You might find yourself in a relationship with someone who has much less sexual experience than you. If your boyfriend is a virgin and you are not, know that it is very important that you can understand the boundaries from the start. You need to be respectful of her wants and needs, set firm boundaries, and explore ways that will allow you to form an intimacy that goes beyond sex.
Method 1 of 3: Be respectful
Step 1. Find out his expectations
If you are in a relationship with someone who has never had sex, then you should seek to find out their expectations. Each individual has different impressions of sexuality. You need to understand the expectations of the person you are dating, including those related to physical contact, in order to have a good romantic relationship.
- The person can be a virgin because they practice abstinence. Abstinence means avoiding all sexual activity. She could have abstained for religious reasons. It could also be because she doesn't feel ready to have sex yet.
- If the person you have feelings for practices abstinence, you will need to make the effort to be understanding of their expectations. In fact, people define abstinence in different ways. Some see it as the act of protecting oneself from genital contact and may therefore be more open to other forms of sexual activity, while others give it a much stricter definition. So you should take the trouble to ask your boyfriend what she expects in terms of physical contact about the relationship.
- There are also chances that she is asexual. Asexuality means that the person you are dating does not experience any attraction or desire for sex. Unlike people who practice abstinence, asexuality is not a choice. Rather, the latter is part of a person's sexual orientation and inherent identity. Those who are asexual may experience attraction but not feel the need to act on it. Some asexual people enter into romantic relationships because they have an emotional need for intimacy. However, someone who is asexual may not want sexual activity to be part of a romantic relationship. If your partner is asexual, she may have specific gender expectations about your relationship. You should therefore take the trouble to lead a discussion about the expectations that are placed in your romantic relationship.
Step 2. Listen to him (her)
When leading discussions about virginity, sex, and relationship expectations, you need to take the trouble to listen to her. You will need to make sure you understand her wants and needs in relation to the relationship you both have. Next, you need to have a listening ear when discussing expectations with the person you're in love with.
- Active listening is a listening technique that promotes and facilitates mutual understanding. When you are actively listening, you should give your partner your full attention. Make an effort to use non-verbal cues, such as nodding your head at specific times. This will show the other person that you are listening to them. Focus on what the person is saying rather than formulating your next answer in mind.
- Repeat her words or phrases when she finishes speaking. You actually need to make sure you fully understand what has been said. If you misinterpret what he or she is saying, she (or he) can help you clarify things.
- If you are not a virgin and the person you are dating is, then know that it is important that you can listen to them. She might feel intimidated by your sexual history, in the sense that things can seem out of balance to her. You need to make it clear that you respect the fact that your spouse is a virgin and that you want her to feel as comfortable as possible in the relationship.
Step 3. Respect their privacy needs
The discussion of sexual history can be quite complex. While there are aspects of your partner's past that you can be curious about, you should keep in mind that she might not want to tell you everything. Just make it obvious that boundaries are subjective and personal in a romantic relationship.
- The person you are romantically involved with may not want to answer some questions that relate to their virginity. Likewise, if you have a sexual history, she might not be happy to hear about it. Despite the fact that communication is an important part in a relationship, you need to be respectful if she isn't comfortable bringing up a number of topics.
- Avoid exerting pressure to lead a particular discussion prematurely. Rather, you need to keep the relationship moving at a pace that works for both of you.
Step 4. Avoid forcing the other to step outside their comfort zone
If the person is a virgin, then there is a good chance that physical intimacy will gradually take place in the relationship. It is important that you can respect their needs and wants. Even if you are eager to have physical relationships, you need to make sure that you do not pressure her into having any kind of physical intimacy before she is ready for it. Always take the trouble to ask her if everything is okay before initiating any new form of physical intimacy. Respect the decision she gives you. If the latter is negative, simply stop.
Method 2 of 3: Set limits
Step 1. Be open about expectations for physical contact
It can be really awkward to lead a discussion about sexual needs and physical contact. However, it is better to discuss the matter early on rather than saying or doing something that will inadvertently make her uncomfortable. At the start of a relationship, you should strive to be honest. Make an effort to be clear about your expectations of physical contact and sex.
- Know when and if she is willing to have sex. The person you are romantically involved with might not be ready to have physical sex at this point in their life. She may also wish to wait until marriage before having sex. If you are dating a virgin, be aware that sex might not be part of your relationship for the immediate future. So you have to understand that this is an integral part of the relationship.
- Understand the type of physical contact she would like to have. People who abstain from sex may like to be held, kissed, hugged, and other simple forms of physical contact. The one you are dating may also be open to more intimate forms of sex play, such as cunnilingus and mutual masturbation.
- You should also be very explicit about what she doesn't like. It can be awkward to pause on the spot to lead a discussion about boundaries. If there is some form of physical contact that is not appreciated, have the instinct to ask her to be honest about it. You can express yourself in the following way, “I understand the fact that you are a virgin. I want to know where the limit is. What types of physical contact are not right for you? In fact, you need to be careful not to inadvertently make the person feel uncomfortable during an intimate moment.
Step 2. Make lists
Making lists might seem too formal, but some people find lists much more useful when it comes to setting healthy boundaries. You can find checklists online that illustrate a multitude of sex activities or games in detail. You will both be able to check off the correct items on the list. You can also simply ask her to make a list of the types of physical contact that are right for her as well as the activities she is not favorable to. This can be an effective way to determine concrete boundaries and avoid confusion regarding physical contact.
Step 3. Take your time
If the one you're dating is a virgin, she might want to facilitate physical contact with you. You have to be prepared to make things move at her pace. You don't need to maintain physical intimacy so quickly to feel fulfilled and happy in a romantic relationship. In case your partner is less experienced than you on the sexual level, it might be best to let her decide when you can maintain physical intimacy.
Step 4. Establish communication throughout the relationship
As a relationship evolves, the expectations placed on it and the boundaries set can change. The person you are dating might feel comfortable and become more intimate at some level in the relationship. On the other hand, there might be some forms of physical contact that you both enjoy less over time. Therefore, it is important that you can establish and maintain communication throughout the romantic relationship.
- Periodically review the limits. Go back to the lists you made earlier about the relationship and determine if the activities in them are still suitable for both of you.
- You will need to discuss during moments of physical intimacy. When there is physical contact between the two of you, you can ask a number of questions such as "Is this okay with you?" And "Does that make you feel good?" In a nutshell, you need to make that person feel comfortable and secure around you.
- Talk to your partner about the need and importance of communication. Every now and then, you can address the person you're dating like, "If you ever feel like doing something different physically, I want you to feel comfortable letting me know." As mentioned above, some people just don't feel ready to have sex. It may happen, at some point, that your partner is more open to sex. She will feel more comfortable initiating intimacy for the first time if she knows that the two of you can talk to things like the status of Sexually Transmitted Infections, safer sex, and sex control. births beforehand.
Method 3 of 3: Be intimate
Step 1. Explore other means of physical intimacy
Physical intimacy is an important aspect in a romantic relationship. If your girlfriend is a virgin, you might have a hard time feeling close to her. You need to make sure that sexual desires are mutually fulfilled in your relationship. Chat with your sweetheart about alternatives to penetrative sex.
- Kissing can be very sexually arousing, especially when you kiss your partner on sensitive parts of her body such as her ears and neck. In case she's not ready to have sex, you can both enjoy a little fun by just kissing.
- You can also touch her on sexually sensitive parts of her body. For example, the clitoris, the penis, the breasts are very sensitive parts. If the woman (or the one) you are in love with is favorable to this, you can enjoy the sexual touching instead of going to the actual intercourse. You may also be able to enjoy cunnilingus. However, you should keep in mind that if she abstains for religious or moral reasons, she might consider cunnilingus to be a form of intercourse.
- Mutual masturbation is another alternative to intercourse. It is during this that you masturbate each other. It can be an arousing form of sexual play that does not involve physical contact.
- There are a number of forms of sexual play and contact that you can indulge in without going as far as penetration. The best way to figure out what works for both of you is to chat and explore your options together.
Step 2. Chat about erotica and pornography
Some couples find that reading erotic books or watching porn together is an intimate and exciting experience. It can also help to get an idea of what your sweetheart finds exciting. If you have sex at some point in the relationship, it can let you know what really motivates the other. So you have to discuss together about reading erotic books or following pornography. You can feel very close when the two of you are able to explore your sexual desires together.
Keep in mind that reading erotic books or following pornography isn't right for everyone. It is therefore important that you can be respectful if the person you are dating does not wish to be involved in this kind of activity
Step 3. Establish emotional intimacy
Physical contact is not the only possibility towards intimacy. It is very important to be emotionally intimate in a successful romantic relationship. Listening, interacting, enjoying each other's company, and sharing emotions and thoughts can help both of you build emotional intimacy.
- Communicate. It is important that you can engage in activities such as nighttime conversations, long-term phone calls, and long walks. Meet in a cafe for a few hours and chat. You should also be prepared to be vulnerable and to share with the one you are in love with.
- Do anything to meet their emotional needs. If the person you are feeling feels like talking to you after they've had a rough day, you need to make an effort to give them your full attention. You must offer comfort when it is needed. At times, it can be difficult to figure out the best way to comfort someone. In fact, people react differently to several types of reassurance and reaction. It might be helpful to ask the following question, "What can I do to make you feel better now?" "
- Emotional intimacy takes time to set in. The best way to be emotionally intimate is to simply spend a lot of time together. You need to take the time to talk to each other every day.