Your romantic relationship may have started well, but maintaining a lasting relationship takes effort. A great way to improve your romantic relationship with your girlfriend is to work on your communication skills. Learning how to communicate better with your girlfriend will help you both open up to each other and feel closer to each other, no matter where you are in your relationship right now.
Part 1 of 3: Be a better interlocutor
Step 1. Ask questions
Asking questions is one of the best ways to improve your ability to converse with your partner. Every day you should catch up on each other's news about work, health, and other daily activities that you do. You should also ask questions to better understand something that has been said or go further to get your partner to open up more.
- Ask tough questions. Start with the most important and general topics and end with specific confidences.
- You could start by asking your girlfriend how her day was, and then find out about the good times and the bads she had at the office.
- As soon as your girlfriend begins by recounting the specific events of her day, you can try to relate it to other previous conversations that you have had. For example, you can ask this has happened before, right? or Wow, I can't believe this happened after x told you something else last week.
- Ask your girlfriend what she thinks about the events she described. Let her know that you care and support her.
Step 2. Rephrase what your girlfriend said to think it over
An important problem that arises in a couple's communication is that one partner feels that the other is not listening to or understanding them. Catching up on your girlfriend's words shows that you are listening to her carefully and taking everything she says seriously. It can also be a great way to engage more psychologically in the conversation, if you find that you are distracted and cannot focus on what is being said.
- Use a natural tone to converse. The conversation can escalate quite quickly if your partner feels like you are making fun of him when you repeat his remarks.
- Try not to rephrase his words too much. If you overdo it, it can get annoying and annoying.
- Use your girlfriend's words in your own words. It shows that you pay attention to what she says and don't just repeat every word she says.
- You could try using a transition sentence before you rephrase. For example, try saying something like you're saying so… or I understand your point. You said that… Didn't you?
Step 3. Pay attention to all gestures
Body language is usually as eloquent as the words. The position you and your girlfriend take during a conversation may be unintentional or may reflect your unconscious state. Try not to read your partner's body language too obsessively. However, if you feel like there is a problem, make an effort to ask her if she is upset and let her know that you noticed it through her body language.
- If your girlfriend folds her arms, she may be defensive, distant, or emotionally withdrawn.
- Avoiding eye contact may indicate a lack of interest in your words or shame about something that has been said or done, or even a feeling of being uncommunicative or embarrassed.
- When your partner turns her body during a discussion, it might make her seem indifferent, frustrated, or emotionally withdrawn.
- A loud, aggressive voice can indicate that the conversation has escalated or is about to escalate and that emotions are heightened. Your girlfriend may also feel like you don't pay attention to or understand her.
- Some gestures are circumstantial, so don't accuse your girlfriend of covering up her feelings of upset or being withdrawn. Ask her in a thoughtful way by saying I noticed your body language indicates that you are upset, but your words say otherwise. Is there something bothering you?
Part 2 of 3: Talking to his girlfriend
Step 1. Be honest and open
Being honest involves not lying or cheating on her, which should be pretty easy to do. However, being open does require you to be vulnerable in some way, which a lot of people have a hard time doing. If you are not naturally straightforward and honest, you should work on these traits with your partner for the sake of your relationship.
- Genuine communication is the basis of any strong relationship. If you can't be honest and open with each other, you're bound to run into problems in the end.
- Tell your girlfriend the truth without any reservations. Don't hold back or hide your feelings, as she may be upset if she finds out the truth.
- If you are having trouble being open, let your partner know and try to give them the reasons why you are like this. If she knows you are having difficulty opening up, she can be especially supportive. Likewise, she may resort to questions that will lead you to open up or ask for more explanations.
Step 2. Think before you speak
Many people rush to externalize their thoughts or feelings to the point where they fail to pause and reflect on what has been said. The same goes when you express your thoughts in general and speak to respond to something your girlfriend has said.
- Think carefully about what you are going to say before you speak.
- Take your feelings into account when talking to your girlfriend.
- Express yourself as directly and clearly as possible.
- If you are responding to what your partner has said, give her some time to make sure she is finished speaking. Then take a second to think about what he is saying and see how you can better rephrase your answer.
Step 3. Communicate respectfully
You should always make an effort to be as respectful as possible during any conversations you have with your girlfriend. Respect can be a pretty basic standard for most people, but it's important to pay attention to your words, your voice, the underlying theme of your discussion, and your body language in order to show respect. one to the other.
- Take responsibility for your words and actions during the conversation, even if it turns into an argument.
- You should both be clear about your ideas, but you should do it humbly.
- Validate your partner's feelings. Try to understand why your girlfriend is having this feeling, and at least respect that she feels that way.
- Adopt a respectful posture. Don't slouch, avoid eye contact, or engage in other activities while listening to your girlfriend. Face it and give it your full attention.
- Show respect regardless of your answers. Don't interrupt your girlfriend and never say that she was wrong for reacting a certain way.
- Don't be upset or even angry, no matter what misunderstanding arises between you. Instead, you should calmly ask questions and try to get your girlfriend to explain to you what she said.
Step 4. Just use the first person singular in your speech
When you get angry, especially in an argument or after someone has hurt you in some way, it is easier for you to start using declarative sentences (such as you are a liar and you are 'have offended). However, psychologists claim that using I phrases is much more effective and helps to avoid a lot of tension. Using the first person singular in your speech simply means that you rephrase your hurt feelings in a way that really reflects how you are feeling and not as an absolute truth or an accusation about your partner. A good I sentence should have the following parts.
- Statements full of emotion (I feel…).
- An honest and emotionless description of the behavior that puts you in this state (I feel… when you…).
- An explanation describing why the conditions or behavior in question put you in this state (I feel… when you… because…).
Step 5. Don't rush things
If you've been dating a short while ago, or it's the first time you've had feelings for each other, it's best if you take your time. Every day, you should continue to work on two-way communication. However, you and your girlfriend should have a frank discussion about how you are willing to reveal your personal feelings or thoughts and how long it will take you to do so.
- Don't rush into serious, troubling, or difficult discussions. When you are both ready to broach such topics, let them come naturally.
- Don't put pressure on your partner or allow him or her to rush you.
- Start with the topics you both are comfortable with and keep in mind that any effort made to improve communication between you will only make your relationship stronger.
Step 6. Use words that reveal your personality
Speaking based on personal disclosure can be very helpful in a relationship, especially if you are not used to sharing your feelings with each other or talking about very intimate things. There is a gradual, but frank way that you can reveal your personality to your partner, assuming they will talk to you about them as well. For starters, try to take advantage of these self-revealing cues.
- I am someone who …
- One thing I wish people knew about me is …
- When I try to express my private thoughts …
Part 3 of 3: Working together on communication skills
Step 1. Try out different styles of communication
There are various ways of communicating and there are absolutely no right or wrong ways. However, some methods may seem more effective than others to some people, and it may take some experimentation before you can find the style of communication that's right for you.
- Make an effort to express yourself. Let your partner know how you are feeling and also find out how she is feeling.
- Have fact-based and activity-based discussions. Some people are more comfortable talking about facts rather than emotions, for example saying I feel like I am not making enough money at work. instead of saying I'm sad and worried about my finances.
- Assert yourself. Being assertive involves clear and direct communication of your opinions, feelings and needs without infringing on your partner's rights.
- Avoid passive communication. The latter involves an inability to assert yourself or to express your needs, thoughts and emotions, which can seriously damage your relationship.
- Control your emotions before tackling sensitive topics. Take a few minutes to calm down before discussing something meaningful enough. In doing so, your emotions will not influence the conversation. However, make sure you know your feelings and that of your partner.
Step 2. Focus on chats
Small discussions are of great importance in any relationship and help establish a common level of communication. You can bring up or laugh at the common experiences, talk about what each of you did that day. You can also discuss your weekend programs or just share any comments you find interesting or funny.
- Having small discussions about your day-to-day lives allows you to get closer to each other and get to know each other on a more intimate basis.
- Ask your girlfriend to be more explicit and provide you with all the details.
- Make sure that your other questions show that you are genuinely interested in what your girlfriend is saying and that it doesn't sound suspicious or questionable.
Step 3. Find time to chat
Most people who have a hectic day or a varied schedule find that communication becomes difficult in a relationship as the partners are busier. However, this can easily be remedied if they take the time to discuss. Even if you are very busy in your daily life, it is important that you find time to have an honest and frank discussion, in the same way that you find time to eat, sleep or for your daily commute.
- If keeping a strict schedule helps you both go about your day-to-day lives, try to find time just for yourself as well. At least once a week, try to find some time for yourself to have a healthy and frank discussion.
- Make an effort to reduce interruptions when chatting with your girlfriend. Turn off the television or radio and mute your cell phones or move them away from you so that you are not distracted.
- Chat while each of you goes about your daily activities (while driving or doing housework).
- Pay attention to see if your girlfriend is upset or if she seems to want to bring up a topic with you. Ask if she has a particular concern or if there is something she would like to discuss.
- Make sure your conversations show commitment, trust, and intimacy from both of you.
Step 4. Consider seeking professional help
You might notice that you can't communicate as easily in your relationship or even that communication has become strained due to life events. There's nothing wrong with that, and that doesn't mean your relationship won't work, but it will just be about putting in more effort. This is where professional help might come in handy.
- A certified marriage counselor can help you and your girlfriend find ways to be more open with each other and to communicate.
- You can also make the effort to be more honest, to take more interest in each other's daily lives, and to make yourself more available to spend time together.
- You can get in touch with a therapist in your area by consulting the directory, doing research on the Internet or consulting a directory like the one on the website of the Ordre des psychologues du Québec.
- Spend time together no matter what is going on in your lives.
- Make sure you talk to each other when you are together. Start with chats, which is essential, and end with more important and general topics that touch on factors in your respective lives.
- Don't expect your girlfriend to be as comfortable as you are when it comes to talking about your thoughts and feelings. We are all different and all relationships have their own particularity. So be understanding and ask him to respect your feelings.
- If you notice that your girlfriend is bored, she may need some space. Above all, do not push it away and respect its limits.