3 ways to build self-confidence

3 ways to build self-confidence
3 ways to build self-confidence

Being confident involves being balanced, graceful, and elegant in social situations. If you want to be confident, you need to develop self-confidence, become a good communicator, and learn to maintain your composure in difficult situations.


Method 1 of 3: Build self-confidence

Develop Poise Step 1

Step 1. Practice self-acceptance

If you have confidence in yourself, then you will have confidence. These two factors coincide. Accepting yourself strengthens our self-esteem and helps us develop confidence and self-confidence.

  • Make a list of your strengths and the things you will want to improve including your personality traits and your appearance. Go through the whole list and verbally accept each of the traits that characterize you. Say, I admit I'm talkative. I admit that I am angry.
  • Usually, you can use a self-affirmation saying to yourself I accept everything about me. I accept who I am, my appearance, my past, my present and my future.
Develop Poise Step 2

Step 2. Be confident in yourself

What you think of yourself affects your actions and your ability to be self-assured. To develop self-confidence, learn to believe in yourself. This means that you have to believe that you are a positive person with interesting things to share. It also involves the ability to do things that make you feel confident about yourself.

  • Visualization is a useful way to believe in yourself. Close your eyes and see yourself as a totally confident and self-confident being. Where are you ? What do you feel ? What do you think ? What do you do ?
  • Think positively about yourself. If you feel like you're worrying or thinking negatively at first, reframe the situation. You could apply yourself to positive thoughts by saying, I can do this. I can accomplish all the things I give myself to. I believe in myself.
  • Try the power of self-confidence. Our body language shapes the way we think. The power of self-confidence usually requires that you make yourself taller (taking up more space) instead of smaller (which indicates a lack of confidence). Try to extend your legs slightly and place your hands on the hip. You can find more notions about the power of self-confidence online.
Develop Poise Step 3

Step 3. Focus on your strengths

Paying attention to your positive aspects can strengthen your ability to show confidence and assertiveness in social situations, which can increase your likelihood of being accepted by others.

  • Make a list of your accomplishments. Did you ever get an excellent mention in an assignment? Are you good at swimming and have you ever won a medal?
  • Think about how you can use your strengths to build confidence.
Develop Poise Step 4

Step 4. Be confident that it will work

Whatever situation you are in, how you think about it affects the outcome (for good or bad). Those who think that something bad will happen can actually influence the outcome that comes along. For example, if you are afraid to say a negative or stupid word in a meeting, that thought can stimulate your nervousness, which can cause you to stumble over your words. Therefore, you are producing the result of what you are afraid of.

Instead of thinking about what could happen or the worst-case scenario that could happen, it's better to actually focus on what you want to happen. Instead of saying to you, Oh no, I hope I don't stumble on my words, think positive thoughts like, I want to express myself clearly and perfectly. I will be content to be confident and assured. I will make it. These positive thoughts are more likely to reduce your negative feelings and increase the likelihood of a positive outcome

Develop Poise Step 5

Step 5. Seek out social assistance

Supportive relationships can help strengthen you and increase your overall self-confidence. By appealing to others, we develop a feeling of belonging, closeness and acceptance.

  • If you are feeling weak or insecure, talk to a friend or family member. Chances are, they can help you identify your positive feelings and change your thoughts and mood in other ways. This can sound very encouraging and can boost your self-confidence if you know that other people support you and believe in you.
  • Look at your relationships and ask yourself if those you spend time with are supportive of you. Our social bonds should bring us positivity and cheer us up in times of stress. If people disparage you or make you feel bad about yourself, know that such relationships certainly won't help you develop more self-confidence. Consider stepping away from destructive relationships and showing interest in the individuals who support you.

Method 2 of 3: Become a competent conversationalist

Develop Poise Step 6

Step 1. Cultivate yourself in many areas

Interacting easily with others is a sign of confidence and self-confidence. It is easier to find something to talk about if you are knowledgeable in a lot of subjects and skill areas.

  • Go to the library and read a myriad of books. Read books on history, science, sociology, psychology and anything else that inspires you.
  • Go on the Internet and visit the most reliable websites for the latest news.
  • Read a newspaper (whether on the net or in print) to be up to date with current events in your community as well as around the world. This way, you can start a discussion with someone by asking them, Are you aware of…? What do you think ?
  • Learn other activities and hobbies. For example, you can learn to play an instrument, dance, do yoga, rock climb, go skydiving, surf, snowboard, ski, scuba dive, paint, draw or learn to sing. So when you meet a foreign person you will have enough to talk about. Chances are the other person has the same interests as well.
Develop Poise Step 7

Step 2. Listen

When attending a social gathering, be a listener rather than always being the one running the meeting. People like to be listened to and are more attracted to those who spend their time listening to them.

  • Relax, breathe, and pretend you're talking with someone you've known for a long time.
  • Ask questions and show interest. Focus only on the person speaking to you and their experiences rather than what you are going to say next. Stay focused on the moment.
  • Ask open ended questions rather than closed yes or no questions. This will increase your desire to have a positive and ongoing conversation.
  • Be an active listener, this will help build trust and understanding. One way to prove to your interlocutor that you are listening to him and to repeat what he has just said. You can try by saying, I just heard you say you're mad at your brother, is that right?
  • You can also give your opinion and validate what the person said. Say something like that, it sounds really hard. Looks like you're bumped, and that makes sense, given the situation.
Develop Poise Step 8

Step 3. Be positive

If you talk too much about negative things, you will be like a complainer and someone insecure. However, if you talk about the positive topics, people can notice your charm and elegance.

  • Ask positive questions such as What's up doctor? What have you been doing interesting lately?
  • In general, avoid topics related to politics and religion unless you share the same opinions on those topics.
Develop Poise Step 9

Step 4. Use an assertive communication style

Assertiveness is usually about being respectful and open about your feelings and thoughts while maintaining calm and tact. Assertive communication is warm, welcoming and friendly.

  • One way to assert yourself is to be understanding of others and their positions, while respecting and communicating your own needs and wants. For example, you could say, This is a great idea. What if we also do it this way?
  • Show through your body language that you are assertive. Maintain appropriate eye contact (not by staring, but without avoiding glancing as you pass). Relax and don't make your body too small (shoulders curled up) or too wide (your hands on your hip).
  • Do not use any aggressive form of communication such as belittling people, calling names or raising your voice at them.
  • Expressing your thoughts and feelings knowing well that it might hurt others can also be an aggressive form of communication, some things are not good to say (for example, negative comments about someone's appearance. 'one or more acts). These types of actions and words can show that you are aggressive and can also signal to others that you are losing your temper.
  • Some towns have boarding schools where etiquette is taught.

Method 3 of 3: keep your cool

Develop Poise Step 10

Step 1. Take a break and take a deep breath

One way to be assured is to be able to remain calm in difficult or irritating situations. Instead of reacting immediately in a negative way such as walking out of the room angry or scolding someone, maintain your composure by pausing and taking deep breaths or gracefully withdrawing from the situation. (that is, you apologize for going to the bathroom).

If you are alone, you can try a deep breathing exercise to calm yourself down. Breathe in deeply through the nostrils and slowly breathe out through the mouth. Focus on your breathing and what you benefit from it. Your body should begin to relax and once you calm down stop the breathing exercise

Develop Poise Step 11

Step 2. Observe

Being aware of what you are reacting to is very important in maintaining your composure. If you observe the situation that arises well, you will be able to change the way you react to it and be more confident.

  • Ask yourself this question, What am I reacting to? What do I think or feel about this situation? Is it something about my past? Am I upset about this situation or does she remind me of something that happened that struck a chord with me?
  • Look at the big picture. Observe the situation from afar as if you were in a helicopter seeing it from the sky. What is she like ? Will this situation still matter in one, six months or a year? You may find that you react to a situation that will not have a long term effect on you.
Develop Poise Step 12

Step 3. Practice the appropriate means

Making a program for learning to deal with difficult emotions is a sure way to keep your cool in tough situations. Identify suitable ways that can help you cope with painful feelings.

For example, if you see that you tend to get upset when people don't share the same views as you on a given topic, you may have developed a specific defense mechanism to deal with this situation. For example, you may breathe deeply, count to ten, or remember that other people may have a different opinion from you, but that doesn't mean that they think you are stupid or that they hate you


  • Never change your nature unless that's what you want.
  • Observe other self-confident people and copy their behaviors.

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