Watching another girl flirt with your boyfriend can be unpleasant and emotionally taxing. She might laugh very loudly when he jokes, touch him too affectionately, or simply charm him in public. In this situation, it's hard to know what to do, because you won't want to wrongly accuse them (the girl and your boyfriend) of infidelity. However, what is obvious is that you are also affected by their actions. You can tell whether or not this girl is trying to seduce your lover to turn him away from you. There are also steps you can take to make sure that you are safe and loved in your relationship.
Method 1 of 4: Observe your behavior
Step 1. Observe the way the girl flirts
Just because she's flirting with your boyfriend doesn't mean she's trying to seduce him. She might do this with the sole intention of boosting her own self-esteem or because she wants to befriend him. Ask yourself if she is flirting with everyone or if your boyfriend is special. If she is usually used to it, then your lover's case is unlikely to be special. However, in case she makes specific efforts to flirt with him, it is likely that she is in love with him. Here are some flirting behaviors to watch out for:
- she puts her hand on his arm or touches it frequently;
- she maintains eye contact with him;
- she laughs at all the jokes he makes;
- she moves her body to face him;
- she strikes up a conversation with him.
Step 2. See if she wants to be alone with him
If the girl shows a desire to be alone with your boyfriend, it just goes to show that she isn't flirting for her own self-esteem or for social power. Also, take note of when they spend time together. Keep a close eye on the following things:
- she invites him to outings where there will be only the two of them, such as lunch in a coffee shop or at the cinema;
- she asks him to do her services (like helping him change a light bulb) in places where he would go alone with her;
- she asks him to take walks with her;
- when he says he wants something (like a drink of water in the next room), she invites herself and goes with him.
Step 3. Find out if she is calling or texting him frequently
Is your boyfriend discreet about his messages with this girl? Is she calling or texting her more than you would with a platonic friend? While this way of communicating doesn't imply that the girl wants them to be more than friends, the bottom line is that it can be a red flag.
- If you find that your sweetheart is constantly texting someone, ask them who it is. If he reacts in a questionable or defensive way, chances are it is this girl who is trying to seduce him.
- Checking your boyfriend's email could be seen as an invasion of his or her privacy. If you suspect he's lying, lead a discussion with him about the importance of trust in a relationship.
Method 2 of 4: Manage jealousy
Step 1. Acknowledge that you are jealous
Recognizing that you are jealous is the first step in overcoming this. Let yourself be carried away by your feelings of jealousy for a while. In fact, jealousy, when on a small scale, can be a positive thing, because it reminds you that you just want to be in a monogamous relationship. However, you must not let your jealousy destroy you. Admit that and make an effort to mentally set her apart from the rest of your life.
Step 2. Realize that you don't have to act out of jealousy
After all, jealousy is just the expression of the feelings you have. Realize that what you think and what happens in reality may not be the same. Accept your jealousy, but don't confuse it with what's really going on. In fact, jealousy is different from your feelings and the relationship you have with your boyfriend.
Step 3. Think about your positive qualities
Write down three things you love about yourself each day. Whenever you blame yourself, give yourself a compliment too. Improving your self-esteem and focusing on your positive qualities will remind you that you are an amazing person to date.
Method 3 of 4: Expressing your feelings to your boyfriend
Step 1. Make a list of attitudes that make you uncomfortable
Think about what makes you particularly uncomfortable about this situation. Do you feel like your boyfriend pays more attention to the girl than to you? Would you like him to spend less time with his friends and more with you? Try to figure out exactly what makes you uncomfortable. Here are some examples of specific situations that might make you uncomfortable:
- the girl touches your boyfriend in a way that you think is inappropriate;
- on weekends, your sweetheart spends more time with her than he does with you;
- your boyfriend calls or texts the girl when the two of you are having a good time together;
- they both flirt in front of you.
Step 2. Wait a day
Calm your thoughts while the effect of jealousy subsides for a moment. Make sure the questions you put on your list are really the ones that are bothering you. Check the list again the next day and review it.
Step 3. Chat with your boyfriend
Chat with your sweetheart in a calm and peaceful environment. Set a time for the two of you to have a discussion. Avoid talking to her when you are initially upset. Instead, bring up the topic when you feel calm and reasonable. Here are some great ways to start a discussion:
- "I feel like you've spent more time with her than with me over the past two weeks, and that makes me uncomfortable; "
- "I like that you are happy about your friendship with her, but the way she sometimes interacts with you makes me uncomfortable; "
- "I'm happy with our relationship, but I think there are better ways to make me feel more respected and considered. "
Step 4. Set boundaries for the relationship
Each couple has their own “rules”. Some couples would find going to the movies with another girl rather inappropriate, while others will perceive this and other types of intimate contact to be quite normal. Having an open discussion about each partner's expectations is crucial in guiding acceptable behaviors. Be clear about your needs, because your boyfriend may not even know that his friendship or that he is flirting with that other girl is bothering you.
- Work on setting those expectations with your boyfriend. You might express yourself this way, "I don't want you to give up your friendships with other girls, but I would like you to focus all of your attention on me when we spend time together instead of writing to them. "
- Avoid setting limits that are vague or open to manipulation. Expressing yourself by saying "I want to spend more time with you" is not specific enough. Instead, make an effort to say, "I want us to spend more time together. Could we schedule a romantic outing? "
- Let him know what is acceptable for you and what is not. Let your boyfriend know what's okay with you and what's not. If you don't like him giving another girl a back massage, tell him that it is seen as disrespecting your relationship.
- Be open to listen to your lover's point of view and his or her limitations.
Step 5. Speak from the point of view using the 'I'
Calmly address any concerns you have about your boyfriend's relationship with the other girl. Avoid accusing him of infidelity, instead focus on the constructive solutions available to improve your relationship. Use specific language to ask him to change certain things about the way he interacts with the girl. Here are some examples of what you might say:
- "I really feel awkward when you decide to go to the movies alone with her on Friday nights. I would like to go with you or I would prefer that you also go in a group with other people; "
- "I feel bad when we hang out together and you start texting her and then laughing at your jokes." "
Step 6. End the discussion on a positive note
You should end your conversation by giving your boyfriend a compliment or showing him affection. It's a good thing if you can resolve the issues in your relationship. To that end, here are some examples of good compliments you can give:
- "I really like it when we have a good time together; "
- "I feel like you really listen to me when I have a problem; "
- "You make me happy and you support me. "
Method 4 of 4: Consolidate your relationship
Step 1. Do new things together
Sharing experiences and making new memories together will help strengthen the bond in your relationship. Here are a number of things you could try together:
- take a zumba class;
- prepare an elaborate dinner together;
- visit a new place during the weekend;
- take a wonderful hike for a few hours;
- learn to surf;
- volunteering at an animal shelter;
- take a photography class.
Step 2. Pick a niche to have a good time each week
Pick a time (it doesn't matter how long or short it is) that you and your boyfriend promise to focus on each other. Cook dinner together, watch a movie, or just chat about your day at work or school. Spending time for each other is an important way to strengthen your relationship.
Step 3. Ask the right questions
Make your lover feel loved and respected. Effective communication is crucial for any good relationship. Here are some questions you can ask that will spark productive discussions between you and your sweetheart.
- " How can I help you ? "
- "What do you like about our relationship? "
- "What are some little things I can do to show you that I love you? "
- Avoid paying too much attention to the girl you think is trying to seduce your boyfriend. This problem involves the stability of your relationship, not your perception that she is flirting with him.
- Show respect and kindness for both the girl and your boyfriend. Even if their attitude makes you uncomfortable, you should refrain from getting upset.
- If your boyfriend admits to being unfaithful, you will need to think again to see if you still want to continue dating him.
- If your boyfriend is disrespecting you or not responding when you share your concerns, you may need to take a look at your relationship to make sure it's healthy and making you happy.