A new relationship is often exhilarating, intense and fun. How do you make a young relationship turn into a great love story and make it last? Making love last is no easy task, but if you truly commit to putting effort into your relationship, then you can create a deep and intense connection that may well last a lifetime. To make your love affair last, you need to appreciate your loved one, support them, and dedicate time to love and romance.
Part 1 of 3: Appreciate your loved one
Step 1. See the best of your loved one
If you want to make your love last, you need to focus on your other half's good qualities, not their flaws. Sure, you can be clear-headed about his flaws, but focus mostly on his ability to make you laugh, his intelligence and his big smile rather than his constant delays or the excess time he or she spends on the phone..
- A survey of 470 compatibility studies found that many long-term relationships have one thing in common: the "positive illusion," allowing spouses to see each other in a positive light. It is also known as the “positive outlook”.
- Each day, look at the best about your partner and remember why you are with this wonderful person.
Step 2. Have compassion for your loved one
It's proven: compassionate couples have happier marriages. To have compassion for your loved one, you must learn to understand why he or she is angry and be sensitive to their needs instead of being annoyed by their bad mood. Multiply the opportunities to act kindly towards your partner and see the positive impact this has on your relationship.
- Set yourself the goal of surprising your partner every day with one little detail. No need to be complicated or expensive, for example, you might take the time to text him or leave him a note to let him know how special he is to you. It can mean more than an expensive gift.
- When your loved one is having a bad day, make a point of being even nicer and helping them with household chores, whether it's cooking dinner, doing laundry, or even massaging their back.
Step 3. Appreciate the Little Things
In order for love to last, you must not underestimate "rushed words". These seemingly innocuous everyday moments during which words are thrown haphazardly through doors, rooms, carry the little worries of the day, frustrations, joys and laughter. These rushed words are the ones that charge our minds and hearts, they weave our most important relationships and can destroy them as well. These are small moments, but they add up and add up.
Even if you only have a few minutes with your significant other in the morning, make those minutes count
Step 4. Share a 6 second kiss every day
A 6 second kiss is easy and fun, you should make it part of your everyday life as a couple. It's a kiss long enough to make you feel passionate and romantic, and it can be a real respite from your busy day, such as when you go or come home from work. Make sure you share this kiss at least once every morning and every evening. You will see the difference.
Greet your partner with affection. It will remind him that he is important to you and how good you feel in his company
Step 5. Give your partner the affection and attention he or she needs
When your partner lets you know that he needs affection, whether it's a hug or going out on the balcony for a few minutes to gaze at the stars, try to give him what he needs rather than reject it even if you are very busy. These times are rare and if you want your relationship to thrive you have to give your partner the affection they need, so you can get love and affection in return.
- Take the time to listen to your partner and respond to their needs carefully.
- If you can't always give your partner the affection and attention they need, at least make a goal of responding more often.
Part 2 of 3: Handling Conflicts With Your Other Half
Step 1. Avoid the four most common kill-lovers
If you want to deal effectively with your couple's conflicts, then you must avoid the four forms of negativity so damaging to relationships that they are sometimes called "the four horsemen of the marital apocalypse": criticism, contempt, defense and obstruction. Some scientists, after observing a couple for only a few hours, can predict with more than 94% accuracy whether the couple will stay together or divorce, if the negative behavior of the partners is not changed. If you find that you sometimes display any of these behaviors towards your partner, react before your love is affected.
- Avoid criticizing your partner just to get rid of the accumulated resentments. Instead, complain without blaming him, by expressing a positive need. Talk about your feelings using the “I” and expressing a constructive need. What do you feel ? What do you need ?
- Don't look down on your partner. Make recognition and respect the foundation of your relationship.
- Don't be defensive and be open to your partner's comments and suggestions. Do not insist on wanting to be right and instead seek solutions with your partner. Accept that you have a responsibility in the conflict, even partial.
- Being evasive, refusing to listen to your partner or give in to their demands, even just a little, is the worst thing you can do for your relationship. The antidote to this is to practice physiological self-healing. The first step in self-healing is to stop discussing the conflict. If you continue this discussion, you will explode or implode (obstruction), which will get nowhere.
Step 2. During a confrontational discussion, maintain a ratio of 5 positive interactions to 1 negative interactionIt will help you and your partner keep positive things in mind while solving a problem together rather than blaming each other, yelling or hurting each other with comments you don't really mean. You can maintain this positivity ratio during an argument by avoiding saying phrases like "you never do …" or "you always say …". If you want to find a solution, don't think in absolute terms and focus on the positives, not the negatives.
Treat your partner as an equal. Use the "I" in your sentences, for example "I would like us to …" rather than forming your sentences with the "you" as in "You must …". In this way, the problem becomes "our problem" rather than "your problem"
Step 3. Deal with the ongoing issues in your relationship
Even the most balanced relationships have their problems and not all of them can be solved. In order for your love to last you need to come to terms with issues or find a way to deal with them rather than constantly fighting in vain about them. The most important thing is not to solve these problems, but to keep an open mind and positive when they arise.
- When these problems arise, the goal is to establish a dialogue that is acceptable to your partner, while showing humor and affection.
- In the end, what really matters is being able to deal with the problem in an active way rather than seeing it as an insurmountable barrier. Closed confrontational discussions will only lead to a painful exchange or icy silence.
Step 4. Approach the subject of the conflict tactfully
Start a confrontational discussion "smoothly" or use a more delicate technique to bring up a conflicting topic in a conversation. The road is sometimes long, it all depends on how your partner views the conflict and how easy it is for you to resolve it. To approach a topic of conflict, you need to present the situation carefully, without blaming the other person in an aggressive or angry manner. It will lead to a more stable and healthy relationship.
- For example, instead of saying, “you said you would go shopping this afternoon and you completely forgot” say, “I'm really disappointed, there is nothing left to eat at home. I thought we had agreed that you would help me with the groceries this time. "
- Start your sentences with "I" and not with "you". If you start your sentences with "I" instead of "you" you will appear (or be) less critical. A “you” immediately puts your partner in a defensive position, while an “I” shows you are discussing the impact of their behavior on your feelings.
- Avoid rolling your eyes, crossing your arms, and looking away when talking to your partner. When there is a conflict, this annoying body language has a negative influence.
Step 5. Learn to compromise
If you want your story to last, you need to recognize that being happy is more important than being right. If you want to have the last laugh every time you have a fight, your relationship isn't going to work in the long run. You and your partner need to be able to weigh the pros and cons of a rational decision and understand what that decision means for both of you. Ultimately, you need to be able to find a solution that both of you are satisfied with rather than prioritizing the wishes of one person.
- You can also alternate. If you have the final say on an important decision, let your partner decide next time.
- In a relationship, both have to compromise. If you end up giving in to your partner because you prefer to avoid conflict, this can become problematic over time.
Step 6. Apologize when you are wrong
If you want to make your love last, you have to be willing to swallow your pride and admit your mistakes with your partner. Admitting that you were wrong takes courage, and your partner will appreciate your honesty and frankness. If you know you've made a mistake, but don't want to admit it and just think about doing better next time, you may end up in trouble.
If you ask for forgiveness, do so with sincerity. Don't do it just to make things better
Part 3 of 3: take time for your loved one
Step 1. Take the time to be romantic
It doesn't matter if you've been with your partner for many years, you should share romantic moments at least once a week. Plan "romantic evenings" where you just chat, enjoy a delicious meal and watch a good movie together. You can also plan more elaborate romantic outings such as a trip to the beach, long walks, or a night stargazing. Whatever you do, be consistent and make sure you can spend at least a few quality hours with your other half since all you want and need is enjoying each other.
- When you're in the romantic mood, really take the time to connect with each other. Talk about your dreams, fears, and plans, and not who's going to the laundromat or picking up the kids from school.
- You need to build a "romantic evening" into your weekly schedule and make it a sacred time that no visiting friends or work obligation can compromise.
Step 2. Take the time to compliment your other half
You might be thinking, "We've been together for 5 years, he (or she) knows how much I love him. This is logical reasoning, but it is wrong. Although in your heart you know how special your other half is to you and what they mean to you, you should always remind them and tell them that you appreciate all of their unique qualities. Try to compliment her at least once a day with a new and relevant remark.
- Don't take your partner's appearance for granted. If your partner has dressed smartly for a night out, tell him or her that he (or she) is handsome. Also let him know when he is in his everyday clothes, for example watching TV.
- Thank your partner for making your life better. Saying things like, "I could never have done this without you" or "I'm so lucky to have you with me to get through this difficult time" will help your partner see how much they are helping you. and you shoulder.
- Take the time to comment on your favorite aspects of their personality, whether it's their sense of humor or their ability to charm people the moment they meet them.
Step 3. Take the time to say "I love you"
You should sincerely say "I love you" to your partner every day. Do not rush through these words because you are too busy, think your significant other already knows, or when you are in the middle of an argument. You can never say it too much, when you say "I love you", look your other half in the eye and give them your undivided attention so that your words take on meaning.
Step 4. Take the time to have fun with your partner
Love isn't just about enjoying yourself, dealing with conflict and being romantic, it's also about having fun and even playing fools or silly together. Take the time to do something really fun with your partner, if you see a comedy show or movie, spend hours rehearsing jokes together, go to an amusement park and laugh your head upside down. Don't underestimate laughing with your partner, it can have a huge positive impact on your relationship.
It's proven: a laughing couple lasts. Take a moment to laugh together each day
Step 5. Take the time to pursue new interests with your partner
If you want to keep your relationship fresh, take the time to pursue new interests with your partner, so your relationship won't fall into a rut. You can play sports or take dance lessons together, immerse yourself in a collection of classic films or go on a trip to discover a place new to the two of you. While developing a routine that makes you happy can solidify your relationship, dedicating time to new interests or hobbies is also important so that your relationship can grow.
- Taking a salsa class together can rekindle the passion in your relationship and make it more fun.
- Explore nature together. Take hikes or walks through beautiful landscapes together, it will improve your mood and can help you appreciate nature and appreciate each other.