really hope to meet someone with whom I can stay all my life if possible" or "I really hope to meet someone who shares with me the desire to a long term relationship. "
  • If you just want a one-to-one relationship say, "I'm not looking for anything serious right now, I just want to have fun while I think about what I'll do next." "
  • Whatever your goal, communicating your expectations to your sweetheart early on will allow them to understand the role you would like them to play in your life. Also, it will give him the opportunity to opt out earlier if he does not agree with your terms.

Part 2 of 3: Progressing With Your Boyfriend

Tell Your Date You Have a Child (for Single Mothers) Step 10

Step 1. Reassure him

Tell him you're in no rush if he looks worried. If he doesn't seem really sure if he wants to date a single mom, but you feel he really loves you, let him know that you aren't expecting anything from him and that you are not. no rush to find a new parent for your child either.

Say something like, “We do well on our own, but I think it's very important that I continue to enjoy adult relationships. "

Tell Your Date You Have a Child (for Single Mothers) Step 8

Step 2. Avoid feeling bad about rejection

There might be a time when you come across someone who is just not willing to have children in their life. It might really hurt you especially if you love that person a lot, but try to remember that that doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. This is just the situation that the two of you are in. Respect their choice and keep looking for the right person for you.

If you feel guilty about yourself just for being rejected, try to boost your self-esteem by making a whole list of why you're a great party. Reread this list whenever you doubt your worth

Tell Your Date You Have a Child (for Single Mothers) Step 12

Step 3. Take your time

Remember to take all the time you need before introducing your child to your sweetheart. Even if he doesn't mind the fact that you are a single mother at all, you should still be patient and be completely sure that your relationship is serious and stable before introducing it to your child. It is often advisable that you wait until you have been dating the person for at least a few months before arranging such a meeting with your child.

  • Children get attached to people very easily and it might be very difficult for a child to continually cope with the constant parade of your little buddies in their life especially when they have been through their parent's separation before.
  • If you're not quite sure what stage you are at, ask your lover to rate how serious you are in the relationship. By simply asking him the following question: "Are we exclusive or how do you think our relationship will end?" This will let you know if the two of you are on the same page.
  • When the time comes, try to organize the meeting so that your child feels comfortable. You can think about inviting your sweetheart over to share a pizza or watch a movie together.
Tell Your Date You Have a Child (for Single Mothers) Step 14

Step 4. Find a compromise

When it comes to sharing parenting responsibilities, consider finding the right balance. If your child's father is in the running, you will need to devise a good plan and be clear about his role, and that of your new partner, in raising your child. The best way to do this would be to sit down with your partner and the father of your child and have an open and sincere conversation that will allow you to find a consensual shared care plan.

  • Remember to make it clear to everyone and everyone that your new partner is not replacing the other. However, the role that each plays will depend on the level of involvement of your children's biological father in their children's lives.
  • For example, in some cases the biological father may decide to get custody of the children every two weeks or on weekends, so he has an important role to play in their education. However, in other cases, children rarely see their biological father, which means he plays a less important role in their life.

Part 3 of 3: tell your child you're dating

Tell Your Date You Have a Child (for Single Mothers) Step 11

Step 1. Have a discussion with your child

Keep it short, simple, and age-appropriate. Never lie to your child about your love life. It doesn't mean you have to give it all the details, either. If you're going out to meet someone, let them know. Let him know where you are going. Let yourself be guided by his age and degree of maturity to know how to conduct such a discussion.

  • For example, if you have a relatively young child, you can say, “Mom is going out to meet a friend for a few hours. During this time, Grandma will keep you company. I love you ! "
  • If you have an older child, you can say, "A colleague from the department is taking me to the movies tonight, there is nothing serious between us yet, but I will let you know how things are going." "
Tell Your Date You Have a Child (for Single Mothers) Step 13

Step 2. Always stay consistent

Remember to ensure consistency in your way of educating your child no matter what. It is important for your child to know that whoever comes into your life, your relationship with them will not change. Set limits early on on the role your partner will play in your child's life. Even if he comes daily or moves in with you, you should still be first responsible for discipline and housekeeping. Better still, you should be the one to make the major decisions that will affect your child's life.

  • Avoid changing the rules and expectations that you have set for your children and that you have always followed in your household and then ask your lover to adapt to them.
  • Your new partner should also respect the role your ex-boyfriend will play in his or her life.

Step 3. Be patient

If your child is opposed to your relationship with your lover, be patient. It is difficult for children to accept changes, and even if you are dating a great person, your child may behave badly or be mean to them. It's not really his fault, it's the circumstances that lead him to do this. Do not try to make him like this person, but ask him to be more respectful towards this person.

  • Try to have a discussion with your child. During this conversation, let him know that you recognize his fears and consider reassuring him of your unconditional love for him even though you are dating someone new.
  • For example, you can say, “I can easily guess that you are afraid that things will change, but I love you and it will never change. I hope you give my new friend a chance. "

Advice

  • If you're trying to date online, consider stating on your profile that you're a single mom. This will allow you to get rid of all the people who don't want to date a single mom at the same time. Thus, the meetings that you will make will suit you better.
  • When you meet someone, don't spend all of your time talking about your child. Also take the opportunity to focus on your expectations and goals. It is totally separate from your status as a mother.

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