Sometimes the feeling of security can become a pleasant thing. If you're tired of short-lived stories or want to turn a good relationship into a serious one, you might have a lot of questions about what to do. You can learn to know whether or not you are ready for a long-term relationship, to make that relationship work, and to keep it like day one.
Part 1 of 3: testing your relationship
Step 1. Start with a non-binding relationship
If you're single and want to get into a serious relationship, it's important not to rush into it. It's going to take you a while to meet people and even more to meet the right person to get you started in a serious relationship, so try to take it slow at first and let things go on their own terms. It will be different for each relationship, so move forward at your own pace.
- In general, it is not advisable to bring up a topic like marriage or children as soon as you meet someone new that you might be interested in. For some people, especially older couples, it may work, but it's still not the best way to get to know each other.
- In the first few days, weeks, months of a relationship, your goal shouldn't be to commit, but to get to know the person, their real personality. That's why it's best that you avoid talking about long-term projects, at least for the first few months.
Step 2. Ask your friends and family what they think about your relationship
It is true that love is often blind, and it can make obvious flaws in potential partners invisible that your friends or family might notice more easily. It might be helpful to get a second opinion from friends or family you trust.
- Introduce your partner to your family and friends a few months after you meet and wait a bit later to ask them what they think. If everyone is telling you that you look so happy together, that you seem like you were meant to be together and other compliments, take it as a good sign.
- Remember, it's still your relationship and the decision to continue or not is up to you. If your friends don't like your partner, that doesn't necessarily mean you aren't compatible, as long as you're happy together.
Step 3. Discuss what you want from this relationship once it is established
If you are in a relationship and are planning on going into a long-term relationship, it is important to discuss what your partner wants first and to put the cards down. There are many different types of relationships, relationship expectations and ideas about what it means to "engage" and the best way to find out how your partner is feeling is to ask them.
- Ask your partner a simple question and ask them where they see this relationship going. Prepare for a variety of responses.
- What does long term mean to you? Some months ? Until the first argument? A marriage ? Children?
- Think of scenarios that will help you consider engagement. What if your partner got a job across the country? Would you be ready to move? In what situations would you be breaking the relationship?
Step 4. Share your life goals with your partner
What do you want to do with your life? Where do you want to be in 10 years? What type of career would you like to pursue? These kinds of things can get in the way of long-term relationships, or at least can make it harder for you to be compatible with another person.
- Know how to recognize your incompatibility when it arises. If you want to travel frequently for the next few years and your partner doesn't, this is a topic you need to discuss. It is not healthy to stay in a relationship where you are being manipulated into doing things you don't want to do.
- There is a difference between being ready for a long term relationship and being ready for a long term relationship with this person. Often times, an engagement can seem wonderful, secure and attractive, but is it the right fit? Is this the right time? It's something to think about and discuss with your partner.
Step 5. Try to go on a trip together
A good way to find out if your relationship is going to be successful is to go on a trip together. Travel can be stressful and it's going to force you to spend a lot of time together, but it's a great way to find out if your relationship can handle the stress. You're probably going to see your partner in the worst possible light. Will you still be in love when you get back?
You don't have to organize an expensive trip abroad to find out what you need to know. Plan a camping weekend to see how it goes or take a car trip for a weekend to visit family
Step 6. Try to live together when the time is right
If you think your partner might be the right one, it might be worthwhile for many couples to live together for a while before they want to get married or make a long-term commitment. Much like traveling together, living together can help you know what your partner is like when they are tired, in a bad mood, with a hangover, or other bad times they are going through. If you can still love your partner when they have the flu, you've got something special.
Otherwise, the secret of some couples who last is to be able to keep a secret garden. It is true that it is important to keep your space private. No one ever said you have to live together to have a successful relationship
Step 7. Try your hand with a pet before you think about children
Some couples make the mistake of thinking that the birth of a child can rekindle a relationship in decline. This is a very serious mistake. Likewise, just because you are ready to have a baby doesn't mean your partner is too at the same time. Do you want to know if your partner could make a good parent? Buy a pet!
- Even a low-maintenance animal like a bird, hamster, or rabbit can help you know if your partner is ready to commit to another life or another member of your relationship. Is he ready to compromise and love, regardless of himself?
- In some cases, it might be irresponsible and foolish to take a pet in an unstable environment. Don't take an animal home if you don't have the time and money to care for it.
Part 2 of 3: settle down for the long haul
Step 1. Commit to your partner
If after you've put a strain on your relationship, you think you want to stick with your partner, maybe it's time to commit to something more serious. When you are ready, let your partner know that you are committed to this relationship and that you are willing to put in the effort and do your best to have a healthy relationship. Every relationship is different, which is why you need to chat with your partner.
- Your commitment can be as simple as telling your partner that you are entering an exclusive relationship or as serious as getting engaged, depending on the outcome of your discussions with your partner. But your commitment and effort to make your relationship work and to compromise is an important step in the relationship.
- Usually, a long-term relationship means that you won't meet other people, although not all relationships do. Don't take anything for granted, check with your partner.
Step 2. Be honest with your partner
One of the most important things in a long-term relationship is honesty. If you want to get involved, you have to be honest with your partner or at least with your desires and your own happiness. If something is making you frustrated, share it and listen to what your partner has to say.
- Honesty is also knowing how to listen to your partner. You need to be there for your partner and be ready to listen to them when they want to open up to you. You must be available.
- Again, honesty can be a different thing for different couples. Is it absolutely necessary to reveal the little details of your past to your partner if you know it could jeopardize your relationship? Only you can answer. If these details are keeping you from being happy, speak up. Otherwise, hold your tongue.
Step 3. Make an effort during the most difficult times
One of the differences between a brief affair and a long-term relationship is negotiating arguments with your partner. An argument doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is over. It just means that you have just faced an obstacle that you are going to have to overcome together or that will prevent you from being happy with this person. Either way, it's important to deal with the arguments and get on with it.
- Deal with problems as they arise. The worst thing that can happen is to ignore the warnings when they arise and keep the relationship on the same level. It is important to deal with problems as early as possible.
- It's important to know the difference between small, usual arguments that you can resolve and serious issues that you cannot. If you tend to argue about the dishes, that's one thing, but if your partner constantly criticizes you or puts you down over the dishes, it's another.
Step 4. Make mutual friends
It is often said that when your friends get into a relationship, you never see them again. The longer the relationship, the harder it becomes to find time to go out on top of the work involved in keeping the relationship afloat. To make this easier for you, try doing both at the same time. Make friends together and go out as a couple.
- It's important to avoid situations where you spend more time with your partner's group of friends. If your partner has a lot of friends, that's good, but you need to make new friends together. If you break up, it might be hard to feel that you've lost all of your friends too.
- Try to find couples you enjoy dating as well as single friends whose company you enjoy.
Step 5. Set common goals
If you've found that your goals in life align with your partner's goals, set goals together for yourself and for the relationship. What is your greatest ambition for your relationship and for yourself? Where would you like to be next year? Where would you like to be in five years? Think about what you need to do to grow your relationship and your life together.
- At the very beginning, it could mean that you will save money together, finish your studies, set up your career plan, and other steps to settle in more comfortable.
- Later, it could mean getting married and having children, investing money, and having other family goals.
Part 3 of 3: keep the flame alive
Step 1. Tell your partner that you love them
Sounds obvious, doesn't it? It's important to remember that if you love your partner, you need to tell them every now and then. A long-term relationship in its early stages needs to be built on love and trust, and you need to get your words and actions to communicate this message. Tell him you love him.
Step 2. Do things together
While it may seem simple, it's important for couples entering a long-term relationship to make their relationship a priority and take the time they used to spend with friends or family to spend it. with their partner. The longer the relationship gets, the more difficult it can become. Make an effort.
- You don't have to do expensive activities or travel to exotic places to keep the flame alive. You can go out to dinner and then go to the movies, but you can also hike together, get a massage, or spend a night playing together. Spend active time together.
- While it may not seem romantic, sometimes it is necessary in a long-term relationship to organize some intimate moments with your partner in order to keep your emotional connection. Plan weekly outings together and a romantic weekend getaway every now and then.
Step 3. Be kind, generous, and fun
Author and columnist Dan Savage coined the phrase GGG to describe the qualities of a partner necessary for a long-term relationship: good, generous (giving), and fun (game).
- Being good means you have to act in the best interests of your partner. You need to be kind to your partner at all times.
- Being generous means that you have to do a little more for your partner. Give a part of yourself to your partner, share your interests and your life with them. Don't just think about yourself when you're with your partner.
- Being fun means doing things you probably wouldn't have done without it. It's easy not to want to do something you've never done or aren't interested in, but if you want to make your partner happy you have to give it a try, it might be fun after all.
Step 4. Keep your relationship spontaneous
Long-term relationships can easily turn into a routine. You go to work or to college, you come home, you meet the same friends, you go to the same places, you watch the same shows. It can get boring, and that boredom can ruin your relationship. Make an effort to maintain a little spontaneity.
- You might already know each other well, but that doesn't mean you have to stop dating. Take the time to go out and have fun together. Keep your relationship fun and special.
- Surprise your partner every now and then by making plans without them knowing. Even small things like cooking dinner or cleaning the kitchen without him asking you to do can be a great surprise. It's these little things that make the difference.
Step 5. Spend time doing your own activities
It's important to keep your relationship active, but it's also important to spend time without your partner, for example going out with your friends or taking care of your own passions. It doesn't all have to be about your relationship.
- Make your own space, especially if you live together. Even if it's just your own desk or your own nightstand, it's important to keep a place small for yourself.
- Meet your own friends and make plans together. If your partner doesn't like you going out with your own friends every now and then, this is an issue you need to discuss. Each of you has the right to have your own friends and to spend time with them.
- Make sure you're dating someone you love. Don't tell yourself you're going to stay with someone forever because you like the color of their eyes or the tan of their abs. If the only thing in common you have is a strong taste for cheese, you might be better off looking for someone you can stay with forever.
- Communication can be the key to success. Even though you might be a little nervous at first, that gets you into the game. However, over time you will need to be completely honest with your partner and tell them how you are feeling.
- Don't feel attacked if he says something you don't agree with. If he doesn't like where you want to go for dinner, go somewhere you both like, even if that place bothers you a bit.
- If you think your partner is cheating on you, don't jump to conclusions. Look for evidence, for example traces of lipstick, evenings spent at the office, etc. Don't start by making a scandal, but confront him by telling him: I noticed a trace of lipstick on your shirt, will you please explain to me how it got there?
- If your partner doesn't show you that they love you often, don't take offense. He's probably having a bad day, a bad week, or even a bad month. You must always support him.
- You might just be friends for a while before you get into a relationship.