Trust is a fundamental building block in building a strong, lasting relationship with your boyfriend. While it is okay to be concerned with issues of trust in a relationship, it should also be known that these types of issues, when poorly addressed, can ruin a relationship. To prevent this from happening to you, learn how to trust your boyfriend, how to restore trust after betrayal, and how to deal with trust issues.
Part 1 of 3: dealing with trust issues
Step 1. Find out why you can't trust your boyfriend
Before making an irreversible decision in your relationship, it's important to ask yourself why you are having difficulty trusting your boyfriend. If you are going to talk to her about your worries, it is important to identify them first and understand why you are feeling this way or that way.
- Did he do something that triggered doubts in you? Do you feel like he's avoiding you? Has anyone around you made a comment indicating that they are untrustworthy?
- Do you have any evidence to support your concerns?
Step 2. Don't jump to a hasty conclusion
It is true that it all depends on why you don't trust him, but it is better not to rush to conclusions as it could jeopardize your relationship. Instead of reacting based on your suspicions, try to calm down and think rationally about the situation.
- Couldn't there be another reason for your worries or your boyfriend's behavior? Make sure you have the correct version of the facts.
- Did something similar happen in any of your previous relationships? What was the purpose afterwards?
- If you have a fairly understanding boyfriend who often helps you understand things better, ask him or her to enlighten you on that.
Step 3. Think about your old relationships
Before making any assumptions about whether or not your lover is trustworthy, think about your past relationships. If in the past you've been betrayed or cheated on, it's okay to worry now and wonder whether or not you should trust the current boyfriend.
- If you find that betrayals in previous relationships are preventing you from trusting your boyfriend now, talk to him so he knows what you've been going through. They will be more likely to be sensitive to your situation, and the two of you can establish a mutual course of action that you must follow in the future so that your interactions are mutually beneficial.
- If he doesn't want to be patient with you or if he doesn't try to understand your difficulties in trusting, then he just doesn't deserve your trust.
- If you find yourself feeling stuck in an emotional state that is preventing you from forgetting previous betrayals, it would be great to speak to a therapist or counselor in the field so that you are able to turn the page and move forward in your present relationships. or to come.
Step 4. Discuss your feelings with your boyfriend
Even though it may seem difficult at first, the best way to deal with the difficulty in trusting is to talk about it. Without trying to justify yourself, blame the other person, or be negative, talk to your boyfriend about your feelings and how you perceive their behavior.
- Psychologists advise starting this kind of conversation with a sentence beginning with "I feel" rather than "you". For example, instead of accusing your boyfriend of betraying your trust, you can say “I feel hurt” or “my concern is that we don't have the same expectations in this relationship”. Focusing on your feelings rather than on what the other person did, at least at the start of the conversation, can avoid making the discussion look like a confrontation. Your boyfriend will likely be more willing to join in the conversation later on.
- Think about your reaction if someone accuses you of being untrustworthy, and try to stay calm by listening carefully to what your boyfriend wants to tell you.
Step 5. Make sure you meet the same standards of conduct
If you want your boyfriend to be trustworthy, then it's only okay that you are too. Live up to the same standards of conduct as him and do all you can to be approachable, honest and trustworthy.
- For example, if you don't like your boyfriend texting other girls, then don't either.
- Likewise, don't get angry because he doesn't call you when you too often don't keep your promises.
Step 6. Make vigorous efforts to strengthen your relationship with your sweetheart
Feeling close to him can help you overcome your difficulty in trusting him, so take the time to engage with him in meaningful conversations and activities.
Schedule activities in which you will have the opportunity to interact and complete tasks together. For example, sign up for a cooking class or practice an art project together. Do a sport activity, while each being on a different team. Teamwork will strengthen your relationship, make you feel close to each other, and improve your ability to communicate well
Step 7. Know the signs of serious difficulty in trusting
While it is normal to wonder whether or not you should or should not trust your lover or if you already trust him too much, sometimes this type of worry becomes overwhelming and prevents a fulfilling and lasting relationship. If you are wondering whether your difficulty in trusting is more or less serious, you should try to recognize the warning signs by asking yourself the following questions.
- Does your mistrust disrupt your relationships?
- Do you have difficulty making friends or developing intimacy with other people because of your lack of confidence?
- Have your previous relationships been intense, dramatic, or even violent?
- Do you worry about everyone around you being dishonest and disloyal even though you have no evidence to back it up?
Step 8. Consider other reasons why you have trouble trusting
If you are having a hard time figuring out why you are unable to trust your boyfriend, you need to consider other reasons for this attitude. Mistrust often develops as a result of experiences and interactions that occurred in childhood. Here are some common reasons that may have affected you so that you have trouble trusting both your boyfriend and other people.
- People who have been abused, who have suffered emotional or physical abuse, or who have faced rejection in their lives may later find it difficult to trust others.
- If you have low self-esteem, feeling like you don't deserve any love or affection, you may have difficulty trusting in relationships.
- Traumatic events like the death of a loved one, illness, or betrayal in a relationship can affect your ability to trust.
- Some mental illnesses can increase anxiety, cause delusions, or induce feelings of paranoia which make the ability to trust others really difficult.
Step 9. See a certified mental health professional
If you are having serious difficulty trusting your boyfriend or others, see a certified mental health professional. He will help you explore your fears and provide you with appropriate therapy.
Part 2 of 3: Learn to Trust
Step 1. Realize that in a relationship, both people must be able to trust each other
Trust is shared between two people, and it will be easy for you to trust your boyfriend if you act in a trustworthy manner yourself.
- If you want trust to exist in your relationship, the other person should have the same expectations as you. You must lead by example. So if you are worried about your boyfriend flirting with other women, make sure that on your end you are not flirting with other men.
- One of the ways to build trust in your relationship is for you and your boyfriend to be serious and make a habit of doing what you promise to do. This will teach you each to rely on the other. For example, if you agree to do something together, or if you have decided to help someone do something, actually do it.
Step 2. Make a commitment to trust someone
While it sounds too simple, making a commitment to trust your boyfriend can help you act on it. If you make this commitment together, you will have set goals for your relationship.
Step 3. Think about your boyfriend's feelings
Another way to learn to trust is to think about how your sweetheart is feeling and also to be sensitive to their feelings. If you want your boyfriend to do this for you, then you too need to make this a priority in your relationship.
- The most important thing in this step is to listen to your friend and respect their feelings.
- Even if you don't agree with him, don't dismiss his feelings or act disrespectfully.
Step 4. Have one-on-one conversations
To establish mutual trust between you, you need to have one-on-one exchanges and interactions. Even if you can't do without phone, text, or email communication, make sure you set aside time for face-to-face conversations.
- This will bond between you and develop a sense of security within the relationship.
- It's easier to trust someone when you look them in the eye and are convinced that person is telling you the truth.
Step 5. Make a commitment not to gossip about what is going on in your relationship
Gossiping or sharing the intimate details of your relationship with other people can erode the trust that exists in a relationship. If you make a pact not to violate this, you will find it easier to trust even other things.
If there is something in particular that you would like your friend not to share with other people, make it clear to them so they know your expectations and aspirations. In return, if he shares a confidential matter with you, assure him that you will keep his secret
Step 6. Acknowledge your mistakes and ask for an apology
Mistakes are inevitable in a relationship. If you and your boyfriend are able to admit their mistakes and sincerely apologize for them, you will learn to trust each other and feel safe in this relationship.
Most arguments can be resolved if everyone is willing to admit that they must have done or said something hurtful or inappropriate
Step 7. Learn to forgive
Dwell on something that has hurt your feelings or wronged you will only hamper your ability to trust your boyfriend. If you've talked about it before and he's apologized for it, try to let go or forget about it.
Bringing old issues into an argument all the time will make it difficult for you two to trust and prevent you from communicating openly. If your boyfriend realizes that you always react that way, he will no longer tend to be honest with you or to communicate openly
Step 8. Make time for yourself
Spending time with your boyfriend is important for building trust, but you also have a great need to make time for yourself, your family, and your friends. The time you spend away from your boyfriend will allow you to trust your own intuition and may even inspire you with new ideas in your relationship.
If you are wondering whether or not your trust is misplaced, talk to a close friend or family member about your concerns. This can allow you to better analyze your feelings and gain new knowledge on the subject, so you will know whether your confidence is right or wrong
Step 9. Continue to work in this direction
Confidence is not something that pops up overnight. On the contrary, it requires vigorous effort, patience and determination.
Depending on the nature of your relationship and the challenges you face in life, expect doubts at times about whether or not to trust him. He too will go through such periods of doubt at one time or another. This is only natural, but know that the way you deal with these times of doubts and worries will determine the strength of your relationship
Part 3 of 3: Restoring Trust After Betrayal
Step 1. Talk to your lover about what caused the loss of confidence
No matter what caused the loss of trust or the feeling of betrayal, your dating won't be able to move forward if you and your boyfriend don't openly communicate about what happened that caused the loss of trust. You should also discuss how everyone is feeling.
- Have this one-on-one conversation. Frank and honest communication is difficult over the phone or by email and even less by texting because you cannot look each other in the eye and assess their attitude and facial expression.
- Try to be as honest as possible when discussing these kinds of complicated topics. Even if it seems at first glance easier to avoid talking or bringing up this painful event, know that if you do not face them in all lucidity, these embarrassing questions about what happened will resurface sooner or later in the day. the couple.
- As calmly as you can, explain to your boyfriend what he did that made you feel like you were betrayed. Instead of phrasing it as an accusation, explain to him what you are feeling or thinking. Start the conversation with phrases like, “I'm worried about…” or “I'm afraid that…” The situation may very well be different from what you have in mind, and you especially don't want to ruin your relationship. Even if your trust has been betrayed, accusing your lover will only make them become defensive and irritate them, which will only make the conversation more unpleasant.
- If you feel like you can't have this difficult conversation on your own, make an appointment with a marriage counselor or therapist who can facilitate the discussion.
Step 2. Explore the opportunities this difficult situation presents to you
It is true that no one would like to face a situation of betrayal or loss of trust, but think about the possibilities that arise from this situation. See this as an opportunity to strengthen, solidify, and rebuild your relationship and deal with deeper issues.
Taking this point of view can help you cope with betrayal and learn to trust your lover again
Step 3. Establish a new course of action in the relationship
If you've lost faith in your lover because of betrayal, you can set or negotiate new foundations for your relationship, so that things change and you don't find yourself making the same mistakes again. Setting new standards of conduct will give you the opportunity to make sure you are on the same page and have the same expectations.
- Think about the factors that led to this feeling of betrayal or mistrust.For example, if you have lost confidence in your partner because of a money problem, agree on how you will handle the money in the future. Set standards and stick to them.
- If you've never made any rules in your relationship before, this is a great opportunity to do so now. You need to set the standards for behavior to be sure that you have the same expectations and you need to agree on what will and will not be acceptable in the relationship.
Step 4. Be sensitive and empathetic
No matter who has experienced the loss of trust in the relationship, you all need to be sensitive and empathetic to each other when it comes to your feelings and concerns. This will allow your relationship to get back on track and your ability to communicate to improve.
No one would like to continue interacting with someone who is insensitive or does not care about the feelings of others
Step 5. Learn to trust your instincts and intuition
To restore confidence in your relationship, you must learn to trust your own instincts, which can be difficult after a betrayal. The more confidence you have in your own ability to detect frankness and honesty in a person, the more you won't be afraid to put your trust in your lover again.
- To make you more alert to what your gut is telling you, experts suggest paying attention to what your body is communicating to you. Do you have a tingling sensation on the skin or do you feel uncomfortable? If so, your gut may be telling you to be careful.
- Researchers suggest that you pay attention to your first intuition or reaction to a situation. This doesn't mean that you have to jump in without thinking, but that you have to take into account what your internal voice is dictating to you.
Step 6. Don't let fear control your dating
The fear of being betrayed can seriously hamper your ability to trust your lover and can put the brakes on your relationship. Don't let this fear control your relationships and keep you from being happy.
- Take a critical look at the origin of your fears. Are they based on reality or are they just a reflection of a lack of confidence in dating?
- Talk to your partner about what the two of you can do to prevent these fears from getting the best of you. Would you be reassured if your boyfriend assured you that your fears are not based on reality?
- The more confidence you have in your instincts, the better able you will be to deal with your fears.
Step 7. Get help
Restoring trust in a relationship is quite difficult, and you shouldn't be ashamed to seek help. A marriage therapist, marriage counselor, or other mental health professional can help you and your lover restore trust after a betrayal and move your dating forward.
These professionals are trained to intervene in this type of situation. Plus, having a middle person in the conversation can help you and your sweetheart restore lost trust
- If your boyfriend continually betrays your trust, it is clear that he is not worthy of that trust.
- If you want your lover to be trustworthy, you have to be trustworthy yourself.
- If you're still having trouble trusting your lover or talking about your trust-related concerns, make an appointment with a marriage counselor or therapist. These professionals will help you explore your concerns and make it easier to restore trust in your relationship.