How to recognize passive aggressive behavior

How to recognize passive aggressive behavior
How to recognize passive aggressive behavior

Passive aggressive behavior is one way of dealing with conflict without actually dealing with it, and it can degrade relationships. Passive aggressive people tend to look nice at first, but they behave differently later. It is often said that they are hypocrites. These people tend to hold back their feelings of disagreement, anger, frustration, or pain and not talk to the person who caused them that pain (this is the passive part), before behaving in a way. aggressive later that sabotages or undermines the relationship or harms the other for revenge. Do you think you are dealing with passive aggressive behavior? Learn to recognize passive aggressive behavior so you can deal with it in your own relationships.


Part 1 of 3: Knowing how to recognize passive aggressive behavior

Identify Passive ‐ Aggressive Behavior Step 1

Step 1. Watch each other try to get upset

Passive aggressive people like to make others angry and lose their temper, but the passive aggressive person will stay calm and behave as if they are doing nothing wrong. If you feel that someone is trying to upset you and that person is friendly and calm, you may be dealing with a passive aggressive person.

For example, you might have noticed that your roommate is using your makeup even after you've told them not to. She might seem passive aggressive if you put her face to face and continues to pretend she doesn't understand. She might pretend that she didn't know you were bothering you, and she might even take pleasure in pissing you off

Identify Passive ‐ Aggressive Behavior Step 2

Step 2. Identify ambiguous compliments

A passive aggressive person might give you ambiguous compliments. These are compliments that are in fact insults in disguise. The recipient of the compliment might not see it as an insult, but the person giving it takes pleasure in covering up their insults.

For example, a passive aggressive person might compliment a rival colleague who has just received a promotion by saying something like, “Congratulations! You must really feel happy that you got this promotion after trying for so many years”. This compliment actually suggests that the person who received the promotion was not really successful because it took a long time for them to get the promotion

Identify Passive ‐ Aggressive Behavior Step 3

Step 3. Think about the promises and commitments she broke

Passive aggressive people often make promises, but they come back to them later in the form of revenge. A passive aggressive person will often fail to keep promises or commitments to frustrate others.

For example, a friend might offer to help you do household chores with you, but on the morning of the said day, he will send you a message telling you that he is not feeling well and that he cannot help you. to help. While it might be understandable if it only happens once, a friend who always finds an excuse not to come and help you might be showing passive aggressive behavior

Identify Passive ‐ Aggressive Behavior Step 4

Step 4. Observe the times when he sulks, withdraws, or does not express what he is feeling

Passive aggressive behavior is noticed by a refusal to discuss things that irritate you. A passive aggressive person might say everything is fine, but in fact, they are boiling on the inside.

  • For example, a passive aggressive friend might insist that he is not angry when it is clear he is, he will remain silent during an argument or he will avoid answering calls or talking. your messages.
  • On the other hand, some people find it difficult to discuss their feelings without being passive aggressive. When a person is truly passive aggressive, they will sulk or withdraw while also showing other passive aggressive traits, especially a tendency to get angry or undermine your relationship later on.
Identify Passive ‐ Aggressive Behavior Step 5

Step 5. Observe how this person treats others

When you start a new relationship, even an extremely passive aggressive person might control their unhealthy tendencies towards you at first. However, you can get clues as to whether this person communicates with others in a healthy way or in a passively aggressive manner by observing how they treat them, especially those former partners and people who represent authority like their parents or their parents. heads.

  • Does this person speak badly of others, but never argue with them about what is bothering them? Does it undermine his relationships with others? Does she lead them to the wand before disappointing them? Does she withdraw from all affection and attention or use her children to negotiate (for example with her ex-husband or with her parents)? These are characteristics of an aggressive passive personality.
  • Remember that while this friend or your partner doesn't treat you badly, once they feel more comfortable in the relationship, they are likely to treat you the same way they treat others.
Identify Passive ‐ Aggressive Behavior Step 6

Step 6. Watch out for sarcasm

Many people use sarcasm as a form of humor, but a person who is constantly sarcastic might cover up the fact that they have a hard time expressing what they are really feeling.

Remember that passive aggressive behavior is characterized by having problems expressing what the person is feeling in the moment, so they hold back their feelings of frustration or anger to express them later. She might express her frustration and anger with small moments of sarcasm, especially using hurtful or scathing humor

Identify Passive ‐ Aggressive Behavior Step 7

Step 7. Observe the patterns

All of the hallmarks of passive aggressive behavior, including sarcasm, broken promises, pretexts, fleeing tendencies, and victimization are behaviors that even healthy people might exhibit from time to time.

Problems arise when these behaviors form a pattern that repeats itself or interferes with relationships because of their regularity

Part 2 of 3: Confronting a Passive Aggressive Person

Identify Passive ‐ Aggressive Behavior Step 8

Step 1. Be honest

Tell that person directly, but without using harsh or dramatic words, that their behavior is affecting you. Try to focus on yourself and your feelings rather than the other person. For example, instead of saying to him: "you sabotaged our project at work", try saying to him: "I noticed that our project was not the best and I would like to make sure that we can do better next time”.

When you chat with someone and tell them that their behavior is hurting you, chances are they will deny everything. Remember that passive aggressive people don't like to talk about how they feel and even less like being criticized! Stick to the facts and give examples, but be prepared to face its resistance and denial

Identify Passive ‐ Aggressive Behavior Step 9

Step 2. Try to be understanding

A passive aggressive person might appear insecure of their worth, or they might have had problems in their childhood that prevent them from communicating easily and effectively what they are feeling.

  • By discussing together, you will be able to better understand the possible sources of their passive aggressive behavior if this person is willing to open up a little and if you are willing to suspend your judgments and be more understanding.
  • Ask questions about her childhood, her youth, her first relationships (especially those that ended badly), or other events in her life where she got into trouble by saying what she was thinking. Remember that passive aggressive behavior is often a management strategy used by people who have had negative experiences and who came away feeling helpless and hopeless.
Identify Passive ‐ Aggressive Behavior Step 10

Step 3. Decide if the relationship is worth saving

Depending on how that person reacts when you confront them with their passive aggressive behavior, you might find that there is a good chance of saving the relationship or that this person is too rigid and that there is little chance that they will save the relationship. 'She changes.

Often times, running away is the only strategy you can use to avoid falling victim to a passive aggressive person. However, if the other person recognizes the problem and is willing to put in the effort, there are plenty of ways to improve your relationship by working on communication strategies

Part 3 of 3: Communicating in Relationships Marked by Passive Aggressive Behavior

Identify Passive ‐ Aggressive Behavior Step 11

Step 1. Build self-confidence

Each party in a relationship must be confident enough to communicate effectively without resorting to passive aggressive behavior.

  • Have confidence in the relationship. To feel safe enough to communicate how you really feel when you feel hurt, offended, or angry, you need to be sure that whatever you say or do will be accepted and appreciated. Trusting in a relationship is a time consuming process that can only happen by being a reliable person consistently and helping each other.
  • Have confidence in yourself. In order for a person to be able to express what they think, they must feel that they are valuable and that their ideas and feelings are worth listening to. The passive aggressive partner in particular needs to make efforts to gain more self-confidence to make the relationship work. Check out this article for tips on building self-confidence.
Identify Passive ‐ Aggressive Behavior Step 12

Step 2. Learn to recognize your emotions

This step is crucial for both parties in a relationship marked by passive aggressive behavior. Often times, aggressive passive people do not properly recognize and identify their own feelings when these arise and when they later reflect on different situations, they realize that they have felt embarrassed, hurt, etc.

Learn how anger, sadness, embarrassment, or other feelings manifest in your body. When you present an emotional response, take an inventory of your body. Is your heart starting to beat faster? Are the palms of your hands getting sweaty? Do you feel like a pressure in your chest? Do you have trouble thinking or speaking? Later, think back to the situation and try to identify how you felt. Understanding your physical reactions at the time and relating them to your feelings will help you identify those emotions the next time they arise

Identify Passive ‐ Aggressive Behavior Step 13

Step 3. Establish new communication rules

If the relationship has ever suffered damage from past behaviors like passive aggressive behavior, it's obvious that the old rules and unspoken rules of the relationship weren't working. It is important to openly communicate the new rules so that everyone is aware of the expectations.

  • Be respectful. Keep mature and sensitive rules for disagreements, such as not slamming doors, insults, sarcasm, threats, or anything that you think is disrespectful.
  • Give each other some space. Be aware that some people need a period to calm down after a disagreement before they can discuss it rationally and come to mutually satisfactory solutions.
  • Say what you think. It is important not to be passive and to avoid talking about what you are thinking. Instead, you need to find strategies to make sure each party can say what they feel and what they need without being afraid of negative consequences. One of the strategies to do this is to let each person write down what they are feeling. This relieves the pressure a bit at the time.
Identify Passive ‐ Aggressive Behavior Step 14

Step 4. Don't think of yourself as his teacher

It is generally observed that some people gravitate around friends or aggressive passive partners because of a certain psychological desire to help them "fix" themselves or because the pathological behavior of that person reminds them of something familiar and comforting. (for example, people who have had passive aggressive parents might seek out passive aggressive friends or partners).

  • You may be contributing to your partner or friend's passive aggressive behavior if you protect them, make excuses for their bad behavior or break promises, or save them from bad choices they make. made.
  • You might also encourage this behavior by being a silent victim if you don't talk to him about his behavior or if he gets away with it every time he mistreats you. It shows your partner that you are not going to question their behavior.
  • You might also encourage his passive aggressive behavior if you punish him for talking about how he feels. Don't face or get angry if your friend tells you they don't want to go out. This kind of behavior could cause a person to make excuses or break promises for fear of getting angry. Likewise, if you refuse to discuss how they are feeling, your partner will be less inclined to open up and they may be angry with you.

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