Have you received several comments about your selfishness? If you tend to believe that you are the center of the universe, continually insist on being served first, and dislike serving others, then you are probably selfish. You won't be able to reduce your selfishness overnight. However, there are things you can do to become a person with a reputation for generosity.
Part 1 of 3: Developing Self-Awareness
Step 1. Join a group
Any group can be suitable. Consider being part of a sports team, joining your neighborhood welcoming committee or attending a French-language club after school. Regardless of the activity you choose, you will find that it is important to collaborate with other people and that in order to be successful it is necessary to be balanced. Team spirit can greatly reduce selfishness. Therefore, joining a group is a great place to start.
When you are in a team, it will be more difficult for you to make prevail your personal interest at the expense of that of others. For example, you have joined a volleyball team and your serve is unstoppable, but you won't get very far if you don't practice a team game
Step 2. Put yourself in other people's shoes
This will help you develop your awareness of reality and silence your selfishness, for example by putting yourself in the shoes of your better half or imagining the thoughts of the lady you met at the supermarket. During a discussion or when you have a little problem, stop thinking about what you want and try to guess the feelings of the person in front of you. This will help you understand the point of view of the other person.
- Suppose your wife comes home after a hard day's work and you ask her to cook some meatballs for your special dinner. Think about all the time she's been up and offer to help her in the kitchen for a change.
- Imagine you are at the baker's, insisting on having the last remaining pie. Think about the situation of the customer who wants it too. For once, can you prioritize it?
Step 3. Promote the interest of others to the detriment of your own
Usually, a selfish person thinks only of himself. He strives to be the first everywhere and to get whatever he wants when he wants. So, to avoid this behavior, think about what your kids, friends, and significant other want first, even if it goes against your own best interests. Whenever there is a conflict of interest, try to keep yourself happy instead of just thinking about yourself.
- If your husband wants to watch his favorite baseball team's game, but you'd rather watch a movie, go ahead and please your husband by letting him watch his game.
- If you have children, you are less likely to be selfish. First, make sure you provide for their needs before worrying about yours, either to feed them even if you are hungry or to read them stories to help them fall asleep, despite the great fatigue that overwhelms you.
Step 4. Remember that you are not the center of the world
When the sun rises on the horizon and sets in the opposite direction, it does not mean that it is circling around you. On earth, we are all part of the solar system and everyone's wants, wants and needs are equally important. Try to find out why it is so important that you can satisfy all your desires and grab all the love and attention of those around you, while others, siblings, just have to be quiet and observe your success.
Allow others to take center stage. Let them have what they want. If you don't consistently win, you'll be happier when your turn comes to be served
Step 5. Avoid appealing to others
Selfish people have a habit of appealing to others shamelessly. You know, you're happy when your friend takes you in the car, walks you to the post office because you have a hard time getting there on your own, or puts you in touch with her uncle to help you find work. But what are you doing to help him get out of a bad patch? Instead of trying to comfort her, you disappear for many days and pretending to be too busy, you don't even bother to send a short message. If you tend to behave this way, try to balance your relationship so that you have an exchange and not just receive, receive, and receive from your partner.
If your friend has given you three favors in a row, consider fixing the situation by doing her a favor as well
Step 6. Know how to reach a compromise
Stop thinking about the benefits you can get from each situation. Instead, focus your attention on ways that can help your partner achieve their goals. In addition, seek to find a happy compromise, a solution acceptable to everyone. Being able to compromise is an art that will not only help you maintain your friendships, but also develop your business relationships.
- When you are faced with a given situation, think about what your partner likes the most. Suppose you are in the process of choosing a movie and your friend absolutely wants to see "World War Z", while you are still undecided. In that case, you can just go along with your friend's advice.
- If you don't really care about your position, consider finding a compromise that is acceptable to your partner. Later, you can turn the tide in your favor. In fact, it's just a matter of choosing your battlegrounds.
- Before reaching a compromise, make sure that everyone can express their opinion. This will help you to properly assess the situation before making a decision.
Part 2 of 3: Become a more caring friend
Step 1. Listen
A selfish person rarely bother to listen to others well. If you are looking to let go of your selfishness, learn to listen to your partners. Make an effort to actually listen to the other person and don't just nod your head or say "uh, uh" while waiting for your turn to speak. Listening means immersing yourself in what others are saying and understanding the problems of your partner, your significant other or your colleagues.
- Do not interrupt your interlocutor. This behavior is common in people who are unable to listen to what others are saying.
- The words implied are just as important as those which are actually spoken. If the other person is really embarrassed about something, be able to detect a cry for help.
- Respond to your interviewer with common sense. As you speak, show that you really care.
- Don't compare the other person's problems to yours, even if you present them as much more serious. Consider each problem separately and offer appropriate advice without referring to yourself.
Step 2. Give your friend the opportunity to choose what you will do together
It's a small gesture that can have a very positive impact on your friendship and decrease your tendency towards selfishness. If you are selfish, it is very likely that you are striving to be right all the time and get everything you want all the time. Well, the next time you meet, let your friend decide which movie, restaurant, tea room, or activities you will do together. Have your friends been wanting to play mini golf for months? Accept their suggestion.
- When you get into the habit of behaving like this, you will experience real relief when you let others control the situation.
- This will allow you to start making proposals in turn. Your friend can choose what you will do on the weekend and you can decide for the next time.
Step 3. Invite your friend over for dinner
Go to the store, buy the things your friend likes, then make the meal and set the table. This initiative takes time, effort and money. You will find that you will feel good about yourself because you are making someone else happy. This act is very kind, especially if your friend is tired, penniless, and in need of comfort.
- Don't ask your friend to bring anything except a drink, and you will be doing all the work that night.
- If you love to cook, consider baking cookies or a stew and give them to your friends.
Step 4. Give relevant advice
You will feel less selfish and more generous if you give a friend some sincere and sensible advice. Not all gifts are necessarily material. Sometimes the best gift is helping your friend with family issues, finding a meaningful job, or sorting out a sticky issue with her roommate. Don't just tell your friend what she likes to hear, but take the time to say sensible words to her that can completely change the course of her life.
When giving advice to a friend of yours, emphasize what interests them instead of talking about things that are important to you
Step 5. Avoid talking all the time about yourself
This is easier said than done. If you are selfish, chances are you spend most of your time talking about your favorite subject - yourself. However, be aware that selfishness and personal commitment are two different things, but they often go together. Therefore, try to talk about yourself for only 10% of the conversation and reserve the remaining time for questions that interest the other person or bring up mutual friends or many other topics.
After talking on the phone with your friend, ask yourself the following question: "How much time did I spend talking about myself?" If you think you only did that, then your conversation wasn't exactly friendly
Step 6. Ask your friends for news
If you don't do this frequently, try to make it a habit. The next time you meet, find out about your friends' health, their feelings, the way they are spending their days, and what they have achieved during the week. Be quiet about your behavior change and don't bombard your friends with questions. Proceed gradually and naturally.
- A great way to reduce your selfishness is to show your concern for others.
- It should not be superficial. You ask for news from your friends, because they are your friends and they are important to you.
Step 7. Do your friend a favor without asking for anything else
Do not do a favor with the expectation of getting something in return. Do it in a selfless way. The service rendered can be large or small, such as finding a cup of coffee for your friend when she is held up by an important meeting or spending three hours in the evening teaching her chemistry equations. If your friend really wants something, but doesn't dare ask for it, go ahead and offer it to her.
Sometimes you can help your friend even if she doesn't need anything, just because you're in a good mood or thinking about her
Part 3 of 3: be grateful
Step 1. Write a list of gratitudes each Sunday
You don't need to make it a ritual. Every Sunday or another day of the week, sit outside and spend a quarter of an hour writing down the things you are grateful for. Make a list of at least twenty points. Keep the list and complete it weekly. If you lack inspiration, focus on achieving a result.
Instead of worrying about the things you miss and wish you had, reread your list, at least once a month, to remind yourself of all the happy events you've been through
Step 2. Give gifts on any occasion
Definitely, you are doing a good gesture when giving a gift to your friend, family member or significant other outside of their birthday party. But the best thing is to give your friend a present because you remembered her. You can also give a gift to please a friend or someone you particularly love.
- The gift does not have to be new or expensive. You can give a second hand book, a souvenir or a piece of jewelry.
- A gift offered is equivalent to proof of friendship. It shows your satisfaction in counting this person among your acquaintances.
Step 3. Donate an item you love
It's a great way to show your satisfaction. Giving a t-shirt that doesn't mean anything to you is one thing, but gifting your favorite sweater to your little sister or your best friend is another. If you have an item that you care about but no longer use, give it to someone else who can use it, even if it costs you to do so.
If you make a habit of giving away the things that are dear to you, it will be easier for you to reduce your selfishness and let go of the things that belong to you
Step 4. Enjoy nature
Take a hike. You can run in a park. You can also take a long walk along the water. Thus, you will be in touch with nature and its beauty and instead of obsessing over material things, you will focus on the present moment and enjoy the blessings of existence. As you get closer to nature, you will be happier and you tend to be more generous.
It also allows you to get things straight, because you will find your way with great difficulty, if you stay in a maze
Step 5. Do yoga
Yoga promotes the feeling of satisfaction and generosity. You will be able to live in the moment and appreciate the benefits of existence. When you are in a room full of like-minded people, you can more easily let go of all your worries and become a content person who understands what the world wants, not what the world can give them.
You can do yoga anytime, when you are sitting on a mat or in class. You can do yoga very easily every day
Step 6. Make a habit of sending thank you cards
Every time someone does you a favor, take the time to send them a thank you card with a little note, to let them know how satisfied you are. Don't limit yourself to sending cards to your teachers, colleagues, or professors, but make it a habit to send them to all of your friends to show them your satisfaction with their efforts on your behalf.
Buy a pack of ten thank you cards. Strive to use them over the course of a year
Step 7. Share
Your selfishness may go back to your childhood, when you didn't like to share your toys at nursery. Okay, now you're an adult, or at least old enough, but your behavior hasn't changed. Therefore, to show others your openness and generosity, strive to share the things that are most important to you. Lend your best dress to your friend. Share your meal with a friend who forgot hers. Let your friend use your stereo for an afternoon.
Get in the habit of sharing your favorite things. This will help you show others that you care and that you are generous
Step 8. Volunteer
Have the time to volunteer to benefit your community, whether at school, at work, or as a self-employed person. You can help out at the school library, clean up a local park, work at the soup kitchen, or teach for the benefit of adults and children. Volunteering allows you to show your gratitude to society by serving it. You can also better appreciate what you have by noting that not everyone is lucky enough to experience benefits similar to yours.
Strive to volunteer every week and you will find that your selfishness will subside very quickly
- Before you make a decision, ignore yourself.
- Do not compare yourself to others because you will be miserable if you do. Why does the boss give your colleagues extra days off? So you are going to ask for it, too, but you will be furious if the boss denies your request.
- Be happy to put your resources at the service of those who are less fortunate than you.
- Do not think very highly of yourself, otherwise you risk becoming arrogant and pretentious.
- Don't be hesitant or be influenced by people who can cheat on you. On the contrary, be strong and flexible. Listen to others and accept their opinions, while making sure to stand up for your standards without arrogance.